


Fools

by sullyintheskywdiamonds



Series: Fools Verse [1]
Category: iKON (Kpop)
Genre: AU, Angst, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, First Everything, First Kiss, First Time, High School AU, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Jinhwan/Junhoe (if you squint really hard), M/M, SLOW AF, Slow Burn, an actual mess, mentions of physical abuse, silver linings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-04
Updated: 2017-03-17
Packaged: 2018-05-18 05:55:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 138,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5900884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sullyintheskywdiamonds/pseuds/sullyintheskywdiamonds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He's a fool. An absolute idiot. He's not supposed to fall but he still does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Papercut

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so I'm absolute DoubleB trash right now and I couldn't wait to write them again so I did it... Sigh.  
> This was mainly inspired by Tatu's "All the things she said" video cause it gave me this idea in the first place and I couldn't get it out of my head. Title from another inspiring track by Troye Sivan.  
> This is a high school au! Probably going to be long af but I'll try not to drag it out. Warning for homophobia and angst, loads and loads of angst!.  
> We'll see how this goes..

The weather isn't on his side. Seems like nothing in this world is.

He pleads one last time as a firm no is heard through the parking lot. 

Hanbin stumbles out of the car, his mother waving him goodbye, and faces a huge building he'd now spend more time in than his own home.

It's old and mysterious. He kind of likes the vibes he gets from it. Especially the fogginess around the school but that's just to blame on the weather. 

He thinks maybe someone is weird enough, like him, to be out on a rainy day like this. He likes the rain. They saw the sun rarely in this part of town. At least that's what he learned over the summer.

But no one is there. Just as he expected. Well except for a fairly stern looking lady standing near the entrance. The principal. He sighs and heaves his schoolbag over his shoulder.

This year's going to be very long. 

 

*

  
Hanbin clears his throat and tries his best to smile as they sit down. He can smell old coffee and see a few shiny looking chocolate chip cookies on the secretary's desk. He wonders if they've been sitting there since this building was constructed. 

"Your mother didn't tell us why she decided to change your schools. I can see that you haven't had any fights or misconduct in class. May I ask why you wanted to switch?"

His smile falters.

"My mother just felt that my friends back in the old school didn't fit our image. They weren't bad guys but still. You know how parents are. And that's why I came here."

He tries to bow while sitting down, accidentally knocking over a pencil case. The lady's facial expression doesn't change. 

"Well then, I hope you make some friends here that your mother likes."

She hands him a few papers and some stuff to sign, waving him towards the grandiose hallways of the building.

Hanbin groans and wishes to be back at home, playing with his little sister and ignoring his mother's inquiring looks.

 

*

  
He's lost. It's not the end of the world but Hanbin really doesn't want to get detention on his first day there. 

He stares out the window, his bag thrown on the surprisingly clean floor. He watches the raindrops chase each other and thinks of how much Hanbyul likes this game. A sigh heaves it's way out of his tired body.

He thinks of blonde hair and curveless bodies. The signed papers in his hands get immediately crumpled.

"Hi!"

He startles, turning around way too fast, making himself a bit dizzy. 

An energetic boy is standing there bouncing slightly on his heels.

"Um, hello." 

The younger/older looks at him with a wide smile.

"I'm Donghyuk. You must be new!" 

He's way too enthusiastic for Hanbin to bare so he just nods.

"Why're you out here alone? Can't find the classroom?" 

He lets out a shrill laugh and Hanbin finds himself smirking, amused.

"Yeah. Pretty much."

"Show me your schedule!"

And then he's way too close for comfort and Hanbin swallows hard. 

He tries not to stare too long at the dimples on his pale cheeks as the younger busies himself with reading his files. 

Hanbin wonders if he's just playing nice or if he's actually made a friend on his first day. Something he'd never accomplished before. 

Donghyuk puts on a pair of glasses and Hanbin bites his tongue to not compliment his features. 

 

*

  
He's not surprised that he's sitting alone again in every class. 

It's something he's gotten so used to over the years. He's never really been one to socialize and this school makes it perfectly clear that if you're not an extrovert, you're not worth talking to.

After literature ends he sees a few girls staring at him, whispering. He knows they're probably just curious about him. Not spreading any lies. _Truth_. He still squirms in his seat.

Lunch goes just as boringly when Donghyuk appears again. His glasses messing up his light brown hair and his uniform tie a bit loosened. Hanbin gulps involuntarily. 

"Wanna have lunch with me?"

Hanbin tries to think of an excuse.

"My friends want to see the new guy and introduce you to the school."

He smiles and Hanbin feels the corners of his own mouth rise too. 

"Sure."

 

*

  
They're sitting outside on one of the benches. The rain's died down but Hanbin can still feel his socks sog in his sneakers. 

But he likes it.

Donghyuk's friends are lively and most of all friendly. 

There's Yunhyeong and then there's Junhoe. 

Junhoe's loud and arrogant and outspoken. He's also younger than him with gorgeous features. Hanbin's kind of jealous.

If Junhoe's loud then Yunhyeong's even louder. He speaks with his mouth full and makes jokes on Donghyuk's account. 

Hanbin's sure he could tolerate them for a year. If they wanted him to that is.

"See there? He's Jinhwan. The school loner slash popular guy. We get along but he likes minding his own business. The main rule is - If Jinhwan doesn't talk to you first, you don't talk to him. One-"

Donghyuk pauses for a quick bite of his weird meat sandwich.

"- time Junhoe asked him for a pen and Jinhwan ignored him for the rest of the year. It was a morning too so, you know. No one likes the mornings here."

Hanbin finds Jinhwan to be interesting. He's surprised that someone who's a loner, like he is, is also popular.

"He gets along best with Bobby."

Yunhyeong adds, playing mindlessly with his sleeves. 

"Bobby? He's a foreigner?"

Junhoe snorts.

"He claims to be a foreigner but we all doubt it."

Donghyuk quirks up from his sandwich.

"He's not bad though!"

Yunhyeong and Junhoe eye each other like Donghyuk's gone crazy.

"Just a bit rough around the edges."

Hanbin nods. 

"Donghyuk, I don't think he cares about the guys. Tell him bout Hyorin!" 

Yunhyeong's eyes sparkle with excitement and Hanbin looks up from his sneakers. He tries for a smile.

It seems to work.

 

*

  
When he gets home later that evening his mother meets him at the door.

It's raining again and he decides to buy new shoes as soon as possible. 

Hanbyul jumps at him on the door and Hanbin smiles one of his most genuine smiles that day. 

His mother looks at him warily.

"Made any friends?"

"Uh, I think so yeah."

"Girls?"

"No."

His mother leaves him with Hanbyul, muttering something about getting dinner on the table. 

He stares out the window, placing bets on raindrops with Hanbyul, hoping that he's stopped falling. For his own sake. For his mothers' sake.

 


	2. No Surprises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanbin hears Bobby for the first time.

The mornings really are gloomy. 

Hanbin's learned that even during the summer, the kids and the elderly don't like to step outside before noon. So this time of the year is really quiet. Except for all the cars rushing by. 

He walks towards the school, bare hands in his oversized pockets when a small van stops in front of him.

Hanbin can see Junhoe in the back, poking Donghyuk in the sides.

"Get in loser. We're going shopping!" 

Junhoe yells it over the loud rain and Donghyuk giggles until he's complaining of a stomach ache.

He doesn't want to smile at that but he still does. He jumps in and bows at Junhoe's father and thinks of how he could get way too used to this.

If there's one thing he's learned during his 19 years, it's that you can never let your guard down.

So he sits quietly trying to remind himself why he shouldn't give in and why he should stop smiling.

 

  
*

  
He decides to spend lunch in the bathroom. He's not sure why.

It just seems right to distance himself from the guys a bit. He's only known them for a day and a half and they're already invading his personal space, reminding him how it feels to actually have friends.

So he eats alone in one of the stalls, reading the gross graffiti on the walls.

He keeps daydreaming about blonde hair and misses the bell ringing so he's late again. 

His new physics teacher doesn't like him already and swore that if he's late, he'll put him in detention for the rest of the week.

He's pretty sure this is his punishment for skipping lunch with the friendliest people in this school.

 

*

  
As he gets up to leave a loud thump is heard through the quiet bathroom.

He sits down again, hoping that it isn't one of the guys that's come looking for him. He doesn't want to apologize for eating alone. 

And then he hears a female giggle.

Hanbin's mouth opens on it's own accord and then his breath hitches as a low male grumble vibrates through the bathroom and through him.

There's shuffling and another thump.

The sink gets turned on and he tries to hear over it.

A low breathy moan echoes through the quietness and Hanbin's body jerks. He pulls his legs up, an uneaten apple still sitting on his lap. 

And then there are wet slurping noises and Hanbin wants to cover his ears but his hands just won't move.

"Right there yeah-"

Hanbin bites his lip and squirms, his own body responding in very unpleasant ways. 

He doesn't know how long he sits there. It feels like an hour but it's probably just 5 minutes.

There's the familiar sound of kissing and a female voice whispering so low, Hanbin has to lean himself forward to hear it.

"Let's go, we're gonna be late."

"Fuck okay, give me a second."

" _Bobby_ "

"Fine, fine."

And that's the first time he hears Bobby's voice. 

 

 

*

  
When 10 minutes pass and no sounds are heard he gets up, legs wobbling under him.

The sink is turned off, a pair of sneakers screeching through the hallway making a ton of noise. 

Hanbin swallows the lump in his throat, that he didn't even notice forming, and walks back to class.

If someone would ask him what he learned in physics that day, he wouldn't know how to answer.

 

*

 

Hanbin's kind of pissed off at this Bobby guy. 

He's now got detention because of him. And Hanbin would blame the girl as well but he doesn't have a name.

So instead he's blaming Bobby.

They're in the library working on some grammar excercises with his English class when Donghyuk appears out of nowhere.

"Where were you during lunch?"

Hanbin swallows hard.

"Nowhere."

Donghyuk gives him a glare.

"Come on. Did you eat by yourself? Did you even eat at all?"

Hanbin wants to laugh at how much he sounds like a worried parent. 

"Yeah, I ate here. My mom made lunch today."

Donghyuk doesn't seem to buy it but nods anyway.

He sits down with his homework and Hanbin's pretty sure he's gonna get kicked out when the teacher notices him talking and disturbing Hanbin from his schoolwork. He hopes it happens soon.

"Why so down?" 

Donghyuk's grabbing an apple from the depths of his bag and Hanbin remembers his legs wobbling in the bathroom stall. 

"Damn, something really is bugging you."

He startles, aware of how he's scowling.

"Yeah. Got detention."

Donghyuk pats him on the back and they have small talk about the physics teacher. Turns out almost everyone dislikes him and Hanbin feels a bit better about himself. 

He's never been the type to hold grudges against people. 

 

*

  
Before Donghyuk does get kicked out, he mentions a football game at the end of the week.

"You should come. Yunhyeong's playing and his grandpa is coming to see. Junhoe's betting that if they lose Yunhyeong's gonna cry. I'm kinda leaning towards them winning this time so we'll see."

Hanbin shrugs his shoulders.

" _Please_ come." Donghyuk bats his eyelashes at him and Hanbin hopes he doesn't look uncomfortable.

"You can be the middle man. I need protection from Junhoe if he loses. He's got an attitude you know."

Hanbin snorts. 

"Okay fine."

Donghyuk smiles at him and Hanbin wants to tell him how he's too overwhelming to be around. 

He doesn't though.

  
*

  
Junhoe offers to drive him home but Hanbin decides for walking.

He needs to wind down and prepare himself for the fight he's gonna have with his mother. 

How do you tell your parent, or pretty much anyone, that you missed half of your class cause a guy, _Bobby_ , decided to get a blowjob in the bathroom you were in? 

That's right. You don't.

 

  
*

  
He drops by the supermarket on his way back. Grabbing some ramen and a chocolate bar that Hanbyul loves.

He hasn't been to the store in a while. He's not one to go grocery shopping for fun.

The store owner is nice though and the smell of incense makes him feel dizzy in a pleasant way. 

He bumps into a smaller body in the register.

It's Jinhwan and Hanbin tries to hide his surprise.

"You look like you've just seen a ghost."

Hanbin chokes on his own saliva and Jinhwan smirks.

"Well yeah. You kind of are one."

Jinhwan laughs this time and Hanbin feels much more at ease.

"Why're you shopping this late?"

Jinhwan's got an unreadable face. A pretty one that is.

Hanbin shrugs his shoulders.

"Wanted to get something for my sister."

"Ah, I see."

Jinhwan toys with the chocolate bar and Hanbin finds himself intrigued by him.

"You're new right?"

The question cuts through the silence and Hanbin nods.

"Why'd you transfer?"

He stares at the ground a bit too harshly and forces that same fake smile on his face, that's reserved for all the principals and school officials who are just too curious for their own good.

"Mom wanted to move, so.." 

He trails off. Jinhwan looks at him intensely before he closes off again and Hanbin really wants to be able to read him.

"Well, I'm glad you came here. New blood is always fun."

He smiles sweetly and then he's paying for his stuff leaving Hanbin a bit dumbstruck.

He steps to the register, grabbing his own money when the lady says it's already been paid for.

Hanbin walks home a bit bewildered. It starts raining again and he wonders if he's glad that he came too. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is short but I gotta feeling this fics gonna be really long.  
> We'll see though maybe I'll finish in just a few chapters..that would be refreshing.


	3. Friday Night Lights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time he sees Bobby.

The week goes by boringly.

Hanbin keeps eating lunch with the guys and the guys keep inviting him. 

He's not sure if this is what friendship is called but he likes it.

Hanbin's still not seen Bobby but he's kind of hoping he doesn't even have to meet him.

They're all in the library, studying for another test when Junhoe brings it up.

"Why'd you transfer?"

He's eating that same chocolate bar Hanbyul likes and Hanbin wants nothing more than to be at home. 

The words on the paper below him are blurring and Hanbin wills his heart to stop beating so loudly. It's too quiet in the library. He thinks they might hear it. 

"Uh, got bad grades and mom thought this place would help fix them."

He smiles awkwardly and focuses back on the paper. 

Junhoe doesn't reply and when he looks up the guys are all eyeing him. 

"What?"

"You do know this school isn't like.. one of the best around?" 

Junhoe's got a bit of chocolate on his upper lip and it's starting to distract him.

"Yeah. But it's better than my last one."

Yunhyeong whistles. 

"Damn. That must've been a _real_ bad school then."

Donghyuk swats at him.

"It isn't _that_ bad here!" 

Junhoe laughs loudly and grabs the attention of the librarian. Thankfully they get a warning and not kicked out.

Hanbin hopes they can get back to their homework then. 

"Had any girls back in that old place?" 

Donghyuk's raising his eyebrows expectantly and Hanbin smiles. He thinks of the disappointed look on his mother's face and answers with just a tiny bit of tremble in his voice.

"Nah. Been single all my life." 

He pouts his lip and the guys laugh again. This time they do get kicked out.

 

*

  
Before he knows it, it's Friday.

And that means he has to socialize outside of school hours. He promised the guys he'd go to the game. He really doesn't want to.

"Where are you heading?"

His mother's braiding Hanbyuls hair and Hanbin smiles.

"The football game I told you 'bout."

She doesn't say a word but gives him that look Hanbin's oh so familiar with.

"Behave please."

Hanbin keeps staring at his sneakers.

"I will. I'll be back before midnight."

"You better be!"

Hanbyul's shouting and running to hug him. Hanbin feels a bit better at that.

 

*

  
Of course it rains during football too. Hanbin's pretty sure that it never stops raining, he probably just imagines the sunny days. 

The guys pick him up by the crossroad between his school and house. 

It takes him a second to burst out in giggles when he sees Donghyuk. In a kilt.

"What the hell are you wearing?"

Donghyuk's arms are crossed over and he's pouting. Not in a cute way. 

"I lost a bet to Yunhyeong." 

The other smiles brightly and gives Hanbin a thumbs up.

"I don't even want to know what that bet was."

They laugh as Donghyuk claims he hates them. Hanbin's much more sure in the fact that he actually doesn't. He likes it. 

 

*

  
It's somehow colder outside than it was just an hour ago.

The lights on the stadium are too bright for his eyes and he's feeling pretty bad for Donghyuk at this point.

His skin is pale in a really mortifying way and Hanbin's pretty sure if he met him in the hallways right now, he'd think he's a ghost. 

That reminds him of Jinhwan and the grocery store just as the elder sits on the bench below them. 

He looks up at a freezing Donghyuk and a chip munching Junhoe. 

His gaze stops on Hanbin.

"I see you're getting into the social scene."

Hanbin smiles, feeling his teeth chatter.

"Yeah, I guess so." He doesn't know what else to say.

Jinhwan smirks, patting Donghyuk on the knee.

"You do know the games about two hours long?"

Donghyuk panics for a second before glaring at him in response.

Jinhwan laughs and it sounds adorable. Hanbin definitely wants to know more about him.

 

*

  
The game begins. Hanbin's never really been into sports but he likes football. He was a huge fan of Cristiano Ronaldo a few years ago. For reasons he doesn't even want to disclose to himself.

It's slightly dribbling and Junhoe helps Yunhyeong's grandfather take out his selfmade poster.

Hanbin finds himself touched by it and he tries to remember the last time his family supported him like that. He can't.

Everyone's cheering as the guys run on the field. 

They're playing against a school that's near town but just a little bit too far for him to have joined it. 

The announcer calls out the player's names and Hanbin's kind of glad they're sitting in the middle. 

He can see all their glowing but nervous faces. Yunhyeong waves at them when it's his turn and Hanbin waves back. Donghyuk's too frozen but Junhoe is hollering at the top of his lungs. Hanbin tries to feel embarrassed but instead feels fond.

He can see Yunhyeong's grandpa wipe a tear from the corner of his eye and Hanbin wants to hug him and tell him how lucky Yunhyeong is to have him.

And then they announce someone who's name he doesn't catch. 

But his breath does. 

Hanbin's staring abashedly and he's way too out of it to notice.

The guy is gorgeous. His cheekbones sharp, his eyes small but full of life. He wants his jawline to cut him so he'd remember how to behave. 

Seeing him is like a breath of fresh air and Hanbin's so _so_ tired of the staleness in his lungs and in his life. 

 

*

  
"Who's that?"

He hears himself ask, surprising himself by his courage.

"That's our resident foreigner Bobby."

Junhoe snorts at the way Bobby's waving towards Jinhwan. 

Hanbin feels himself gape and then the memories start flooding in. The low moans vibrating through his body. The slick sounds of-

"Why do you hate Bobby so much?"

He startles when Jinhwan turns to Junhoe.

"I don't."

The other looks a bit too sheepish.

Jinhwan snorts, giving him a glare.

"Are you jealous cause he gets laid more than you? Or cause he's friends with me?"

Hanbin swears he can hear Junhoe growl.

"I'm not jealous!"

Yunhyeong's grandpa shushes them and points at his grandson, who's swiftly grabbing the ball. The game's already started and Hanbin didn't even notice. 

"You can tell that to yourself all you want, June."

Jinhwan says his name in a mocking tone and Hanbin wonders if they were ever close. Junhoe wouldn't let anyone disrespect him like that, if it wasn't someone he's close to. At least that's what he thinks he's learned about him.

"Shut up."

Junhoe's sitting down again as Donghyuk laughs, his teeth chattering so wildly that Hanbin's pretty sure he'll leave this match in an ambulance.

 

*

  
Hanbin can't tear his eyes away from Bobby.

It's hypnotizing.

The way his legs move, the way his chest constricts with every breath. 

The way he smiles and laughs when their team gets a goal. 

Hanbin wants to hear the people cheering around him so badly. Except all he hears is a low throaty moan echoing in his ears, making his legs shake underneath him. 

 

*

  
It's raining heavily when the game ends.

Their team won with just one point and Hanbin feels pretty euphoric. 

Yunhyeong's running towards them as they make their way towards the field. He hugs his grandpa tightly and Hanbin waits for his turn.

His eyes get caught in Bobby's. Hanbin tries to keep his world from shattering around him.

The moment is fleeting. Bobby's looking at him curiously before smiling widely and moving towards Jinhwan. 

Hanbin tears his eyes away and hugs Yunhyeong as Donghyuk cheers at winning his bet.

Yunghyeong leaves him to smack his friends. He then proceeds to chase Donghyuk around on the field, trying to lift up his kilt.

Hanbin has never laughed so hard in his whole entire life. 

Jinhwan and Bobby are leaving towards the parking lots as he tries suffocating the bundle of nerves in his stomach, hoping he doesn't have to see Bobby again.  
After all he's successfully avoided meeting him all week long.

 

*

  
He spots them again when they're driving towards his house.

Donghyuk's snuggled up in a huge blanket, napping away his goosebumps as Junhoe and Yunhyeong argue over the game. 

Hanbin's staring out the window, chasing raindrops again.

He sees Bobby and what he thinks is Jinhwan standing near the park entrance. He then sees them kiss and Hanbin's pretty sure he must've gasped out loud.  
Turns out it's a girl that looks awfully familiar to Jinhwan and Hanbin wants to ask who she is but doesn't.

He can faintly recognize the outlines of Bobby's hand on her ass.

He then stares at the trees instead, remembering how angry his physics teacher was and how the girl giggled in the bathroom.

Frustration blooms in his stomach like a swarm of butterflies and Hanbin swears to himself that that's what it is. 

Once more he glares angrily at the fading figures near the park and swears he'll get back at Bobby. Cause he dislikes him. Hates him. Nothing else. 

 

*

  
Falling asleep later that night, all he hears is the sound of his own breathing. His lungs taking in all that fresh air they didn't seem to find before.

Before sleep takes over, he mutters the words 'nothing else' under his breath. 

The rain keeps falling. And so does he.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By football I mean soccer btw! Im a firm believer in calling it that hehe  
> I hope it's not too bad!


	4. American Beauty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time he meets Bobby.

Hanbin's weekends always go the same.

He wakes up at noon, eats breakfast and babysits Hanbyul as his mother goes to the market outside town. 

He then spends the rest of the evening on his computer, listening to rap beats and slow ballads. 

Until his mother decides to change his boring, but effective, routine on his first weekend home from school.

"I'm getting you a tutor."

Hanbin mutes the TV.

"What? Why?"

She doesn't even glance at him, typing something on her computer.

"Cause you said yourself. Your physics teacher doesn't like you and you're already weak in the subject. We can't let your grades fall." 

She hums for a second before pressing enter with full force.

"It's done."

Hanbin's pretty sure his mouth is wide open in surprise. He can't seem to close it.

"What's done?"

She sighs. 

"The ad. I hope we get someone for cheap. We haven't got a lot to spend this month."

She gets up and Hanbin quickly follows her footsteps. 

"I honestly don't need one mom. I'm doing fine. Can we wait until I'll actually start failing to post the ad?"

She shakes her head, grabbing her purse. She tells him about how she needs to get a manicure before her cuticles grow longer than her nails. And then she's gone. Just like that.

Hanbin checks out the ad on the still open laptop screen. It says women only. He closes the screen with a thump.

 

*

 

Monday is uneventful until he decides to feel comfortable enough to tell the guys about the ad.

The sun is out for once and this time almost everyone is sitting outside. Even on the wet grass.

Hanbin closes his eyes and stares towards the sky as he speaks.

"So, what's wrong with it?"

There's a distinctive sound of someone slurping and he just knows it's Yunhyeong. 

Hanbin pokes an eye open.

"I don't need a tutor. That's what's wrong."

Donghyuk's patting his shoulder in solidarity. 

"Well obviously she thinks you do. Just put up with it. Maybe you'll get some.."

Yunhyeong throws a straw at him so he'd look his way. 

".. extra work out of it too. If you know what I mean."

He wiggles his eyebrows as Junhoe gags at what he calls 'the worst joke of the century'.

Hanbin feels a laugh bubbling out of him and it surprises him. But not as much as Donghyuk.

"Maybe I can tutor you? You can tell your mom I'm like, super great at math and all that stuff."

He's smiling sincerely and Hanbin wants to tell him he's too good for this world. Instead he gets distracted by Junhoe yelling at Yunhyeong, who's muttering something like 'well at least it's better than your pick up lines' under his breath.

Donghyuk clears his throat, waiting for an answer.

"Uh, no sorry. Mom wants a professional."

He knows this lie won't last long. But it'll do for now. 

Donghyuk looks at him for a bit too long before nodding. They then proceed to coerce Junhoe to let Yunhyeong go from his hold.

 

*

 

Hanbin gets detention in physics. Again. For the whole week.

This time it's because separating Junhoe and Yunhyeong turned out to be harder than expected. So he's stuck being yelled at by their teacher and reminded why he absolutely _should_ hold grudges against people.

When he calls his mother later, to warn her about being home very late, all he hears is a deep sigh and a promise he'll behave. Hanbin feels like he's being burned every time she says it. The word scorched on him like he's cattle. 

All he needs to do is behave.

 

*

 

Hanbin truly, insanely hates his new friends. He wants to yell at all three of them. Tell Yunhyeong he's too childish. Tell Junhoe he needs to learn how to take a joke. Tell Donghyuk he's made some bad choices in his life. And by choices he means those two idiots.

Because right now, he's about to live his worst nightmare.

The sun is still up. For at least another hour or so and Hanbin's stuck sitting in the classroom.

He could be playing with Hanbyul in their tiny backyard, or video games on his computer, letting the sun graze his skin through the thin curtains.   
  
But no, he's stuck in this classroom. And he's not alone. 

 

*

 

His lovely physics teacher strut in about halfway through the first five minutes (Hanbin's pretty sure he's gonna be sitting here for an hour and a half, maybe even two) bringing with him the guy he really didn't need to or want to see.

"Hanbin this is Bobby. Bobby this is Hanbin."

He can hear his own breath hitch and Hanbin hates himself for it. 

Bobby smiles at him like a fool. An idiot.

He doesn't even know the guy but he's already pretty sure Bobby's gonna spend the next hour and a half, or two, telling him his life stories. Being inquired about his own. He stifles a groan.

The teacher gives them an assignment and tells him he'll check up on them. Hanbin guesses he's going to sleep in the teacher's room and forget they even exist. He at least hopes so.

Bobby's still standing there, hands lazily hanging out of his pockets.

He eyes Hanbin with curiosity and Hanbin thanks god that people can't read minds. Or all he'd hear would be his own moans. Hanbin squirms in his seat.

"Do I know you?"

The question cuts through the unruly silence.

"Uh, I don't think so."

Hanbin doesn't look at him. At least he tries not to.

"Well, It's nice to meet you."

Bobby jumps on one of the desks and smiles his now familiar, Hanbin would call it a trademark, 100 watt smile.

He's kind of scared how much he's picked up on him already.

"Yeah, same here."

 

*

 

Bobby keeps sitting on the desk, chewing his gum loudly and staring at Hanbin.

He doesn't look up but he's sure Bobby's staring. Trying to figure him out. 

Hanbin wants to run out of there but knows better than to get himself another week of detention.

"So, when'd you come here?"

Hanbin takes his chances and looks up. It's a huge mistake.

Bobby's got this wide smile on his face, his lashes fluttering softly when his eyes accidentally get caught looking at the sun. Hanbin feels something else flutter as well but he forces it down as best as he can. 

"About a week ago actually."

His voice is thick and Hanbin's not sure if Bobby can tell it's different or not. He hopes he can't. Yet.

"That makes sense. My lil bro was sick this week so I had to take a few days off."

Hanbin didn't need to know that. He also didn't need to hear Bobby moan on his second day of school but what can you do. Life's not perfect.

"How old's your brother?"

He hears himself ask and holds in a groan. He didn't mean to keep talking. 

"Sixteen."

Bobby's laughing and Hanbin feels himself smirk a little. This time he manages to stifle the laugh that seems to start bubbling out of him any second. He can't let Bobby know how he affects Hanbin already.

"You had to babysit your 16 year old brother? That's gotta be tough."

Hanbin can't help but answer ironically. He's gonna stop talking any minute now. At least that's what he promises to himself.

Bobby throws his head back, laughing wildly. 

Hanbin's eyes keep circling back to the way his Adam's apple bobs along with it. He decides to stare at his sneakers then, a safe choice as usual. 

"You got any siblings?"

Hanbin looks out the window. The sun is still shining brightly and he thinks of how Hanbyul's playing by herself. He sighs wondering if Bobby deserves to know about her.

"Uh, yeah."

Hanbin can feel his lungs constrict when Bobby jumps down from his seat and crowds into him.

"Well show me a picture! I don't have any of my bro, he's kind of an ass."

His mind's racing with the proximity of their bodies. With thoughts of blonde hair and soft fingers on his thighs. 

He jumps up, surprising himself and Bobby.

"Uh-"

His palms are sweating and he thinks Bobby can hear his stammering heartbeat. Hanbin swallows the lump in his throat and breathes. 

"I can't. I don't have any."

The air is crispy fresh, even in the dirty classroom, and though it's hard to breathe, Hanbin can't stop drinking it in. He stares at the sun as Bobby keeps staring at him.

"She's shy."

The other quirks an eyebrow but doesn't say a thing. Hanbin sits down again trying to forget the way the sun reflected on Bobby's face. Hanbin thinks he saw freckles.

"Where you from?"

Bobby doesn't seem to care about his weird behaviour. His fingers find a piece of gum from the depths of those pockets and one is handed to Hanbin. He doesn't dare to say no.

"Uh, lived near Seoul for a while and then moved here during summer."

He wants to shut himself up. He's already shared too much but his stupid mouth keeps blabbering.

"What about you?" 

Bobby smiles and his eyes sparkle with excitement. Hanbin wants to retch out the ball of nerves in his stomach but sits still. 

Bobby spends the rest of the afternoon telling him about America. Hanbin wonders if everyone in the States is this welcoming. This handsome. 

He remembers blonde hair and dark eyes. He thinks he's right. 

 

*

 

When the sun is setting and his eyes drooping, the teacher enters.

Bobby's been quiet for a while now. Hanbin knows almost everything there is to know about him.

Well everything Bobby'd tell a stranger. Hanbin doubts he'd share his deepest darkest secrets with a guy he just met. He may be wrong though. 

Hanbin's learned that the physics teacher hold's a grudge against him. That he's spent more time in detention than in class and that Bobby really _really_ loves his brother, Chanwoo, and Jinhwan.

Bobby can't stop talking about Jinhwan and Hanbin wonders if there's more to them than meets the eye.

He doesn't ask. 

"I see you've done nothing."

The teacher looks at Bobby disapprovingly.

"As usual."

Bobby snickers a bit, looking expectantly at Hanbin. He probably didn't notice him doing his homework during his long speech about America. 

The teacher eyes his papers and then him. Hanbin's sure he can tell why his cheeks are so warm. 

"You're a strange kid Hanbin. Stop skipping class and I might just start liking you again."

Hanbin thinks he's gonna ruffle his hair but thankfully he doesn't. He holds in a sigh.

"I guess you're done for today. Go and enjoy the weather!"

They all look outside. It's raining again. 

"Well, I guess you can enjoy it tomorrow."

Hanbin smiles bitterly. He takes his time grabbing his stuff and doesn't notice Bobby leaving until he speaks up.

"I hope to see you around."

Hanbin's mind offers a lot of answers. He doesn't say any of them.

 

*

 

Donghyuk's waiting for him in the parking lot and Hanbin's not even trying to hold in his surprise.

"Damn, you look pale as hell. Did everything go alright?"

Donghyuk's smile is still warm even though it's getting colder by the minute. He's probably spent countless hours in the library but he doesn't seem tired at all. Hanbin's a little jealous.

"I'm good. Detention was as fun as ever."

Donghyuk laughs and they walk side by side, talking about exams and how Donghyuk suspects he was seconds away from getting pneumonia that day on the field.  
  
Hanbin spots Bobby by the park, holding hands with a petite girl. 

He gets caught staring by both Donghyuk and Bobby. 

Donghyuk keeps talking about how Bobby and his new girl are annoying as hell as Hanbin tries his best to ignore the latter's stare boring through his back. He shivers but not from the cold. 

 

*

 

When he gets home, he's greeted by lukewarm dinner and a sleeping Hanbyul.

Hanbin decides to skip everything except for sleep. His head is dizzy from the amount of fresh air he's gotten throughout the day. He thinks he might have fresh air poisoning. If that's even a thing. 

Before he's able to fall asleep, his mother bursts in the room.

"We got you a tutor!"

She's smiling and almost bouncing on her feet. Hanbin's surprised at how much emotion she's showing. Good emotion. 

It's been a while.

"Already?"

She nods enthusiastically.

"Yes! She's a student at your school but with great grades! You'll love her!"

Hanbin can hear the hidden message behind it. He wants to scream that he never will. Instead he smiles.

"I hope so." 

Her eyes look tired but not doubting. 

"I believe in you. You'll behave, I know you will."

She blows him a kiss, wishing him sweet dreams.

And Hanbin doesn't tell anyone that his sweet dreams are all about dark hair and invisible freckles. 

Not even himself.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sigh I wanted this chapter to be longer but I also couldnt wait to post so yeah.  
> I hope it's enjoyable!


	5. Both Sides Are Even

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time he sees Bobby naked.

 

Hanbin's greeted in the morning by his mothers' gleeful smile. He hasn't seen her like that in a while. He wants to enjoy the joyful atmosphere in the air but instead thinks of how disappointed she'll be when the inevitable happens. 

He gulps down his juice and goes to braid Hanbyuls hair before leaving. He swears to her that he'll try and make it home earlier tonight.

She smiles brightly and tells him he's her favorite person in the world. Hanbin hugs her so tightly that he's scared that she'll break.

 

*

 

 Junhoe greets him by the gates and tells him how he's got a date tonight. Hanbin congratulates him and when asked about his own dating life, he keeps his mouth shut. 

Thankfully Junhoe doesn't seem to notice, because Yunhyeong's running towards them, screaming that they're gonna be late for PE.

Hanbin groans and stares up at the sky. It's cloudy and it'll definitely rain. 

They all groan when he mentions it.

 

*

 

 "What took you guys so long?"

Donghyuk's already shirtless and Hanbin wants to bury himself alive. 

He skipped PE last week, to mentally prepare himself for this week. He forgot to.

"Junhoe was gushing about his date. Blame him."

Yunhyeong snickers and Junhoe throws his towel at him. 

Hanbin decides it's best to stare at the ground and change as quickly as possible. 

It turns out to be harder than he thought.

"Hey you!"

There's bustling and Hanbin's too busy trying to keep breathing. The yelling goes over his head.

"Hey! New kid!" 

Hanbin takes off his socks and thinks of the cold rain and wet grass. He's startled out of his thoughts by a warm hand on his shoulder. 

Hanbin looks up from his seat and immediately wants to die. 

"Are you deaf or something?"

There stands Bobby. In all his naked glory. Well except for the very _very_ thin boxer shorts he's wearing but that doesn't count as clothing to Hanbin. Shouldn't count as clothing to anybody. 

He swallows hard and tries to force a smile on his face. Bobby quirks a brow and Hanbin guesses it didn't work.

"Sorry, I was just busy uhh...thinking."

He takes notice of the guys staring at him and slumps down even further. His bare chest is a deep shade of pink by now and Hanbin really wants to cover up.

Especially when he sees Bobby's stare linger at it for a bit too long. 

"Well, I just wanna know if I'll be seeing you in detention today?"

Bobby's smiling now and Hanbin wants to yell at him to leave him alone but nods instead. He wonders what kind of sins he must have commiten in his past life to deserve this.

"M'glad. I'll try not to bore you with my childhood stories again." 

Hanbin succeeds at smiling this time. Until Bobby casually pats his shoulder, making his skin break out in goosebumps. 

Thankfully he goes away then, not giving him a second glance. Hanbin takes in a deep breath. The air is crisp until he sees Jinhwan staring at him from the same corner Bobby left towards. 

Hanbin's pretty sure that the stare is not a friendly one. 

 

*

 

"You didn't tell me you were in detention with Bobby."

Donghyuk looks curious now and Hanbin's too tired to speak.

"Yeah, I didn't think it was worth mentioning."

Donghyuk passes the ball towards him and Hanbin almost stumbles. He's never been good at sports but not particularly bad either. He guesses it's to blame on his knees still shaking underneath him and his body vibrating from the sound of Bobby's laughter coming from the other end of the field.

"Well, do you like him?"

Hanbin stares at Jinhwan and Bobby wrestling on the field, the other guys laughing around them. 

"I don't know. He's nice but too.." 

Hanbin stares at the guys again, anger making his insides flutter. It must be anger. 

"..overbearing. I'm not used to people like that."

Hanbin shrugs his shoulders at Donghyuk's next response. 

"He'll get under your skin. Trust me."

Donghyuk smiles as the coach whistles and Hanbin wonders how long Bobby's been living underneath Jinhwan's.

 

*

  
When class ends all Hanbin wants to do is get dressed and leave. Except he has to shower. The last thing he needs right now is for someone to start a rumor that he's got bad hygene. 

So he makes his way quickly towards a back stall, that seems more private, making himself comfortable.

Hanbin's great at tuning out other people. He's done it for a lifetime and he can do it now.

But of course Bobby's there to ruin his peace. Stepping into the stall next to him and moaning quietly when the warm spray of water hits him.

Hanbin stumbles backwards a bit, unaware of how his own water's turned cold. 

His knees start shaking again and Hanbin wonders if they'll ever stop.

 

*

 

Everything goes great. Hanbin lathers himself in shower gel and quickly shampoos his hair.

He's almost done trying to block out Bobby, and washing,  when the other clears his throat loudly.

Hanbin's in the middle of rinsing out the apple & cinnamon shampoo he loves. He almost chokes on it. Even thought it might smell good, it's not meant to be eaten. He knows by experience.

Bobby's standing mere inches away from him. Water still running down his toned body. _Naked_ body, Hanbin's mind doesn't forget to add. 

"Umm, Uhh-"

Hanbin's eyes wander down, towards the small hairs on his navel that look like they'd tickle his face deliciously if he'd  -

"Sorry but do you have any shampoo?"

Hanbin's not sure how long he's been gaping at him. He shuts his mouth and stares at the ground instead, nodding furiously. 

In the middle of reaching for the bottle, Hanbin realises that he's naked too. Wearing nothing but his favorite shampoo and a deep blush that's probably embracing his toes by now. 

He wills down the panic rising in his gut, something else as well, and hands the bottle over. His hands are shaking when Bobby takes it and Hanbin doesn't dare to look at him. 

He leaves the bits of shampoo drying in his hair, opting to run out of there as soon as possible. 

While drying himself up he tries not to think too hard about the fact that Bobby's gonna smell like him when he gets out that shower. When he meets him later in detention. When he's hanging out with Jinhwan.

Hanbin's not sure what that information does to him, or his body, anymore. 

 

*

 

"What's up your ass?"

It's lunch and Hanbin's body and mind have been buzzing throughout the day. His legs keep shaking and his eyes can't stop wandering around, looking for a certain someone. 

He wants to slap himself hard. Hard enough so the weird feeling in his gut would leave him alone. 

He knows this feeling. He's been through this feeling and all it brought him was, _is_ , constant rain. 

He jerks out of his thoughts when Yunghyeong smacks him on the shoulder.

"Uh, what?"

Hanbin stops bouncing his leg and there's a small collective sigh.

"Junhoe asked what's been up your ass today. _I_ honestly don't wanna know."

Yunghyeong raises his hands as the guys laugh. Except for Hanbin.

"Something really is up your ass, huh?"

Donghyuk looks worried and the laughter stops. Hanbin tries to muster up a smile.

"I'm good." 

Everyone's shooting daggers towards him with their eyes, so he thinks it's best to continue.

"It's just that I think I hurt my leg playing soccer so.."

Hanbin trails off, hoping that it's a good enough answer for them. Donghyuk looks at him, his eyes searching his face for something and then he relaxes. Must have gotten the answer he needed.

Everything seems to settle back down then, lunch continuing on as normal. 

Hanbin ignores Junhoe's inquiring stares as they leave to class.

 

*

 

Hanbin's a nervous wreck by the time detention starts. He wonders if he could just run for it. He'd get suspended probably. That wouldn't bother him. Or another month of detention. That would.

He stops in front of the classroom door, contemplating if he really should run. And then his galloping heartbeat slows down enough for him to relax, hand pushing the doorknob until it opens and welcomes him to a gloomy looking teacher and someone so warm and bright that Hanbin has to wonder if it's not the sun itself.

He chose the classroom and he doesn't stop to think why. 

 

*

 

Hanbin stumbles towards his desk, legs still wobbly underneath him. He stops to think if he should actually go and let himself be checked out. This can't be normal.  
  
He can't think too hard about it cause Bobby's patting on a spot next to him, now sitting on a chair instead of a desk, and Hanbin wants to backtrack again. His feet keep him put though, making him move towards the older with an awkward smile on his face. 

"Finally you made it."

Bobby bumps his shoulder like they're old acquaintances. Hanbin wants to know why he thinks so highly of him. 

"Yeah," he turns to their teacher "Sorry I'm late. Got caught up in my homework."

The other doesn't respond, writing an assignment on the board instead and leaving just as quietly as he probably came.

"What's wrong with him?"

Hanbin can't help but talk to Bobby. He hates how inviting he can be. 

"Don't know. Came here all grumpy and didn't say shit. I didn't ask either. Don't want another week of detention, do I."

Bobby says it as a statement but his face looks like it's a question. Hanbin doesn't give him an answer.

"Well, let's get to it then."

He's hyperaware of how close their bodies are and it's distracting him to the max. Especially since he's got first hand knowledge of how Bobby's looks underneath those clothes. 

Bobby bends backwards, trying to grab his bag. Hanbin's caught off guard and his eyes wander over his chest.

The black t-shirt that he's wearing hugs him tightly, the firm planes of his torso visible underneath it. Hanbin takes a deep breath when it rides up, just the tiniest bit, and reveals that same patch of hair he'd noticed earlier. 

His heart is racing in his chest when Bobby looks back up, with a bottle in his hands. Hanbin can feel his cheeks bloom in pink. He wishes for the ground to swallow him whole.

Bobby just smiles, putting the bottle on the table. It's his shampoo.

"Thanks for this."

His smile is wide and genuine, over a freaking shampoo bottle, and Hanbin's not sure if Bobby's pretending to be the purest person on Earth of if he just is.

"It's nothing."

He waves his hand, words coming out incoherent. 

"Why'd you use womens shampoo though? I know it smells good but,"

Hanbin's head jerks up in surprise as Bobby continues.

"It's for women. Though my girlfriend would dig the shit out of this."

Hanbin's raking his mind for an answer when Bobby suddenly leans forward.

"I mean smell this shit!" 

His hair is now inches away from Hanbin's face and Hanbin's just all in all overwhelmed. He remembers his mothers' words and stays still.

"Come on, smell it!" 

Bobby pushes his head forward and moves it from side to side until his soft hair tickles him. Hanbin's never been in a situation this weird before.

He takes a sniff, making sure that it can be heard.

Bobby leans away immediately. 

"Isn't it great?" 

"Um yeah, I know. I use it all the time."

Bobby does this weird thing with his brows and scrunches up his nose, looking like a confused bunny and 1, 2, 3 , 4.. 

"Oh shit! Right, sorry. I get a bit too carried away with my thoughts sometimes." 

Hanbin hears himself blurt it out before he can help himself.

"Do you have ADHD or something?"

Bobby laughs again, something that seems so natural to him and so _so_ foreign to Hanbin.

"No. My mom actually thought I did when I was a kid but the tests said I was good to go. I'm like this a lot at school."

Hanbin sighs inwardly, thankful that Bobby didn't take offence.

"It's kind of like.."

He scrunches up his nose again, this time in thought and Hanbin would give away everything to stop memorizing Bobby's every move.

"..an act you know? I just emphasize my good side and say what's on my mind. It's easier to joke around all the time than to be serious around here. People are awfully nosy in this school but if you're like me, they stop asking questions."

Hanbin's puzzled by how much Bobby's telling him. It's almost like a confessional that they never intended to have. Well at least he didn't.

"So you're pretty much telling me you're not actually _this_ optimistic?"

Bobby shrugs his shoulders.

"I think you should let others see the real you for once. It'd be nice."

Hanbin tries smiling but Bobby's not even looking at him. He's glaring out the window, towards their empty football field.

"I haven't gone through all this trouble to come out of it without anyone by my side, Hanbin. People like me like this, they like me when I have my 'sulky' moments too but only if they happen rarely. And I'm okay with that."

Hanbin's taken aback by the fact that Bobby remembers his name. He thought he'd forgotten. And by the fact that this is the second time they've talked and Bobby's already confessing him things, he's pretty sure only Jinhwan and his brother know. Hanbin's doesn't know how to deal with that.

"Anyway, I don't want this to become some sort of a sadfest, so tell me, why'd you use women's shampoo?"

And just like that, Bobby's back to being himself, or the Bobby everyone thinks he is. 

Hanbin thought the only one in this school he had yet to figure out was Jinhwan. He guesses he's wrong.

 

*

 

They're almost done with detention and Hanbin's kind of hating how he gushed about Hanbyul for at least half an hour.

But he had to tell him how the shampoo was her's and then the questions came and Hanbin was actually happy to answer them.

He's sure that even the guys don't know this much about his family. The thought freaks him out. 

"So, is this your last detention?"

He brings it up after a moment of silence. It was comfortable. Hanbin wants to know why everything surrounding Bobby is so familiar and falls right into place. He's yet to figure this out.

Bobby looks out the window and yawns. 

"Nah, got a whole week ahead. Like, in extension to this one."

Hanbin pats his back in comfort and doesn't even take notice of how his fingers keep lingering there. Until Bobby clears his throat and it vibrates through him. Starting from his fingertips and ending in his toes. He removes his hand. 

"I hope I get back in his good books." 

Bobby's half slumped on the desk, his hair falling softly onto his arm, nodding. He looks tired now and Hanbin wonders if he's tired cause it's late or because he's had to keep holding onto this certain way of being 'Bobby', that he told him about.

Hanbin squirms in his seat, something he's done a lot over the past two hours.

"And I hope you do too."

He adds casually, before silence envelopes them again.

Bobby keeps staring at him quietly and Hanbin's staring back, noticing how their thighs are touching and how warm Bobby's presence makes him feel. 

He thinks of his mothers words again. Of blonde hair and curveless bodies.

His eyes wander over Bobby's perfectly sculpted face. And they keep landing on his lips. 

He thinks he sees a few freckles again, left over from yesterday's sunlight.

Hanbin wonders how long it would take for the word 'behave' to fade from his body, if he acted upon his thoughts right now.

How long it would take to put himself back together, after Bobby would kick the shit out of him and his heart, for daring to be different. 

 

*

 

They sit there, staring at each other, for what seems like an eternity. It's getting harder to breathe since every time he does so, he's greeted by the scent of his own shampoo, coming off of Bobby in waves. There's a hint of musk behind it too and Hanbin's sure it's his own scent. He want's to forget about ever smelling it. 

It's a silent conversation that neither of them want to start nor end. 

Hanbin can feel tentative fingers on his thigh and his breath hitches. He doesn't want to look. Scared that it's just a distant memory of someone who was far too lean and too tall, too blonde and too foreign. 

Of someone who wasn't Bobby.

The clock keeps ticking and he knows that this moment will end soon. Hanbin savors the feeling of fingertips ghosting over his hips, hovering over his skin in deep hesitation, and the image of chocolate brown eyes twinkling with something he'll probably never be able to read.

And then the teacher enters. The fingertips that were barely there are now miles away. 

Hanbin wonders what just happened there.

He keeps wondering all the way back home. And all the way into the morning. 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly dont know how I feel about this chapter?? I wrote the classroom scenes late at night feeling super super okay with them and now rereading im just like?? Not sure at all.  
> I feel like I might have gone way too 'fake' deep with those convos so tell me what you think guys! And sorry for the summary being kinda misleading haha  
> Also 9000 words and I'm not even halfway into the story...RIP me


	6. Ready to Be Called On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time he tries to believe Bobby.

The next day he wakes up thinking it was all a dream.

The way Bobby confided in him, the way he looked at him and most of all the way his fingertips barely touched his thigh, but still did.

He's pretty sure his mother can tell right away that something's different. That he hasn't behaved and that there are fingerprints burned onto his outer thigh, from where Bobby grazed him.

She seems normal though. Packing him some steamed cabbage rolls for lunch and talking about the tutor.

Right. 

"She's gonna be here by 10 on Friday. So please don't be late."

Hanbin nods, chugging down his milk.

"Also, have you made any friends yet?"

Her tone is normal but there's an underlying threat there that Hanbin can hear loud and clear.

He feels the color drain from his face.

"Uh, yeah. We wen't to the football game together, remember?"

She glances at him and Hanbin's eyes dart down as fast as possible.

"I don't approve of this you know. You were fine being alone in the last school, well until.."

She stops in her tracks and continues on with a stiffness in her voice.

"You were fine alone. Why do you need them now?"

Hanbin takes his bag from the ground and starts walking towards the front door.

"They want to be my friends mom. And they promised to introduce me to some nice girls while I'm here."

Her expression changes into something more inviting. 

"Well I hope you like those girls. And the tutor I hired you. Don't want you to miss out on the 'high school experience' do I?"

She comes over, giving him a tight hug. Hanbin tries his best to hug her back. 

"Now run along! You're gonna be late!"

 

*

 

On his way to school, he bumps into Bobby. Hanbin thanks his stupid luck.

The other looks at him for a second and then bursts out laughing. Hanbin wonders if he can smell the fear coming off of him in waves. He feels like pray that's soon to be hunted.

"You're a breakfast kind of guy aren't you?"

His eyes are formed into tiny slits and his smile is so bright Hanbin wonders if the sun would find him competition. 

Hanbin hates how he thinks of Bobby getting out of bed in the morning, sunlight revealing those freckles on his face, just because he mentioned breakfast. 

"What?"

The confusion is eminent on his face.

And then Bobby leans in enough for Hanbin to feel dizzy.

His fingers find Hanbin's shoulder and his smile is so close Hanbin wonders if it can be contageous. If he'll accidentally catch it.

His breath hitches when Bobby's thumb finds it's way towards his upper lip. 

Hanbin can hear the rain falling around them but most of all his own stupid heartbeat, that keeps stammering in his chest. He makes a mental note to google if young people can get heart attacks.

"There you go!"

Hanbin's not sure what just happened. He's not sure about anything when he's around Bobby. His eyes keep looking for an answer on Bobby's face. It doesn't give him one. 

"You had milk on your lip, bro. Relax!"

Bobby's all smiles again and Hanbin hopes to god that Junhoe's dad will drive by, saving him from this hell.

He keeps feeling the weight of Bobby's hand on his shoulder, all the way back to school. He wonders if it burned through his shirt. He wouldn't mind.

 

*

 

The rest of the week goes by in slow motion. Hanbin's never been one to hate school but now he's starting to.

Bobby finds reasons to talk to him all the time, the nagging feeling in his gut that this won't end well, not leaving him alone for even a second.

It's his final day of detention and Hanbin's thankful. So so thankful.

He's had to deal with Bobby trying to be his friend all week and Hanbin hopes that maybe now he'll forget about him. Go back to the way his life was before Hanbin entered it.

Maybe he too could forget. Forget the way he keeps smiling at him like Hanbin's someone important. Someone he cherises and values. Whom he won't let go of, no matter what. 

 

*

 

"Where's Junhoe?"

It's lunchtime again. Donghyuk's buried in his notebooks and Yunhyeong's fidgeting with his sleeves, his plate empty. 

"Fuck, we've been telling you all week man. His head's buried in Jinah's ass. The guy's a goner."

Donghyuk glares at Yunhyeong for his choice of words. Hanbin snorts.

"So why haven't you been paying any attention?"

Donghyuk turns his gaze towards him now and Hanbin startles.

"Is it cause of some girl? Or Bobby?"

Hanbin's not sure what he means by that question but he is sure, that he looks paler than ever. Except for the tips of his ears that are probably pinker than the smoothie Yunhyeong's drinking.

"I guess Bobby then."

Donghyuk smirks.

"I'm glad you two are getting along. I told you he'd get under your skin!" 

Hanbin nods absentmindedly. He stares at Bobby and Jinhwan, the only other pair that's outside. 

He's about to look away when his eyes get caught in Bobby's. The other smiles brightly and Hanbin's sure he's gonna wave. Instead he keeps smiling until it slowly fades. His eyes keep looking back though, warm and inviting. 

Hanbin squirms in his seat, very much aware of how the look makes him feel. He looks away, trying to forget the hint of a blush he saw on Bobby's neck.

"I wouldn't say he's under my skin. He's trying to get there but I don't think I wanna be that close to him."

Now it's Yunhyeong's turn to ponder.

"But why?"

They both look at him curiously.

A choking sound escapes from his throat and an answer quickly follows.

"Cause Jinhwan wouldn't react very well to that, would he? Besides, I'm not that fond of Bobby but he won't leave me alone."

Yunhyeong snorts.

"Guess you're his next charity case."

Hanbin's head darts up.

"What does that mean?"

Yunhyeong rolls his eyes, slurping loudly on his smoothie.

"It means that Jinhwan never wanted to be his friend either. But Bobby kind of made it his mission to become his buddy and look how it turned out. Jinhwan's still a loner but he couldn't go a day without him."

Donghyuk eyes the other table and Hanbin follows.

Jinhwan's laughing wickedly at something Bobby said, his fingers gripping onto his bicep tightly. He's got a pretty good idea of what's going on there and he doesn't want to be the next Jinhwan. The guy who falls for someone so completely but gets nothing but a slight touch on the thigh and a sweltering look in return. 

The bell rings and Hanbin hopes that this week will end the budding friendship between them.

 

*

 

They're handed a huge assignment in literature and Hanbin has to pair up.

He doesn't talk to anyone in this class. The only one he kind of knows is Jinhwan and Hanbin's pretty sure the other's already holding a grudge against him.  
Except that Jinhwan's actually pointing at him mouthing 'agreed?' and Hanbin finds himself nodding along to it almost immediately.

The assignment requires them to make a 100 page play on an old novel. The best one will go into the hand's of their small drama club, that'll perform the play during graduation.

Hanbin has to admit he's pretty exited for it. He likes literature and he likes theatre. And even though this will be a hard task, he'll probably like doing it with Jinhwan too. Getting to know more about him and confirming his doubts about the weird friendship he has with Bobby.

 

*

 

Jinhwan comes over after class ends, startling him.

"I guess it's you and me then, huh?"

He's smirking and Hanbin finds him devilishly handsome. He thinks Bobby might think the same. 

"I guess so. When will we start?"

Jinhwan pretends to check his 'calendar' and Hanbin laughs. The other brightens up immediately and adds a shrug.

"Hmm, what about next week?"

Hanbin feels at ease talking to him and it's kind of surprising. 

Jinhwan nods.

"Your place or mine?"

Hanbin can feel his face fall and Jinhwan takes notice. Of course he does. 

"Maybe the school library?"

Jinhwan snorts.

"That place gives me the creeps. Besides, only the really smart kids hang out there. I'd feel inadequate."

Hanbin thinks of the guys and how they enjoy spending time there. He doesn't mention it nor the fact that Donghyuk practically lives there.

"Okay, your place then?"

He wants to present him a powerpoint presentation on why they shouldn't and why Jinhwan should definitely change his mind but Hanbin's somehow sure that Jinhwan's word is always final.

"Sure."

Jinhwan's leaving already when he calls after himself.

"You can get my address from Bobby. I see you two are getting along well."

He smirks and Hanbin senses something not so sincere behind it. 

He smiles back and whispers a tentative 'yeah' to himself, Jinhwan already far away in the hallway. 

He wonders if saying it out loud makes it real. Solid. Stuck in the air between them. He stops wondering. 

 

*

 

At the end of the day Hanbin's back in detention. He keeps thinking of Bobby's fingers on his thigh and Hanbin ponders if he might have imagined it after all. 

Bobby hasn't brought it up once, not mentioned a thing about their weird 'moment' and Hanbin keeps holding his breath, waiting for the inevitable to come. 

When it doesn't, even at the end of their last detention together, Hanbin wonders if Bobby's like this with everybody. If gazing into each other's eyes longingly is something normal for him.

Hanbin knows he won't get an answer to that.

 

*

 

They're packing up when Bobby suggests something Hanbin wants to shut down immediately.

"Maybe I can walk you home? It's our last detention together after all. Wanna make sure you don't get into anymore trouble."

He smiles, handing Hanbin his pencil.

There's a bit of a pause and Hanbin's not sure he'll speak up at all.

"So?"

He looks up at Bobby. It's a mistake.

He's managed to loosen up his uniform tie and is raking his fingers through his hair. Standing there casually like what he's doing isn't effecting Hanbin in horrible horrible ways.

"Fine."

He croaks it out, voice slightly cracking and Hanbin wants to slap himself. Instead he runs out of there as soon as possible, not waiting for Bobby to follow.

 

*

 

It's drizzling a bit when they start their journey and Hanbin thinks of how many times he's walked to school or back with Bobby by his side. Just this week. 

They pass the park as Bobby talks about his brother whom Hanbin's itching to meet. 

"So he's thinking of coming to our school next year. What a douche, choosing to transfer when I've already graduated."

He snorts and Hanbin finds him amusing. In all the right ways.

"A little off topic but, doesn't your girlfriend miss you already?"

Hanbin stares at his shoes while Bobby thinks of an answer.

"What do you mean?"

Hanbin looks up and Bobby's staring right into his eyes. It still makes him uncomfortable, even after all these hours spent together behind remotely small desks. 

"Like, you've been walking to school and back with me a lot. I don't think she appreciates being away from you for that long."

Hanbin's staring forward, feeling Bobby's gaze burning the side of his face. He thinks he's already blushing hard enough that adding Bobby's affect might give him a permanent tan. An ugly one. 

"I don't think so? We hang out all the time anyway. And you know how it is, after the flames died down you can see each other less without craving the touch."

Hanbin mumbles 'I don't' and hopes Bobby doesn't catch it. He does.

"You don't?"

There's silence for a while and then a gasping sound. He's figured it out.

"You mean you've never had a girlfriend?"

Hanbin looks at Bobby for a second. The other is so surprised that it actually amuses him.

"Um, no. But it doesn't matter. I'll meet someone when I graduate. Then I can focus on them properly."

He swears to shut himself up from now on. The last thing he needs is for Bobby to start asking questions. Which he does. 

"Fuck, I've been so caught up talking about myself all this time that I don't really know that much about you. Except for Hanbyul. I need to meet her by the way, what a cute lil girl."

Hanbin smiles to himself, noticing Bobby doing it too. He's weirded out by how much they can parallel each other at times.

"She's gonna grow up to be a man killer one day. Trust me on that."

Bobby pats his back and Hanbin hopes he's distracted enough over Hanbyul to not continue their conversation. He isn't. 

"So, why haven't you dated? Wanna be celibate or are you just a prude?"

Hanbin repeats his eralier answer.

"Bullshit. You're a teenage boy Hanbin. And I'm a teenage boy. I know how this works and even If you wanted to wait, you couldn't."

Bobby laughs and Hanbin forces one out of himself too. He would find this conversation funny if it wasn't hitting so close to home. 

"Well.. Let's just stay I've tried some stuff but never found someone I wanted to settle down with."

Bobby snorts.

"You sound like an old man." 

Hanbin pouts his lip and his mind doesn't forget to remind him the amount of time Bobby stares at it. And how much it crosses the 'line' that should exist between them. But has yet to make an apperance.

"I promise to get you some booty."

Hanbin chokes on a giggle, almost stumbling on his feet. Bobby laughs at that until he's wheezing and Hanbin forces down the inevitable flutters in his stomach. 

"I don't want your help Bobby. Go spend time with your girlfriend and your brother. I'm fine."

They're almost by his house now and Hanbin hopes that his mother's still out or minding her own business. 

Bobby looks serious when Hanbin turns to him and it's a bit startling.

"Why do you want to keep me away from you so bad? All I want is to be your friend Hanbin."

He swallows the lump in his throat and focuses on something else than _that_ look in Bobby's eyes.

"I'm just saying. You gotta keep your eyes on the prize Bobby. School's important."

Bobby snorts.

"Yes, even our school. And with your girlfriend, brother and Jinhwan.. I don't see how I fit in the equation."

He can see Bobby's fingers flex around the straps of his backpack when he mentions Jinhwan. Hanbin stores it in his mind, in a box called 'The curious case of Bobhwan', which he intends to open later. 

"You do fit in Hanbin. At least I want you to."

They're standing near his house now and Hanbin's not sure if his heartbeats pounding cause of that, or cause Bobby's standing way too close for comfort. A sincere look in his eyes that screams 'dont leave me'. Hanbin want's to so very badly.

"Why though?"

He can't help but ask. 

Bobby's fingers grip the straps of his bag tightly.

"Cause you're Hanbin. And there's no one like you out there."

He's not sure how to respond to that. Bobby's close enough for his scent to envelope Hanbin, making him fall under his spell. Making it hard to think but easy to breathe. So god damn easy.

And then there's buzzing from Bobby's pocket. Hanbin thanks the heaven's that he didn't have to answer. He might have said too much. Might have said something real for once. 

"It's my girlfriend."

Bobby's whole demeanor's changed in just seconds and Hanbin's taking notice of how different he looks when he's talking from the heart and when he's caught up in the real world. His real world, Hanbin's mind adds.

"Well I guess you should go then."

Hanbin pats his shoulder without hesitation and starts walking away, letting out a breath he didn't even know he was holding.

"Hey, wait a second!"

Hanbin tenses when the footsteps jog closer and closer.

"Do you happen to know this address?"

Bobby pushes the phone towards him but it's still far enough that Hanbin has to lean in, Bobby's face mere inches away. He makes it his mission not to glance up and act as if he's unaware of it at all. 

He opens his mouth and then shuts it. Bobby puts his phone away as Hanbin's still staring at the ground. 

"Well, do you know it?" 

He clears his throat.

"Yeah, it's mine."

He looks up and Bobby brightens. 

"What? Damn! My girlfriend's gonna be your new tutor?? How awesome is this!"

Hanbin swallows hard. How awesome indeed. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to post this last night but my stupid wifi failed on me :/  
> Hope you like it! Finally getting some Jinhwan in there too bless


	7. It's You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time he feels his breath on his skin.

When it hits 10 on their old clock, his mother sits upright and stares at the door.

He's watching Hanbyul's favorite cartoon, the little girl napping on his lap. 

Then a knock. Two. His mothers' hurried steps towards the hallway.

It opens and there's a bubblyness in her voice that Hanbin doesn't even recognize. Then a slight pause and she runs back in.

"Who's the boy?"

Her voice is calm but when Hanbin looks up, she's fuming. 

"What boy?"

"You know what I'm talking about Hanbin. Don't you play with me!"

She grits it out through her teeth and for the first time in a while, Hanbin is truly scared of her. Scared of what she might do to him again. 

Hanbin scrambles up from his seat and hears her before sees her. He can tell it truly is Bobby's girlfriend by her tone and manners. He still hasn't forgotten about the bathroom incident.

And then it clicks. 

 

*

 

"Hanbin, could you please introduce me to this boy? You haven't mentioned him at all."

His mother smiles widely at them both. The girl with a small frame and bright smile, hair short and toned the exact same color as Jinhwan's. 

The guy broad but not over the top. Hair naturally dark and eyes naturally sparkling. Adam's apple bobbing along with the words he's about to say. 

"I'm Bobby. From Hanbin's school."

He shakes his mother's hand and Hanbin can see the cracks forming in her smile.

"This is Bobby's girlfriend. Uh.."

She perks up.

"Jeongyeon!"

His mothers' smile falters and then it's back again, in full force. Maybe even sincere. 

"It's nice to meet you both. Come on in!"

She grabs Jeongyeon by the elbow and starts talking to her right away. Hanbin knows she's out to get info about her and Bobby. If it's real or not. If it's going to last.   
Someone clears their throat. Right.

"What are you doing here?"

Hanbin wants it to come out nonchalantly but instead he sounds a bit pissed off. 

Bobby smiles sheepishly.

"Just wanted to see how you two like each other. Introduce my girl formally. And also thought I'd meet that cute little sister of yours."

Hanbin nods, trying to keep his face neutral. 

"Okay but next time please tell me if you're coming over."

He raises his eyebrows in question. Bobby nods.

 

*

 

Hanbin makes sure to tiptoe over to Hanbyul and so does Bobby. He takes a mental note to thank him for it later. 

They start whispering, the sound of water being boiled from the kitchen making it hard to hear.

"She's adorable!" 

They're both crouched over her in the living room. The television set being the only lightsource in the room.

"I know."

Hanbin's smiling fondly, caressing her hair and giving her a slight peck on the forehead.

It's a mistake looking over at Bobby. There's something so warm in his eyes that he's got to balance himself on their small couch to not fall over. 

Hanbin's gazing at Hanbyul again, listening intently to his mothers' conversation in the next room. She's too curious for her own good, as usual. 

But something else gets caught between the conversation from the kitchen.

The words take him aback and he almost stumbles. If he weren't this close to Bobby, this attuned to him, he wouldn't have heard it. But he does.

"So are you."

Hanbin looks over at him but Bobby's already standing up, stretching and walking away, giving him a blinding smile and a wink. 

Hanbin lets himself fall on the couch, still careful to not wake Hanbyul up. He's got an overwhelming sensation that this will ruin him for good. He strokes Hanbyul's hair once more and then tries to move, his boneless body not helping at all.

 

*

 

"Jeongyeon was just telling me about her dreams of becoming a journalist. What a wonderful girl."

His mother looks at Bobby.

"Great catch, I might add."

Bobby hides his smile in his sleeve and Jeongyeon blushes.

Hanbin feels like puking out the dinner he had earlier.

"Sorry for barging in like that. Just wanted to see Hanbin's sister. He talks about her a lot."

Bobby smiles at his mom and Hanbin supresses the urge to squeeze his shoulder. 

His mother nods, acting like she's interested. Hanbin can tell that she's not. She wants him out of there as soon as possible.

Bobby seems to sense something's off. Hanbin's gotten to know him well enough to tell. 

"Also wanted to send off my pretty lady and tell the man of the house that she's taken."

Bobby looks up at Hanbin, raising his brows and Hanbin forces out a stiff laugh. 

Bobby seems to notice that too.

"Well I guess I should start going."

He glances towards Jeongyeon. She grabs his hand in reassurance and Bobby gets up, giving his mother a slight bow.

"Hanbin, walk your guest to the door!"

His mother adds but Hanbin can tell that she doesn't want him to. He does anyway.

He drags his feet along, awkwardly waiting for Bobby to put his shoes on. 

Suddenly the other leans in, mouth against the shell of his ear and Hanbin thinks he might faint, judging by the way his heart's pounding and his skin's breaking out in a cold sweat.

"Is your mother alright?"

He whispers and Hanbin clenches his fists, Bobby's musky scent hitting him in all the wrong places. 

"Yeah." 

His voice trembles and Hanbin wonders If Bobby can tell. He can still feel warm breath against his neck and if his mother would walk in right now, he'd never see the light of day again. 

It makes his heart beat even faster and he doesn't know if it's because of the thrill of getting caught or Bobby and his earthy smell. Or both. 

"She's just tired."

Bobby leans away, enough so their chests aren't pressing together anymore but not enough that he couldn't see the little beads of sweat forming on his upper lip. 

"I don't believe you. But I won't prod. If you wanna talk, I'm here."

There's chocolate on his breath and he wonders if he went out with Jeongyeon before they got here. The thought makes his stomach churn unpleasantly. 

"I'm telling you the truth."

Bobby's body heat is overwhelming and Hanbin really wants to faint right now, so he'd have an excuse to back away from this situation. From Bobby in general. 

He takes a chance and glances at the other's lips. There's a loud giggle from the couch and Hanbin can feel Bobby startle away from him, before he's even had a chance to move.

It's Hanbyul, running towards the both of them, fitting right in the gap that wasn't there before.

"Hanbinnie! Is this Ma-"

He shuts her up with a hand on her mouth. Bobby looks at him weirdly before prodding it away. 

"What were you saying, princess?"

She giggles again, already forgetting what she meant to say. Hanbin lets out the breath he knew he was holding. 

"I'm not a princess!"

She protests fiercely and Bobby smiles. 

"Then you're a queen."

He pretends to take something out of his pocket, making Hanbyuls' eyes widen in wonder. It's a heart made out of his fingers and Hanbyul laughs loudly. So loudly that his mother and Jeongyeon are already there. 

Bobby looks like a deer in the headlights before saying sorry with his cutest puppy dog expression. 

Hanbyul's eyes are still sparkling and Hanbin knows that she's already fond of this guy. He is too. 

"Sorry, woke the little one up. I'm gonna go now, for real this time."

He bows again and focuses on Hanbin, only for a second. His eyes have a million questions in them that Hanbin never wants to answer. 

"Talk to you later. And take care of my girl."

He looks at Hanbyul.

"Girls."

She lets out another giggle, running towards their mother. Who isn't pleased.

And then Bobby's walking into the rain, his lean figure fading into it. The rain keeps falling around him and Hanbin snorts at the irony of it all. 

 

*

 

Hanbin finds Jeongyeon to be charming and adorable. All the qualities an ideal girl should have. He wonders if that's why Bobby chose her. Cause she's perfect and no one would ever doubt about it. And his choice. 

She also gets along with Hanbyul, who can't stop bugging them all night long and mentioning Bobby everytime she gets a chance.

"Well someone's got a crush."

Jeongyeon laughs and ruffles her hair. Hanbyul runs for cover into Hanbins arms. 

"I'm sorry little one, Bobby's already taken."

Hanbyul acts sad but then laughs, her feet prodding Hanbin a bit painfully in his thigh. 

"It's okay. Jeongyeon is a princess! Bobby has to have one!" 

Hanbin's stomach flutters thinking of princes and princesses and happily ever afters. 

"But who are you then?"

Hanbyul shrugs at her brother.

He mouths 'queen' towards Jeongyeon and she says it outloud. 

Hanbyul runs away, hiding her face in her arms in embarassment and happiness. 

Hanbin thinks he can call the evening a success. Even though it never ends for him, his thoughts running a mile a minute all night long, thinking of the way Bobby's chocolate brown eyes landed on his in question. 

 

*

 

It's been a while since Hanbin's talked to Bobby.

He hopes it's because the other's actually realised what a mistake it is to hang out with him. What a waste of time.

Jeongyeon is as sunny as he is and Hanbin can see all the things Bobby might like in her. And all the ways she might remind him of Jinhwan. When she left on Friday and on Saturday, making Hanbin wish for another three days to rest, his mother kept giving him glances that Hanbin didn't want to answer to.

She still has doubts about Bobby and her. He does too.

It's a typical Wednesday and he's already had his lunch. Jinhwan's suddenly there, sitting behind their table. Everyone keeps quiet.

Even Yunhyeong's smoothie is left untouched for once.

"What's up?"

He hears himself ask and Hanbin wonders how come he's not that afraid of talking to him. He knows that Jinhwan might not be the sincerest guy in this school yet he still can't stop himself from being drawn towards him. He's interesting and mysterious and Hanbin wants to solve the puzzle. 

"Nothing. Just wanted to know If were still on for tonight?"

Yunhyeong's back to slurping on his drink, very loudly at that. Junhoe whistles.

"Not what I mean, idiot."

Jinhwan gives him a glare and Junhoe stares at the ground like a kicked puppy. 

"I promised the guys I'd meet them at the library so.."

Hanbin waves his hands around, not knowing what to do with them.

"You can come over after. We gotta start with that play Hanbin, my grades depend on it."

Jinhwan looks at him playfully but there's truth behind it. 

"Okay, sure. I'll just have to call my mom and tell her."

Jinhwan smiles and pats his shoulder. 

"Alright. I'll text you my address. Don't be late!"

And then he's gone just as he came, leaving the others and him a bit dumbfounded.

 

*

 

Hanbin wants to know why the principal moved their PE class to be right after lunch. He's bloated and exhausted just by walking to the dressing rooms. 

This time he holds himself together quite well, thanks to Bobby not standing near him with his almost naked dick in his face. 

He wonders why Bobby's so quiet lately. He won't admit how much he misses the faint echo of his laughter in the background of their football games and his life.

 

*

 

This time he takes his precious time with the shower. Letting the water warm his frostbitten fingers and soothe his aching body. 

He's so tired and it takes him a moment to register the shower going off beside him. And then he hears the slighest of moans in the next stall, knowing exactly whos it is.

After a while, he relaxes again. Shampoo almost getting in his eye when he remembers how Bobby smelled of it.

Then there's a tap on his shoulder and Hanbin jumps. 

There's that laugh again that he's somehow gotten to miss and Hanbin wants nothing more than to run right out of there again.

"Sorry but do you have shampoo?"

Bobby looks at him sheepishly, the expression not suiting his muscly _naked_ body, that's casually standing right in front of him. And this time Hanbin's struggling to keep his gaze away from the inevitable.

"Uh, yeah sure."

He chokes it out, voice a bit too high pitched to be normal. He thinks Bobby doesn't catch it cause when he looks over at him, the other lifts his gaze up from an area Hanbin knows is unlimited to anybody but himself.

He gulps, handing the bottle over with shaky hands. He takes pride in the fact that he didn't drop it in the first place. 

Bobby's gaze lingers a bit too long on Hanbins' hardened nipples and then he's gone. Whistling some innocent tune and washing his stupidly handsome self with Hanbin's shampoo. Again. 

  
*

 

Hanbin finds some willpower left in his body to finish washing. Maybe it's because he's grown as a person. Or maybe it's because something else has grown in the last few minutes that he really doesn't want anyone to see.

He takes his time changing, trying to think of the cold rain and his mother's cold stare. But then he keeps flashing back to the warmth of a certain body. And that body walking away from his doorstep in the rain and the deep rumble of his voice vibrating into Hanbin's ear. 

He gulps and waits for everyone to leave, not answering Donghyuk when the other hurries him along. He needs a moment.

But the moment doesn't last. His brain too hazy to notice a figure walking out of the showers, towel still wrapped around their waist.

Of course. 

 

*

 

"What are you still doing here?"

Hanbin shrugs his shoulders trying to look away from Bobbys incredibly wet body. 

"Just needed a moment."

It's the first time he's said something along the lines of the truth and Hanbin wonders where his courage came from. 

He senses the other walking closer and Hanbin instinctively leans his back against the lockers.

"Look, sorry that I haven't really hung out with you. Jeongyeon and I have been fighting a lot recently and I tried to do something nice for her so, you know."

Hanbin looks up and reminds himself to google that heart attack thing again. Bobby's too close, the lines of his hips right in Hanbin's face and he can see the towel slowly starting to sag. 

He averts his gaze, trying to form a coherent answer.

"It's okay. I've been busy too so.."

Bobby chuckles but Hanbin can only hear it. He won't look up. 

"Right. With all the tail you're getting.. I imagine you're booked for March."

Hanbin laughs but it's more out of the uncomfortness in his chest. He's heaving and there's nothing to hide it behind. 

"I do have a social life, you know."

Bobby snorts but doesn't answer. 

He hopes that Bobby's gonna move or at least raise his towel. Instead the other stands still, letting it fall lower and lower until Hanbin, who makes a momentary mistake, sees a bit of pubic hair flashing before his eyes.

He chokes on his own breath. 

"You okay?"

And now he's lunging down, squatting before him, his towel seconds away from falling. 

Hanbin feels like fainting. Especially when he glances up into the others' worried eyes. He avoids doing that again like his life depends on it.

"Yeah, am fine. You can give me my shampoo and I'll get going. Gotta catch up with the guys and Jinhwan wanted-"

Bobby's hands are on his thighs and Hanbin thanks the lord that he's got his jeans on already. He takes the thanks back when he feels something twitch in his trousers. Oh god. 

Bobby looks at him in surprise. 

"Jinhwan?" 

"Yeah, were doing this thing in literature. Long story short, I'll be seeing him a lot from now on."

Hanbin smiles, the feeling too foreign. He tries to get up but Bobby's hands are stuck on his thighs. Unmoving. He holds in a sigh. 

"Oh cool! Too bad I'm gonna go to the movies tonight. Otherwise I'd crash your little party and make you see what a douche Jinhwan really is."

He smiles brightly but there's also fondness behind it and Hanbin feels like he's about to a) pass out or b) puke. 

"I bet that'd be fun."

When he finally dares to look in his eyes again, he can see the other's sweep over his lips for just a nanosecond. Getting caught is something Bobby hasn't seemed to be uncomfortable with until now. He gets up, swiftly holding onto his towel. Hanbin can still see something flashing underneath it and it makes him too curious for his own good. 

"Your shampoo.. I'll go get it."

Hanbin sees him disappear into the steam and he doesn't think twice before running the hell away from there. He can have the shampoo, at this point he doesn't even care anymore.

 

*

 

The next few hours go by horribly slowly. All he wants is to go home and take care of his business. Yet he still has to meet the guys and Jinhwan. 

It gets a little better when he sees Junhoe in the library, trying to stab Yunhyeong quietly with his pencil. At least some things never change.

"Where the heck have you been?"

Donghyuk's already busy with his notes but gives him a glare anyway.

"Got caught up with calling my mom. You know how it is."

He stiffles a yawn. 

"Actually no, I don't. Why don't you introduce us to your family?"

Donghyuk's taking off his glasses now and Hanbin wonders how long he's wanted to ask this.

"Umm.."

Even Junhoe and Yunhyeong stop arguing to look at him and Hanbin feels himself squirm, the stupid habit now an integral part of him.

"I'd gotta talk to her about it. She's not very sociable."

Donghyuk nods and Hanbin thinks he's passed the test with flying colors. He's wrong.

"So I heard Bobby's girlfriend is tutoring you now. What happened to finding a professional?"

Hanbin's never heard Donghyuk use this tone before and he's regretting not getting to know them well enough before starting this friendship. But he also can't imagine his life without them anymore. It's kinda scary. How little you can know about someone but still fall for them completely. But that's another conversation he's avoiding having with himself. 

"I didn't know we had money problems so I thought she wouldn't take anyone that wasn't a professional. Sorry about that."

He surprises himself with how easy it is to lie now. How it's become like second nature to him. 

Yunhyeong and Junhoe have averted their attention. Hanbin feels like a kid in trouble again.

"Hmm, well Jeongyeon said that the ad was only for females. What about that, huh?"

He's chewing on the end of his glasses, looking innocent but malicious all at once.

Hanbin wants to run out of there, needing this day to end as soon as possible.

" _That_ I didn't know about. I swear!"

He almost yells it until he remembers their location. Donghyuk looks unimpressed.

"Okay then. But just know that I wanted to be friends with you cause you seemed honest Hanbin. Someone who doesn't have a lot of people to confide in and I wanted to make you feel safe. I'm sad that my friendship isn't to you what it is to me."

He looks away, sighing deeply and Hanbin's had enough of the dramatics. He thinks of what to say and glances towards the others. Both look a bit apologetic but not enough to give him a helping hand.

"I swear on my mothers' life that I didn't know about it. And honestly, I don't know why you guys wanna be friends with me either. Well I guess I do now but still.. I'm sorry I let you down."

He squeezes Donghyuk's shoulder in a tentative manner and the other relaxes under his touch.

His glasses are on the table now, hidden underneath some of his many notebooks, when he looks at him.

"Hanbin, we care about you. We want to be your friends and I apologize for all of us if we offended your feelings right now. That wasn't the intention."

Hanbin smiles, feeling fond all over again. 

"Thanks. And I promise to bring you around one day. Let you guys see a bit more of me."

They almost hug before Junhoe makes a cooing sound and Yunhyeong adds that it was 'purely Donghyuk's idea and they don't need to be blamed for it'. 

Junhoe smacks him on the head and everything continues as normal. Except Hanbin's facade is starting to crack and he knows the consequences for it.

 

*

 

Jinhwan's house is actually the same size as his but feels a lot more like home. 

It's messy but inviting. He likes the smell of spices in the air and the sound of his many brothers and sisters running around the hallways.

"I had no idea your family is this big."

Jinhwan hands him a glass of water before  they enter the almost serenly quiet living room.

"Yeah. Mom made three of them before my dad came along. Gross, I know."

Hanbin laughs feeling at ease, even though he's there for the first time.

"By the way, it gets a lot quieter in about half an hour. Dad comes back from work and forces them to bed."

Hanbin nods, not minding the loud chatter and laughter. It makes him feel alive for once.

"What about your parents?"

Jinhwan gags. 

"They spend their time on the 'third floor' which is cue for attic and cue for us to not enter cause they're doing the nasty."

Hanbin bursts out laughing and Jinhwan follows, both of them relaxed in each others' company. 

"That's why you're probably a night owl. Am I right?"

Jinhwan's grabbing his notebooks, nodding. 

Hanbin feels like talking. Scattering his stuff on the floor and just letting the words burst out of him. It's been so long since he's _wanted_ to speak. Not counting Bobby whom he just _can't_ talk to. And it takes him by surprise.

 

*

 

They're halfway through the book, both arguing over what the main character strives for. Hanbin can guess it's late but he's still shocked to see it's almost midnight.

Jinhwan's stuffing his face with popcorn, that he hides best from the kids, when the doorbell rings.

They look at each other questioningly and then Jinhwan's face lights up with a big smile, giving Hanbin a thumbs up.

He hears someone shaking themselves out like a wet dog and Hanbin's already sure of who it is. 

Then they both laugh and he's right. It's Bobby. Again.

Jinhwan's hand is on the small of his back when they enter and Bobby stumbles backwards, grabbing for his bag. Jinhwan gestures that Bobby's gone crazy and Hanbin smirks.

The other grabs what's needed and plops down right next to him. 

"Thought you'd miss it."

He smiles widely, the TV illuminating his features and making Hanbin's breath catch in his throat. He hands him the bottle and Hanbin stares at it and the way Bobby's thumb slightly caresses his. 

He reads the fading words 'apple & cinnamon' before smelling it on him and then Jinhwan's clearing his throat. 

They both look up at that, torn away from each others' eyes. 

He sits there, staring at Jinhwan and the way his face morphs into something similar to a smile. It clicks and Hanbin's never been so sure about something in his entire life. 

Jinhwan's in love with Bobby. And he's in love with Bobby too. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yooo.. this is gonna be super duper long.  
> I have mixed feelings abt this chapter but at least there's a glimpse of Jinhwan so I hope you like it.


	8. Trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time he goes out on a date with him.

He's got a million questions running through his mind. Does Bobby know? Is Jinhwan even aware of his own feelings? And if he is why hasn't he tried to remove himself from Bobby? Doesn't it _hurt_? 

He also has a million questions and punishments for himself but that has to wait a while. He can't have a panic attack in the presence of other people. Especially these two people.

"Earth to Hanbin, you still there?"

Bobby's waving his hand in front of his face and Hanbin snaps back into reality.

He's still sitting next to Bobby, thigh to thigh, shoulder to shoulder. It makes him shiver. 

"Yeah, uh just remembered that it's really late and I gotta get going."

He tries to get up, not looking at either of them.

Bobby's ridiculous hands are on his thighs again and Hanbin can't help but squirm. 

"Why? It's not that late yet. Stay for like half an hour, you live close by."

He hears Jinhwan clear his throat at that.

"You've been to Hanbin's?"

He looks at them both inquiringly and Hanbin wants to ignore the guilt forming in the pit of his stomach.

"Yeah, I told you. When I sent Jeongyeon to tutor him."

Bobby looks at him with a smile, hands still on his thighs, making Hanbin wonder if he has some sort of a thigh worship kink. He groans mentally cause Bobby would never be into him and he should nip these thoughts in the bud.

"Oh, right."

He dares to look up and Jinhwan doesn't even flinch. His expression is back to normal but Hanbin just _knows_ that what he saw was there and real and waiting to gnaw at his insides. 

Jinhwan moves to plop down next to him, eyeing Bobby curiously. Hanbin wonders if Bobby's ever sat next to anyone that wasn't Jinhwan.

And then his breath catches in his throat when Bobby starts tracing circles on his thighs, fingers tentative and warm. He makes it his mission to get out of there as soon as possible. 

Especially when Jinhwan keeps glancing over, nonchalantly. Hanbin can recognize a certain desperation behind and it makes his stomach churn. 

 

*

 

It's been nearly fifteen minutes. Everything seems to be back to normal, Bobby and Jinhwan joking about the book the latters holding and stooping over him to touch each other ever so slightly. 

Bobby's hands are still tracing patterns onto him and Hanbin wonders if he's even aware of it. He is for sure, the feeling making his skin burn and chest heave.   
"I really gotta start going guys." 

He jumps up when Bobby's too busy texting his girlfriend. 

"Already?"

Bobby pouts his lip and Jinhwan snorts, tossing a pillow at him. The other catches it swiftly and pokes out his tongue.

"Yeah, I still gotta do stuff at home so uhh.. It was fun."

He grabs the shampoo bottle tightly, taking his notebooks and hurrying towards the door.

"Let's do this again?"

Jinhwan calls out and Hanbin nods. 

"Text me when you can."

And then he's out of there not sparing another glance towards them. 

On his way back he keeps thinking of the fact that Bobby had a date tonight. And he stopped by just to see him and hand over the stupid shampoo. Hanbin wonders if he's putting way too much meaning behind it or if it's actually what he thinks it is.

 

*

 

When he gets home it's already dark inside. He takes his shoes off as quietly as possible, heart racing in his chest. 

If she's still awake he has a lot of explaining to do.

He stumbles up the stairs, thighs aching from the burning sensation of Bobby's fingers. 

She's sitting in his room, reading his homework and Hanbin almost falls flat on his face.

"Wha-"

"Where were you."

Her voice is cold but quiet. There's no real heat behind it and Hanbin's not sure what's gonna happen next.

"The girl I told you about? I did that literature thing with her."

He tries for a smile and hopes it looks sincere enough. She doesn't even glance up, perfectly manicured fingernails scratching her cheek absentmindedly.

"I wan't to see her."

She looks up now, smiling and Hanbin can sense the threats that she won't word.

He gulps but nods.

"I'll try and get her to visit one day." 

He stutters a bit and hopes it just means he's scared. Cause he is. 

"You better. Now go to bed."

She gets up, closing the notebook and walking past him. His skin breaks out in goosebumps but not in a good way. 

"Behave please. You do remember what you promised me, don't you?"

Hanbin stares at his feet, vision blurring from the tears he's trying to hide. He nods.

"Good. Now get some sleep honey."

Hanbin sits on his bed, trying to blink away the rain. 

She yells an ' I love you' towards his room and Hanbin wonders when the word 'love' turned into something so vile that he wanted to puke when he heard it. He cries but just a little, his heart aching in his chest with a familiar feeling that he hasn't felt in so long. He doesn't think of what that feelings called.

 

*

 

"Damn, are you okay?"

He must look paler than usual cause Donghyuk's by his side, hand on his forehead like a worried mother, in seconds. Hanbin wants to laugh at the fact that the only motherly care he gets is from a boy his age, who doesn't even know that much about him. 

"Yeah, just didn't sleep well last night."

Donghyuk is still worried and Hanbin yawns for emphasis. The other lets his hand fall but keeps starting at him, trying to pick him apart. Hanbin squirms.

"Is he alright?"

Junhoe's by their table now, lunch in his hands and a worried look in his eyes too. Hanbin groans.

"I'm fine. Just didn't sleep much last night. Got caught up in that book thing with Jinhwan."

Junhoe stares at him for a long while after that and Hanbin gathers up his courage to corner him.

"What's with you and Jinhwan anyway?"

He takes a small bite of his food, wanting to eat but his stomach not responding well to it. 

Junhoe's eyes dart up in caution.

"What do you mean?"

Hanbin picks his food apart with his fork, thinking of how to word this.

"You know. You were close before weren't you?"

Donghyuk busies himself with his book and Hanbin doubts' that he's actually reading it. 

"Yeah, kinda? Not that much though."

Junhoe stumbles over his words, making Hanbin even more curious than he was before.

"But what happened? Why aren't you hanging out anymore?"

Donghyuk butts in then and Junhoe gives him a deathly glare. 

"Bobby happened."

Hanbin stops playing with his food.

"Bobby didn't want to be friends with you?"

He looks at Junhoe now, who's buried his head in his hands. Yunhyeong's walking towards them, his plate full of food and his usual smoothie dangling between his fingers. He gives them a questioning stare. 

When Junhoe doesn't answer again, Donghyuk does it for him.

"Jinhwan and this coward over here were all buddy-buddy when Junhoe randomly stopped being close to him. Then Bobby appeared and rest is history. So he always says it's Bobby but even _I_ don't know what really happened there."

Junhoe looks up, face red and Hanbin wonders if he responded to Jinhwan's feelings. Or if he was scared of them and ran away, making Bobby his best excuse.

"It really _was_ like that! I was busy with school and my girlfriend and we kinda started hanging out less.."

Junhoe makes a vague attempt at explaining things. Hanbin looks over at Jinhwans table, the other already staring towards them. Hanbin has to admit he's intrigued. 

"And then Bobby started hanging out with him more and we just kinda.. grew apart. That's it. Nothing else behind it. The end. Punto."

Hanbin raises his eyebrows and so does Donghyuk. 

"Punto is in Spanish."

And then Yunhyeong's making jokes about his failed spanish lessons with some hot chick and the topic changes, Junhoe's blushing face becoming even redder.   
Hanbin waits patiently for the next time he meets up with Jinhwan, the questions still hanging in the air. 

 

*

 

At the end of the week, he's met with Jeongyeon outside their doorstep again. This time there's no Bobby.

It makes his heart sink but he doesn't think of it for too long. The best tactic to get rid of a problem is avoiding it. At least that's what he tells himself.

His mother keeps budging in this time, bringing them tea and some ancient cookies from their cupboard. It makes his life seem as stale as those glistening biscuits he saw the first time he went to his school. 

Jeongyeon doesn't seem to mind his mother hinting at her and Hanbin getting along well and her attempts at pointing out how single he is.

When their tutoring lesson ends, all he wants is to go to bed and sleep away the thoughts of warm smiles and fingertips that keep burning his skin. Instead he gets a surprise.

"So I noticed your mom hinting at something the whole night."

She laughs sweetly and Hanbin wonders why Bobby would ever fight with her. 

"Yeah, sorry about that. She's kinda nosy."

He scratches his head sheepishly, letting his hand fall when he hears her next words.

"And so I was wondering if you'd like me to set you up?"

She looks him in the eyes stubbornly and Hanbin wonders if she feels as awkward as he does.

"Umm.. I don't know. Depends on the person?"

He shrugs, hoping that she'll leave it be for now so he could think of a nice way to pass the offer. 

"I have a date tomorrow with Bobby and he actually suggested that I invite my best friend and find her a date."

Hanbin wants to scream no from the top of his lungs. He's cut off by his mothers' hurried steps. The lump in his throat stays put. 

"What's this I hear about a date?"

Her eyes sparkle and Hanbin's stomach churns by the sincerity of it.

Jeonyeon smiles, her cheeks flushing a bit.

"I was just telling your son about a double date offer for tomorrow. After our tutoring session." 

His mother says yes before he can protest and Hanbin knows there's no backing out now. 

"If you two click then there's another football game next week that you can take her to!" 

Jeongyeon seems happy and truly believes that Hanbin will like her friend enough to start dating her. He's sure he'll like her. But nothing else.

His mother looks exited when she says it, nodding along furiously.

"He definitely will!"

She looks at him now, her eyes a bit glazed over. He can't seem to find the threats behind them but he keeps looking anyway.

"Yeah, I think I will too. Text me tomorrow and I'll meet you wherever."

He's never closed the door so fast in his life before.

 

*

 

He wakes up the next day, heart stammering in his chest so loudly,  that it's probably woken up Hanbyul by now.

It's not even daytime yet. He hasn't been up this early on a Saturday in years.

His phone buzzes on the tabletop and he checks the clock. 6.50 am. 

He stares at the ceiling, listening to nothing in particular, vision blurring as his mind takes him back to blonde hair and curveless bodies. 

His heart's stopped aching in his chest by now but remembering the smell of chocolate and musk, he thinks it's starting to again. 

He keeps circling back to the double date and Bobby holding hands with Jeongyeon. To how Jinhwan must feel this everyday of his life and Hanbin wants nothing more than to stay out of it. Keep his heart locked safely in a box under his bed. 

Instead the pieces of it are scattered around in a tiny shoe box in his closet. Pictures of big smiles and hand holding on football fields. Movie tickets and worn out pieces of jerseys. 

He hopes he doesn't have to add anything else to it. Memories staying memories and his life staying stale. Suffocating him but making sure he 'behaves'.

 

*

 

It's a bit past seven when he decides to go for a run. It's gloomy outside but not raining yet and his body welcomes the exercise.

Hanbin finds it nice that he can actually run and sweat without fearing to shower later. No naked bodies standing in front of him asking sheepishly for his shampoo.

His own limbs react to that thought quite vigorously so he keeps running. Finding that his feet lead him towards the school.

His heartbeats pounding in his ears when he finally makes it to the bleachers, school gates open for some weird reason.

He sits down on the cold grass thankful that his heart's beating this loud because of exercise and not a person.

Staring up at the cloudless sky, he wonders if the rain will ever stop. His cheeks are rosy and fingers numb when a certain voice yells his name making him think of how long it'll take for the rain to drown him.

 

*

 

"What are you doing here?"

Hanbin wants to jog back home right away when he sees him. Cheeks rosy like his and voice still a bit groggy. Probably cause he just woke up, happy as ever. 

He stands, shivering from the cold air that hits him. He still takes a deep breath, the freshness of it welcomed by his sore body.

"Couldn't go back to sleep so thought I'd exercise a bit. Haven't done that in a while."

He smiles sheepishly, patting away the wet grass from his grey sweatpants. Bobby's as nice as ever, lending him an unwanted hand. 

He tries to convince himself that he'd push his hand away if the circumstances were different. 

"I come by every Saturday. Gotta keep in shape for football, you know?" 

He keeps patting at his thighs and ass and Hanbin's pretty sure there's no need to do it _this_ long.

"Yeah. Did you hear about tonight?" 

Hanbin doesn't want to bring it up but his traitorous mouth has other ideas. 

Bobby's probably in thought, humming to himself and Hanbin wouldn't find it so bad if he weren't standing there, his hand on his ass.

Bobby's fingers keep burning him and Hanbin wonders if this is what people refer to as BDSM. 

"What about tonight?"

He stops humming, hand in movement again, grazing gently at his thighs, fingers brushing against the insides making Hanbin squirm against his will.

"Oh sorry, you're good to go."

He removes his hands and Hanbin knows that he probably did that by mistake. He still feels a bit dizzy. 

"Your girlfriend suggested a double date for tonight. Didn't she tell you?"

He turns around facing Bobby again, the others' cheeks just as pink as before. His necks a bit red too and Hanbin can see a few droplets of sweat moving downwards. He thinks of the game Hanbyul likes to play and Hanbin wouldn't mind playing it like this forever.

"I don't check my phone before my runs, it's a distraction."

Bobby fishes into his pocket and then pouts.

"Forgot it at home too."

Hanbin shrugs his shoulders, his own phone collecting dust on his nightstand.

"It's not that important. She'll tell you all about it later."

He starts walking away, hoping that this little encounter is over. He's wrong. 

"You can't leave me hanging like this, tell me!"

There's a low whine and Hanbin wonders if Bobby knows how his voice affects him. 

He struts back, the blinding smile on Bobby's hideously gorgeous face making it hard for him to see. Hanbin swallows the groan that's about to burst out of him.

"I'll tell you.. but first you tell me why the gates are open?"

Bobby's hand sneaks its way over his shoulders and that's how he finds himself stuck with him for the entire day. And probably for his entire life.

 

*

 

He ends up being coerced into hanging out at Bobby's the rest of the day.

At first he thinks he's going there just to eat some breakfast and chat until Bobby meets with Jinhwan or Jeongyeon. 

Turns out he's got the whole afternoon to just lounge around and Hanbin's having trouble saying no. He always does. 

His home's tiny, two floors but just 3 bedrooms. He's gotten used to the cold emptiness of his own house and it startles him how warm Bobby's is. 

He wonders if he should tell his mother where he is. It's been hours since his 'gone out jogging. hanbin' note was left on their kitchen table but the thought of her freaking out pleases him a bit too much. So he decides it's best to not tell.

They're playing video games on Bobby's old Wii and Hanbin's finally starting to relax around him. It should set off thousands of  alarm bells inside his mind but instead there's nothing. Hanbin's sure that that's a whole lot worse. 

"My brother's gonna be home soon. I'm warning you though, he's a literal ass so keep your insults tucked in your sleeve."

Bobby's gulping down coke like his life depends on it. Hanbin finds it endearing. Even when his breath smells like diabetes. 

"I really don't think he's as bad as you say."

Hanbin's avoided leaning into Bobby for almost an hour and now his shoulder's aching. He shuffles a bit closer, if Chanwoo's arriving anytime soon then it won't be that bad. Right? 

"Oh god, you're in for a treat."

Bobby's body relaxes into him and Hanbin thinks of how Jinwhan must treasure moments like these and he finds himself leaning away because of it. Bobby's fingers find themselves in his shirt, pulling him in again and Hanbin struggles to fight back. 

They keep playing, shoulder to shoulder and knee to knee when Hanbin finally brings it up.

"So what's the deal with you and Jinhwan?"

Bobby doesn't flinch nor does he seem to hear. And then he hums and Hanbin's kind of upset how much he can read him already. 

"There is no deal. We're best friends."

Bobby finally looks at him, after hours of staring at the tv screen, his eyes glazed over. Hanbin thinks it's all the sugar. 

"Whatever you say."

Bobby nudges his shoulder and Hanbin nudges right back. 

"What does that mean?"

Bobby let's out a burp and Hanbin can't help but find that endearing too. He's screwed. 

"Nothing. It's just that you're super close and Jinhwan seems very fond of you. That's all."

Bobby puts his controller down and Hanbin startles.

"Look, were just good friends alright? Nothing else. I don't get why people keep insising were dating or something. I'm not wired like that and neither is he."

Hanbin's insides flutter when he realises how close they are. So does Bobby, who leans away immediately.

"And I'm not.. against those people. Don't get me wrong. But it's gross and I don't want to be associated with it."

Hanbin nods, trying to act nonchalant to Bobby's angry tirade. His heart's sinking and breaking all at once. He's already fallen and so has Jinhwan. And Bobby too, who's sunny smile keeps fighting back the rain outside his doorstep. 

Bobby looks at his hands and then at him. He seems upset but Hanbin doesn't have the strength to comfort him right now. 

"I'm sorry, it came out a bit too harsh."

Hanbin nods again, words stuck in his throat. 

"It's okay, I didn't even think of that. I was just wondering why Jinhwan prefers you over everyone else."

Bobby visibly relaxes, controller falling from his hands that were squeezing it tightly. 

"Oh! Right well Jinhwan just likes me best. Can't blame him for that, can you?"

He's back to that smile again and Hanbin smiles back, forcing it out of him with his last efforts.

"Hey can I shower before Chanwoo gets here? Wan't to _im_ press not _de_ press you know."

Bobby laughs at that, running to find him a towel. Hanbin keeps staring at the empty can of coke and his controller. Rewinding Bobby's defensive reaction in his head until he's worn it out so bad it can't be thought of again. At least he hopes so.

 

*

 

Bobby's shower is boyish and Hanbin's kind of weirded out. There's no disney princess shampoos on the shelves and everything's a bit dirty. 

He takes a whiff of Bobby's shampoo. It's the manliest thing he's ever had the honor to smell and Hanbin feels weird washing himself with it. It smells like Bobby all around him when he puts it on and Hanbin wants it to last forever. 

He gets out just a few minutes later, worried that it might look weird if he stayed in there for too long. Maybe Bobby wouldn't think twice about it but Hanbin sure would. 

He's too busy searching for a towel when he remembers that he forgot to take it with him. He mentally prepares himself for the worst.

He pads out, hair still dripping and arms placed strategically over his goods. It's quiet and Hanbin wonders if he's actually seeing some sort of a feverish dream. This day has been too out of order for it to be real. And now he's standing buttnaked in Bobby's house with no one there to help him but the man himself.

He croaks out a quiet 'Bobby?' but there's no answer.

His hearts pounding in his chest when he makes his way downstairs, trying to find something or someone to help him. 

Then there's chatter and the door opening and Hanbin's pretty sure he's never been this humiliated in his entire life.

Bobby's smiling widely to a boy that looks nothing like him. He's a bit tinier but still looks the same age as them, hair wet from the rain and fingers dangling a grocery bag between them.

Hanbin thinks he might black out when they look at him. Chanwoo drops his grocery bag and snickers while Bobby just keeps.. staring. His eyes roaming over him like he's prey. 

Hanbin chokes on his own saliva, smiling at them sheepishly. Bobby's eyes wander over his heaving chest and then his thighs when he finally looks up. He's caught and it makes his cheeks redden into an even deeper blush than the one Hanbin's wearing.

"Do you um.. have a towel?"

Chanwoo snorts and makes his way around him, towards a room Hanbin's not seen yet, leaving them standing there in an awkward silence.

Bobby eyes the carpet like it's some sort of a renaissance masterpiece. Chanwoo yells something similar to 'Bobby please close your mouth, our guest is embarrassed' which makes the other finally act like himself. 

He runs towards the hallway and Hanbin stares at their front door. Hair still dripping and his cold hands making his junk shrink. He whines quietly when his nipples harden and Hanbin's pretty sure there's a special place in hell waiting for the both of them. 

"Here you go."

Chanwoo's finally back with a flushing Bobby behind him. If he wasn't standing in their house in his birthday suit, Hanbin would enjoy the unfamiliar expression on his face. 

"I'm Chanwoo by the way."

He holds out his hand to shake and Hanbin lets out an even louder whine than before. Chanwoo tries to hide his laughter by coughing and handing him the towel. Bobby smacks his brother in the head and Hanbin is very _very_ thankful for that.

"I'm Hanbin. Pretty sure you're never gonna forget my name. " He adds before making his way upstairs again, feeling Bobbys' eyes linger on him all the way to the bathroom. Only then does he realise his ass was still exposed and Hanbin really wants to argue against the flustered speech Bobby gave him earlier.

 

*

 

He contemplates on jumping out the small bathroom window instead of facing those two again. Eventually he decides it's too risky and takes his time walking down the stairs.

Bobby's still not looking him in the eyes but Chanwoo gives him an appreciative once over.

"You're much more handsome when you're wearing clothes."

Hanbin wants to smack him but thinks it's a bit early for that.

"Thanks, I try my best."

He smiles and Chanwoo does too. 

"You're alright Hanbin, I'm glad Bobby likes you."

He knows it doesn't mean what he wants it too but it still makes his insides flutter. Or maybe that's just hunger. He hopes it is.

"I kinda don't but got stuck with him anyway, I guess."

Chanwoo laughs out loud at that and Bobby gives him a glare. Then he aims it at him making Hanbin wonder if he imagined the way his eyes had roamed over him before or if Bobby's just good at pretending. 

He finds mutual ground with Chanwoo immediately, both making jabs at Bobby, and Hanbin is scared of how much he's willing to sacrifice to just spend time sitting by his side. 

 

*

 

When Jeongyeon comes over, Hanbin takes it as cue to leave. Bobby seems to have gotten over the incident from before and he's begging him to stay.

Jeongyeon doesn't seem too pleased about it but she nods along anyway. Hanbin wants to know how many times they've done this little routine with Jinhwan and later fought about it. 

"No, I'm really gonna go. My mom's probably called the cops by now and I'm gonna see you both in-"

He checks the imaginary watch on his arm. Bobby snorts. 

"-about 4 hours anyway. It's okay."

Bobby still looks like a kicked puppy when he leaves and Hanbin really tries to stop thinking of how he looked at him and focuses more on the fact that Bobby doesn't want to be associated with people like him. He said it himself.

It's easier being yelled at by his mother when he feels like crap anyway.

 

*

 

When their tutoring lesson ends, there's a knock on the door.

Jeongyeon's dolled up and Hanbin's mother had cooed all over her when she first came in. He wants to remind her that Jeongyeon is taken already but he doesn't bother talking to a wall. 

Hanbyul's jumping into Bobby's arms as soon as he enters. Hanbin wants to stop the butterflies forming in his stomach but it's inevitable. 

Bobby looks dashing. His hair's gelled up and his face is literally glowing. There's an expensive looking leather jacket tossed over one of his shoulders and Hanbin would tell him how stupid it is to wear one in the rain but he can't seem to get any words out of his mouth.

Bobby's jeans are incredibly tight and Hanbin's got to wonder if he dressed up like this cause he knew Hanbin was coming along too. He shakes his head to focus on what's important.

Behind Bobby, who's now entertaining his little sister which somehow so distracting, is a tall girl who reminds him of no one in particular. She's got big eyes and a nice figure and Hanbin knows his mother's already fallen in love with her. He wishes he could too. 

"This is Nayeon. And Nayeon, this is Hanbin."

He smiles awkwardly, not used to wearing a button up shirt and pants that aren't jeans. 

Nayeon's smile reminds him a bit of Bobby's. He thinks it's cause they both have a unique one and Hanbin tries his best to act interested in her instead of the guy that's standing right in front of him, staring at his thighs in an appreciative manner that Hanbin's really not used to.

 

*

 

The evening goes well to Hanbins' surprise. 

Nayeon is actually pretty funny and they get along well. Jeongyeon had chosen a small coffee shop downtown for their get together and it's quite cozy.

Hanbin's still not used to seeing Bobby on the other side of the table, holding hands with a girl he just can't hate. 

It makes his stomach churn, thinking that Nayeon could actually fall for him and Hanbin could never return her feelings.

He ends up buying them some fancy italian dish while Bobby buys himself and Jeongyeon some chinese food that they always eat. Jeongyeon makes sure to mention that and Hanbin can see the cracks forming already. 

"So why'd you think I was fit for Nayeon?"

Hanbin's trying to think of a dessert to pick while Nayeon keeps staring at him from behind her menu, cheeks blushing when he catches her in action. He holds in a sigh. 

"You're a nice guy and she deserves a nice guy."

Jeongyeon's smile keeps growing throughout the night, like she's made some sort of a huge discovery putting them together. It's a match in her eyes but not in Hanbins'.

"I'm glad you think so. She's a nice girl too."

He smiles at her and stops short when Bobby gives him a cold glare. Hanbin can read him well but not well enough to know why he keeps having these ridiculous mood swings.

"Do you want dessert babe, or can we leave?"

Jeongyeon is taken by surprise and Hanbin's already chosen what he's going to order but pretends to read anyway. 

"Leave already? But we haven't even had triple chocolate cake yet. "

Hanbin hears the confusion in her voice and knows she's probably pouting. He now also knows that they come here regularly. He takes a mental note to never pass by this place again.

He opts to not eat any dessert at all when he hears what Bobby whispers next. He wouldn't call it a whisper but it should have been. 

"I want my dessert to be you."

Jeongyeon giggles and when Hanbin looks up from his menu, she's blushing hard. Bobby's eyes aren't on her though and it takes a minute for Hanbin to compose himself enough to look away. 

"Were gonna stay here?"

Nayeon nods, her eyes sparkling when they look up into his.

"Alright then."

Bobby's hands are on Jeongyeons' thighs when he dares to check and Hanbin wants to erase it from his memories as soon as possible.

It takes them 10 excruciatingly long minutes to get up and pay their check. Hanbin keeps eyeing Bobby's ass in those jeans when they walk off, wishing them a good night. He thinks of how messed up all of this is. 

He's sitting there with a girl of everyones dreams. She's lovely and willing and he can't say he's not turned on but it's not her doing. Not at all.

He's sitting there, trying to unsee Bobby's hands on Jeongyeon's thighs like they were on his and trying to forget the words he said earlier that day.

He's sitting there watching the raindrops chase each other and finally he decides to let go. There's nothing he can do about it anymore and Bobby will  _never_  reciprocate the feelings he's trying so hard to hide. So Hanbin thinks it's okay to let the butterflies fly freely in his stomach and his mind race with images of hipbones in his face and the feeling of fingertips burning his thighs. It's okay cause his heart's broken anyway and there's no way Bobby will ever mend it for him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya'll.. honestly though when I say this fic will be long I'm not kidding. This shit will take me forever to finish but im actually enjoying it right now and I hope you are too!  
> This chaps a bit slow again (long af though) but the next one will focus more on that Jinhwan/Bobby dynamic. I think..


	9. Roll With It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time he calls him by a nickname.

He takes her home an hour later. They stand by her doorstep and she invites him in for coffee. Hanbin's not sure he wants to fool this girl any longer but he agrees. 

There's no one home and Hanbin's surprised. Her parents are abroad on a trip, at least that's what she claims. 

Hanbin's not sure where this is headed but he doesn't like the eerie feeling of it all.

"I should really start going."

He's had his coffee and a chat and it really is an appropriate time to say goodbye.

Nayeon's hands are on his thighs then and Hanbin swears he doesn't feel them there. They don't burn and they don't make his body ache. They're not Bobby's. 

"Stay, please."

Her voice is pleading and Hanbin's confused as to what she has in mind. He finds out seconds later, when she's on his lap and her tongue down his throat.

Hanbin tries to protest, tries to get her off of him but then he lets it go. He kisses her back, thoughts whirling around gelled up hair and the scent of musk and earth and chocolate.

She smells like peaches and cocktails and nothing like he craves. 

They kiss for what seems like forever. Then her lips are on his neck and Hanbin lets out a soft groan. The thought of raindrops chasing each other on a certain persons' skin making it hard for him to breathe. 

"Nayeon, I really gotta go."

Her lips leave his neck with a bop and Hanbin's pretty sure that there are hickeys there. He doesn't know if it makes him sad or angry. 

"Why? We're just getting started."

There's a glint in her eyes that Hanbin knows oh so well. He takes her off his lap, her petite frame protesting a bit. 

"Look, Nayeon I.."

He doesn't know what to say. She's pouting, her red lips a bit swollen and Hanbin wants to cry cause it makes him feel nothing at all. 

"I like you. But I'm not sure I want a relationship."

The smile that formed on her face when he said the first words has now fallen. 

"Maybe we can go to that football game on Friday and I'll .. decide then?"

He's making this up on the spot and Hanbin's glad he's got experience with this. Lying is his second nature after all.

Her eyes dart back up again, smile still wavering.

"Okay, just don't play with my feelings."

Her hands are around his neck now and Hanbin can smell the sweetness, almost making him gag. 

"Yeah, I'd never."

He kisses her palms before leaving, her smile so sincere that Hanbin wants to tell her off right away. She doesn't deserve this but there's nothing he can do about it so he tries ignoring the knot forming in his stomach and focuses on schoolwork. 

 

*

 

When he meets Junhoe and Yunhyeong by the gates on Monday, there's a loud cooing sound and Junhoe even whistles.

Hanbin can sense at least a dozen pairs of eyes on him and it makes him squirm. 

"When'd you get that monster on your neck?"

Junhoe's eyeing him up and down and it makes him much more uncomfortable than he'd like to admit. 

"It's nothing."

Yunhyeong's bumping his shoulder, begging for a name and a description. 

They make it all the way to class without him saying a word. Junhoe swears to find out who she is and Hanbin groans. He's thankful that Nayeon doesn't go to their school. He'd never survive that.

 

*

 

Lunch is torturous though.

First he gets a questioning stare from Donghyuk. Then the guys arrive making jokes about him and whoever the girl might be and who else is there to humiliate him even more? Bobby of course.

They're eating, well Hanbin's just playing with his food again when the other stops by, sitting next to him and then letting out a dramatic gasp.

"What are those?"

His eyes are stuck on Hanbin's neck and it wouldn't bother him so much if he wouldn't have imagined Bobby being the one to give them to him while it happened.

"You can see for yourself."

He mutters and hopes the guys stop whistling at him. It's annoying.

Instead Junhoe and Yunhyeong get heated up by Bobby's presence, asking him if he knows anything. Bobby smirks towards them, hand sneaking around Hanbin's shoulders and it's making it hard for him to breathe again.

"Yeah, got my bro here a date on Saturday. Seems like it wen't well."

He aims his wink towards Hanbin, who's sure that sitting this close to Bobby should be illegal. Knee to knee, thigh to thigh, shoulder to shoulder. Hanbin squirms. 

"Tell us about her!"

Yunhyeong's like an exited child and Hanbin really wants them to stop making a big deal out of this.

"She's from the other school nearby, my girlfriends bestie."

Junhoe makes a knowing sound and Hanbin looks towards him. He can't help but notice Bobby staring at his neck from his peripheral vision. It's making the situation inside his stomach and his pants, really escalate. 

"Nayeon?"

Bobby nods enthusiastically and Junhoe snorts.

"Dated her back in like 8th grade. She's such a prude. I can't believe Hanbin got lucky with her and I didn't."

Yunhyeong's cackling now and Hanbin wants them to shut up. She isn't some sort of an object and she doesn't have to sleep with everybody. And nothing happened.

"We didn't ..do it."

Hanbin adds in, voice quiet. Yunhyeong's still laughing loudly but Bobby catches his words. Of course he does.

"You didn't?"

Hanbin dares to look at him and Bobby's genuinely surprised. So are the others, except for Donghyuk who doesn't seem to be interested in this topic at all.

"You don't have to have sex all the time, Bobby. There's a thing called making out. You should try it."

He's smirking now, even though Bobby eyes his lips and it makes his face burn. 

"Oh shut up. You're just jealous cause she didn't give it to you."

Bobby's smacking him in the shoulder now and Hanbin's relieved that he didn't give in to her. That he knows who he is even though it hurts. He's sad that Bobby still hasn't figured himself out though, no matter how obvious he makes it.

"She did."

There's a collective gasp from Yunhyeong and Junhoe. Hanbin snorts. 

"But I didn't want to take advantage so we just kissed. That's it."

Bobby looks even more startled than the guys and Hanbin takes pride in the fact that he made that expression appear on his face. He decides to have a little fun with it, Bobby's clueless no matter what he does.

"She pushed me on their kitchen chair, almost on the counter. Then kissed me and jumped on my lap, it was quite heated I might add. Unbuttoned my shirt and well..It was hard but I said no."

Hanbin shrugs his shoulders, smirk eminent on his face. When he looks up the others are gaping and Hanbin feels victorious. Bobby's sulking though and it makes him kind of happy even though it stings.

"Cool story. Still don't get why you didn't sleep with her but I'm gonna go now. Jinhwan's waiting."

Hanbin feels his body heat burning his side all through lunch, even though he's long gone by the time they finish. He's still kind of glad that Bobby got a taste of his own medicine. 

 

*

 

After classes Jinhwan comes by, bumping his shoulder and smirking when he sees his neck. Hanbin swallows a groan.

"Had a fun time huh?"

Hanbin shrugs his shoulders.

"Wouldn't say fun exactly but it was nice."

Jinhwan lets out a bubbly laugh which surprises him.

"Bobby told me you almost got laid but said no. You're a weird kid Hanbin."

He wants to ask Jinhwan if he's ever had a girlfriend and if he would say no. He stays quiet instead.

"I didn't mean it as an insult." Jinhwan adds when Hanbin's been silent for a bit too long.

He tries to smile and hopes he succeeds.

"Yeah I know, just got kind of annoyed by all the guys making jokes about it. She's nice. Didn't wanna take advantage of her and that's it."

Jinhwan nods understandably and when he looks up, there's something similar to awe in his eyes. Hanbin's taken aback that someone like him could even _be_ in awe.

"I totally get what you mean. Bobby's always telling me about how and what he did with his girlfriends but I honestly don't care. So don't worry about me."

Hanbin wonders if hearing about Bobby's bedroom adventures has become something normal to Jinhwan. Something he listens to all the time not even noticing how it hurts anymore.

"But anyway, I was wondering if you could come over tonight?"

Hanbin nods, not even thinking twice about it. He likes Jinhwan's and he hopes this time they can actually focus on their schoolwork.

"Good. I'll text you the time and please make some notes before you get there!"

Jinhwan pats his back and then he's gone, probably searching for Bobby. Hanbin knows that he's going to end up like him. Always by Bobby's side and always hurting. He wonders if he should expect something bigger out of life. If he's ever going to stop dreaming and hoping and praying for something that will never happen.

 

*

 

Hanbin's playing with Hanbyul, trying to make his notes for Jinhwan's later, when Bobby texts him out of the blue.

It's weird since he doesn't think Bobby even has his number. Jeongyeon does but Bobby not so much. For obvious reasons.

His texts are filled with melancholy and irony. Hanbin wonders if he's drunk or just sad. Or if he's actually discovered that he's so much more than just a regular ladies man. He doubts it.

'please come over. im so lonely :((' 

Hanbin's trying to organize his notes when the text comes in. He's not sure if this is how it's going to be from now on or if it's just a one time thing.

'Can't, got stuff to do. X' 

It's been thirty seconds since he sent his text when a new one comes in. 

'pretty please? jeongyeon and i had a huge fight and i need someone to vent to...'

Hanbin can feel the butterflies soaring in his stomach as he wonders why Bobby didn't text Jinhwan but chose him instead. He's got a nagging feeling in his stomach that Bobby's not leaving him alone so he agrees.

'Fine. But only for an hour! X' 

 

*

 

He doesn't even get to knock on the door, Bobby already jumping out. And then he's got an armful of him and Hanbin's never been this confused before.

"Thank god you're here."

Bobby's whining and nuzzling into his neck. Hanbin tries his best to shake off the shivers he gets from it and helps him back in.

"Are you drunk? Or just over dramatic?"

It comes out more muffled than he planned, Bobby's hair all up in his face. Hanbin can't say he doesn't like it. 

"I'm not drunk! I'm just sad."

Bobby whines again and Hanbin can finally tell how close their bodies are. Not an inch is left untouched and he wonders if Bobby's aware of how he's literally trying to melt into him.

"What happened?"

He tries untangling himself but Bobby's still hanging off his neck. Hanbin wonders how Jinhwan, the tiniest guy he's ever met, handles all this weight on top of him. Then he wonders if he enjoys it instead and stops right in his tracks.

Bobby's nudged his shoes off for him, without Hanbin even noticing.

"Jeongyeon said that I don't look at her the same way anymore. But I do! And what kind of a lame excuse is that anyway? _Look_? I still fuck her the same. "

Hanbin's chest is pressed firmly against Bobby's as he makes their way towards the couch. It's a lot harder when the body pressing into him isn't willing to move. Hanbin throws Bobby on it and he hisses like a vampire when the lights hit him.

"Come back."

He makes this ugly noise in the back of his throat and Hanbin sighs. He makes sure to sit a bit further away than usual as he starts rubbing Bobby's shoulders, while the other complains about how Jeongyeon is unfair.

She resembles Jinhwan like crazy and it should work. But somehow it doesn't anymore and Hanbin scared of where his thoughts are leading him.

Bobby's wearing sweats and a tank top and for the first time Hanbin can look at his skin for longer than two seconds, without going into cardiac arrest. Bobby's back is towards him, his shoulders tense underneath his touch and Hanbin notices a few freckles on them. He wonders if they're reflections of the sunlight as well. 

"I just don't get it. I begged her for another chance and she gave me one too but I just.. I feel like were over man."

Hanbin's rubbing his shoulders and finally starting to relax as well. Bobby's humming in thought and Hanbin thinks it's okay to let loose. Then the other dramatically sighs and lets his head fall on his lap. Hanbin tries to squirm free but Bobby gets a hold on his hands and there's nowhere he can go.

"What do you think, Bin?"

And that's the first time Bobby calls him Bin, marking the moment they officially become inseparable, you could even say best friends, in Hanbin's mind.

 

*

 

They sit there for an hour. Bobby's head on his lap and Hanbins' hands in his hair. It feels like home and Hanbin wants nothing more than to forget it, cause now that he's got a taste he'll never get enough of it.

"So tell me about Nayeon. Was she good?"

There's a teasing tone in Bobby's voice but Hanbin swears he can see a bit of jealousy behind those eyes too. Or it just might be his imagination.

"She was. If you mean as a person."

Bobby snorts, sitting up on his elbows. He won't budge from Hanbins' thighs though and he's not sure how long they've been burning already. 

"You know what I mean."

Hanbin stares at the almost invisible freckle on his nose and swallows the urge to bend down and kiss him. It takes him by surprise.

"Yeah, she was good. All I'm saying is that she knew her way around."

Bobby throws his head back and smiles up at him. Hanbin wants to pinch his cheeks and trace his teeth with his tongue. He does nothing of that. 

"Do you like me more than her?" 

Bobby's doe eyes are on him and Hanbin can't help but say yes with an exasperated sigh. At least now he knows what this visit really is about.

Bobby looks like he wants to hide his face at that but instead changes the topic.

"Thanks for being here. I know you're busy and all but I really do need you."

Bobby lay back on his legs, elbows pushing into his inner thighs. Hanbin doesn't mind the pain, it keeps him grounded.

"I know. But stop being so over dramatic. Honestly I thought you were dying or high or something."

Bobby starts laughing like crazy at that, rolling around on his lap and Hanbin laughs too, maybe because of Bobby's infectious cackle or because the situation is making him too uncomfortable not to.

There's a buzz and Hanbin knows it's his phone. He hasn't checked the time but it seems like they've bonded for hours and Jinhwan's probably waiting patiently for him to arrive. 

His stomach churns thinking of Jinhwan again and Hanbin feels like he's betraying him but he isn't even sure how. So he nips that thought in the bud, reassuring himself that since nothing can happen between them, he's not doing anything wrong. Jinhwan doesn't have dibs on Bobby just because he's been in love with him longest. And just because he's been rejected longest.

It still makes him squirm a bit thinking about it. Bobby takes notice and finally scrambles up, Hanbin's legs numb by the weight of him.

"You got somewhere to be right? Sorry I kept you for so long."

Bobby smiles sheepishly, cheeks a bit flushed. He looks like he's just woken up from some wonderful dream and Hanbin wants to chase the slumber off his face with his mouth. 

"Don't worry about it." 

He lets out a yawn himself, stretching a bit and jiggling his legs. Bobby looks at him like he's the most precious thing in the world. Like he's wanted. 

Hanbin yelps when he's tackled into a bear hug, his thoughts running a mile a minute.

"You're such a great pillow. Honestly you're gonna have to sleep with me."

Hanbin chokes out a laugh, trying to sound like he didn't just think of some very inappropriate things. Bobby keeps staring at his hickey infested neck, like he wants to do something about it. He doesn't.

He lets his hands go around him and squeeze him tight. Bobby seems to like it cause he's sighing in contempt. Hanbin let's himself take a whiff of that beautiful musk and chocolate scent again before they jump apart at Chanwoo's entry.

"Well someone call Jeongyeon, Bobby's already found himself another mistress. Or mister?"

He looks confused, waiting for help with his language skills and Bobby's already throwing a pillow at him, Chanwoo swearing to retaliate.

Hanbin takes it as cue to leave. Before he has the chance to walk away, he yells an 'it was nice' towards the living room and Bobby croaks an 'i love you bin' back at him. Even though it's raining throughout his walk to Jinhwans', he still feels warm inside.

 

*

 

"What took you so long?"

Jinhwan's already prepared pocorn again, the house quiet this time. Hanbin doesn't realise he's smiling and has been for the whole walk there.

"Guessing from your face I'd say the girl who gave you those hideous things. Am I right?"

Jinhwan looks happy to have him over and Hanbin's smile falters. He doesn't want to hurt Jinhwan but it's so easy to fall under Bobby's spell. He's enticing and Hanbin wants nothing more than to be his forever. 

"No I was just hanging out with a friend." 

He hopes that if Bobby does tell what really went on, then Jinhwan wouldn't question why he didn't mention it.

"A friend. Right."

Jinhwan snorts and Hanbin acts offended.

"What does that mean?"

Jinhwan grabs his backpack hurriedly, already wanting to get on with the work.

"It means that _that_ smile doesn't just appear because of a friend. But whatever."

Hanbin swallows the permanent lump in his throat, really hoping that Bobby never mentions their night together to anyone. Especially Jinhwan.

He doesn't want him to realise how screwed they both are.

 

*

 

They finally finish arguing about the main character and the book in general, meeting each others' opinions halfway. 

Jinhwan starts thinking of what should be in their play and what not as Hanbin keeps staring at him. Thinking of all the ways Jinhwan's loved Bobby and of all the ways he still does. It makes him feel guilty again even though there's nothing to be guilty about. Yet.

"Umm, do you wanna sit by our lunch table tomorrow?"

He hopes it doesn't seem too strange or too out of the blue.

Jinhwan looks up, a bit surprised but not that much really. He must have known Hanbin would ask, sooner or later. Hopefully he doesn't notice the guilt behind it all.

"Sure but you gotta kick Junhoe out of there. His whiny ass gets on my nerves."

Hanbin clears his throat then.

"I don't think he'd move because of you. But you got me and Bobby to support you. Probably Donghyuk and Yunhyeong too."

Jinhwan circles something in his notes, pushing his hair out of his face. Hanbin finds him to be absolutely gorgeous and he can understand why Bobby's so smitten. 

"Fine. But if he does anything I don't like then I'm outta there."

Jinhwan smiles and Hanbin does too, hoping that this will untie the knot in his stomach and make him breathe easy for a while.

 

*

 

It actually goes smoothly and Hanbin's surprised. But what surprises him even more is that Bobby doesn't mention how he spent hours sulking in his embrace. It makes him wonder if it's just the fact that he doesn't find it worth mentioning or if he knows it will hurt Jinhwan. 

"What is _he_ doing here?"

Junhoe looks absolutely disgusted but Hanbin knows it's just an act. He doesn't really hate Jinhwan. No one could.

"Hanbin invited me over to eat here. He's a nice guy. The same can't be said about you."

Junhoe glares at Jinhwan who's now sitting down behind their table. It's crowded but not so much that it'd be uncomfortable. Bobby appears from behind him, snorting at his friends' joke.

Junhoe just keeps pouting, even when Yunhyeong tries to give him a sip of his smoothie. Which he rarely ever does.

Jinhwan's sitting by Hanbin's side, making room for Bobby, who doesn't even notice Jinhwans' inquiring stares when he moves to place himself, shoulder to shoulder and knee to knee, against Hanbin.

It's awkward for him. He's the only one who can see the hurt and confusion on Jinhwan's face and to make matters worse, Bobby puts his hand around him, making his skin break out in goosebumps.

He hopes Jinhwan doesn't have an eye for detail like he does. 

"How's that literature thing going?"

Donghyuk's as sunny as ever, no books by his side this time.

"Good, Hanbin came over yesterday and we worked on some plot points."

Jinhwan smiles but he seems uncomfortable conversing with Donghyuk instead of Bobby. Bobby who's currently not paying any attention to him at all, staring directly at Hanbin, his brow scrunched together in thought. Hanbin knows his gaze has probably stopped on those darn hickeys about seven hundred times now and he won't dare to look up.

Bobby doesn't mention their evening though. And surprisingly he hasn't mentioned Hanbin's first meeting with Chanwoo either so he accidentally slips up and tells.They're chatting about tomorrows PE when Hanbin brings it up.

"Don't forget to wash that towel cause this time there won't be no Chanwoo to help me nor you."

He laughs at his joke and so does Bobby who then kind of freezes. Hanbin's not sure what's wrong until he sees the guys looking at them questioningly and hears Jinhwan.

"What are you talking about?"

Bobby actually blushes and Hanbin revels in it. 

"Hanbin came by the other day after his jog and then went showering and.."

Bobby scratches his head, humming, making Hanbin wonder if he's blushing because of Jinhwan or because he's remembering Hanbin's naked body. He kind of hopes it's the latter.

He looks at Donghyuk and the guys.

"And then I forgot to take a towel so I went looking for one and got caught red handed by Bobby and his little brother."

Junhoe and Yunhyeong are cackling loudly and Donghyuk's eyes are sparkling with laughter too.

Bobby's eyes are a blaze when he turns them on him and Hanbin's sure he's thinking of him naked. It makes his skin crawl and burn even before Bobby's fingers land on his thighs. 

Jinhwan's quiet though. A smirk on his face but nothing in his eyes. Hanbin wonders if he's realised yet. 

"That sounds hilarious. I'm sad Chanwoo didn't take pics."

He grits it out through his teeth and Hanbin's pretty sure that the nice friendship they've been forming is crumpling to bits and pieces. Bobby's hand squeezes his thigh then which makes _something_ react and all his attention focuses on Bobby and those stupid fingers. 

Hanbin wouldn't mind feeling them inside him and that's when he squirms, not out of habit but out of certain movement in certain areas.

The bell rings while Bobby keeps talking about how hilarious Chanwoo's reaction was. They leave the only occupied table outside and Hanbin wonders if they could have this for just one more day.

 

*

 

Wednesdays' have become the days Hanbin fears and loves most. Mainly because he'll have to change and shower in front of a bunch of teenage boys. And because Bobby keeps bursting into his stall, asking for shampoo that doesn't belong to him. Hanbin thinks it's about time to get used to it. 

This day's a bit different though cause Jinhwan decides to choose the stall next to him, making Bobby stare at his back questioningly.

Hanbin tries to block both of them out, his tired body relaxing under the warm spray of water. He's never seen Jinhwan shower next to Bobby and he finds it a nice way to self preserve. He'd do it too if only Bobby wouldn't track him down in the hot steam. 

There's a familiar sound of someone clearing their throat and it's him, as usual, asking for shampoo again.

Hanbin reaches for the bottle and drops it this time. Something much more worse than shaking or stumbling. Bobby laughs and he gives him a glare. 

"Well, what are you waiting for?"

Bobby's smirking now and Hanbin is trying so _so_ hard not to let his eyes wander downwards. He's managed earlier and he can manage now.

"I-" 

The waters' still running down him and Hanbin knows that Bobby's checking him out. He always does and Hanbin wonders why it's so hard for him to do the same. 

"Come on, I've seen you naked like a thousand times already."

Hanbin pokes him in the shoulder for that and regrets it seconds later, when Bobby's crowding into him to tickle his sides. Hanbin pretty sure that this is how bad pornos start.

His body's flushing red and Hanbin's pretty sure he never signed up for this. Like standing there naked with him isn't torture enough, he now has to bend down to get that stupid shampoo, his ass in full view.

Finally he takes a deep breath and lunges downward, hoping that Bobby's averted his gaze. When he gets back up and turns around, he's met with roaming eyes again. This time with  dilated pupils and ragged breathing. He kind of feels proud of making Bobby so flustered in just seconds but it's also crossing every boundary ever, even though they don't really have those at all.

Bobby thanks him, eyes lingering on his face and then he leaves, like nothing ever happened. Hanbin lets out the breath he was holding and turns back to his shower before noticing a pair of eyes staring at him from the other stall. It makes the knot in his stomach tighten harder when he remembers who it is and what they saw. 

 

*

 

Friday takes him by surprise. He almost forgot the date he promised Nayeon and now his mother's fretting about it. She wants to come along to make sure he leaves his best impression and Hanbin doesn't know how to get her to stay home.

Thankfully she gets a call from his grandparents, inviting her and Hanbyul over for the weekend. They don't want him to come along ever since he showed his 'true colors'. Hanbin doesn't focus too hard on it, the words still crystal clear in his mind.

He meets Jeongyeon and Nayeon by the gates, their football field already bustling with spectators. Hanbin remembers the first time he saw Bobby play and now he's also got first hand knowledge on how he looks naked. 

Nayeon doesn't seem to notice his absence, holding onto his limp hand instead and making heart eyes towards him. Hanbin hopes the guys arrive soon and just as he thinks it, they're there.

This time Donghyuk's wearing something normal and Hanbin makes a joke about missing his kilt. He gets smacked on the head for that but it's a fair deal.  
  
All of them are super interested in Nayeon and she feels flattered. Of course she does, the guy she likes having told his friends 'all about her'. At least that's what Junhoe swears to her.

Soon he sees two familiar figures making their way towards the bleachers and Hanbin's surprised to see Chanwoo and Jinhwan together. He wonders if Chanwoo's noticed Jinhwan's crush. It'd be weird if he hasn't.  

Chanwoo makes his way towards them, waving to him and Jeongyeon. Jinhwan looks friendly even when he gets stuck sitting by Junhoe. Hanbin can sense how closed off he really is and he wants to know if it's because of him or Jeongyeon. 

 

*

 

The game starts and so does the rain.

Nayeon's hands are on his shoulders or thighs constantly and he wonders if she realises how much he's tuned her out.

Everytime their team scores, Jeongyeon and the guys all jump up screaming. Hanbin keeps sitting there, rain making his gelled up hair fall down on his face, staring at Bobby. 

Yunhyeong's doing a good job too, his heart's in the game and it shows. But Hanbin's really not interested in him right now. Not at all. 

Bobby keeps staring back at the bleachers, blinding him with his smile and Hanbin knows it's meant for Jeongyeon but he still feels it's aimed towards him. 

Nayeon chats with Junhoe when Hanbin's not responding. He seems to take a lot of interest in her and she likes it. Hanbin doesn't even know what happened to Jinah or if Junhoe's still seeing her. He's been too focused on his own mess to talk to the guys and now he's starting to regret it.

Donghyuk's quiet but his eyes shine. He keeps talking to Chanwoo and Jinhwan when he's able to and Jinhwan seems to like him too. Chanwoo's too focused on the game to really care about what he's saying.

Hanbin let's his eyes roam freely, the excuse of watching the game good enough for him. 

Bobby's sweating bullets but he still looks handsome. Strong features on fire and his feet probably too. His shirt's stuck to his skin by the rain and sometimes he raises it a bit to swipe off the sweat. Hanbin holds his breath all of those times, eyes locked on that trail of hair on his navel, that he can't stop dreaming about. 

"Hanbin, do you wanna bet on who's gonna win?"

Donghyuk's yelling over the heavy rain and cheering. Hanbin startles, his eyes locked on Bobby's. Who was probably just looking at Jeongyeon. Hanbin sighs.

"Nah, I don't think neither of them will win, cause of the weather."

Nayeon smiles at him, nodding along. He wonders if she really does agree or is just willing to please him. 

 

*

 

The game ends with a tie but Bobby's still cheering like they've won some sort of a championship.

It's infectious and Hanbin can't help but smile back. He thinks he's looking at Jeongyeon, who's cheering along with the others but it doesn't matter. It feels like this moment is theirs and Hanbin is lucky to have it.

Bobby waves at them and Jeongyeon waves back. He doesn't stop waving until Hanbin does it too and then he's kind of certain that all this time their eyes had met for real and Hanbin isn't sure what to do with that information.

Chanwoo is running down the bleachers and so is everyone else. Hanbin's the last in line to go and congratulate them. 

Yunhyeong's chasing Donghyuk again, hearing about their bet and Hanbin holds in a laugh. 

Nayeon and Jeongyeon are by Bobby's side, both hugging and congratulating him. Then there's Chanwoo and Jinhwan, who keeps his hand firmly on Bobby's back. Junhoe just yells his words of encouragement before running to help Yunhyeong torture Donghyuk. 

Hanbin stays behind them all when Bobby makes his way towards him. He feels more out of place than ever. 

"You're not going to congratulate me?"

Bobby's still out of breath and the raindrops keep chasing each other on his neck. Hanbin licks his lips unconcsiously and so does Bobby. 

"Why would I? You didn't win."

Bobby srunches up his nose in laughter and pulls him into a hug. Hanbin tries not to close his eyes but he still does, the scent of Bobby overwhelming him in every way possible. 

He hears Chanwoo telling some funny story to Jinhwan and he thinks it's the shower one. 

Bobby's hands find his face when he let's go and Hanbin wants to squirm away from his touch. He stays put though, for some weird reason.

"Now take Nayeon out on a real date." 

Bobby's eyes sparkle but Hanbin's stop. Especially when he hears Chanwoo telling Jinhwan about their little bear hug on his couch. Hanbin doesn't have to see it to know that the sparkle in Jinhwans' disappears as well.

 

*

 

It's a Saturday morning. Or well afternoon.

Hanbin's just gotten up, enjoying the quietness of their house for once. He makes himself breakfast and scratches his tummy, yawning when there's a knock on his door.

He thinks it might be his mom and Hanbyul, home early from Seoul. A bit too early he thinks.

He opens, the cold breeze making his body shiver but not as much as Bobby's sad stare.

"Jeongyeon broke up with me."

Hanbin wants to slam the door in his face, tell him that he deserved it. Instead he opens Bobby with welcoming arms, his rain soaked clothes imprinting Hanbins' almost naked body. 

The rain keeps falling. And so do they. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god Ive been working on this for literal hours and it's long but not like that long.. idek where the time went.  
> Maybe under all those smut scenes I wrote for the future. Damn though I cant wait to get there! Yall gonna love it (hopefully)


	10. In My Veins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time he feels his lips on his skin.

Hanbin's not sure what to do next. Bobby's almost sobbing in his arms and the cold is coming in from the streets.

He smells like dirt and sweat and Hanbin's too intoxitated by it to make sense of it all. Bobby's shivering more than him and he wonders if this really is heartbreak over Jeongyeon or something much deeper. 

"Hey, can you step back for just a second? I'll close the door and then we'll get you out of those wet clothes."

Bobby nods, eyes teary and snot almost running down his nose. Hanbin's surprised how he doesn't feel grossed out at all. All he wants is to comfort him and tell him it's okay. He's never felt this way for anyone. Not even blonde haired boys with big toothy smiles.

He closes the door with a thump and now they're left alone with nothing but silence and Bobby's sniffing. Hanbin can hear the old clock tick in the living room and he wonders how much time he has before they get here. 

"I'll go get you something dry and then you'll tell me what happened."

He's wiping Bobby's tears with his thumbs, the action speaking for itself. Bobby sniffles again, grabbing for his tissue and Hanbin shivers for the first time since he got here, their bodies separated for the briefest of moments. 

He's been unaware of his almost naked status but now Bobby's gotten some space between them and his eyes keep wandering downwards, even when they're filled to the brim with tears. Hanbin takes notice of how his boxers are pretty much soaked through and his entire body is visible to those prying eyes. He let's it go this time, Bobby's wellbeing racing towards the front of his priority list.

Bobby keeps sniffling and staring at his wet socks. Hanbin wonders if he's even aware of how long he's been standing there, quiet and so unlike himself.

"Wait here, I'll be right back."

He's almost to the stairs when Bobby grabs his elbow, fingers pushing into his bones. Hanbin wonders why his hands are still so warm when everything else about him screams the opposite. 

"Please don't - "

He looks at Hanbin with earnest eyes and he just can't say no anymore. 

"-I can't be alone right now. Can I come with?"

Hanbin nods, thinking of all the reasons why he should tell him to stay put. He wonders if the part of him that want's Bobby in his room and in his clothes, is the same part the other's trying so hard to deny. Hanbin stopped denying a long time ago. 

"Yeah, sure. Just don't be surprised at how messy my room is."

Bobby's smile is just a shadow of what it used to be, crushing Hanbin's spirit with wave after wave of melancholy. 

Hanbin hopes the sun will come out and leave invisible freckles on his skin that he can't ever wash off. 

 

*

 

His room isn't messy at all, according to Bobby's words. Hanbin snorts, pushing his dirty clothes on the lonely armchair next to his bed. 

"Here, take this and put it on. I'll find some pants too. And dry socks."

Bobby's sitting on his bed now as Hanbin hands him an old and ugly christmas sweater that his mother brought him from abroad, about 8 years ago. He wishes for Bobby to wash away the memories that came with it. 

He expects a laugh or at least a soft little noise from Bobby but there's nothing. Just a quiet thanks and Hanbin can't bare to see him like this ever again. 

"Do you want underwear too?"

Bobby looks up at him then, his eyes slowly moving down his body. Hanbin shivers but definitely not from the cold Bobby left on his skin earlier.

"Yeah, you should change too. It's kinda flashy down there."

Bobby smiles a bit and Hanbin can feel his heart race in his chest but it's nothing compared to the weak flutter in his stomach that appears only when Bobby's around. He snorts and hopes that Bobby'll leave him alone for just a few seconds so they could change.

Except he's already taking his clothes off, wet socks dripping on Hanbin's gray carpet and skinny jeans painfully stuck to his thighs. Hanbin can see how pale his skin looks and he wonders if it's the gloomy weather or if it's the blue of his veins.

They stand there, in the quietness of his bedroom, that he's never let anyone beside his family see, and Hanbin wonders if Bobby being there even makes a difference. 

The rain's coming down hard and then so are his boxers.

Bobby's still sitting on his bed, shirt stuck over his head, finally taking it off and giving an almost appreciative glance at his body. Hanbin grabs another pair of baby blue underwear and hopes it's not too obvious that he's never done this before. Even if he wanted to. 

Bobby's eyes keep darting to his face. Questions stuck on his tongue like sugar but not coming out. Hanbin's never seen him this sincere, this honest. His heart's on his sleeve and it's barely beating. 

Bobby lets out a loud whine while Hanbin rummages through his closet, looking for something to wear himself. He peaks at him from beneath his messy bangs and Bobby's just staring, pout forming on his face. 

"I can't get these stupid pants off. They're Jinhwans' gift for my birthday and I don't want to tear them."

He sounds tired and Hanbin wants to tuck him to bed and let him sleep it off. It's finally dawning on him that this might not be about Jeongyeon at all. 

He helps.

He's on his knees, Bobby's legs spread before him making Hanbin wonder why his thoughts haven't drifted into inappropriate territories yet. Bobby's sure giving him reasons to, his mouth slightly parting when Hanbins' hands graze his silky skin and when their eyes meet while they're both simultaneously licking their lips. 

Hanbin finds him too vunerable, too hurt. This time it feels like Bobby's the prey, waiting to be hunted. Legs parting when Hanbin's jaw is extremely close to his inner thighs. Breath hitching when Hanbin pats his knee softly. His eyes are screaming for Hanbin to do something. He doesn't.  

The pants fall down his ankles and Hanbin can finally breathe.

He can hear Bobby's heart start beating again when they look at each other. Both neatly dressed, faces red and eyes dreamy. The light slowly surfaces back, when his adam's apple bobs while the both of them  are stuck in his doorway, chest to chest, eye to eye. Hanbin can feel how much Bobby wants it to be mouth to mouth too but he won't let it happen like this. There are so many little things about him that make him fragile like his mothers' most precious china. He's not going to break him, not yet. 

 

*

 

They're sitting on his couch, the tv on mute and two empty tea cups on his living room table.

Bobby's been quiet for a while and Hanbin's struggling to not write sonnets in his mind about the way he's already in his veins. 

Bobby's shy but bold all at once. His gaze daring but his body cold. Hanbin waits patiently until he speaks up, letting the dam fall. 

"I just don't get it."

Bobby drinks the last of his tea, the christmas sweater with an ugly reindeer making him look younger than he actually is. 

"I was so sure about our breakup and yet it still took me by surprise. I expected it but then I didn't...you get what I mean?"

Hanbin's hands lay limp on his thighs, his skin breaking out in goosebumps when he thinks of how warm Bobby's fingertips would make him.

He expected Bobby to crawl under his skin but not like this. Not at all.

"Yeah, I do." 

Bobby lets his head fall back as he keeps staring at the ceiling, the cup now placed firmly between his thighs.

"I was so in love with her and like.. a while back it just stopped. I know I should have told her but she was still so nice and so warm and I wanted to love her back, I did but.."

Bobby's whispering now and Hanbin doesn't want to interrupt, instead letting his head fall back too, eyes caught on the same spot as Bobby's.

"It just stopped. Her hair wasn't that sweet anymore and her smile was cute but not what I wanted. What I craved. "

Bobby lets out an almost inaudible sigh and Hanbin wants to tell him how much he relates. How he felt like this towards blonde hair and tall bodies but now he's craving something else. Something real and dirty and foreign, all at the same time.

"I know you're probably like, what the fuck is he on about but.. this is the only way I can explain it."

Hanbin nods, knowing that Bobby can't see him. 

"I was relieved at first, when she said were done. But then I looked at her and it hurt so much."

Bobby's voice cracks and Hanbin surges forward, pulling him in for a hug that seems to never end. Bobby's nuzzling into his neck again, soft whimpers falling from his lips and Hanbin could never give him up. Ever. 

He thinks of Jeongyeons' honey glazed hair and how it fit Bobby's type so perfectly. Short hair, wide smiles, features that are mean't to dazzle. He wonders if her fingertips turned cold on his back and if Jinhwan's smile has become just another in the crowd. 

Bobby's tears fall down his neck and Hanbin's tired of chasing the raindrops.

 

*

 

"I saw her after the game yesterday, she seemed totally fine. And you were both so cuddly on the field. Did she explain?"

Hanbin knows what happened but he asks anyway. 

"Nah, she just said that second chances are worth nothing or some sort of crap and then I begged her for a third and well then she slapped me, claiming that I have someone else."

Hanbin snorts, feeling awkward right afterwards. Bobby's cheeks have color in them now so he thinks it's okay. 

"Why'd she think that though? Or you really do have someone else?"

Bobby's eyes land on him the moment he says it and Hanbin wants to tell him how obvious he is. How he should stop cause Hanbin's too far gone and he'll probably never get over him. He stays quiet instead, letting Bobby look away shyly.

"No. I have no idea where she took that silly idea from. Women, huh?"

He laughs and Hanbin joins in, not knowing what they're laughing about at all.

"But enough of my sad story. Tell me, how'd it go with Nayeon? You two working out well?"

Bobby keeps glancing at him nervously like this is some sort of a million dollar question. Hanbin stretches out his legs, still in his boxer shorts but hoodie thrown on him for good measure. 

"Were not gonna continue."

Bobby looks genuinely surprised, making him squirm, their usual selves back again. 

"Why? She's cute."

Bobby wiggles his brows and Hanbin can't help but stare at him fondly. He stares right back.

"Cause I can't date someone when I like you more than them."

Bobby seems like he was expecting to laugh and now he's a bit dumbfounded. Hanbin's hearbeat is pounding just as strongly as the rain against his windows. 

"If I like my friend more than my girlfriend then it's obvious it's not working out." 

Hanbin sees how Bobby's chest constricts with a deep breath and then the light bulb goes off in his head.

"Oh, right. That silly question I asked you." 

He seems a bit flustered for mistaking this for something that he clearly thinks it isn't. Hanbin wants to say how much it is. 

"Yeah, I can't believe you made me say it. You're such an ass."

Bobby agrees which makes the both of them laugh. Hanbin stands up asking if he wants a coffee and Bobby nods, the sun back in his eyes making his freckles stand out even in the darkened room. Hanbin makes his own coffee extra strong.

 

*

 

They end up chatting all throughout the day, making several cups of coffee and tea. Hanbin's pretty hyped up by 7 and Bobby's looking so much cuter in his old clothes than he did two hours ago.

They're sitting in his room doing homework out of all things when Bobby makes the suggestion of going to Jinhwans for the rest of the night. 

Hanbin's not sure how he feels about it and how Bobby does either. He looks like he wants to see Jinhwan, talk to him and let him know how he is but there's also some sort of an unsettling battle that he's still struggling with and seeing Jinhwan'd make him figure it out without him wanting to.

Hanbin suggests listening to music instead and turns out they have a similar taste. Almost too similar for his liking and Hanbin accuses him of secretly stealing his Itunes password. 

Bobby chokes on his laugh and Hanbin finds his face so endearing. Hair soft from rain and nose scrunched, Hanbin's old sweater a bit too tight and a bit too loose on his perfectly sculpted body.

Bobby stops laughing when he doesn't join in and Hanbin feels embarrassed. Bobby keeps quiet, starting a tickle fight instead, ignoring whatever moment they were supposed to have.

Hanbin remembers the shower and how Bobby had been so close and for the first time this day, it makes him feel too uncomfortable to bear. So he jumps on Bobby's back trying to get a piggyback ride out of him. The other snorts and throws him on the bed which is also an uncomfortable area for Hanbin. 

He decides to give a ride to Bobby, his arms quivering under the weight of him. Bobby's laugh makes it all worth it though. 

They're running down the stairs, Hanbin sweating and Bobby making whipping noises when the door opens. Hanbin almost drops him on the spot.

 

*

 

When Bobby's done cooing at Hanbyul and giving her piggyback rides instead of Hanbin, who highly disapproves of it and makes it known with his stares, he starts going.

Hanbin wants to enjoy the last few minutes along his side peacefully but instead there's his mother. Staring and staring without saying a word. He holds in his sighs and waits for Bobby to grab his wet clothes from his room.

He groans, knowing that he has to explain _why_  he let a _boy_ inside his room. Bobby doesn't seem to notice the tense atmosphere and it makes him happy. It also makes him happy that he's leaving before Jeongyeon gets there. 

Bobby's putting on his shoes and his mother's trying to fume alone in her bedroom. Hanbin takes the moment to talk to him once more.

"You alright?"

His hands are on Bobby's shoulders without his own permission but Bobby doesn't seem to care and neither does he. His brain can fret about it later. 

"Yeah. Thank you for everything Hanbin. I really mean it."

Bobby's cheeks are warm from laughter and the stupid sweater makes him look incredibly good by now. Hanbin wonders how he progressed to this. 

"It's nothing. Text me when you get home and tell Chanwoo to shut up or I'll make him."

Bobby smiles widely, probably used to Chanwoo jabbing at his heartaches all the time. It feels a bit different this time around, at least to Hanbin. He imagines Bobby's break up routine to be the exact same everytime and he'd never cry like that over a girl. He's too proud of it. 

Hanbin doesn't voice the questions still stuck in his throat.

"Thank you."

Bobby's putting on his jacket with a slight shiver and Hanbin opens the door for him, ready to say goodbye to the nicest night of his life.

It takes him a few seconds to realise that Bobby's leaning in and Hanbin's now certain that all of this has been a dream.

It's innocent though, at least to Bobby. His chapped lips leaving an everlasting mark on the side of his neck. Hanbin wonders if Bobby even cares that kissing each other's necks, even for just a second, isn't friendly at all.

And then he's gone. The smell of him surrounding Hanbin every step of the way back to his room. 

He finds the burning sensation of Bobby's lips on his neck much more real than the marks Nayeon left on him. It takes him days to scrub the feeling of it off. 

 

*

 

His mother's fuming. Of course she is.

Her words melt together into an obscene slur of profanities. Hanbin doesn't want to hear it again so he blocks her out. Nodding along and looking at the ground. He wants to tell her that Bobby broke up with Jeongyeon but he knows it'll just make it worse

When she's done screaming at him, she locks his bedroom door, telling him he can't get out until Jeongyeon gets there. Hanbins' so used to this that he doesn't even blink an eye.

Hanbyul's weak knocks on the door are the only things that make him want to cry again.

 

*

 

Jeongyeon looks as broken as Bobby does, maybe even worse. He wants to ask how it went down, hear her version but not in front of his mother. 

He offers to send her home later and she agrees politely, probably unaware that Hanbin already knows.

"So..Bobby told me what happened."

Jeongyeon's footsteps slow down a bit at that, her eyes still staring at the ground.

"Yeah, I thought so. Did he tell you everything?"

Hanbin thinks of Bobby's tears on his neck and the sonnets he's been writing in his mind the whole day. His stomach churns at this whole situation and for the first time in a while he's kind of missing living near Seoul.

"I think so yeah."

The walk towards her house isn't long but seems to be when he hears her side of it. 

"And Bobby's always just.. always looked at me like im the moon and the stars and whatever but somehow I _always_ felt it wasn't meant for me."

Jeonyeon is pouring her heart out. Hanbin squeezes her hand when her voice cracks and she looks thankful.

"It's so hard to explain. He's been so good with me and so loving but I feel like it was always meant for someone else. That's why I thought of him having another girl."

Hanbin nods along, keeping quiet like he did earlier.

"But then I got over it cause Bobby was just always there, making me feel amazing. But a few weeks ago, it changed. He stopped looking at me at all. Even when we-"

She stops, her cheeks blushing and Hanbin tries to hide how he has to swallow the lump in his throat twice. 

"He just stopped all together which made me feel so bad about myself and then I thought that he had someone new again. Im still not sure if he does or doesn't. Who cares anyway, were over now and I'm better for it."

She tries to smile through the cracks and Hanbin feels sad for all the girls he's done this with. For all the guys like Jinhwan who have waited in the sidelines, their bones rotting and knees shaking. Never hearing Bobby laugh or smile just for them.

"I'm here for you, you know. And I'll try my best to kick him out of my house when you're coming over. He deserves it."

Jeongyeon lets out a small giggle and Hanbin feels like he's always the one to mend broken hearts but there's no one there to fix his own.

 

*

 

When he meets Bobby by the gates on Monday, he doesn't even notice anyone else.

Donghyuk's right there, waving at him but Hanbin's so far gone that his mind tunes him out on it's own right.

Bobbys' hand finds his shoulder immediately and Hanbin loves the comfort of it. He tries not to melt into it too much. 

"How're you doing?"

He mumbles it out, the three hours of sleep he got last night already making him wish he didn't even come. Then he looks over at Bobby and that wish is gone as soon as it came.

"Better. I wanted to wear your sweater today but you know the dress code."

Bobby's blushing a bit and Hanbin finds it to be the cutest thing he's ever seen. 

"I'm glad."

Then there's a tap on his shoulder by Junhoe and the others and Hanbin wonders how long they've been standing there staring at the two of them. Figuring it all out.

There's something in Donghyuk's eyes that Hanbin finds too familiar and he hopes to forget it before it can haunt him.

 

*

 

When lunch arrives Hanbin's kind of surprised to see Jinhwan again. He knows Jinhwan's already got a good idea of what's going on between him and Bobby and Hanbin would've thought he'd be the type to stay away and take Bobby with him.

Instead he's there, genuine smile on his face and Hanbin just knows it's because Bobby broke up with his girlfriend. 

"Why is he here again? I thought it was a one time thing."

Junhoe's eyeing his salad warily, making ugly gestures with his face towards Jinhwan. 

"If you haven't noticed, then your friend Hanbin here likes me and I'm pretty sure he prefers _me_ over _you_ anytime."

Jinhwan's grabbing his chopsticks and Hanbin wonders why their snark is so familiar and falls right into place.

"Yeah, well everyone else would side by me so you can take your precious Hanbin and shove him up your-"

He makes sure to hit Junhoe right in the eye with his meatball. 

"That wasn't needed!"

There's a low whine and Donghyuk lets out such a loud laugh that Hanbin wonders if everyone inside can hear it.

Bobby's there by his side soon, sitting between him and Jinwhan this time. It seems to please the both of them too much and Hanbin's stomach growls from hunger. Probably.

"So, what happened with Jeongyeon? It's all everyone talks about right now."

Yunhyeong's smoothie is strictly by his side as he keeps his gaze on Bobby. 

"Nothing much. She broke up with me. The end."

Yunhyeong rolls his eyes and pleads him to continue. Bobby's fingers find his thighs again and Hanbin wonders if he'll ever forget the feeling of it.

"You know Bobby, he's going to get right back with someone who looks like her two weeks from now. You'll see."

Junhoe snorts but stares at Jinhwan while he says it. For a fleeting moment Hanbin wonders if he knows about it too. 

"Can ya'll shut up about this? I just broke up with her. Like two days ago and I don't want to talk about it right now."

Jinhwan seems surprised at Bobby's angry tone, probably underestimating the effect it really had on him. 

Hanbin can feel Bobby's eyes land on his when he takes a bite of his meatball. It's not his favorite kind but will do.

He can also see Bobby gulp and it makes him squirmish again, ready to finish lunch and never look back.

"Okay we'll stop but is it okay if I ask her out now?"

Yunhyeong looks completely innocent when he says it and Bobby grabs Hanbin's chopstick from his fingers and starts chasing him around with them, ready to poke out his eyes.

Jinhwan stares towards their running figures, eyes sparkling and when he finally looks over at Hanbin it looks victorious. He's won this time, Jeongyeon out of sight and Bobby all his. 

Hanbin wonders if he's already forgotten about the shower and the bear hugs and all the ways Bobby keeps touching him. He sure hasn't.

When Yunhyeong finally surrenders and apologizes, Bobby runs back to his side, pushing hair  off his sweaty forehead.

Hanbin smiles up at him, the view of Bobby, out of breath but filled with joy, overwhelming him. 

"Do you want these back? Or can I try again?"

He looks at Yunhyeong who lets out a frightened moan. Junhoe laughs loudly and Hanbin can see the longing in Jinhwan's eyes. He really needs to know why Jinhwan's still memorizing his every move. 

When Bobby finally sits down, he takes a meatball off his plate. Hanbin doesn't even flinch but he does stare at him with wide eyes when the chopsticks start to poke his mouth.

"Come on, eat it."

Bobby's gaze flickers from his mouth to his eyes about a hundred times. Hanbin's never been in a situation like this before and he hopes it doesn't come off as inappropriate to the rest of them.

He opens wide, chopsticks sliding in and out and Hanbin's pretty sure he's not supposed to hold Bobby's gaze throughout but he still does. Bobby's fingers are still on his thighs, unconciously moving upwards and Hanbin lets the chopsticks out with a bop. 

There's chatter from Yunhyeong but Hanbin still feels like all eyes are on them. When Bobby finally lets go he averts his attention everywhere else but on him.   
He's flustered and Hanbin smirks to his plate. When he looks up there's Jinhwans' eyes burning the side of his face, the happiness in them replaced by cold arctic winds. 

 

*

 

Bobby shows up at his doorstep two weeks later, a huge smile on his face. Hanbin knows his mother's going to come home any minute now but it doesn't matter. Not when he looks as happy as ever, making Hanbin wish he was the one to put that smile on there in the first place. 

It's been a while since they've hung out. Bobby wants to be by his side a lot and Hanbin can see the jealousy form in Jinhwan. That's why he's pretty sure he's the one who's been holding them back from seeing each other.

It's a ridiculous thought but whenever he's texted Bobby, he's always at Jinhwans'. Always busy.

Maybe Hanbin read him wrong. Misunderstood all of it and Bobby's back to fawning over Jinhwan and making him feel like the luckiest guy in the world, with just the barest of touches.

He thinks he's too good at judging character though.

"What makes you so happy?"

Hanbin helps him poke off his shoes, their faces inches apart. He's gotten used to Bobby surrounding him all the time, their breaths mingling without even wanting to.

"I have a date tonight!" 

And that's when Hanbin takes notice of the purple marks on his neck and the swollen curve of his lips. 

Nothing ever changes in this town after all.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is basically me being emo and wanting to write double b bonding w each other. Gosh I keep apologizing for this being so slow and i'll apologize again. Gahh  
> Its also super late here so I'll go over any mistakes tomorrow. Hanbins not the only one who got three hours of sleep haha


	11. As the Stars Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time they get drunk together.

He leads Bobby to the living room, trying to act nonchalant. 

"A date huh, with whom?"

Bobby's literally glowing and Hanbin finds it so hard not to imagine his smile pressed against his skin. He sits down, feet propped up on his living room table. Hanbin thinks of all the times his mother's smacked him for it.

"A girl I met a few nights ago. I was out with the football team and she was just standing there so freakin beautiful..I think I'm in love already."

Bobby smiles up at him and Hanbin crosses his arms, not even aware of it. 

"Well I see you've been busy wooing her.." He makes gestures towards his neck and lets the sentence trail off, plopping down next to him. 

Hanbin doesn't want to look at him, certain that the disappointment will be visible on his face.

Bobby lets out a small giggle and it's the most endearing thing he's ever heard. He memorizes it without wanting to, knowing that his 'Bobby' collection is growing too large for its own good. 

"Well yeah, we kind of got frisky in the bathroom."

Bobby's blushing when Hanbin dares to spare him a glance and he hates how well he can still remember his knees shaking and the way Bobby had groaned and most of all the wet bop of Jeongyeons' lips. 

It makes his body shiver a little but thankfully it goes unnoticed.

"She was amazing like honestly. She is everything I've ever wanted."

Hanbin wonders why he didn't say needed. He knows its' because what he needs is the girl to be Jinhwan but she isn't. 

"I'm happy for you, hope the date goes well."

He has no clue what to say next. Bobby's just sitting there staring wistfully at his hands and Hanbin can't stop thinking of all the girls Bobby's taken advantage of in the bathrooms. All the ways he's fooled them.

"But anyway, the reason I came over is totally different. There's gonna be a game on Friday and after that the guys are thinking of throwing a party. You wanna come? We need to know how many people will be there."

Hanbin looks up then, brows quirked but arms still crossed. He wants to say no so badly.

"Yeah, I'll just see what my mom says about it."

Bobby nods, staring at his hands in his lap. He's probably thinking about her again and Hanbin wants to change the topic so he could stop imagining her lips around him.

"How's Jinhwan? You guys been hanging out a lot lately."

It comes out a bit bitterly and Hanbin has to convince himself yet again that being jealous over their friendship is pointless. Bobby's never going to date either of them.

"He's good, why you asking?"

Bobby looks at him, head back from the clouds. Hanbin wonders how she looks. If she's tiny and slim, short honey glazed hair covering her ears but not much else.

"I just haven't seen you guys around. Thought maybe he's got a girl too."

Bobby snorts, his legs spreadin a bit, making their thighs touch. Hanbin wonders if it's conscious or not. 

"Jinhwan and a girl? Damn, I wish. I keep setting him up with these cute chicks but he's only dated one of them. He's too picky."

Hanbin wants to laugh at how oblivious Bobby is. How he hasn't thought about this being weird at all.

"Is Hanbyul going to get here soon? I really wanna see her but gotta go in like half an hour so.."

Hanbin doesn't feel relaxed around him, his body wound tight and his eyes shut. Bobby's presence electrifies him in all the wrong ways and knowing that he doesn't do the same for him is torture. 

"Nah, she's out on a playdate."

And that's how they end up awkwardly saying goodbye at the door 10 minutes later. Hanbin closes it silently, keeping track of Bobby as he walks out of their driveway. He wonders if Bobby thought of him while getting those marks, if he remembered the way his skin smelled or the way his body shivered. If it was anything like his own experience in Nayeon's small kitchen. 

 

*

 

He goes rummaging through his shoe box a few minutes later. Thoughts of blonde hair crippling him on sight. 

He remembers the way he laughed and the way he let his fingers run through is hair. The way they kissed under the bleachers when no one was looking. The way the cigarette burned his skin when she found out. 

He wants to toss everything out for the hundredth time. But he never does, the memories grounding him. He's been thinking about it less and less over the past couple of weeks and he wonders if he'll ever get to fill the box up again. With pictures of invisible freckles and fingers entwined.

He remembers the way she screamed when she saw them, the way her fingernails pulled at his skin and the way his toothy smile had disappeared. The way they all looked at him when they heard, the perpetual black eye he walked around with becoming a statement of its own.

The way he left one day without even telling him. Blonde hair dyed red and flying away on an airplane above him while the sun burned his back painfully.

There's a knock on his door and before he can move it opens. His lap's filled with pictures and worn out pieces of jerseys. A paper plane and a dried up daisy.

Her eyes burn when she looks at him.

 

*

 

"I told you to forget about it. You promised to forget, Hanbin!"

He's trying hard not to cry, her voice shaking him to the core. He thought he could at least have something to hold onto. Turns out even that's too much. 

"I know but I keep everything in there. Pictures of Hanbyuls' first day in kindergarten and my dads' funeral. Everything that has been dear to me once. It doesn't mean it has to be dear to me now."

He's staring at the ground, trying hard not to look at her. Then there are footsteps and sharp fingernails pushing into his jawline, pulling his face up.

"Listen, you promised me we'd never discuss this again and that you'd behave. You've been so good lately, even going out with Nayeon..and now you had to do this."

Hanbin feels the tears burn but he won't let them out. Not yet.

"I know but I'm still good. I actually think I like her."

She lets out an emotionless laugh and pushes her nails in deep. Hanbin winces and looks up. She's at least a foot shorter than him but there's so much she can do. Hanbin wishes he didn't know what. 

" _Think_? Think is not enough. You're going to grow up to be a beautiful man and husband one day. And what will you say to your wife? That you _think_ you love her?" 

Hanbin wants to answer but she's not finished, her spit landing on his face without him even noticing.

"No not even love but _like_. I didn't raise you to be this way Hanbin. And you know you have to learn your lesson."

He nods, hoping that his hands aren't shaking too much and that Hanbyul's not there to see. He has no idea if she brought her with or not. 

"I'll do anything but please don't take it away from me. They're all my memories - "

He lets out a sob but then collects himself. 

"-It's all I have left."

She looks him in the eyes then and Hanbin can feel the tears starting to fall. He holds himself together enough to see her taking scissors from his desk and then it's gone. All of it. No pictures of blonde hair and football fields, no jerseys to remind him of the scent and the feeling. No paper planes and no dried up daisies. 

She leaves, the torn up box in her hands, satisfied smile on her face. 

Hanbin wonders if this is how life's going to be from now on. If all he's going to be left with are bad memories and nothing to keep him afloat.

 

*

 

He spends what seems like hours, laying on his bed and holding the few torn up pieces of the box close.

He wonders if he should just give up. Stop thinking of dark eyes and invisible freckles. Try and force himself to fall for a body that's too feminine. Smelling like peaches and cocktails and nothing like he craves. 

It's been half an hour when he checks his clock and Hanbin's heart is pounding in his chest when he makes a decision. He grabs his umbrella, phone and a bottle of whiskey from the living room downstairs.

The water's still running in the bathroom upstairs and he makes a run for it. He's not giving up, not yet.

 

*

 

When he makes it to Bobbys', his face is still a bit wet from tears. He hopes it's not noticeable.

The door opens just as he's about to reach it and Bobby looks at him, startled. His hair's gelled up and he smells amazing, like some expensive perfume. There's a hint of that muskyness too, the one scent he always reeks of. 

"What's wrong?"

Bobby looks worried and Hanbin takes notice of how dark it is outside, how late. He has a nagging feeling he forgot something. 

"I just really needed to see you."

It's the most honest thing he's ever said to him so he takes it back.

"Anybody really. Had a bad fight with my mom."

Chanwoo's passing by them, hurrying somewhere and looking at Hanbin with concern.

"What's he doing here? Thought you had a date."

And _that's_ what he forgot. Bobby gives Chanwoo a mean look before pushing him away. The other yelps and jogs towards the gates, yelling at Hanbin that 'he'll be okay, Bobby's a great therapist'. Bobby snorts before turning back to him.

"Sorry about that but come on in, tell me what she did."

Hanbin shakes his head, hands now trying to dig through his pockets.

"It's okay. I forgot you had a date, I better get going."

Bobby grabs his arm when he tries to leave, giving him a stern look and dragging him inside.

"I'm not gonna let you stay out there in the rain for the whole night." And before Hanbin can protest and say he has other places to go, Bobby gives him a look that makes him keep quiet.

His heart soars in his chest when Bobby grabs his hands in his own, trying to rub life back into them. He takes off both of their shoes without Hanbin even noticing and he thinks it's some sort of a specialty of Bobby's. 

"How long did it take for you to get here cause your fingers are like ice blocks."

Hanbin doesn't answer so Bobby leads him to the couch.

"Sit down and I'll get you something warm."

Hanbin nods, his eyes probably still a bit red. He clears his throat before Bobby leaves and the other stops right in his tracks, quirking his brow.

"Are you sure about this? I mean your date's waiting and-"

Bobby glares at him, his feet already dragging him upstairs. 

"Hanbin you're more important to me than some stupid date. Now sit tight and I'll be right back."

He's left there, in the quietness of their living room making him wonder why he feels so comfortable around him. And when Bobby returns with that same stupid reindeer sweater, Hanbin knows just why. 

 

*

 

He puts it on without questioning. It feels looser on him than it did a few years back and Hanbin wonders if it's because he's grown taller or because the memories of it have worn him down. 

Bobby finally sits next to him, leather jacket long gone and comfortable sweatpants hanging low on his hips. Hanbin thinks it's probably illegal to walk around like that but he doesn't mind it at all.

"So I texted her explaining that there was an emergency and from the looks of that huge whiskey bottle it seems to be."

It makes him weirdly happy that Bobby considers him important enough to classify as an 'emergency' and he hopes he'll use that excuse a lot from now on.

"Spill the beans."

Hanbin wipes his hair off his face, the umbrella not covering enough to leave him completely dry. 

"She found out that I broke up with Nayeon and got pissed. That's pretty much it."

Bobby grabs his hands, making him stop twisting that stupid reindeer. Hanbin looks up, worried that he might ask too much. 

"So that's it?"

Hanbin nods, trying to look as sincere as possible. It's not a lie but it's not the exact truth either. Bobby's hands are playing with his and Hanbin wonders if he's doing it consciously or not. 

"Let me be honest here for a second and say that you're probably lying."

Hanbin looks up, eyes filled with fear. He wants Bobby to stop pushing so hard and leave it be. He'd have stayed home if he'd wanted to be interrogated.

"I don't know why you think you have to lie to me but whatever. If you're not comfortable yet then it's okay. Just know that if you want to talk, I'm here to listen."

Bobby's smile is sincere and welcoming making Hanbin realise how much he wants to build a life with him. A home. 

He gulps and nods, not trying to fight the accusations. Bobby looks a bit sad at that and Hanbin wants to tell him _everything_ , he really really does but right now it's too risky. Bobby's buried deep in the closet and it's none of his business to drag him out of there with his own confessions.

So instead he takes the bottle he brought and asks for cups. Bobby lights up again, making his way towards the kitchen. Hanbin feels the reindeer on his sweater judging him for the way he stares at Bobby's ass while he leaves. He twists it in his hands again, hoping to make that stupid smirk fall off its woollen face.

 

  
*

  
Hanbin wonders why he came to Bobby. Why he didn't call Donghyuk instead. He knows he's dying to help him, listen to him and take care of him. He also knows that he wants all of those things to come from Bobby, making Donghyuks' number collect dust in his phone.

They're a bit drunk by now, three glasses of whiskey already downed and fourth being poured by Hanbin.

Bobby's playing some new rap artist he discovered and Hanbin's loving it. He's never been this drunk before, always gotten tipsy and then stopped before he could spill anything. Whether it be drinks or the truth.

Bobby's talking about his date and Hanbin wishes for just a moment that Chanwoo was there, so he could escape from this never ending  conversation about her lips.

He fills his glass up to the brim and Bobby stares at him wide-eyed.

"You really want to throw up on my couch tonight, I see."

Hanbin laughs loudly, his body buzzing in a nice kind of way and his mind spinning with images of wet bodies and happy trails. He takes another sip.

"Pretty much. Did I tell you that I've never actually been this drunk before?"

Bobby groans and lets his head fall back on Hanbin's shoulder. The heat has doubled and Hanbin wonders when it got so hot in here. 

"About seven times already. God, you're the worst drunk ever."

Bobby says it with a smile though so Hanbin kind of hopes he's enjoying it.

"Did I ask to see her picture too? Or is this new?"

Bobby looks at him then, grabbing his phone immediately.

"That's new actually, thought you were gonna groan about Yunhyeongs' smoothie habit again."

Hanbin laughs while Bobby picks out a photo. He pushes the phone towards his face and Hanbin squints. Weird. He's never had trouble with vision before.

"Zoom in."

Bobby's supporting himself on his thigh and Hanbin shivers, this time not hiding it so well. Bobby doesn't seem to notice it though.

"I literally zoomed it to the max and I don't wanna push my phone against your chin, you'll get it all bloody."

Hanbin looks away from the screen then, confused. Bobby's hand remains on his thigh.

"What do you mean?"

Bobby looks at his jawline and even though Hanbin's drunk he can see how the others' stare stops on his lips, longer than usual.  Hanbin licks his own, staring right back. 

Bobby clears his throat then, leaning away but hand staying put. Hanbin wants to kiss him all over, the thought making him even dizzier. 

"You have some crusty blood on your chin. Don't know what happened but seems pretty bad."

Hanbin's hiccuping a bit and wow, he really is drunk. 

"I honestly have no clue how it happened." A lie and then a hiccup. "Probably scratched myself or something." Another lie.

He hiccups again, noticing Bobby's stare going back and forth between his jaw and his lips. Hanbin swallows hard and he can't stop himself from moving closer. 

"Can you wipe it off or..?"

The song changes into something more heated and it catches his attention. He wonders if Bobby's aware of how the girls' picture is still open on his phone, staring at the both of them from his lap. Probably judging their lack of character and drunkenness.

Bobby's voice is a lot more groggy when he answers and suddenly the heat in the living room is pooling in his stomach as well, making it hard for him to breathe. The stupid sweater too tight around his neck.

"Yeah, sure."

And before he knows it, Bobby's leaning in, breath ghosting against his skin. Hanbin squirms and probably whines too, drunk enough not to fret about it. 

There are gentle fingers on his jawline, Bobby furrowing his brow in concentration, trying to scrub it off. He looks at Hanbin then, their noses almost touching.   
He's never wanted to eskimo kiss someone so badly in his life before. The statement almost slips from his lips but a hiccup ends up saving him.

"It's not coming off."

Bobby's mumbling and Hanbin gulps, the other's eyes landing on the movement and staying there for an unneccessary amount of time. Hanbin holds his breath, waiting for something to happen. He's not sure yet if what he's waiting for is good or bad.

Bobby slides two fingers into his own mouth, gaze on Hanbin's jawline and nowhere else. It makes his dick twitch and he hopes Bobby's drunk enough not to see. He squirms once when Bobby's fingers fall out with a wet bop and then twice when those fingers are on his skin, smoothing out the line of his jaw in concentration. It burns a little but Hanbin's too out of it to care.

He's pretty sure there's going to be an ugly sweat stain on his back when they get up. _If_ they get up.

It takes him a few seconds, in Hanbin's mind a hundred, to get it over with. Hanbin tries to will away his almost boner when Bobby bites his bottom lip, looking over at his cuts and then mouthing a silent 'done'.

His breathing is ragged and Hanbin wants to squirm up against him even if he knows he shouldn't.

They're not looking at each other anymore but Bobby's still close and his hand slips, accidentally finding support on his crotch. They both jump apart at that, Hanbin's long legs pushing over the glass on the table. Bobby looks beet red when he comes back with a towel to clean it up and Hanbin wonders if it's because he's drunk and seeing things or if Bobby's pants are actually a bit tighter than they were before. He hopes it's the alcohol.

 

*

 

Hanbin's sure he'll have the worst hangover of the century tomorrow. He's poured himself a sixth glass already, managing to spill a little on the table.

Bobby doesn't notice though, texting someone, probably that girl of his and Hanbin wants to know why it still hurts even while he's drunk. It's supposed to help isn't it? 

"Show me her picture."

He lets out a whine and Bobby looks up, eyes bleary and taking a second too long to focus on his face. 

"Fine, but just so you know I've zoomed in already."

Hanbin snorts, wondering if they had this conversation before. He can't remember, his mind blocking out everything except for Bobby and his fingers and his breath and his.. 

"Hanbin I swear to god if you throw up, I'll make you clean it yourself."

A laugh bubbles out of him and Hanbin lets it. He feels so warm and happy even though thoughts of long fingernails digging into his skin keep surfacing back.

He takes one look at the photo and gasps. Focusing on it once more, then again to make sure that he's seeing straight.

Bobby wants to know what all the fuss is about.

"She uhh.. she looks a lot different than Jeongyeon."

Bobby snorts, grabbing his phone and staring at her picture lovingly. Then at him. 

"Yeah, that's the point dumbass."

The realisation hits him, sobering him up in just a minute. He sneaks a look at the picture again and yep, he's right. He's absolutely right and things are about to get so much worse for the both of them.

She looks exactly like him. Plump lips, a nose that's sometimes considered cute sometimes considered too big and eyes that are literal copies of his. The girl's his long lost twin except with long brown hair. 

Bobby's in love with him and Hanbin has no idea what to do with that information, not at all.

 

*

 

He wakes up the next day, completely out of himself. It's a school day and he's got no idea what time it is.

His head's pounding and there are images of pink lips and the feeling of breath ghosting over his skin, making it hard to concentrate.

"Bobby?"

There's a stumble and he opens his eyes, light hitting him harshly and he hisses. 

Bobby's standing near the couch, towel wrapped around his waist and an almost empty whiskey bottle in his hands.

"Good morning sunshine, thought you'd never wake up."

He lets out a laugh and Hanbin finds if adorable even though it makes the pain in his head worse. He stares at Bobby's hipbones while the other walks away and Hanbin's kind of taken aback by how much he wants to lick them and how the thought doesn't scare him. Not at all.

"What time is it?"

He sounds like he's eaten glass and his breath smells like rotten salmon. It makes him gag.

"About 6. You passed out some time after your seventh glass. No wonder the room stinks."

Hanbin stares up at the ceiling, remembering how she looked exactly like him and it makes his stomach churn even more than the aftertaste of the alcohol on his tongue. 

"Why don't I feel _that_ tired though?"

Bobby's back in his vision again, bending down to take the cups and Hanbin's probably still a bit buzzed cause otherwise he wouldn't slap Bobby's ass. The other yelps and Hanbin lets out a loud laugh. Bobby looks flustered, raising his towel a bit and Hanbin's kind of proud of the affect he has on Bobby.

"Cause you passed out around 10 pm." He yells it from somewhere in the kitchen, snorting. 

Hanbin throws a pillow at the direction he thinks he is. There's a slight 'ow' and Hanbin snickers. 

"Are we going to school though?"

There's rattling and then silence. Hanbin's too weak to move so he just waits. 

"Yeah and I'm not gonna get detention again because of you, so get ready."

He's wearing boxers now and Hanbin keeps staring at him. Bobby stares right back, drying his hair and Hanbin lets his eyes roam without even wanting to. He has an aching need to kiss Bobby's skin that probably smells and tastes of that manly shower gel he used once.

Bobby quirks his brows then and Hanbin rolls his eyes. He's tired of answering questions and tired of hiding his affection. Bobby's neck's a bit pink when he leaves to change, making butterflies roam in his stomach. He did that. He has the power to make Bobby blush.

It makes him hungry for more.

 

*

 

They make it to school, Hanbin texting his mother that he's alright and spent the night at Bobby's. He assures her that Jeongyeon was there too and hopes she believes it. 

Junhoe can tell right away that he's hungover so of course he makes the loudest sounds humanly possible. Hanbin wants to murder him but he has nothing to do it with. 

"Our little Hanbin got drunk! Why'd that happen?"

He's somehow happy about it and Hanbin wonders why his pain brings him pleasure. 

"He was just being a miserable loser, as usual so we had a little whiskey. You can imagine the mess he left on my couch."

Junhoe turns his attention towards Bobby, his face filled with questions.

"You two got drunk alone? Well that sounds like a recipe for disaster."

Hanbin wants to snort at how real that statement is. Bobby actually does. 

"Yeah, next time I'll send him to your house."

Junhoe runs away at that and they both laugh. Hanbin glares at them trying to look angry, his insides fluttering instead, knowing that Bobby wouldn't let him leave his side even if he wanted to. 

 

*

 

By lunch time he's feeling better, all though he still can't touch his food.

And remembering all the things that he did last night makes him want to drown himself in the weird soup they've been served today.

He's not sure if he really did let out a whimper when Bobby touched him but the thought makes him squirm nonetheless. Bobby's in love with him yeah, which is still kind of a weird concept, but he's not ready to deal with Hanbin's boner for him. Not at all. 

Donghyuk seems to sense he's self loathing and sits by his side. Bobby and Jinhwan are nowhere to be found and he's kinda thankful for it.

"What's wrong? Still hungover?"

Hanbin nods, not wanting to talk about it. Then he thinks of how Jinhwan must've done this a billion times and it makes his heart lurch even more.

"You know you can always talk to me if it isn't the alcohol."

Hanbin finds himself nodding again, wanting to tell him that he's too nice for his own good. He stays quiet instead and Donghyuk busies himself with his lunch and books, arm still protectively over his shoulders.

It feels nice and comforting and Hanbin will take it. 

 

*

 

Bobby and Jinhwan make their entrance when the bell rings. Jinhwan looks pale and disoriented making Hanbin wonder what exactly happened there.

Bobby's smiling bright until he sees Donghyuk's arm nestled around his shoulders and something inside his eyes turns cold. 

"Jinhwan just met my girlfriend and I'm pretty sure he loves her."

Hanbin looks up, startled. He wanted to avoid this moment for as long as possible but now Jinhwan knows. Knows that Bobby's fallen out of love with him and in love with Hanbin and it makes him feel guiltier than ever. 

His eyes are empty of emotion when he snorts and whispers a quiet 'yeah'. Junhoe looks at him like he knows what's up and Hanbin is really curious as to how those two can read each other so well.

Bobby sits down for a second just to push away Donghyuk's arm. The other glares at him before getting up and Bobby asks Hanbin if he's coming on Friday, so he'd meet her face to face too.

He looks at Jinhwan for a long while before muttering a 'yes'. Jinhwan's staring at the ground and Hanbin hopes he can reconnect with him during the party. It shouldn't be that hard, at least he hopes so. 

When they leave to class, Hanbin can feel Jinhwan staring a hole into the back of his neck. He wonders if they'll ever be alright with each other again, he sure hopes so.

 

*

 

When he makes it to Jinhwans' a few days later it's kind of awkward. Not because he just came from Bobby's, face flushed and stomach traitorously filled with butterflies, but because it's too quiet. The TVs not on, there's no popcorn and Jinhwan is just sitting there with his books, eyes cast down. 

"So I was wondering if you're going to come to the party on Friday?"

He tries to sound casual, marking off a few sentences he'd like to use in their play. Jinhwan doesn't look at him and Hanbin wishes he could read his face.

"Yeah, probably. Bobby'll whine at me If I don't."

He smiles but not at him. Hanbin wants to ask how he's dealing with all of this but doesn't.

"I'm glad. He's gonna be all over his girlfriend and I'd like someone to talk to."

When he looks up from his lap, Jinhwan's eyes are already on him. There's a bit of relief and sadness in them, making Hanbin wonder if he can tell how they're stuck in the same boat. 

The rest of the evening goes better, Jinhwan opening up more and Hanbin really does hope to see him at the party. He'll need a good distraction to not stare at Bobby all night long and Jinhwan seems to need him for it too.

 

*

 

It's suddenly Friday already and Hanbin's not prepared at all. 

He's dressed up in his best button up shirt and skinny jeans. His mom makes a call to Jeongyeon, moving one of his lessons to Sunday and Hanbin wishes he could muster up the willpower to care. 

It's dribbling when he gets to the field. Yunhyeong's there, chatting with Donghyuk and they both look at him wide-eyed when he approaches. 

"Damn, you're really hoping to get lucky tonight are you?"

Yunhyeong's whistling and Hanbin smacks him on the head, laughing. 

"Well, this is probably the last time I'll ever get out of the house so thought I'd dress accordingly."

They both laugh and Yunhyeong makes his way towards the field. Donghyuk pats on a spot next to him and Hanbin asks about Junhoes' whereabouts.

The other turns up a few minutes later, Nayeon tugged next to his side. Hanbins' eyes widen and he tries to avoid looking at her.

She gives him a shy smile though and he thinks it might be okay between them after all. 

"He sure doesn't wait long." Donghyuk mutters it into his ear making Hanbin laugh loudly. When he opens his almost teary eyes, he sees Bobby staring right at them, hands balled into tight fists.

Seeing him jealous makes heat pool in his stomach and Hanbin craves for more.

 

*

 

Hanbin wonders why Jinhwan didn't come and midway through the game he knows. 

She's sitting in the front row, blowing kisses towards Bobby, long hair tossed over her lean shoulder. Hanbin can't wait to see her upclose, make sure that the picture he saw while drunk was accurate. If Jinhwan's mood changed because of what he assumes.

Bobby keeps staring up at him. His eyes warm and happy but then cold when they notice Donghyuks' arm around him or their breaths mingling in a whisper. 

It makes him shiver, the way Bobby sizes an oblivious Donghyuk up, the way he makes sure to stare at them until Hanbin removes himself from his warm side. 

He wants Bobby to say it out loud with his words but the actions speak for themselves and it'll do for now.

 

*

 

The game ends with them losing. Hanbin had sensed Bobby playing badly but now Yunhyeong's by their bench, whining annoyingly loudly about how disoriented Bobby was. He blames it on the new girl. 

Hanbin dares to look at him, the girl in his arms now and when Bobby looks back, his eyes burning into Donghyuk angrily, Hanbin knows it's not the case.

When they finally make their way towards the gates Bobby catches up with them.

"Y'all coming to the party?" 

He's exited, adrenaline rushing through his veins and sweat running down the sides of his face.

Donghyuk nods and so does Junhoe, Nayeon looking at them questioningly.

"Hanbin, you in?"

Bobby seems to care about his answer most, listening intently while trying to even out his breathing.

"Of course I'm in. You really think I'd come to a soccer game with these clothes?"

Bobby looks at his body appreciatevly and it makes him squirm. 

"Who knows, it's you."

Donghyuk laughs at that while Hanbin pretends to pout. Bobbys' gaze follows the movements of his lips and Donghyuk clears his throat, both of them startling.

"We should get going and so should you. See you there in half an hour!"

Hanbin's kind of grateful that he's got a chance at getting drunk before Bobby gets there. He hopes to find salvation in Jinhwan or Donghyuk, his only lifelines next to the unattainable Bobby.

 

*

 

The party's at some random guys' house Hanbin's never been to. It's a nice big one though, so all the people from his school and others from around the block should fit perfectly.

He's wrong. 

It's crowded as hell and Hanbin can feel sweat starting to form on his lower back during the first five minutes there. He wants to whine about it to Donghyuk but he's gone, chatting with some dude he knows.

Hanbin grabs himself a shot of soju and relaxes on one the old couches in the living room. A nice looking blonde girl sits next to him, her hands on his thighs and Hanbin squirms away from the touch. She doesn't seem to notice his inexplicable desire to run away and keeps talking to him, asking about his school and age and what he thinks of the party.

A few minutes pass and he starts feeling heated. It's the alcohol and the warmth of the bodies around him but something else too. Her hands find his thighs again and when he looks around there's a pair of eyes on him, raging in jealousy. 

Hanbin finds himself chatting along with her, enjoying the way Bobby's fists keep tightening around his girlfriends' dress. Finally, when the girl leaves to get them another shot, Bobby's there by his side, claiming him for good.

"So who was that?"

His voice is groggy from yelling over all the people and Hanbin finds that it sounds much more delicious to his ears than it would have an hour ago. He's drunk already. 

"Just some girl who's interested in me."

He smirks at Bobby, knowing well how his flushed cheeks leave the other a wrong impression. He revels in it. 

"So you're into her?"

Bobby's fingers are grabbing his thigh tightly and Hanbin wonders if he's aware of it and how possessive it looks. 

"I don't know. Maybe I will be."

He lets his own fingers graze over Bobby's and the other startles, finally making him notice what he's doing. 

"Good for you, heard she's good at what she does."

Hanbin quirks his brows and keeps playing with Bobby's fingers, making the other sit upright and stare at the ground below him. 

"What does that mean?"

Bobby lets out a ragged breath and Hanbin can smell the coke on it and wonders if Bobby's drunk at all.

"Well I've already seen her hit on seven other guys tonight but since she's experienced it'll work out just fine."

Hanbin wants to snort at how jealous Bobby sounds, breaking their eye contact instead to stare at his girlfriend. 

"She's gorgeous by the way."

Bobby looks over at her and smiles. Hanbin feels something twist in his gut. He hopes the blonde will be back soon with their shots.

"Yeah, I know. I'm a lucky man." 

Hanbin sees his 'date' walking back and adds in something he'd never say while sober.

"Reminds me of someone I know."

Bobby looks over at him, surprise eminent in his eyes. He then averts his gaze as if he's been burned. Before he can answer, there's the girl again, vodka on her breath and soju in her hands.

Bobby leaves  but his gaze keeps following him around throughout the night. 

 

*

 

He finally finds Jinhwan, chatting to a guy he's seen in the library a few times. He interrupts their conversation and Jinhwan seems to be very very thankful for it.

"God, he was literally so boring I thought I'd kill myself with my cocktail glass."

Hanbin lets out a loud laugh, noticing how Jinhwans' cheeks are pink and his eyes sparkling. He looks happy and incredibly gorgeous. It makes him smile. 

"What's up with you? Drunk off your ass again?"

Hanbin chuckles, hiding his faint blush behind his hands, even though his face is already red from the alcohol. 

"No, it's just nice to get out once in a while."

Jinhwan seems to agree with that, downing his last sip of whatever cocktail he had and grabbing Hanbins' elbow to drag them towards the kitchen.

"By the way, I hope you and Bobby call me up the next time you decide to get wasted. I'm kinda always up for a drink."

He says it boldly but there's a shyness to his voice and vulnerability in his eyes. Hanbin nods, letting his thumb trace his knuckles in reassurement.

Jinhwan melts into his side after another cocktail and Hanbin's kind of dizzy so he lets him.

It's nice. They share meaningless conversation about school and Bobby but also silent ones about their feelings.

Sad smirks and tightly closed lips conveying everything they just can't say out loud. Hanbin wants to protect Jinhwan from all the bad that's to come, feeling like he's his long lost and suffering big brother.

They share the same taste in guys and humor. Hanbin finds it comforting that he's found someone so alike in a crowd of faceless bodies that make him feel so foreign. Someone who he feels comfortable with, his touch not making his skin crawl or heart ache.

"So you're still hanging out with Jeongyeon?"

Jinhwan's made himself what seems like a thousandth cocktail and Hanbin's only at his sixth shot. He feels much more drunk though.

"Yeah, she's my tutor. And she's nice which is like a huge bonus."

Jinhwan snorts, downing Hanbin's shot for him, making him whine.

"But isn't it awkward? You still talk to Bobby and she used to bang him.. yikes."

Hanbin almost adds that he _wants_ to bang him but thankfully doesn't.

"No? I mean it was at first but then I talked to her and she's just too nice to hate or stay away from. Besides it's not like I'm the reason Bobby broke up with her."

Jinhwans' smile falters for a second and Hanbin realises what he said. Their gazes land on the new girls' hips on the dance floor and Bobby's hands on her ass.

Hanbin takes another shot and excuses himself, the awkwardness they were talking about now existing between them instead.

He hopes they can work past this somehow. They just have to.

 

*

 

He's sitting on the back porch, in an old swing with a beer in his hands. The air is nice and cooling and he doesn't mind the hoard of smokers a few feet away. 

There's the sound of the door creaking open and then someone's sitting next to him. Hanbin doesn't have to be a genius to know it's Bobby and his ridiculously drunken face. 

"Come here."

Hanbin feels his stomach churn and inches away instead.

"Why?"

Bobby slides closer to him but it's nothing to be surprised by. He leans in and Hanbin wonders where he took the space.

"I'm gonna give your ears a gift."

He takes his earphones and wiggles his eyebrows.

"Is this really necessary?"

Hanbin's laughing out of nerves and the alcohol buzzing under his skin. Bobby nods, eyes determined. His right hand holds him in place as he lifts his leg over Hanbin's lap to place one of the bud's in his ear.

Hanbin's still laughing and squirming when he accidentally hits a spot that he wishes he didn't. Bobby's smile falters for a minute before he continues, eyes slightly darker than usual.

The other bud goes in as Bobby sits down on him with not much finesse, staring right into his eyes. 

Hanbin's got a feeling that Bobby can tell exactly what's on his mind right now and it makes him want another shot.

The music's a slow tempo rap with lyrics that hit close to home. Hanbin can't help but stare at his hands on his lap, not wanting to look up. The smokers are still chattering and the music's still pumping from the house. All Hanbin can hear though is the song Bobby's playing for him and it makes his heart beat faster in his chest.

He can feel Bobby's firm body against his and the muscles in his thighs working to keep him in place. Hanbin wonders if he's done this a lot. He squirms again, the stupid habit making him bump into something he never expected to.

Bobby's already staring at him when he looks up, eyes landing on his lips ever so often. He keeps biting his own and Hanbin wonders what would happen if he'd rock up into him.

He wants to take out the buds and escape but Bobby's hands grab his, holding them with much needed force to pin Hanbin back to his spot. 

He's lightheaded by the music and by Bobby's stupid scent, probably the alcohol too. The musk and chocolate is invading his personal space and Hanbin wonders why the faint hint of sweat makes it so much hotter for him.

Bobby's biceps flex and the veins pop on his hands, trying to keep him put. Hanbin tries his best to will away the inevitable, the situation hard to handle with the state he's in.

He thinks of his mom and her harsh words. Blonde hair and curveless bodies that instead of making his heart beat faster like they used to, make him nauseous. Nothing works, all of him focusing on the man right in front _and_ on top of him.

The song ends and Bobby slowly picks out the earbuds, letting his fingers brush against the side of his neck, that's probably deep red by now, as they retreat. 

Hanbin can finally hear himself and it's so obvious. The way he takes in deep breaths but let's them out as mere shutters. The way his chest constricts with all that fresh air, his brain short circuiting by the intensity of it.

Bobby's still on his lap. Like it's the most casual thing ever.

"Do you like it?"

Hanbin nods.

"Good."

And then he's slowly removing himself from his lap, the wind gushing against Hanbins' hot skin. He can feel goosebumps forming and it occupies his mind until he sees that what he wanted to avoid has happened. The tent in his pants obvious to anyone who might be looking. 

He holds in a groan and takes a chance, quickly glancing at Bobby. The other is sitting on the far side of the swing, mouth open wide while staring at him and Hanbin knows exactly what he saw. 

Bobby squirms and crosses his legs before darting out of there, letting Hanbin get a glance of his tight pants that leave nothing to the imagination. This time he's sure that it's not the alcohol. And that they're both so _so_ screwed.

 

*

 

When he dares to go back inside again, after willing away his godawful boner into a semi, which is the best he could do, he spots Jinhwan talking to Junhoe, both of them huddled close over a rum bottle.

Hanbin walks towards them, trying to eavesdrop when a loud holler from the front room catches his attention. The music gets turned up as he walks in to see Yunhyeong dancing on one of the tables, tequila bottle in his hand and shirt hanging off his neck.

Hanbin laughs, spotting Bobby's eyes in the crowd and the other looks ravishing. Lips swollen and pupils blown. Hanbin knows how he got that look to happen and it makes him feel crappier than ever before.

He grabs a passing Donghyuk's arm asking him if he wants to escort him home. Hanbins' hands go around the others' waste and lips on the shell of his ear when he whispers about grabbing another soju bottle to drink on their way there. It's all innocent to them but as they leave, Hanbin catches Bobby's eye again and this time the other storms off, dragging his girlfriend painfully along with him.

Hanbin doesn't know what to expect from Monday enjoying Donghyuks' company instead both of them singing along badly to Bigbangs' greatest hits. 

Hanbin decides that if he's ever going to tell anyone, then it'd be Donghyuk. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gaahhh I rewrote this chapter like seven hundred times but still feel like it came out messy. Thankfully by the end I already had my groove back a little so Im looking forward to writing the next one.  
> And if you dont like it(hopefully that wont happen) then blame it on my stuffy nose and sore throat, it's been the worst distraction ever.


	12. Feral Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time he kisses him.

 

Bobby doesn't text him, come to his house or talk to him at all throughout the weekend.

Hanbin's curious if it's because of the girl or if Bobby's just reconnected with Jinhwan. He's starting to forget the burn of his fingers on his thighs and it makes him anxious. 

His mother seems pleased though. Jeongyeon comes over and they study, Hanbin forcing a smile on his face and acting like he's okay when it couldn't be closer to the truth.

 

*

 

Monday seems gloomier than usual and Hanbin convinces himself it's not because of Bobby ignoring him when he enters through the school gates. Not at all.

He spends math worrying about what he did wrong. He talked to that blonde girl yeah, but nothing happened? And Donghyuk's as innocent as can be.

They walked home on Friday, Hanbin complimenting his singing skills and that was it. Donghyuk patting his back in solidarity and both of them going their own way, cheeks flushed by the alcohol. 

 

*

 

"You look like shit today, everything good?"

Junhoe's eating like a pig and Hanbin wonders why he can't seem to put anything in his mouth without it making his stomach churn uncomfortably.

"Yeah, I'm fine just a little hungover from Friday probably."

Yunhyeong chews loudly on his meat, wiping his greasy hands in his jeans. Hanbin holds in an eye roll.

"That was two days ago, you can't be drunk anymore." 

Hanbin squirms in his seat when Bobby approaches, he's kind of alarmed how well he can tell it's him just by the sound of his breathing and the way he walks. 

"Yeah but I'm not used to it."

Junhoe makes an understanding noise as Yunhyeong finishes his last piece of meat, burping loudly and making Junhoe smack him in the back for it.

Bobby sits away from him, letting Jinhwan take the spot in the middle. He looks at the latter questioningly but Jinhwan doesn't seem to know what's bugging Bobby either.

Hanbin's stomach drops when Donghyuk runs towards their table and sits next to him, arm dropping around his waist and talking excitedly about an offer to join the drama club.

He's happy for Donghyuk, he really is but the way Bobby shuts off right afterwards is horrible. It makes him joyous that he's suffering too for once but just for a second. 

"I'm gonna go, gotta big test."

It's all he says when he jumps up about a minute later, grabbing his bag and walking off leaving everyone perplexed about what just happened. 

 

*

 

Tuesday goes the same way and so does Wednesday. Almost. 

No texts, no visits no nothing. Only cold stares at the school gates and towards Donghyuk.

Hanbin wants to confront him about it and finds PE to be the perfect time to do it. They're bound to work out together and Bobby's got to stop avoiding him sometime.

 

*

 

 "Take the ball!"

It's slightly dribbling but Hanbin can hear loud thunder from a few miles away. 

The teacher looks up, concerned but doesn't end their class.

"Hello, Hanbin! The ball!"

Junhoe's yelling at him and Hanbin finally notices Bobby running towards him with great speed. Yunhyeong's near, ready to take over if Hanbin fails.

He tries to push the ball away from Bobby's feet but gets pushed to the mud instead. It takes him by total surprise.

"What's wrong with you?"

He wipes the wet grass and dirt off his pants, glaring at Bobby who just grunts an apology and runs forward, scoring.

Yunhyeong gives him an apologetic look and a shrug. Donghyuk's there soon, helping him pat off the dirt. 

Jinhwan keeps staring at a victorious Bobby in curiosity and then at Hanbin. He wishes he had answers for the both of them but sadly he doesn't.

 

*

 

They keep playing until there's rain so heavy, he can't even tell which way the schoolhouse is. 

The teacher ends their lesson with a loud whistle, screaming at them to go change. Donghyuk's got the same idea, grabbing his arm and telling him to run but Hanbin stays behind. 

He can tell Bobby's still drinking his water by the side of the field. He thanks himself for spending hours of his valuable time staring at him, the shape of his body familiar even in a literal torrent.

He jogs closer, rain patting down on him hard, making him wonder how come he can still hear his own heartbeat in his ears when he approaches. 

"We need to talk."

His voice cracks when he yells it. 

"There's nothing to talk about. Go inside you're gonna get a cold."

Bobby's demeanor has changed completely, arms crossed and eyes trying to make out the shape of their retrieving teammates, not sparing him a second glance.

Hanbin grabs his arm sharply, trying to make him move. Bobby stays put like a petulant child.

"Listen, you've been acting strange lately and I know something's up cause you haven't even texted me. At least tell me what's bothering you?"

The rain is making it hard for him to read his face and Hanbin hopes it stops soon. He needs all the information he can get.

"There's nothing to talk about. Go back to Donghyuk or something, I'm fine!"

Bobby sounds hurt and angry which is so unlike him. There's always a hint of sun behind those eyes but right now they remind him more of the cold cold rain. The space between their bodies is unfamiliar so Hanbin steps closer. Bobby steps back.

"Would you stop acting like a child? And what does Donghyuk have to do with any of this?"

Hanbin never wants to make him jealous again, Bobby stepping back every time he steps closer again. Hanbin reaches out to grab his shoulder but Bobby shrugs it off.

"I'm not acting like a child. I'm just- I- Go be with Donghyuk and let me be alone."

Hanbin groans, he doesn't even hear it himself over the loudness of the torrent. He takes a whiff and even though he shouldn't smell it, he still can. The musk on Bobby's skin mingling with sweat and his breath reminding him of bitter dark chocolate. 

"Why do you have a problem with him?  He's a nice guy. I like him."

Bobby snorts, hands fisting in his own shirt. Hanbin grabs them but Bobby shakes him off again. 

"Yeah, that's obvious. You look at him like a lovesick puppy and it's disgusting."

Bobby's voice is filled with venom, his spit landing on his face like hot fire. 

"What is that supposed to mean?"

Bobby stands closer now, nostrils flaring and voice thick with misery.

"That I can see how much you fucking love him and want to be around him more than me. So go, go be with him! It's not like I care!"

Hanbin is surprised by all of this, Bobby's saying much more than he ever thought he would and Hanbin wonders if he's finally realising why he hates Donghyuk in Hanbins' vicinity so much.

"Even If I am in love with him, what does it matter to you?"

He says it calmly, standing closer, their chests pressed together and heaving. There's silence for a while and Bobby seems to be searching for something in his eyes. Hanbin has no idea if he's found what he's looking for.

"Tell me!"

He lets his index finger jab into Bobby's chest,  palm slowly flattening  to feel the loud thumping of his heartbeat.

And then Bobby leans in fiercefully, the raindrops chasing each other on their almost joint skin.

His lips are chapped, tasting of salt. Hands finding themselves on his lower back, fisting in the material when he doesn't respond.

Bobby's about to retrieve when Hanbin grabs his face in his hands, letting his tongue trace his teeth and thumbs trace the sharp line of his jaw.

Their teeth chatter from the cold and clash when the angle's wrong, making Hanbins' nose push uncomfortably into Bobby's cheek. It doesn't matter though, cause Bobby's tongue is hot and wild and whenever it touches his it makes him burn. 

His heads dizzy and he wonders if this is how it feels to be high. 

Bobby bites into his lower lip, a needy whine escaping from Hanbins' mouth. Their bodies are flush together, Hanbins' fingers scraping the sides of his neck, drying to dig into him like dirt.

Bobby's hands touch every inch of his skin like he's been deprived of it and Hanbin craves more. He wants to chase the taste of chocolate forever and the outlines of Bobby's shaky hands tattooed on his rib cage, where they belong.

Bobby lets go when there's a loud whistle, their foreheads touching and bodies shivering. Hanbin's never felt this intoxicated and when he looks up, he's pretty sure Bobby hasn't felt this way either.

The other seems to realise what they'd just done, his eyes widening in panic and arms letting go of Hanbins' nape. 

"Bobby-"

He steps backwards, shaking his head like he's just been told the worst news of his life. Hanbin has seen that look before, in his own eyes and it makes the taste of Bobby on his tongue turn bitter again. 

"Dont-"

Bobby shakes his head once more, feet moving faster and faster until he turns around and makes a run for it, invisible in almost seconds.

Hanbin stares at the ground, butterflies blooming in his stomach and chest constricting with the deep yet unsteady breaths he takes. He feels like the rain'll drown him so he chases it instead.

 

*

 

He runs towards the locker rooms, heart pounding in his chest. The feeling of Bobby's warm body next to him still making him dizzy and he swears the rains still pounding harshly onto his skin.

He sees Bobby enter the locker rooms just seconds before him and he scrambles to get there even faster.

He opens the doors, unaware of the dozen pairs of eyes on him and the silence that's suddenly in the room.

"Bobby wait, we need to-"

He hears someone clear their throat and Hanbin looks around. Guys in several states of undress but he doesn't care about it in the least.

"Where were you? We thought you guys died out there or something. Coach even came whistling and nothing!"

Junhoe looks concerned as hell and Hanbin has no answers to give him. There's a loud slam from the other end of the room and then Bobby's running past him, shaking off Hanbin's hand, unresponsive to Jinhwans' loud yelling. 

He's still heaving and he can tell how cold it is now, how much he's shaking and how his lips are probably turning lilac by now, the pink that Bobby left on his mouth mingling with arctic hues.

"Is everything alright?"

The coach pats him on the shoulder, voice concerned. Hanbin keeps staring at the floor and then he looks up at Jinhwan. He seems to be just as confused as the others and Hanbin realises he's never been in this situation before. It being nothing they can share. 

"I-I'm alright. I'll just go shower."

Junhoe keeps asking him questions but he ignores it, muttering a 'talk later' and making his way towards his usual stall. Donghyuk's staring at the ground when he passes him and Hanbin wants to tell him all about it but it's taking time to process, a lot of it. A fleeting but furious kiss taking over his mind like nothing has ever done before.

This time there's no one to clear their throat and ask his shampoo. Hanbin's not sure how he feels about it. 

 

*

 

He's about to go home, head dizzy and arms still shaking when a hand on his shoulder stops him.

He thinks of cold fingers and heartbeats in sync hope filling his chest up like flooding rain.

It's Jinhwan and Hanbin wants to keep his disappointment at bay.

"What happened?"

He looks a bit angry but most of all concerned. Hanbin shrugs his shoulders, mouth closed into a tight line. 

"Hanbin, you're not fooling me. Bobby just stormed off, he's not answering any of my calls or texts and you look like someone killed your family."

Hanbin wants to laugh at that but the sound's stuck in his throat.

"We had a big fight. I told him some bad stuff he told me some awful stuff and that's that."

Hanbin hopes he'll get a free pass for now. He just wants to go home before shit hits the fan. He knows what's probably going through Bobby's mind right now.   
He's scared, terrified and blaming Hanbin for all his feelings. Ready to punch the lights out of him and tell all of his new friends that he's a 'fag'. Hanbin wishes he didn't know this by experience.

"Are you sure that's all?"

Jinhwan's hand is on his shoulder and he really looks worried. Hanbin wonders how come Bobby never kissed him and why all of a sudden he's the exception. 

"Yeah, I don't know why Bobby's _this_ pissed off but honestly I'm done dealing with him."

Hanbin hopes that he sounds angry and upset. He's feeling all of that but mostly just sad. Ready to pack up his bags one more time to end up at a mental hospital or catholic school. He's heard her threats too many times not to remember them all.

"Okay. I hope you guys fix whatever's going on."

Hanbin nods, ready to make his exit. Jinhwan grabs his arm one last time and Hanbin thinks that when he turns around, he might see a bit of happiness in his eyes, joy over their 'breakup'. He's wrong and he knows it. Jinhwan would never feel happy about it. Even if he'd want to. 

It makes him feel even guiltier.

"And if you wanna talk you know where to find me."

He gives him one last smile and Hanbin forces one onto his face too, the last pieces of his energy going under it.

He makes it home, socks dry but eyes teary. He wonders if this is how it feels to get your heartbroken before it was even fixed.

 

*

 

Turns out he's just got a mad fever.

He doesn't go to school and he wouldn't even want to. He's turned off his phone, dreading the texts and calls from all his friends when Bobby spills. 

Avoiding the outside world goes fairly well when he's down with a bad cold. His mom doesn't suspect a thing and Hanbin is kind of thankful that his health is actually deteriorating and not just his mental state.

He spends the day in his bed, cuddling with Hanbyul when their mother doesn't see and singing her soft lullaby's with his sore throat. She asks him about Bobby and Hanbin really wishes she didn't. 

He wakes up in the middle of the night to feverish dreams, making him believe that rain's actually pounding down on him. His pillows smell faintly like musk.

He convinces himself it's just the fever, there's no way his stuffy nose could smell or taste anything for a long while. Yet he still smells it every time he wakes up from one of his dreams, heartbeat pounding like mad in his chest and hot breath ghosting on his lips. 

 

*

 

Friday goes the same. He wakes up at around 1 pm, finally turning on his phone to check the inevitable yet there's nothing.

Just worried voicemails and texts from Donghyuk and Junhoe. Even a cute selfie telling him to stay safe from Yunhyeong.

Jinhwan hasn't sent a thing and Hanbin wonders if Bobby told him. Or if he figured it out by himself. He's not sure if he wants to know. 

 

*

 

When he wakes up from another dream he feels the name spill from his lips without him wanting it to. 

"Who's Mark?"

It startles the hell out of him and Hanbin looks up to find Donghyuk, Junhoe and Yunhyeong all sitting or standing by his bed, balloons in their hands and a box of weird liquid. His stomach growls at that but he focuses on what's important.

"Huh?"

Hanbin feels cold sweat forming on his lip and he hopes they don't ask anything else. But if they know about him and Bobby then it wouldn't matter anyway. 

"You mentioned the name 'Mark'." Donghyuk touches his forehead and makes a neat little sound in the back of his throat. "Your fever seems to be almost gone!"

Hanbin tries to smile and he thinks it works when the three of them smile back widely. They don't ask about Mark again. He counts his blessings.

"Brought you soup."

Yunhyeong hands the weird liquid over and even though Hanbin's never seen anything as gross as that, he still can't wait to eat it.

"Your mom made it?"

Hanbin takes a whiff and the smell is actually delicious.

"Nope, I did."

Hanbin looks up horrified and Junhoe smacks Yunhyeong on the arm, doubling over in giggles. Donghyuk just looks at them fondly and explains that Yunhyeong's actually a pretty good self-proclaimed cook. The latter seems to be embarrassed by all the praise and Hanbin feels like there's so much he doesn't know about them yet and he really wants to.

"Well I'm glad to eat it then but just a bit later."

He puts it down and Junhoe hands him a pile of papers. Hanbin quirks his brow. 

"Homework, the reason why I'm here."

He acts nonchalant but Donghyuk's nudging his side then and Junhoe smiles, obviously wanting to see him too.

Hanbin feels happiness bubble in him and it almost unties the permanent knot in his stomach.

 

*

 

They make their way downstairs, Junhoe complaining about his room stinking of sickness and all of them laugh.

His mother looks wound up but not as much as when she saw him with the box. He wonders why she let them in. 

"So when'd you get here?"

He sits down on the couch, limbs still weak and heart barely pumping. He wonders if it's because of the fever or love sickness.

"About an hour ago actually. We didn't wanna wake you up so we helped your mom and Hanbyul out with household stuff."

Hanbin nods, eyes landing on the faint figure of his mom sitting by the kitchen counter.

"What did you talk to her about?"

He hopes it comes out casual and not fearful. She seems to perk up from her seat and Hanbin drops his gaze almost immediately.

"Not much. Introduced ourselves, talked about school. Asked if she knew anything about what happened between you and Bobby but seems she's just as clueless as us."

Hanbin's heart sinks and he can feel his face pale immediately. He knows it's cause of the lack of food but something else too. She's still sitting in the kitchen when he looks up and Hanbin involuntarily drags his fingers over the burn mark on his inner wrist, barely noticeable to anyone else but him. 

"Oh, right. Well we just had a huge fight cause of his new girlfriend. I felt he cheated Jeongyeon and then yeah, some stuff was said."

Hanbin wonders why Bobby hasn't spilled the beans yet. Why is he staying quiet when Hanbin knows the next step of the formula is for him to brag about his manliness to everyone and betray Hanbin? He thinks that maybe this time things are different. He doesn't let himself hope too much.

"Well whatever you say. Bobby's not been to school either so we guess he's sick in bed but Jinhwan'll take care of that."

Hanbin nods, trying to smirk at that. He really can't force himself to do it though.

"But anyway, we brought a movie with us so..what do you say?"

Donghyuk's sitting by him now, waving a 'Legally Blonde' DVD in front of him and Hanbin actually does laugh at that. Junhoe and Yunhyeong keep battling over who gets the other seat on the couch and who has to sit on the ground.

In the end Yunhyeong decides to lounge on top of them and Hanbin likes it. Likes the feeling of warmth and comraderie surrounding him, the faint laughter from his left and right. Yunhyeongs' poking fingers in his armpit when Hanbin's been too quiet. 

He needs it but not as much as invisible freckles and whisper like groans that make his knees buckle.

 

*

 

"Oh before we go I wanted to ask if you have any plans for your birthday?"

Hanbin's taken aback by the question, already forgotten that it's his birthday in just a week. Or two, he's not exactly sure of the dates right now.

"Umm, no?"

He hopes they're not planning a surprise party or something. He's never had one but he thinks he'd hate it. 

"Good, keep it open. We have some plans for you."

Hanbin fakes a groan and then pretends to look angry. Donghyuk laughs and Junhoe promises that he'll enjoy it.

Hanbin's kind of exited thinking about it but then he remembers Bobby and he wonders if he'll even make it to his birthday.

The door closes and his mother clears her throat.

 

*

 

When Jeongyeon comes over on Saturday, Hanbin feels a lot better. He apologizes for cancelling their lesson but explains he was sick.

He's dressed neatly and she seems surprised.

"What's this about?"

Hanbin offers her a seat at their table, much more polite than usual. Jeongyeon blushes a little at that and Hanbin pinches himself to smile. 

"Just wanted to be nice. And kind of ask you out too."

His mothers' standing near the staircase, fingernails clicking against her smartphone screen.

"What?" 

Jeongyeon seems confused but delighted. Hanbin smiles at her again, willing away his usual awkwardness.

"Well just as friends."

He hears the clicking stop.

"At first that is."

Jeongyeon's smiling wide, hiding her blush behind Hanbins' physics notebooks. She looks at him for a long while. Probably trying to find the sincerity in his eyes. Hanbin thinks of burning fingers to make it appear.

"Yeah sure. I'd love that."

Her smile falters for a second, Hanbins' hand hovering over hers on the table.

"What about Bobby?"

Hanbin waves his hand around in a gesture of 'it's nothing'. He hopes it doesn't come off fake.

"It's okay. I'll talk to him if we need to. But right now.. friends on a date?"

She laughs and shakes his hand. He keeps holding it throughout the night as his mother stands there, pleased smile on her face. 

 

*

 

Monday arrives way too soon and since he's healthy he has to go to school.

He wonders if Bobby'll show. If he's told anyone about what happened and if he has then Hanbin just hasn't seen or heard the backslash yet.

Everyone seems to look past him as usual, Junhoe and Yunhyeong taking him into a hug that can only be called a human sandwich.

"I can't breathe!"

He's wheezing out of laughter and joy. Junhoe's laughing like a maniac and then Yuhnyeong lets him go, waving at someone.

Hanbin looks over, smile disappearing from his face. It's Bobby.

He waves back, weakly. Hanbin stares a hole into him but to Bobby he might as well be a ghost. Thin air. 

He walks past them without aknowledging his presence and Hanbin doesn't know how to feel. Lucky that he hasn't told anyone about what happened or broken. His heart decides on it's own and of course it chooses broken. Of course it does.

 

*

 

"Are you and Bobby still fighting?"

Junhoe looks concerned and Hanbin doesn't know how to answer.

"I guess so, yeah."

He tries taking a bite of his chicken but Donghyuk interrupts with another question.

"So you haven't talked at all?"

Hanbin shakes his head, nerves bundling in his stomach. Jinhwan arrives then, without Bobby. The knot in his stomach tightens.

"What did you do to him?"

Jinhwan looks at Hanbin with frustration and he's too surprised to answer, a noodle sticking out of his mouth.

"Hey, don't blame Hanbin for Bobby's moods. You know how he is at times."

Donghyuk's pointing his chopsticks angrily at Jinhwan and the other relaxes a bit. Junhoe and Yunhyeong both look at them, ready to bet on whatever fight's going to happen next.

"I'm not blaming him but Bobby's literally refusing to come to lunch, answering everything with just a grunt and I've never seen him like this before."

Jinhwan stares at his hands and Hanbin swallows the lump in his throat.

"I'm just worried, that's all."

Donghyuk seems to soften at that and now he's looking at Hanbin who automatically stares down, not knowing what to do with the honesty in his eyes.

"Well Hanbin hasn't told us much about this situation either but I'm pretty sure he's gonna go and talk things out with him. Am I right Hanbin?"

He hates how much Donghyuk sounds like a mother, his mother, when he says it. Hanbin waits for a long long while before answering.

"Fine. But If I get beaten up then it's your fault."

They all laugh but Hanbin doesn't find the statement funny at all.

 

*

 

He doesn't have to do it himself. It's late, very late. Hanbyul's asleep on his lap and Hanbin's kind of nodding off as well.

There's an almost silent knock. His eyes keep falling shut. Then another which makes him jolt. He gently puts Hanbyul on the couch and moves towards the door, yawning and not even thinking about him when he opens it.

"Wha-"

Hanbin's staring at him, mouth open and he can't seem to close it. The cold air hits him hard, especially since he's tired.

"Listen."

Bobby lets out a sigh he seemed to be holding for days now. Weeks. Years. 

"I'm sorry about the other day. I- I shouldn't have done that."

Hanbin wants to say something but his mouth's dry and throat closed up. He wonders where this will lead. If Bobby'll deny himself again. 

"It's unfair of me to..to.."

He scratches his head, staring downwards. Hanbin is aching for their eyes to meet and their lips to touch.

"I don't want to use or take advantage of you. That day I kinda put the last pieces of a puzzle together that I've been solving for years now. Well trying to avoid solving but it's always been there and-"

Bobby stops himself, hand on his own mouth. He looks a bit apologetic and then his eyes stop on Hanbins' lips. He winces like just looking at him burns and Hanbin knows exactly how that feels.

"I'm being all metaphorical right now but just.. I'm still figuring myself out and I'm not sure who or what I like. So I just wanted to say sorry and uhh.." 

He waves his hands around, thinking of something to say. Hanbin's been quiet the whole time and he doesn't really want to change that. 

"I hope that we can still be friends?"

Hanbin nods, relief flooding over him. He's not sure if it makes him happy that Bobby didn't rat him out or sad that they're still avoiding the attraction, the inevitable, between them.

"I hope so too."

Bobby looks up at him, his breath hitching when Hanbin bites his lips. He scrambles to stand further away from him and Hanbin wants to chuckle even though the movement makes something in him ache. 

"I'm sorry." 

Hanbin smiles sadly, thinking of all the boys he's looked at from afar but never really gotten to touch. The one in front of him not being an exception.

"It's okay."

Bobby wants to pat his arm but then decides against it, sliding his hand into his pocket. 

Hanbin winces at the awkwardness of it all, wondering when Bobby'll finally be okay with the attraction he has towards him, when he'll stop avoiding it like it's the plague. He knows it's scary, he's been through it and he knows how everyone deals with change differently. Yet he still somehow hopes that Bobby'll come to terms with his feelings and that there could be a chance of something, anything, between them.

"By the way, " Bobby stares at the ground, cheeks becoming red and Hanbin wonders what he's about to ask "Did you like it?" 

He hears the silent 'Are you into me?' behind the question and he swallows. Bobby's eyes follow the movement and then they're on the ground again, like he's been burned. Hanbin knows the sensation oh so well.

"Yeah." 

It's louder than a whisper but barely and Hanbin can hear how breathless it sounds, how low his voice suddenly is. 

Bobby looks up like an exited but scared puppy. They have a staring competition that ends with oggling each others' lips. Bobby can't seem to say goodbye so Hanbin does it for him.

He closes the door, confused but happy. His hearts' beating back in rhythm again and Hanbin lets the butterflies carry him upstairs, to a bed that smells like apple & cinnamon but just a little bit of musk too.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So lately ive been writing a lot of huuugee chapters (for me that is) but this ones a bit shorter. I just couldnt wait to post this and see what yall think! As usual it's super late so i'll go over any possible mistakes tomorrow!  
> And the kiss scene is literally what inspired me to write this fic. Ive had it in my head for months now haha


	13. Wicked Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time he cooks for him.

His mom gives him a peck on the cheek before he leaves for school, asking when his date with Jeongyeon's taking place. Hanbin shrugs his shoulders and hopes to get it over with soon. 

The sun's out and Hanbin wonders what that means. He remembers small specks of sunlight on Bobby's face and it makes him want to kiss him all over again. This time with the sun hugging his skin and Bobby's lips swallowing his breathless moans.

He meets the guys by the gate and Bobby's there too. His wave is still weak and his hello is even weaker. Hanbin finds comfort in the fact that the tips of his ears are pink like his own.

"So, you guys settled down?"

Hanbin wants to choke Junhoe for using that wording, seeing how Bobby closes off the minute he says it. 

"Yeah, kinda."

He shrugs and tries not to stare at Bobby's reaction. He still does.

"So who cracked first? You took Donghyuk's advice or was Bobby this time the brave one?"

Hanbin hopes that Junhoe'll lose his interest in this topic soon. Bobby's still tense and staring at the ground. 

Hanbin's kind of amazed at how different he looks. Awkward yes, but somehow glowing. Maybe it's the sunlight or maybe it's freedom to be who he really is. He hopes it's both. 

He answers for him, Bobby's demeanor too awkward to bring anything good of it.

Junhoe seems to settle for now, the bell ringing as  Donghyuk runs towards them, hand sneaking around Hanbins' waist. 

Bobby glares at them until Hanbin steps away and that seems to please him. Hanbin wonders when the others will notice how jealous he's become. When Jinhwan will see that Bobby's got eyes just for him.

The thought makes him giddy yet frustrated. This is not going to end well.

 

*

 

"Can you believe Junhoe already broke up with Nayeon?"

Yunhyeong's accusingly pointing his chopsticks towards him and Hanbin chuckles. He actually is surprised. Junhoe just rolls his eyes. 

"Why'd you break up with her? Thought it was going well."

Donghyuk's sitting beside him, hands around his plate protectively when Yunhyeong tries to snatch a chicken wing off of it. 

"Well yeah but she was.. you know."

Junhoe gestures something with his hands that none of them seem to follow. Hanbin can see Jinhwan and Bobby approaching and for some reason he decides to snuggle closer to Donghyuk.

"Know what?"

He quirks his brow and Junhoe lets out a loud groan. There are plenty of people outside to glare at him. He's still not used to the sun or the fact that he has to strain to hear what Junhoe's mumbling from the other side of the table. 

"You know.. a prude."

Yunhyeong starts giggling so hard that he accidentally pushes over his smoothie. It's Junhoe's turn to laugh now, Yunhyeongs fingers trying to pinch his nipples.

"Poor Junhoe, rejected again by a beautiful girl. Guess you have to rely on Yunhyeong from now on."

Jinhwan sits down as both Yunhyeong and Junhoe glare at him, ready to argue about it. 

"So what you're saying is that she was willing with Hanbin and not with you? Damn.. you've got bad luck."

Bobby decides where to sit,  staring at the space near Junhoe and then at Hanbin's thighs pressed against Donghyuks'. Hanbin can feel his pulse rising when Bobby's hand touches his shoulder possessively. 

"Look who's talking. The guy who broke up with his new girl who he was so 'madly in love with'. Wimp."

Junhoe tosses a piece of bread at him as Bobby pushes Donghyuk's things to the other end of the table, hand still squeezing Hanbins' shoulder. 

Hanbin's almost dizzy by how the touch makes him feel. It's been so long since they've even looked at each other and even more since they've touched each other. 

Donghyuk moves himself over with a glare and Hanbin wants to tell Bobby how obvious he is. Especially when he looks over at a baffled Jinhwan. 

And only then does he process what Junhoe said.

"Wait, you broke up with your girlfriend?"

Jinhwans' ahead of him and Bobby nods, sitting down to stuff his face with food. Obviously ignoring the question. 

Bobby's body heat is overwhelming, the sun suddenly right beside him, knee to knee, thigh to thigh and shoulder to shoulder. 

"Before ya'll start asking too much let me just say, she was annoying as hell. And too curvy for my liking."

Bobby swallows his food down with a large gulp of water, eyes fixated on him. Hanbin dares to look back. He sees the freckles before he notices the want in his eyes. It makes him shiver. 

"Just say that she was too fat for your liking. Yeesh."

Junhoe's rolling his eyes and Hanbin can feel how his own are stuck on the way Bobby keeps licking his fingers clean. He lets himself be drawn back to the conversation.

"I didn't say that! She was too curvy not fat. Just too..curvy."

Hanbin can tell how Bobby's twitching to look at him. 

"Fine but it still doesn't explain why you dated her for just a week."

Even Yunhyeong knows the drill. Bobby snaps his head towards Hanbin, suddenly aware of how close they are and probably of how much he would like to repeat what they did on that football field a week ago. 

"So?"

Bobby lets his eyes fall and Hanbin can sense how they trail up from his knees to his thighs and then stop for a second too long on the part below his navel. He squirms as Bobby's fingers find his legs again and this time Hanbin feels hunger so deep that it chokes him. 

Junhoe looks at them, quickly sneaking a sip of Yunhyeong's smoothie. He seems to notice that somethings off, different. Probably, hopefully,  not able to pinpoint what it is exactly. 

"You just seemed to be so in love with her that I thought it'd last longer."

Yunhyeong shrugs his shoulders, smacking away Junhoe's smoothie stealing fingers. 

"Well yeah I was but then I wasn't. Is that so hard to understand?"

Bobby's fingers keep tracing circles onto his thighs and Hanbin's finding it hard not to squirm or let out the deep sigh he's been holding for the past 10 minutes.

He senses Jinhwan looking at him when lunch ends and Hanbin looks back, afraid. There's no anger, no jealousy but just hurt. Hanbin wants to thank him for accepting that things are different now. Wants to talk to him about it and tell him how wonderful it is that Bobby's finally coming to his senses and offer to hang out with just the three of them. 

Jinhwan gets up before any words can leave his mouth, wandering off in a hurry. Hanbin sees Junhoe staring at his back and hopes that he's gonna be there to catch him when he falls. No matter how much he wants to do it himself. 

Befoe he can go he hears someone clear their throat. Who else could it be but Bobby.

"You know why I broke up with her?"

Hanbin's dumbfounded so he just shakes his head, hands trembling on his lap. 

"Cause I can't think of kissing anyone else but you."

And then he leaves, taking Hanbins' heart with him.

 

*

 

"So you want anything to drink or we'll just get started?"

He's at Jinhwan's. It's a lot more relaxed than a while back but Hanbin can still sense the questions and doubts in his mind. He wants Jinhwan to talk about it but knows he's just going to beat around the bush. He kinda prefers it that way too. 

"Nah, I'm good."

They get through half of their notes before Jinhwan raises his eyes and Hanbin knows what's about to come.

"So.. are you and Bobby really okay now?"

Hanbin chews on the tip of his pen, pretending he's thinking of an answer. Maybe he is. 

"Yeah, I guess so. He's still got trust issues but were good for now."

He checks off a few quotes Jinhwan left on his paper and the other swats his hand away. Hanbin laughs but then it gets caught in his throat.

"Did he really break up with her because she's fat? Or was there something else to it?"

Hanbin has no answers to give him so he just shrugs. Jinhwan keeps staring at him expectantly until he speaks. 

"I don't know. Honestly the girlfriend thing baffled me too."

It's not a lie. It really did baffle him that Bobby broke up with her so soon. That he's actually taking it seriously this time and Hanbin's got no idea when he'll take _them_ seriously too.

"Why're  you asking me anyway? I thought you and Bobby share everything."

Hanbin's checking his notes, mind elsewhere. On knees and thighs pressed together and the deep breath he took when Bobby's mouth left his. 

Jinhwan keeps quiet until he checks on him. He's staring at the sofa, chin tucked over his knees and pen dangling between his fingers. Hanbin hates how vulnerable and young he looks. How he must feel stupid for ever letting himself fall.

He clears his throat and Jinhwan jumps a little. 

"Sorry. It's just lately he's been hanging out with me a lot but not.. talking about anything? Yeah we chit chat about how disgusting Junhoe is or something but he doesn't.. "

Hanbin can hear the _'he doesn't look at me like he used to_ ' before Jinhwan continues. 

"He's just very closed off. I thought maybe you knew what was up."

Hanbin shrugs again, his heart beating loudly at the thought of the kiss and telling him about it. He's not sure he'll ever be able to.

They continue in silence, so much to share yet nowhere to start.

 

*

 

"Honey, I'm home!"

There's rattling from the hallway as Bobby enters with a bag of takeout. His smile falters when his eyes land on Hanbin. His high cheekbones are rosy from the evening chill and it reminds him of the colors of the sunset. 

Jinhwan grabs the takeout without saying a word and starts munching on the ddeokbokki. Bobby tries grabbing the bag but Jinhwan's already got half of it's contents in his mouth, cheeks puffed out reminding him of a hamster.

Hanbin just stares at them in amusement and a little bit of awe. 

"So what are you guys up to?"

Bobby plops down next to him, taking off his socks and putting his feet on the dining table. Jinhwan makes a gagging sound and Hanbin tries his best to calm down, stomach aching from laughter. 

"What do you think?"

Jinhwan swallows the last bits of his rice cake and lets himself fall on the couch with a loud thump, patting his full stomach. 

"Well I know you hate studying so that means you could be watching Natural Born Killers without me and that's a _crime_. Thought I'd come watch it with you."

He looks at Hanbin while leaning back on the old sofa, smile still plastered on his stupidly handsome face. 

Hanbin can't seem to break eye contact and he only does so when Jinhwan burps, groaning loudly. 

"Quick Hanbin, call 911! Jinhwan's having his food baby!"

The other throws a pillow at Bobby while he laughs and Hanbin can't help to chuckle too. Bobby grabs the bag of food and puts the DVD on, Jinwhan still protesting that they have to study.

It feels comfortable. Like it always should have been.

Then Bobby's fingers find his thigh and Hanbin can't help but shiver. He wonders if this is meant to be too. If Bobby's just a part of his constellation.

 

*

 

They get a little work done too, Jinhwan pausing the movie when it gets too much for him and Hanbin quickly grabbing the notebooks from Bobby's hungry fingers.

They take notes as Bobby reads over their 10 page play. He snorts after finishing, making both Jinhwan and Hanbin give him a smack on the shoulder. He pretends to fall over and Hanbin's there to catch him, hand on his much too warm nape.

Bobby pretends to giggle and faint like a teenage girl. Hanbin can still see the blush on his cheeks which he definitely can't fake.

"Okay, get going you two. My dad's gonna wake up cause of you and kick my ass for watching that stupid movie again."

Bobby darts out his tongue like a child and Hanbin just stares at him in adoration. The feeling keeps blooming in his chest and Hanbin wonders when did he fall so madly _in love?_

"Fine but I'm gonna finish the movie next time! You'll just see!"

Jinhwan looks just as amused and just as fond as he does. Hanbin's almost out the door with Bobby when the other asks if he can walk him home. 

When he dares to look back at Jinhwan, he's already inside. Hanbin thanks the gods he doesn't believe in for it.

 

*

 

Bobby's by his side, hands in his pockets. It's a little damp but that's just from the cold. Hanbin cherishes the fact that he's had the pleasure of not opening his umbrella all day long. 

There's silence between them that Hanbin doesn't know how to read so he waits for Bobby to start talking.

"So.."

Bobby hums in thought and Hanbin waits for him to continue. He keeps flexing his fingers by his sides trying to force down the urge of grabbing Bobbys'. 

"So?"

Hanbin can feel his heart pounding in his chest as he stares at Bobby. The way the flush on his cheeks moves down to his neck, leaving red cobwebs on it's way there. The way his eyes stare up, looking for the constellation he's bound to be apart of, stars sparkling on his face instead of the deep blue sky. 

"How'd you know you're different?" 

Hanbin stops staring at him the minute he says it, not ready to talk about this yet. Knowing that in a few seconds the questions about his past will come up and he's got nowhere to hide. 

"Well obviously everyone had been telling me that I should like girls and marry a girl and then I kept waiting to fall for one but got stuck falling for boys instead."

Bobby nods and Hanbin notices how close they are to each other. Hips almost brushing with each step they take. 

"Does your family know?"

And there it is. Hanbin swallows the lump in his throat, staring at the ground instead of Bobby.

"Yeah."

Bobby makes this noise in the back of his throat and Hanbin looks up just to be met with a smile that surely has enough force to bring out the sun. 

"That's great! I could never tell mine, they'd freak the fuck out."

Hanbin feels shittier than ever, he's doesn't want to talk about his mom but he also can't bare Bobby thinking it's all sunshine and rainbows in his household. 

"It's not exactly like that."

Bobby stares at him curiously and Hanbin squirms, looking for a way out. 

"I didn't tell them because I knew how they'd react but they found out on their own so.."

Hanbin leaves the sentence hanging, hoping Bobby'll stop asking. He doesn't.

"Wait so they're not okay with it?"

Hanbin takes a deep breath and shakes his head. He feels himself crumble, feels the tears starting to form. He makes a promise to himself to hold it in until he gets ~~home~~. _To his house._

"They've made it pretty clear that I'm a freak so yeah."

He stares at the ground, fighting the urge to run again. Bobby's hand finds his shoulder and Hanbin shivers, all the tension running out of his body. 

"I'm sorry."

Hanbin nods, looking over at him. Bobby's eyes are a bit more watery than usual but Hanbin blames it on the wind and nothing else.

"Thanks. Anyway how come you've never known?"

He makes an effort to quickly rub his eyes when Bobby isn't looking. 

"I think I have but it's just something I've always ignored. It was easy you know."

Hanbin grabs his shoulder in reassurement when the words keep choking him up. Bobby thanks him with a nod and continues. 

"I liked this boy when I was just a kid. Maybe 6 or 7? And when I told my mom about it she said that it's what friends feel for each other. And when I tried to tell her that I really liked him, wanted to marry him when I grew up, she didn't listen. It's like this.. thing didn't exist for her. So I grew up thinking I couldn't exist."

Hanbin has felt all of it for the entire duration of his life and he wants Bobby to stop talking. He's being pulled apart at the seams and it isn't a nice feeling. At all. 

"Now I'm finally existing and it's just.. overwhelming."

Bobby smiles but it doesn't reach his eyes. Hanbin wants to trace the stars on his face with his thumbs until he becomes one of them.

"I get what you mean. But anyway what's your deal with that movie?"

Bobby smiles brightly, worry washed off his face. Hanbin likes to see him like this more than anything so he lets it be. 

He wants to ask about Jinhwan, he really does but something inside him tells him to stop for now. He's not sure if Bobby's aware of what he felt for Jinhwan, what it was between them and what Jinhwan's still struggling with. He's not sure if Bobby's there yet so he leaves it for another time and Hanbin's got a feeling there'll be a lot of those.

 

*

 

Gym class has a whole other meaning now that Hanbin knows just how the rain tastes. 

"You're looking thoughtful. Something up?"

They're playing ball again, as usual and Hanbin is caught up in arms that aren't his own. 

"Yeah, just wondering how much coach loves football."

Donghyuk laughs, passing the ball towards him. 

"Are we ever gonna play anything else or?"

He asks it a bit too loud, coach whistling and giving him a cold stare. Both him and Donghyuk laugh at that, as Bobby moves towards them, ball in his hands but eyes cold. 

"What's so funny?"

He smiles but it isn't natural. Hanbin wants to snort at his jealousy but acts indifferent instead. 

"Nothing."

He passes the ball towards Donghyuk, who seems to be focused on the game but Hanbin knows he's trying to snoop in on the conversation and figure them out. Hanbin wonders when he'll stop trying. 

"Seems like you're having fun."

Bobby stares at him, arms on his hips and chest pushed forward. Hanbin actually does snort at his possessiveness this time. 

"Yeah we are. Now go do your own thing."

Donghyuk tries passing the ball towards him when Bobby stops it with his foot, taking it in his hands. 

Hanbin quirks his brow, a silent 'what are you gonna do about it?' on his lips. 

Bobby lets out a long and fuming breath, stepping close enough to bite. Hanbin remembers how it felt. 

"I will."

He hands the ball over, it being the only thing separating their bodies and chests from pressing together. Hanbin can feel himself pant, goosebumps taking over his skin while he tries to even out his breath.

Bobby stares at him for the longest time before following the lines of his mouth and stepping away. Hanbin feels himself wobble. 

"You done with this weird alpha stuff yet?"

Donghyuk seems unfazed, biting at his fingernails. Hanbin nods, head dizzy and skin crawling when the raindrops fall. 

 

*

 

He hits the showers and almost forgets about the usual shampoo routine. When he remembers it, halfway through shampooing with the last drops of his apple & cinnamon, he kinda hopes Bobby's too scared to come into his personal space again.

He's wrong. 

"Can I borrow your-"

"Yes."

Hanbin turns around, the bottle already in his hands. Bobby looks a bit sheepish, cheeks the tiniest bit red and a smirk forming on his face. 

"Sorry, I keep forgetting it at home."

He steps closer and Hanbin thought he'd be ready for this type of a situation. He thought wrong.

Bobby's naked and wet and extremely close to him. Hanbin wishes he had the ball to press between them cause if Bobby's stepping any closer, letting their skin touch, he's going to pass out.

Or demonstrate _how_ much he actually likes him.

Bobby's eyes are fixed on his face as he grabs the bottle. Then they're moving downwards and Hanbin's never been so aware of his surroundings before.

He can hear Bobby's breath hitch but also the way Donghyuk's chasing Junhoe around with his towel. He can see Bobby's pupils dilate with desire but also how the guys are _right_ there. 

He lets his own eyes roam downwards as well, Bobby's thumb tracing his hand where he's still holding the shampoo. It's just there, hanging between their joint hands and Hanbin's unaware of how long he's been staring at the lines of Bobby's hips. Or how his eyes keep moving down and down until - 

"You're hard."

Bobby's breath is warm on his already heated skin and Hanbin drops the bottle with a loud thump, turning his back at the speed of light. There are eyes on him, of course there are and Hanbin prays that Bobby'll leave. 

The other chuckles lowly and Hanbin concentrates on willing down his semi hard cock. 

The water plummets on his skin like rain and it makes him think of the hotness of Bobby's mouth. What it could do to him and before he has the chance to scream in horror, there's warmth against his back and lips on his earlobe.

"You're welcome."

Bobby leaves with a loud laugh. Hanbin leaves when the bell rings for class, his body trembling from his own fingers and the fact that somehow they just aren't enough anymore.

 

*

 

He knocks on her door at 8 pm on Friday. Jeongyeon looks gorgeous and he wonders how long it took her to get ready.

"You look beautiful."

He hands her a daisy that his mother bought. He wonders if she remembered the dried up one in his box or if it was just a coincidence. He thinks she did.

"Thank you. So do you."

They both chuckle and Hanbin greets her parents. They seem pleased to have him there and Hanbin knows Jeongyeon isn't the only one with high hopes and expectations. 

He takes her out to a small coffee shop a little bit further away from that place they went to weeks ago. 

"I'm flattered that you asked me out but.. why?"

Jeongyeon's eating her noodles and Hanbin likes how she isn't trying to hide her curiosity or her loud slurps. 

"I've just always thought you're lovely and wanted to see if there could be anything else than friendship between us."

Jeongyeon seems to be happy with that answer, nodding along. 

The night goes well but Hanbin can't see himself lying to her. He can't pretend to be in love with her and he can't lead her on. She's interesting and Hanbin likes to listen to her talk. But he's also much more interested in the way Bobby would feel inside him and the thoughts make him feel guiltier than any forced date ever could. 

"You've got some sauce on your lip."

Jeongyeon smiles when he points it out, the tips of her ears pink and Hanbin waits for her to wipe it off. She keeps staring at him and Hanbin's not sure what he's supposed to do. 

"What?"

He's genuinely puzzled when Jeongyeon wipes her mouth and spends the rest of the evening pouting about it.

He drops her off at around 10 pm. He shakes her hand and goes in for a hug which Jeongyeon refuses.

"Look, obviously we get along well but you seemed to be distracted all night and to top it off you had no clue how to romance me!"

Hanbin's stumbles at her harsh words, Jeongyeon apologizing profusely after she says them. 

"Sorry! But just..you really didn't want to wipe that sauce off my face did you?"

Her hand is on his shoulder and for once Hanbin relishes in the fact that it doesn't burn. That there's touching out there that's completely normal. 

"No? Is that what I was supposed to do?"

Jeongyeon sighs deeply, fingers messing up her perfect hairdo.

"Well yeah. It's kind of always been a sign that a guy likes me. Bobby did it." 

Her eyes turn wide before she stutters. 

"And everyone else too. Not just him."

Hanbin nods and they decide to stay friends, relief flooding over him as he walks home. The fresh air washing away the last trace of her floral perfume. 

 

*

 

Bobby drops by on Saturday, unannounced as usual. 

"What are you doing here?"

Bobby's got his backpack with him and Hanbin hopes that it isn't filled with movies. 

"Is that filled with DVD's cause I'm too tired to concentrate on your Tarantino loving ass."

Hanbin yawns, putting the backpack on his sofa. He goes to make some coffee and Bobby follows. For a second Hanbin's scared that he might step too close and he'll have to hide away his massive boner again.

Thankfully he doesn't.

"Nope I actually need help in physics."

Hanbin turns around from the coffee machine, astonished.

"Me? Helping with physics?"

Bobby groans, hiding his face in his arms. Hanbin pats his back, apologizing for being so harsh.

"Yeah yeah, apology accepted. I'm failing at it though and I really need some help."

Bobby looks at him with pleading eyes and Hanbin snorts, pouring them some coffee. 

"What do _I_ get out of it?"

Hanbin grabs the milk as Bobby starts adding sugar. He stops at four and Hanbin winces, whispering 'diabetes' as he turns around. 

"I heard that!"

Hanbin knows he's sticking out his tongue again so he mentions it. Bobby looks a bit thrown back that he knew so he sticks his tongue out once more. Hanbin wants to bite it to retaliate but doesn't. 

"Anyway, If you help me I can start carrying my own shampoo with me again."

Bobby says it casually while taking a sip of his coffee. Hanbin feels his cheeks turn red but thankfully Bobby doesn't notice, spitting the coffee back in it's mug.

"What the hell did you make me?"

Hanbin takes a sip of his own and realises the milk's gone bad. 

They agree to rely on energy drinks for the rest of the day. 

 

*

 

He agrees to help, not mentioning anything about the incident from Wednesday. He knows Bobby remembers and it makes him uncomfortable thinking about it.

He wonders if Bobby's jerked off to the thought of it, like he has, and he tries his best not to squirm or blush too hard. 

"Why didn't you ask Jeongyeon though?"

They're solving this one exercise that Hanbin's already done with her and he says it before he can think too much about it. 

"Are you kidding me? You know why."

Bobby stares at his notebook and groans, the formula in front of him too hard for the both of them to solve. 

"Yeah but she's great at it. Why not ask?"

Bobby scoffs, closing his books and looking up at him. Hanbin's too busy trying to ignore his stare and the closeness of their faces to make sense of what he says next. 

"It's just not a good idea. Besides, she's been seen out with some new guy and I don't wanna cause trouble."

Hanbin stands up nodding. He puts the books on the table and stretches, a yawn escaping his mouth.

When he looks down, Bobby's staring at the lines of his now shirt covered hips and Hanbin swallows the lump in his throat, trying to focus on anything else but the expression on his face.

"Food?"

Bobby stands up then, voice too low. 

"Yeah."

Hanbin ignores what that does to his body. 

 

*

 

Hanbins' tired from the long day and all he wants is to get over with their studying. The library's quiet and he can actually concentrate this time. Until Junhoe decides to start a whisper conversation. 

"So you and Jeongyeon, huh?" 

His eyes dart up immediately, ready to tell them off.

"Nothing happened."

He tries to get back to his notebooks but now everyone's looking at him. 

"Hanbin and Jeongyeon sitting on a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

Yunhyeong's whisper singing and Hanbin leans over the desk to stab a pencil into his thigh. He yelps and the librarian glares at them.

Hanbin holds in his snicker as Junhoe lets it out. 

"But you went out. On a date. How come nothing happened?"

Junhoe's intrigued now and Hanbin just wants to tell him that it wasn't a date in the first place. He doesn't. 

"It just didn't. We talked and it was nice. I sent her home and we decided to stay friends. That's it."

Yunhyeong snorts and Hanbin raises his pencil in threat. The other whimpers like a hurt puppy and Hanbin wants to glare at him but feels himself deflate instead, too fond of his stupid face. 

"Is that why you had the fight with Bobby?"

Donghyuk perks up now, glasses on his pile of books and face glowing. Junhoe's got a devilish glint in his eyes and Hanbin feels like he's being ganged up on. 

"No!"

He whisper yells and the librarian gives them another stern look. Hanbin tries to hide his blush that they all think is because of her. He's actually thinking of the rain again and the way Bobby bit his lip. It makes him squirm and shiver all at once. 

"Oh come on, it's totally why you had that fight!"

Junhoe seems gleeful and Hanbin's ready to punch him.

"GUYS!"

Yunhyeong almost stands from his seat, plopping down when the librarian shushes them.

"Bobby broke up with his girlfriend! He wants Jeongyeon back!"

Junhoe lets out a dramatic 'ooh' and Donghyuk giggles. Hanbin wants to slap them but almost slaps himself instead.

"Stop making up drama scenarios! We had a fight for totally different reasons and besides there's nothing going on between her and I. We just went out once! That's it."

Donghyuk feels sorry for him now, patting his back as Yunhyeong and Junhoe keep arguing over who's going to win Jeongyeons' fragile heart.

"Hanbin's the best friend type. Wants the girl and almost has her but then Bobby's totally the main character. Jeongyeon's gonna choose him."

Yunhyeong's too invested and Hanbin doesn't have the heart to tell him off yet.

"No! Can't you see Hanbin's the main man? Bobby's the filthy ex who broke her heart and now Hanbin came to the rescue. But wait!"

Junhoe makes a gesture with his hands that has Donghyuk doubling over in laughter. 

"Bobby's come to win her back again! Hanbin's going to be the nice guy and let her go but then they realise they're meant to be and a happily ever after ensues."

Hanbin feels himself laugh as well, too exasperated to tell them off. He wonders if the happily ever afters only happen to princes and princesses or if this time the drama will end a bit differently. He hopes it will. 

 

*

 

Bobby's by his doorstep the next day. It's sunny outside again and Hanbin wonders when the sun became alarming to him.

Bobby being there is somehow terrifying but also comforting. His mother's going to be out for at least another hour and what the heck, Hanbin wants to live a little. 

"Hey, come on in."

He smiles softly and wonders if Bobby can tell how fond he is of him. He bets he can. 

"Where's that little queen of yours?"

Hanbyul runs down the stairs and jumps into Bobby's arms. It's been a while since they've seen each other and Hanbyul's smile is blinding.

His heart swells at the sight and he tries burying down the butterflies that are piling in his stomach. 

"I'm here! I'm here!"

She gives Bobby a kiss on the cheek and he acts surprised. Hanbyul giggles and Bobby puts her down. She runs away and they get a moment for themselves.

"You came to study? Cause I'm so not in the mood to do physics right now."

Hanbin's not sure what he expects to be the answer but definitely not what he hears next.

"Came here to see you."

Bobby's smiling _that_ smile, the one that's reserved just for him and Hanbin feels himself choke on his own saliva. 

Hanbyul's running back towards them and Bobby just gives him and exasperated sigh and chases after her. 

 

*

 

"You got me winded lil' one."

Bobby grabs Hanbyul and makes her sit on his lap. He's heaving and she's just as energized as before. 

"Already tired, huh?"

Hanbin moves towards the kitchen and Bobby follows, hands still holding her in place. Hanbyul giggles when he tries to tickle her and Hanbin can't help but smile. 

"Yeah, I'm not that young anymore you know."

Hanbin laughs and nods, making Bobby almost throw an apple towards him. 

"So what're we having for dinner, dear?"

Bobby lowers his voice as he talks in English and Hanbin's not that good in it but he can still understand what dear means. It makes him laugh out of nerves. 

"I don't know. We don't really have much to work with, _sugar._ "

He says the last word in English and Bobby's smile is just as sweet as the endearment. Hanbyul starts whining that she doesn't understand so they switch back to Korean. 

"Maybe I can whip something up? I'm pretty good you know."

Bobby makes Hanbyul giggle one more time before putting her down and telling her to hide. 

Hanbin makes sure that Hanbyul knows the rules to hide and seek and that she won't try and hide in anywhere that could possibly hurt her. She nods and when he looks up, Bobby's staring at him like he's just seen god, making him snort. He moves back to their conversation, ignoring the tight feeling in his stomach. 

"Your cooking means take out right?"

Bobby rummages through his fridge and Hanbin can't seem to stop him. 

"No! I can actually cook. Just wait and see."

Hanbin sits by the counter, arms on his lap, staring intently at Bobby. Hoping that he doesn't burn the place down.

"Alright but it better be good. I'm starving."

 

*

 

He's making pancakes. Hanbin's never made pancakes himself and he doesn't know if its a good think or not.

Bobby's out looking for Hanbyul, almost forgetting the food and Hanbin keeps staring at the pancakes on the pan, worried that they'll burn. 

He's too unfamiliar with cooking to know if they're done or not so he opts for tasting the mixture instead. It's good, _really_ good.

"Stop! Raise your hands in the air!"

Hanbin's smiling like an idiot when he turns around complying, fingers still dripping of dough. 

Bobby steps forward and starts patting him down. Hanbin's smile falters when his hands are  inches away from his crotch. Bobby continues with a slight tremble in his voice and Hanbin's kind of happy that he made it appear. 

"You're good to go Mr. Bin. I'll write you a ticket next time though."

Hanbin smiles, feeling Bobby's hands circling his waist with no indication of letting go. He's kind of dreamed about this for years now.

"Yes, sir. I'll try not to be a bad boy."

Bobby's laughing but his eyes keep circling back to Hanbins' mouth. His fingers move up, over his sides and ribs,making him tingle. He wants to let his arms fall but doesn't. Then Bobby's tickling his armpits and they almost stumble into the stove. 

"Shit, alright I'll finish this and you go clean yourself up."

Hanbin's still shaking a bit, reminding himself it's the laughter and not the closeness of their bodies. 

"Clean up?"

Bobby turns around smearing the dough all over his face and Hanbin yelps in surprise. It's cold but Bobby's fingers are hot as always. It's enough to make his nervous system collapse in on itself. Bobby takes a bit of it off his face and tastes it. Hanbin laughs and runs away when he tries it again.

It takes all of his willpower not to kiss him when he gets served a plate of pancakes with fresh blueberries and whipped cream. Bobby's american specialty. 

Hanbin's never been a dessert kinda guy but there's just something about the chocolate on Bobby's breath that has him addicted.

 

*

 

They're playing in the garden with Hanbyul and Hanbin's forgotten all about his mother and his responsibilities. 

All that matters is the present and Hanbin hasn't had this feeling in a while. 

They're playing some game that Hanbyul's learned in kintergarden. She's trying to explain it, both of them just looking at each other, lost but happy.

Hanbin can't seem to mind that she's blabbering. It's her and it's them and it feels so right. He looks at Bobby, who's just as fondly staring at his sister like he was a second ago.

The other must sense his gaze and looks up, their eyes meeting with longing and Hanbin swallows the smile that wants to burst out of him.

Bobby doesn't. Opting to stare at him with fondness and his trademark pearls until he breaks down, finally smiling too.

There's a loud thump and Hanbin wonders if he forgotten something on the patio table or if there's a knocking on the door. The weather is too good for his friends to not come over.

Instead it's his mother. Standing near the doors, grocery bag laying by her feet, a few oranges rolling out of it. 

Hanbin's smile falters and before he leaves towards her, Bobby gives his hand a reassuring squeeze, away from the prying eyes of his mother just to let him know he's there.

It's the most comforting thing Hanbin's ever felt in his whole entire life.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wahh I had to rewrite the start of this chapter twice just cause I wasnt satisfied with it but thankfully after the rewrites the rest of the chap. came to me quickly!  
> As always its late as heck so I'll go over any grammar errors or weird sentences tomorrow! I hope you like it <3


	14. No Air

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time he makes him cum.

"I don't want you near that boy Hanbin."

He's just stepped inside when she says it, making him turn around and almost stumble. 

"What? Why?"

She steps closer and Hanbin wants to back away, feeling cornered. 

"I see the way you look at him Hanbin. And I know he has a girlfriend but I see the way _he_ looks at you too."

He wants to protest, opening his mouth to say something, _anything_ ,  to make her think otherwise. Instead he keeps gaping at her in silence. 

"He-he doesn't look at me in any way mother. And I don't look at him either. We're just friends!"

He gets it out after the pause has streched on for too long. She quirks her brows, mocking him with her smirk. 

"So what was that pause about, huh?"

Hanbin swallows and straightens himself up, trying to look convincing. He hopes it works.

"I'm just shocked that you'd even think that."

She laughs then, shrill and loud, the sound of it vibrating through his already shaking body. 

"Stay away from him Hanbin. I mean it."

She steps past him opening the balcony door. Hanbin wants to move and tell her no but his feet won't budge. He hates how scared she makes him feel with just a laugh. He hates how he hates her and there's nothing he can do about it.

"Bobby, I'm sorry but were going to have a family dinner, could you please leave?"

She makes it sound polite but Hanbin knows Bobby won't buy it. 

He still hasn't turned around when the sound of footsteps approach him. He would recognize the sound of him on a crowded street. He's even got the shape of his shadow memorized and Hanbin wonders if he's gone crazy.

"Too bad I can't stay. Hope you guys have fun!"

Bobby pats him on the shoulder, smile as sunny as always. He glances towards his mother though and Hanbin knows that there are questions on his tongue that he has to answer even if he doesn't want to. 

"Yeah, sorry about that. I'll see you tomorrow?"

Bobby's moving towards the door now, socked feet lazily dragging him towards it, waiting for Hanbin to stop him. He doesn't.

 

*

 

School seems much more dreary when he knows he has to stay away from Bobby. The day feels just as endless as the rain. 

He hopes to see the guys during lunch but no one's there and it makes something inside of him hurt. 

He stops thinking of his friends when it's been about 10 minutes and no one's there, deciding to focus on his lunch instead. The meat has no taste and the rice's soggy. Great.

He's about to leave when a familiar voice tells him to stop. Hanbin hates how just the sound of his name coming from Bobby's lips makes his whole body tingle. 

"Why're you leaving?"

Bobby sits down with a massive plate and Hanbin has to remind himself that it's not normal to feel fond over the amount of food someone eats. 

"No one's here. And the food sucks too."

He sits back down when Bobby pulls him and Hanbin has another fantasy to add to his spankbank collection - manhandling. The thought of what Bobby could do to him makes him squirm and he sits further away.

"What are you on about? The food's great. Besides the guys didn't ditch you, don't worry."

Bobby scoots closer to him and now they're back to their usual position. Shoulder to shoulder, thigh to thigh and knee to knee. 

Hanbin awaits patiently for the burn of his fingers, reminding himself how he should stay away. Bobby's body heat makes his inhibitions disappear in seconds. 

"Where are they then?"

Hanbin picks up a piece of meat from Bobby's plate and it tastes a lot better than his own. He wonders if Bobby has a rejuvenating effect on food too. 

"Planning your birthday surprise."

He smacks him on the head.

"What? You already know about it anyway."

Hanbin grunts and Bobby chuckles, the food still in his mouth. Hanbin finds his puffed out cheeks to be adorable. Bobby ruins the moment by grazing his thigh with his fingers, making Hanbin burn from the inside out. 

"Besides isn't it nice to have me as a distraction? I bet it's working."

Bobby wiggles his eyebrows and Hanbin has a hard time laughing over the lump in his throat. 

They keep mocking each other until lunch is almost over. Bobby pats his stomach and sighs in contempt. Hanbin asks him if he needs to be burped and gets a slap in return. 

"God you can't even eat right."

Hanbin rolls his eyes but knows it comes out looking fonder than he wants it to. Bobby smiles back at him, quirking his brow.

"You got sauce on your lip, you idiot."

Hanbin doesn't think twice about wiping it off of him. Bobby seems to startle for a second before staring at the movement of his fingers and the way his eyes trace his lips. Hanbin knows he's being obvious but they're far past that line already. He removes his thumb from Bobby's slightly parted mouth and licks the sauce off it.   
He feels the shiver that runs through Bobby's body in his own and it makes a certain part of him very interested.

"Umm.."

Someone clears their throat and they jump apart. Hanbins' side feels cold and his whole body even colder when it's Jeongyeon.

"Didn't want to interrupt or anything but I've been standing here for a minute."

Bobby laughs sheepishly, scratching  his nape and Hanbin hopes that Jeongyeon's sweet enough to let it pass. 

"Anyway Hanbin, I wanted to ask if we could cancel our study session this Friday?"

Hanbin nods, aware of how awkward this situation is. When he looks up, he can see Jeongyeon staring at them both in thought and he prays that she's too blind. That she's too innocent to figure it out. 

"Good, I have a date so.."

She trails off, putting a strand of hair behind her blinged out ear. 

"I hope you have a better time than you did with me."

Hanbin smiles at her, seeing how Bobby turns towards him in confusion. Jeongyeon seems to notice too.

"Yeah, I think he's actually interested in me so It'll work out."

Hanbin chokes on a laugh when her eyes scan over the closeness of their bodies that somehow seemed to appear out of nowhere. Hanbin's not sure if he should worry about the fact that he doesn't even notice moving towards Bobby anymore. Doesn't even notice how Bobby's become his compass in life.

She leaves with a quick 'bye' and Hanbin lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

"What did that mean?"

Bobby's staring at him and it takes Hanbin a while to realise what he's asking about. 

"Oh! We had a date the other night."

He realises how bad it sounds the minute he says it, Bobby's fingers removing themselves from his thigh and his face turning cold. Hanbin shivers. 

"Not a _date_ date but just like friends, you know?"

He tries saving the situation and Bobby seems to take the bait. Hanbin's not sure if he actually did though.

"Cool."

Before he can say anything back the bell rings and Bobby disappears faster than he came. Hanbin reminds himself once again that he should keep his distance and tries convincing himself that the hurt on Bobby's face is good for the both of them. 

 

*

 

Gym class is horrible. Not because it's cold and rainy and the guys seem to whisper behind his back for no reason, reminding him of the days he spent locked up in his room in tears.

No, it's because Bobby keeps ignoring him just as much as he keeps ignoring Bobby. 

And it stings even more when Bobby doesn't come to ask for his shampoo, the bottle new and the words apple & cinnamon clearly in display making Hanbin wish he could smell it on Bobby later. 

He doesn't. And it hurts.

 

*

 

He goes to Bobby's house a day later, fingers cold from holding a pile of physics books in his hand. 

"What're you doing here?"

Chanwoo seems happy to see him even though the question sounds weird to his ears.

Hanbin hands the pile of books over to him, Chanwoo's small frame drooping under the weight of them. 

"Came for Bobby."

Chanwoo hands the books back as soon as possible and Hanbin makes jokes about his noodle arms. Chanwoo almost smacks him before Bobby gets there, tearing the two apart.

"Alright alright. Tell judge Bobby what happened here."

Hanbin feels relief take over when Bobby smiles at him, bright and sunny and a lot less closed off than before. 

"Hanbin made a rude comment about my arms being like noodles. So the appropriate thing to do is to hit him."

Bobby nods at Chanwoo, arms crossed and face contorted into something similar to serious. He turns himself towards Hanbin, making it hard for him not to stare at the way his biceps bulge in the wife beater he's wearing. Bobby seems to notice how much he enjoys it and smirks. 

"Well Chanwoo _literally_ couldn't carry these five not-so-thick books so he deserves it."

Bobby nods, scratching his chin and trying to hold back his laughter, face a bit red from the effort. Hanbin wants to kiss it out of him. 

"Where is exhibit A?"

They both look at him questioningly and Bobby grits out a quiet 'books'. Chanwoo scrambles to get them as Bobby keeps his posture. 

"They don't seem heavy at all."

Bobby makes a show of lifting them, flexing his biceps as he does so. Hanbin rolls his eyes but keeps sneaking glances anyway, the flutter in his stomach in full bloom. 

"I hereby declare that the defendant Chanwoo is an actual weak loser. Case dismissed."

Chanwoo smacks him for calling him a loser and Hanbin laughs until his face feels like falling off. 

 

*

 

"So are you gonna tell me what the birthday surprise is?"

Hanbin's playing mindlessly with the calculator, letting his eyes trace the lines of Bobby's thinking face. Hanbin adds another fantasy to his list - Bobby with glasses. 

"Nope."

Bobby chews on his pen and scribbles out a number. He groans when Hanbin corrects it back in. 

"Please? Pretty please?"

Bobby laughs and closes the books, hiding a yawn behind his ink stained hand.

"Nope. It's a surprise for a reason."

Hanbin gives him a glare, pushing Bobby's legs off his lap. 

"Well I already know there's a surprise so what's the point?"

Bobby puts his legs back and Hanbin groans. They sit there in silence for a while and Hanbin awaits the questions.

"So why have you been ignoring me lately?"

Bobby stares at him and Hanbin tries not to shy away from the subject.

"I could ask you the same thing."

Bobby snorts and Hanbin feels the conversation overbearing him already, just like Bobby's surprisingly lean legs. 

"Dude, don't you put this on me. Ever since I came by your house you've been ignoring me and that's the truth."

Hanbin wishes that Bobby weren't his anchor. That Bobby weren't the only thing keeping him afloat. They keep glaring at each other, Chanwoo somewhere upstairs and Bobby's parents on a business trip, like they always are. 

"I haven't been ignoring you. You're the one who's awkward ever since lunch the other day. I told you my date with Jeongyeon was just friendly."

Bobby visibly tenses up and Hanbin wants to take the words back. He'd call what happens next a couple's argument but that's just it. They aren't even a couple yet. Nor is it certain that they'll ever be. 

"Look you haven't texted me, you keep walking past me in the hallways and sitting across the table at lunch. And to top it off you haven't come over or asked me to come over either. Can you blame me for thinking that this is because of Jeongyeon?"

There's silence and Hanbin can hear the clock ticking, reminding him that there's no time to waste. That he doesn't want to either. He gets up from his seat, heartbeat loud in his ears, pushing Bobby's legs off of him. The heat keeps pooling in his stomach and not in a good way. He's about to boil. 

"There's nothing going on between us! Besides why would you care if there was, huh? Why does it matter to you?" 

Hanbin can feel his face burn and Bobby's face is too. He doesn't know if it's anger or desperation or both of them mixed together. Bobby's dumbfounded expression turns into something more similar to a cold and vicious glare. 

"So you're saying there is something going on?"

Hanbin sighs deeply, throwing his hands up in the air. Bobby's are crossed and Hanbin can't help but notice his biceps even during an argument. 

"No! Fuck no Bobby, there's nothing going on!"

He lets out a frustrated sigh, letting his fingers run through his soft hair. Bobby stands up then, stomping towards him and Hanbin would find it arousing if he weren't this angry all of a sudden. 

"But what about you and Donghyuk, huh? You two seem to get along so god damn well."

Hanbin lets out a laugh that can only be described as eerie. 

"Bobby, do you remember the last time we talked about him? Do you?"

The other seems to step back a bit, his words losing all of their spite. Hanbin wants to shake some reason into him. 

"And what happened after that? Do you remember? You wanted to stay friends and that's what we are. So even If I _was_ banging Donghyuk, -"

Hanbin makes a gagging noise to emphasise how much he doesn't want to fuck Donghyuk. 

"- It would be none of your business. We're just friends, remember?"

Bobby steps back when Hanbin steps closer, hurt written all over his face. Hanbin can't stop himself from going on. 

"And why would you even think I like Jeongyeon?? Don't you realise I _like you_?"

He hears his voice raise and the thought of Chanwoo hearing them doesn't scare him in the slightest. Bobby gulps as Hanbin stabs him with his finger, breath heaving out of him.

"But-"

Hanbin steps away then, throwing his hands in the air. He's so angry. Angry at Bobby and his stupid jealousy, angry at them for being just friends. Angry at his mother. Angry at himself for being like this. For falling so hard for people that will never admit to falling back. 

"Dont you realise I'm _in love_ with you?"

He lets his hands fall limp against his body, lungs burning from the heat of his words, bile in his throat from the venom of them. 

He stares at his feet as the anger keeps dissolving with every aching breath he takes. He feels exhausted, the truth hurting his body more than any lie ever could. 

He hears Bobby start saying something when Chanwoo runs down the stairs.

"Is everything alright? I heard yelling."

He seems worried, glancing between the two of them. When Hanbin takes a chance and looks at Bobby, the other doesn't dare to look back, eyes on the floor. 

"Yeah, everything's fine. I'm just gonna go."

Hanbin can feel his heart skip a beat when Bobby doesn't ask him to stay. His hands flex into fists when he doesn't even say goodbye. 

Hanbin leaves with every part of his body burning, especially his cheeks from the hot prickle of tears. The traces too scalding for the rain to wash off.

And then he realises tomorrow's his birthday. 

 

*

 

"Birthday boy!"

Donghyuk welcomes him by the gates and Hanbin's too tired to even think of running away.

"God man, you look pale as hell. Tired from partying all night?"

Hanbin tries to laugh but all he can muster is a weak smile. Donghyuk's seconds away from touching his forehead and acting motherly which Hanbin wouldn't mind that much, if he wasn't aware of the fact that his mother's the one to ruin whatever _thing_ he had with Bobby. So he thinks of a quick answer.

"Yeah, if by partying you mean staying up late and watching cartoons with my sister."

Donghyuk visibly relaxes and Hanbin lets himself lean against him. It feels nice and comforting, like home. Hanbin wishes Donghyuk was the one he fell for. Loving someone unattainable is easier than loving someone who can't say it back. 

"So do you have plans for tonight?"

Hanbin's really _really_ not in the mood for a surprise party. He can't say no though so he just hopes Bobby won't show.

"Nope."

He looks at Donghyuk who gives him an exaggerated wink, making Hanbin laugh for real this time. 

"Well you do now!"

Hanbin smiles widely and reenacts the poster of Home Alone, hands on his cheeks and lips opening to let out a loud 'ooh'.

"What are they?"

Hanbin tries prying some information but Donghyuks' lips are sealed. He even does that ridiculous gesture of zipping them up and tossing away the key.

"Honestly you're so lame."

Hanbin tries to unzip his lips with a 'magical key I just found in my pocket!' but Donghyuk doesn't budge, laughing at his statement instead. 

"We're both lame. Deal with it."

 

*

 

When he sees Bobby at lunch, Hanbin actually thinks he might suffocate from how much he makes him  _feel_. How much he fucking loves him. 

Bobby sits away from him, staring at the plate in his hands. Hanbin wants to snort at his 'courage' but gets distracted by the new lunchtime development, that is Jinhwan sitting next to Junhoe.

"What's this about?"

Donghyuk, who's hand on his knee is nothing but cold, seems amused. Hanbin can see Bobby glance at the fingers on his leg before turning his attention towards their topic of the day. 

"Nothing."

Junhoe digs into his salad, trying to snatch the smoothie out of Yunhyeong's hand. The other smacks him and asks the same question. 

"Were just sitting next to each other. Besides, the bigger question here is why Bobby and Hanbin aren't."

Jinhwan's good at this. He's really good and Hanbin would high five him or something if his diversion tactics didn't put him in the spotlight, which he's already in thanks to the specific date of the day.

"Who cares about the sitting arrangements, it's Hanbins' birthday!! Did you guys forget?"

Donghyuk seems more exited about his birthday than he is. Hanbin would like to gift it to him, pretend that it's his big day instead.

"Oh shit! Sorry man, I thought it was tomorrow thanks to the-"

Donghyuk shushes Junhoe and the other glares at him. Hanbin smiles before he senses Bobby staring at him. He's a 100% sure he forgot about it too and he wishes it didn't hurt. That the fact that Bobby forgets about him so easily wasn't a thought that could ruin his whole day. 

"I wasn't gonna say anything you dumbass! How are we gonna get Hanbin to our location though, If you don't want him to know where were going?"

He listens to their conversation about his party silently, the food suddenly much more interesting than the idea of having _fun_. 

Donghyuk slumps against him and Hanbin's pretty sure that's the only thing he forgot to think about. 

"Maybe your dad can pick him up?" 

Junhoe mumbles something, food muffling his words and Yunhyeong starts laughing loudly when a tiny piece of meat falls from his lips to the table.

Hanbin blocks them out in favor of wallowing in his own misery. When lunch ends and he glances at Bobby, the other seems to be doing exactly the same. It's the only thing keeping his torn heart beating.

 

*

 

When classes end all he wants is to go home and sleep. Maybe play with Hanbyul for an hour but most of all just sleep. Instead he has to meet the expectations of five incredibly enthusiastic guys. Okay four, if you don't count Bobby which Hanbin doesn't. 

He's got no idea what to wear or take with him. He thinks it's going to be a party similar to the one where Bobb- 

He thinks it's going to be a party. But you can never be sure when planning involves Junhoe. And Yunhyeong for that matter. 

He runs downstairs after Junhoe messages him a 'be there in 7 minutes!' and Hanbin's not sure why his hearts' beating this fast.

"Is that boy going to come too?"

He's so enthralled in texting Junhoe a bunch of curses and emojis that his mother's voice makes him jump. 

"Uh-what?"

She steps closer, adjusting his button up shirt and smiling at him. It makes him feel nauseous. 

"Is Bobby coming?"

Hanbin shakes his head. 

"Probably not, I think he's got a date tonight. But if he is then there'll be the others too. And it's a party."

Saying it out loud makes him realise how much he wishes Bobby did come, even if they're on shaky grounds right now. 

"And there's nothing going on between us."

He adds it for good measure and hopes he looks confident enough. She kisses him on the cheek and ushers him out. As soon as the door closes, Hanbin wipes his face clean, the smell of her on him making him gag.

 

*

 

"So where are we going?"

He's anxious and especially so when all the others are dressed way too casually for his liking. He takes note of Bobby's absence and it shouldn't sting but does. 

"Not telling."

Hanbin groans, letting his head fall on Junhoes' shoulder, their bodies crammed together on the backseat.

"Come on, at least a hint?"

He looks at Donghyuk who just shakes his head. Hanbin wants to ask about Bobby but doesn't. Jinhwan's not with them either and Hanbin's got a dreary feeling that they'll show up together, making him hurt even more. 

 

*

 

"You brought me to a.. to a.."

He keeps staring at the old building, mouth agape. 

"A bathhouse!"

Donghyuk's eyes literally sparkle and Hanbin wonders who thought that going to a sauna for a birthday was a good idea. At least now he knows why they're all dressed so casually.

"A bathhouse?? Really?"

Junhoe and Yunhyeong look at each other worriedly and Donghyuk's smile starts to falter. Hanbin scrambles to think of something to say. 

"I mean I thought it was gonna be a party or something. I'm just surprised. Also are we gonna stay the night or?"

Donghyuk comes closer, patting him on the back, shaking his head like an amused father. 

"Listen,  you're not a party person and neither are we."

Junhoe snorts at that and Donghyuk throws his bag at him. Junhoe catches it swiftly and snickers while Yunhyeong keeps texting someone. Hanbin hopes it's not Bobby. 

"Okay maybe we are but you're still not. Plus we can have a few beers after, Junhoe's dad promised to buy some and take us for a ride. So no, were not staying the night. Who has bucks for that?"

Hanbin's starting to like this idea the more he hears about it. 

They enter and Hanbin feels himself relax just at the atmosphere of it and Donghyuk's warm laughter in his ear makes him appreciate his friendship all over again.

 

*

 

They're by the locker rooms when Junhoe lets out a loud holler. Hanbin's self-concious enough so he hopes it's not about him.

Of course it's not. It's Bobby and Jinhwan, lazy smiles on their faces as they enter.

Hanbin's blood pressure is through the roof again, this time from the fact that Bobby came, that he's actually _here_ and that he's most probably going to have to deal with his naked body in his face throughout the night. Hanbin swallows hard.

"Happy birthday, Hanbinnie!"

Bobby's by his side, shaking his hand. Junhoe snorts and tells them to hug which they do, bodies stiff and faces confused. 

"Jeesh, what's with the awkwardness? It's his birthday for christ sake."

Bobby looks over at him and rolls his eyes, hand lingering on Hanbins' waist. He finds it to burn much more than the heat that's already coming from the saunas. 

Jinhwan comes over too, promising that his gift is waiting for Hanbin when they get out of here. The hug that ensues is anything but awkward and Hanbin feels warm inside when Jinhwan lets go. He hopes that Jinhwan'll stick around for a long long time. 

"So here's the rules. You can go and enjoy whatever you want to enjoy but be back in the locker rooms by 10. And don't forget it's Hanbins' birthday!"

Donghyuk runs towards him and tries lifting him up. Hanbin can't help but laugh, especially when no one comes to help.

Finally Junhoe drags his feet towards them and lifts Hanbin up with just one try, making the others applaud in amazement, which gets them quite a few stern looks and Donghyuk hitting Junhoe with his towel. 

In the end Hanbin enters the spa with his cheeks numb from smiling and not even Bobby's presence could ruin it. 

 

*

 

He finds a quiet sauna an hour later, after Yunhyeong almost falls asleep on the rocks in another room. 

It's much less heated and Hanbin can almost feel his toes turning cold. He likes it though, the mild sweat on his lowerback a sign that it's still working and not just an abandoned room or something.

He sits there alone, contemplating about everything. Everything meaning Bobby of course.

Their fight, Bobby's eyes on his when Junhoe lifted him up. Bobby's gaze roaming over his body before Yunhyeong could notice. 

He thinks of how scared he must be and how scared he is too. How all of this is familiar yet foreign to him. Mark never made him feel like this. He was in love with him but it was different. Mark never wanted him. Mark never needed him.

Bobby does. 

Hanbin gulps at that thought, ready to leave. He's about to stand when Donghyuk enters.

"Hey birthday boy, how are we doing?"

Hanbin can't help but tell him the truth. 

"You sound like such a dad."

Donghyuk chuckles. And then the other truth. 

"And I.. I'm doing like I always do."

Donghyuk sits down, their bodies touching. The effect it has on him is nothing compared to Bobby. He sighs. 

"Stop sighing and tell me what's up."

Donghyuk meets his eyes and Hanbin can tell how worried he is for him. Has been for a long time. 

"It's just.." 

He takes a second too long to continue so Donghyuk squeezes his knee in reassurance. Hanbin shuts his eyes tight and takes a deep breath. Here goes nothing. 

"I'm in love."

As soon as he says it out loud, to someone that isn't himself or Bobby, it feels much more real than it ever has before. The knot tightens and Hanbin can't seem to catch all the butterflies in his already crowded stomach. 

Donghyuk nods, waiting for him to continue. Hanbin's pretty sure he knows all about it but just hasn't mentioned it which he's very grateful for.

"I'm in love with someone I shouldn't be in love with. And they're too scared to love me back."

His voice cracks with the last sentence and Donghyuk squeezes his knee again, eyes warm like Jinhwans' arms. 

"Being in love sucks."

Hanbin snorts and nods his head, breathing restrained. He hopes it's because of the heat. At least he tries to. 

"I'm not gonna ask who it is cause you don't seem ready to tell."

Hanbin feels a weight drop off his shoulders when he says it. He looks over and Donghyuk smiles softly, hair on his sweaty forehead. Hanbin wants to kiss it to let him know how thankful he really is. He doesn't.

"But if they're too scared to love you back then you should give them time. If time doesn't work then move on. It's not worth trying to save someone else's heart when yours is the one that's on the line."

Hanbin lets his fingers trace the burn mark on his wrist and he knows it's true. But he's not ready to let go and give up. He's just not ready.

"But I don't- I-"

He takes a deep breath, Donghyuks' encouraging smile the only thing making him continue. The truth sits on his tongue like venom and Hanbin's too big of a coward to let it all out. 

"I don't want to give up on hi- them. I don't want to." 

His heartbeat echoes loudly in his ears at the mishap but his tongue wants to spell it out. _Him. Him. Him. Him._

"Then try. But just know when to stop. Okay?"

The whole conversation's been cryptic and Hanbin realises that Donghyuk never said the words _her_ or _she_. He's not sure what that means. 

"Okay."

Donghyuk looks at him, not fully convinced. Hanbin gives him a nod and a salute which finally satisfies him. 

"Come join us in the pools and stop moping, alright?"

Hanbin nods again, giving another salute. The crinkle of Donghyuks' eyes will remain in his mental memory box forever.

 

*

 

A few minutes pass and the door opens. Hanbin's sure it's Donghyuk again, inviting him to the pools. 

He's mistaken. It's Bobby. 

Hanbin decides to avoid him, closing his eyes and thinking of nothing. There's silence and he wonders if Bobby left. Then there's heat next to him that's much more familiar and he knows Bobby sat down.

He sits there for a few minutes, trying to think if he should leave. Stubborness raises it's nasty head and Hanbin stays. He's the one who got here first.

Bobby clears his throat and Hanbin opens his eyes. It's a lot more steamy than it was before and he wonders if the thoughts in his clouded mind have manifested or if it's just the added body heat. He thinks it's both.

Bobby's knee hovers next to his until they touch and Hanbin wants to know why it drives him so crazy. 

He steals a glance at Bobby and the other is already looking at him. Hanbin feels an uncontrollable urge to lick the sweat off of him but doesn't, deciding for a stare off instead.

Bobby doesn't budge and neither does he. The heat keeps swirling around them and Hanbin wonders if Bobby'll do something or at least say something.

Then the other lets his head fall back against the wall and the action exposes his neck. Hanbin can feel how much he wants to be hunted, how he wants Hanbin to bare his fangs and claim him.

They lock eyes again and Hanbin swallows. He can see sweat slowly dripping down Bobby's neck and Hanbin's never found the game of chasing raindrops to be this sinful. 

"I'm sorry."

Bobby croaks it out and Hanbin can see the fear and desperation in his eyes. He takes a deep breath to answer, making the mistake of staring at Bobby's lips instead.

And then he's got a handful of Bobby on his lap, hands fisting in his hair and lips bruising him with a violent kiss. 

He tries to breathe but there's no air. Nothing to help him come to his senses and ignore the fiery pit in his stomach, where heat keeps pooling without no end in sight. 

Bobby's legs around him are warm and tight, straining to keep himself in place. Hanbin remembers the rap song, remembers how his muscles felt even while clothed. It makes him gasp, the feeling of comforting warmth and Bobby all around him. It's dangerous and toxic yet Hanbin can't seem to stop. 

They both groan as Bobby lets his mouth trail down his neck, the taste of him sweet like jasmine, at least that's what Bobby seems to mumble. Hanbin's not sure of the exact wording, the vibrations of Bobby's moans moving from his neck straight down to his unsuspecting dick. 

Their cocks slide together and the sweet friction makes them both moan, towels almost falling from their sweaty bodies. 

Bobby takes them off then with one swift movement and gets his hands on him right away. Hanbin sees stars on Bobby's face and beneath his tightly shut eyelids. 

They kiss again, heated and sloppy, Bobby's nose accidentally bumping against his, making them both chuckle. It's awkward. He's never done this before and Bobby's never done this before either. At least with a guy. But they keep trying.

Hanbin decides to return the favor, hand moving down Bobby's abdomen that twitches deliciously under his touch. He's dreamed of this moment for so long and now it's here making him want to stop for a second to memorize it all. 

Bobby moans into his mouth as Hanbins' hand reaches his pubic hair. He's trembling out of fear and excitement. It's all so new and intoxicating and Hanbins' got no idea how this will turn out. 

He opens his eyes, Bobby's forehead against his, sweat sticking them together. He glances at Bobby's hand on his dick and gasps, the breaths he takes burning him from the inside. 

Bobby's been lucky with the inches mother nature has given him, his cock thick and hard in Hanbins' hand. He gulps and chases the taste of him on his tongue, wanting more. Bobby gives him a peck on the lips before biting it and Hanbin hates how much it turns him on. 

He flicks his wrist a few times and Bobby's already a mess. His legs shaking and eyes shut, head lolling back in pleasure. Bobby's grip tightens and loosens around him and Hanbin wants to smack him for being a tease. Before he can think any further, Bobby slides his thumb along the vein on the underside and Hanbin's whole body quivers.

The steam is sticking to their skin and the sweat is making the sound of their hands obscene to his ears.

Bobby shifts closer, foreheads touching again and Hanbin's so _so_ close. He tries to think of his mother or blonde hair that does nothing for him anymore, hoping it'd hold him back.

It doesn't work.

Bobby's staring right into his eyes as he keeps pumping him, hand around Hanbins' pre-cum leaking cock, like he's well accustomed to doing this all the time. 

Their breaths mingle and Hanbin can smell chocolate on Bobby's before he sees stars and freckles and dark fluffy hair as he cums. 

His breathing slows down and as he opens his eyes, Bobby's staring a him, a small smirk on his face. 

Hanbin blushes but hopes it's not noticeable due to his already flushed face. He feels like it's been 5 decades but instead it's been 5 minutes and he's already done. It's embarrassing and if Bobby didn't have his cock out, still hard and leaking, Hanbin would hide his face in his hands and run away.

Instead he returns the favor, smearing his own cum, that landed on Bobby's stomach, onto the head of his dick. He feels Bobby tremble and with just a slight tug and a hot kiss on Bobby's neck, the other cums too. 

Right onto Hanbins' face. 

 

*

 

They sit there, breathing ragged as the cum starts drying on both of their skin. 

Hanbin tries licking it off of his lips but Bobby's already there, pushing his demanding tongue inside and tasting himself. Hanbin finds it incredibly hot and he hopes his body's too spent to give him another boner. Otherwise this could go on for a while. 

"Well that was amazing."

Bobby's staring at him, thumb tracing circles on his bare thigh and Hanbin wonders how come it burns more than the kisses or the smell of sex around them. 

"Yeah. Sorry about uh.."

He scratches his nape and reminds himself that there's nothing to be embarrassed about. After all they're still sitting there, naked and nasty. 

"..coming so soon."

Bobby snorts and leans his head against his shoulder. Hanbin stares down at his incredibly gorgeous face, lips swollen and red, cheeks like an autumn sunset. 

"I've never done this before."

Bobby looks at him in surprise, eyes widening with glee. Hanbin wants to kiss him all over again. 

"Really? Am I your first?"

Bobby's smiling and Hanbin nods, trying not to blush too hard. It's weird for _him_ to think about it, so what's going through Bobby's mind is a mystery.

"I'm glad."

They smile at each other and Bobby seems to close off a bit. Sweat is still forming on their skin and Hanbin wonders if it's actually possible to get a heart attack while having sex in a sauna. He takes note to google it later. 

He traces his fingers down Bobby's sides and enjoys the shivers that run through him. The whole situation feels too surreal. They're barenaked and almost cuddling, hearts on their non existent sleeves.

"I'm sorry about the other day. I really am."

Bobby must sense him tensing up so he kisses the side of his neck. Hanbin hates how the slightest touch of his lips makes goosebumps break out all over his skin.   
There's silence again and Hanbin wonders If Bobby'll continue. He sits there, thinking of all the ways this could possibly go wrong. What he doesn't expect is Bobby crying.

He turns towards him in slight shock, hands going around the others' naked body. 

"It's okay, It's okay."

He kisses Bobby's damp hair and holds him tight. 

"It's just-"

Bobby's sniffles and snuggles closer to him, lips against his collarbone, making it hard for him to hear. 

"I think I'm in love with you too."

_'And I'm scared shitless.'_

He doesn't say it but Hanbin sees it in his eyes. He kisses his forehead, Bobby's sweat mingling with his own and he want's to say that it'll be okay. But he's not sure it will.

"I know."

_'So am I.'_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a bit longer to get out! I've been kinda sad and emo + stuck with my research paper.. which is partly to blame for my emo moods.  
> I hope it isn't too over dramatic but fuck I needed to get that sauna scene out there, honestly it's what made me write this fic in the first place. I've LIVED for writing that scene for months now.. So I really hope you like it, even though im not that good w smut!  
> Btw should I change the rating to explicit? I'm not sure if that only applies to literal sex scenes or not


	15. The Only Exception

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time he almost sexts him.

Bobby stops shaking after a few minutes, his tears mixing with the cum on their skin. He'd laugh at it if the situation weren't as tense as it was before. 

"We should get going."

Bobby removes himself from his side and Hanbin misses the weight and warmth of him immediately.

"Yeah, we really should."

He puts the towel back on before Bobby closes in on him, hands finding their way to his waist. Hanbin would like to pretend as if it didn't have a maddening effect on him but he's done pretending. 

Bobby smiles softly when he shivers and keeps staring at him, words stuck in his throat. Hanbin wonders what he wants to say and what he actually will.

"You still have dried cum on you."

He feels himself blush as Bobby leans forward and wipes it off of him, kissing every spot his thumb traced. 

Hanbin can see the flutter of his eyelashes and feel the flutter in his stomach. It's the closest he's ever felt to home and the fact that it's between Bobby's arms scares the shit out of him.

"There. You're good to go."

Bobby's hand lets go of his waist as his face stays close. They breath each other in and Hanbin would call the moment magic if it weren't for the fear behind those hooded lids. 

Finally they part and it's about time, an old man entering with a grunt.

They leave and Hanbin feels his fingers twitch, wanting to hold Bobby's hand more than ever before. The other seems to be feeling the same, fingers gripping his towel tightly and eyes tracing the lines of his hips. 

Hanbin lets out a shaky breath as they reach the guys. He wonders if they can tell just by looking at him. He knows he's good at lying but his body isn't and if Bobby checks him out one more time, gaze lingering longer than usual, then he's about to make it obvious to everyone who's in their close proximity. 

"Finally you're here."

Donghyuk's splashing in the small pool as Yunhyeong tries to chase Junhoe around to throw him in. The elderly are glancing at them angrily and Hanbin wants to remind him where they are. He doesn't though, hoping that the play fight will distract his friends from whatever traces of honesty are left on his flushing face.

Bobby steps in right away, throwing his towel on the ground and Hanbin opts for letting his feet dangle in the water, Bobby's nakedness being a bit overwhelming right now.

"What's up with you two?"

Jinhwan struts towards them, cocktail in hand, face clearer than the water they're swimming in. Hanbin wishes he got a facial instead of a... facial. He stops himself from going any further.

Bobby quirks his brow when it's eminent that Jinhwan's speaking to them. 

"Nothing?"

He lets his towel go, swimming towards Bobby, cocktail still in hand. Hanbin would praise his skill of not spilling a single drop, if his heart weren't suddenly in his throat. 

"You're weirdly quiet. Did you fight again?"

He stares at him now and Hanbin shakes his head a bit too quickly.

"Whatever. If you wanna fight save it for later though, I want to enjoy myself as long as I can."

Junhoe and Yunhyeong finally run towards them, both out of breath. Hanbin's kind of taken aback by how the sound reminds him of the sauna and how he's already stirring up underneath his towel. He grips the edge of the pool tightly. 

"How'd they let you take the cocktail? Isn't that like, illegal?"

Junhoe grabs it from Jinhwan's hand as soon as he slips in, taking a huge sip. Jinhwan smacks him on the head and takes it back, eyes sparkling instead of angry.

"It isn't illegal but it's not allowed either."

Hanbin takes notice of how their forearms touch and he wonders if it burns Jinhwan just as much as Bobby's fingers burn him. 

Before Junhoe can ask any further he shushes him, finger on his lips. Color rises on Junhoes' cheekbones and Jinhwan smirks, continuing on like it's nothing. 

"I'm good at what I do, Junhoe. Really good."

He takes the straw in his mouth and slurps loudly making everyone but Hanbin laugh. He looks at Bobby chuckle before their eyes meet and the sound dies in the others' throat. 

Hanbin's got a good idea of why Bobby takes the longest to get out of the pool when they leave. 

 

*

 

"Your dad was supposed to be here 15 minutes ago."

Donghyuk looks irritated and Hanbin's never seen him like this. He pats his shoulder and tells him it's okay, the night's still young.

He seems to relax but then winds up again when Junhoe lets them know he's going to take another ten minutes to get there.

Bobby stands by his side as they wait out in the cold, cheeks rosy from the temperature change. 

"So, how are you liking your birthday so far?"

Bobby's tone is cheeky but only to his ears and Hanbin wants to slap him. Or kiss him. Or both.

"Could be better. Thought the saunas were a little boring."

Bobby does slap him then and Hanbin loves the playfullness of it. He wonders if Bobby wants to kiss him too and it makes the flutter in his stomach turn into a full blown tornado. 

When they finally manage to fit themselves in the backseat of the car, Hanbin wonders if Bobby's a part of his constellation.

He feels the way his fingers trace burning circles on his thigh and Hanbin thinks that what he feels for Bobby is big and bright, a Supernova. When it finally explodes it'll take him with it and there's nothing he can do about it. 

 

*

 

"I'm gonna head back to the office for a little while so you guys behave."

Hanbin's smiling at Jinhwan as he manages to hide away Junhoes' sneakers in just a minute. The word 'behave' brings him back to reality though and Hanbin feels the familiar aching in his chest. 

"There's enough beer in the fridge to last a lifetime so be careful. I'll be back late and I'm not afraid to call the cops on drunk teenagers."

Junhoe snorts at them, a bossy smirk on his face.

"Not even my own son."

His father gives him a stern look as all of them burst out laughing. Junhoe scowls as he says goodbye to his dad, Yunhyeong yelling a 'thank you for taking his ego down a notch!' as the door closes.

Junhoe makes his way straight towards him while Donghyuk goes for the beers. 

Hanbin keeps thinking of his mother and suddenly he's scared of going back. Scared that she'll see the invisible marks Bobby left on his neck. Scared that she'll smell the musk and sex on his skin, the burn coming from a cigarette and not from incredibly delicate fingers. 

"You okay?"

Bobby's standing by him and Hanbin startles, unaware of how he must've been there for a while.

He's scratching his nape, other hand in his pocket and Hanbin keeps staring at the sliver of a hickey he left on his neck. Something that only a trained eye can see. Something you notice only when you look for it. 

"Yeah, just thinking."

It's not a lie but it's not the truth either. He's kind of sure that if Bobby knew about his situation at home, he'd run away on the first opportunity. Coming to terms with your sexuality is one thing, falling in love another and dealing with his messed up family life a completely different topic already. 

"About what?"

He sees Bobby stare his hands and Hanbin wonders when he'll notice the burn mark or if he has, then when he'll ask about it. 

"Everything."

Bobby nods, like he's doing the same. Hanbin knows how difficult it is to process what happened, he's having a hard time dealing with it too. 

"You want a beer or are you gonna keep thinking?"

Hanbin snorts and drags himself towards the kitchen where Donghyuk's already planning on what activities they're going to do.

"Hanbin, finally!"

Junhoe looks grateful and he smiles, grabbing a beer and struggling to open it. 

"Tell Donghyuk he needs to stop thinking and just relax."

Hanbin says just that as Donghyuk glares at them both, grabbing the barbecue meat questioningly and then putting it back. 

"I can't relax! What are we gonna do? Just sit outside and grill meat?? How boring is that."

Everyone finds it a great idea though and Donghyuk seems kind of offended at how boring they are. 

Bobby takes the bottle from his hands and opens it for him, shy smile plastered on his face. Hanbin's scared of getting drunk, the thought of accidentally talking about what happened making him fret. Bobby's hands find his, the bottle cold but his fingers warm. Hanbin decides to stop worrying, at least for just this night.

When he looks up, face probably traitorously red and eyes sparkling, he's met with Jinhwan. Hanbin swallows the lump in his throat that wasn't there a second ago as Jinhwan grabs his own beer and shrugs past them, mouth drawn to a tight line. 

Hanbin looks over at Bobby who's suddenly a lot less dreamy and he wonders if he's figured it out yet. His hands shake as he grabs himself a bottle, taking a large gulp and Hanbin knows the answer. It was about time, really.

 

*

 

They're sitting on the lawn chairs by the barbecue, jackets thrown on and beer bottles in hand. Donghyuk's still pouting over their decision to just 'chill', as Junhoe put it, face wrapped in a large scarf, the tip of his nose peaking out from time to time. 

"So Hanbin, tell us what has been the greatest part of this day?"

Yunhyeong does his greatest impression of a TV reporter, making everybody chuckle. Bobby keeps staring at him over the fire of the grill, Junhoe deciding to forget the purpose of it to enjoy the heat. Hanbins' stomach grumbles from hunger as he keeps staring right back. 

He chokes a little on his beer, the question too sudden. Jinhwan glances between him and Bobby as they all wait for an answer.

"The bathhouse of course." He takes a gulp, lips around the head of the bottle while his eyes lock with Bobbys. "And this too, yeah."

He wants nothing more than to stare at the color rising in Bobby's cheeks, eyes landing on his own lap instead. A few gulps more and he'll be brave enough.

"That's a boring answer. Be specific."

Junhoe's knees keep knocking with Jinhwans' and Hanbin sees the slight flare of the others' nostrils, their forearms close but not touching. 

"Well then, my favorite part was Jinhwans' blowjob innuendo in the pool. Does that make you happy?"

Junhoe chokes on his beer as Jinhwan lets out a loud laugh, Yunhyeong doubling over in giggles. Donghyuk just rolls his eyes at their childishness and Hanbin rubs his arms, trying to make him relax. 

"God, that really was the best part wasn't it?"

Jinwhan stares at Junhoes' grumpy face as the other gets up, muttering something about bringing out the meat. 

 

*

 

As the night progresses on, so does Hanbins' state of drunkenness. He thinks of how many times he's already gotten drunk while hanging out with his friends and mentions that to all of them, emphasizing that they're a bad influence. 

Yunhyeong adds that Hanbin's the bad influence here, his birthday is why they're drinking in the first place. Jinhwan gives him a high five for that and Hanbin almost throws his mitten at him, unaware of the hot barbecue in the middle of their feud.

"Jesus christ, you're drunk. Should we take this asshole home?"

Donghyuk's finally relaxing and Hanbin snuggles into his side as the other steps closer, eyebrows knitted in worry. 

"He's fine."

Hanbin's drunk but not that drunk as to not notice the way Junhoe's fingers keep travelling up Jinhwans' forearm. He wants to take him aside and tell him to not play with fire, laughing at the thought instead. 

"Okay yeah, he really is drunk."

Bobby's voice startles him, the sound of it deep and groggy, fitting right in with the fire in the pit of his stomach and in front of him. 

"Look who's talking."

Jinhwan snorts and Junhoe high fives him, their arms connecting for a bit too long. Hanbin squints to see better but then he's got small dark eyes in front of him and every thought he had about those two gets swept away as the musk takes over. 

"Also look who's _finally_ talking. You sure you didn't fight in the saunas or something?"

Jinhwan's too curious for his own good and Hanbin wants to argue back, his tongue tied when he notices the tips of Bobby's ears turning bright pink at the question. 

"Shut up, I'm just tired. And he's drunk so I'll take him home."

He helps Hanbin up, splaying his hands on his lower back, making him shiver from the warmth of it. 

"D'you hear that? He's just tired. I have a good idea of why he's tired though, you se-"

Bobby shuts him up with a hand on his mouth and Hanbin laughs. He'd never tell, even while drunk. Never.

He bites his hand, cold but somehow still burning to him, and Bobby hisses.

"-He's tired because you guys are exhausting to keep up with."

Bobby lets out a sigh, warm breath making Hanbins' skin tingle. 

"Yeah, yeah whatever. Go home birthday boy, we'll bring some meat over tomorrow."

Junhoe glares at Yunhyeong, who's already trying to grab himself a piece.

"If this one over here doesn't eat all of it."

The last thing he hears before Bobby drags him off is Yunhyeongs' whine and Hanbin chuckles into Bobbys' neck, teeth grazing his skin for just a second before rough hands manhandle him onto the street. 

 

*

 

"Take me home with you."

Bobby's hand is on his shoulder, trying to keep him upright.

"Nope."

Hanbin whines, lips finding the shell of his ear for a whisper cut too short. He's not even sure what he said, the world spinning around as Bobby pushes him back too quickly.

"Hanbin, could you please stop?"

He finally looks towards him, eyes taking a while to focus. Bobby's ravishing, as always. He must've said it out loud, the other groaning at him in frustration.  
Hanbin feels like a kicked puppy all of a sudden, eyes cast downward, stumble of his feet improving rapidly. 

"Sorry, I just-"

Bobby lets out a heavy breath as Hanbin counts the steps he takes, trying to will away the bile in his throat. He wonders if it's because of Bobby's curt tone or the alcohol. He thinks it's both. 

"I'm not gonna bite, Bobby."

Hanbin hears himself say it before he can think. His mind trying it's hardest to catch up with what's spilling from his dry mouth. 

"Stop being so scared."

He wants to take the words back but before he can, Bobby interrupts.

"It's not that I'm scared _you're_ gonna bite Hanbin. I'm scared _I_ will."

He dares to look at him now, eyes drooping from the sudden weight on them. Bobby looks almost childlike, the shyness on his face way out of character. 

"I like it rough though."

Bobby ends up wheezing from laughter at his crude remarks, Hanbin trying his best not to overstep his boundaries, giving Bobby his well deserved space for the rest of the night. 

He takes in the sight of him on his doorstep, relieved yet worried, hands still on his shoulders as he asks him if he can make it inside.

That's when Hanbin decides that he wants to kiss no one else but Bobby for the rest of his life.

 

*

 

"BIRTHDAY BOY! How are you?"

He wakes up to a phone call from Junhoe, who's literally yelling into his ear.

"Shut the fuck up. Why are you calling? It's like 9 or something."

He groans, scrubbing the sleep out of his eyes as Junhoe keeps talking about coming over in an hour. He finally stops to burst out laughing and Hanbin asks what's so funny.

"Dude, it's 4 o'clock in the afternoon. Don't tell me you were still asleep."

Hanbin checks the clock and he's right. It's 4 pm and he still feels like it's been an hour since Bobby dropped him off. 

"I was."

Junhoe keeps laughing as Hanbin thinks of ways to murder him over the phone. 

"You've got to be shitting me. Alright, I'll be there soon so please put some clothes on."

All he wants is another 4 hours of sleep but he agrees. He tries to remember last night when the call ends but all he gets are images of Bobby on his lap, cumming on his face.

He groans into the pillows, that are somehow still reeking of musk, hoping he didn't make a complete fool of himself in front of the guys.

 

*

 

But he did. 

"Oh my god and then you tried to snuggle up close to Donghyuk, who totally let you. Out of compassion I guess."

Hanbin groans, hiding his face in his hands, Junhoe still heating up the meat. 

"Thankfully Bobby saved us from your sorry ass and brought you home."

Hanbin vaguely remembers telling Bobby he liked it rough and it makes him burrow himself in his arms, willing to stay there forever. 

"Can you shut up?"

Junhoe snorts, the sound of meat frying on a pan finally hitting his ears. Hanbins' stomach rumbles so loudly that even Junhoe can hear it.

"No wonder you got so drunk. Have you even eaten since the bathhouse?"

Hanbin stares up then, eyes bleary from the light and shakes his head. Junhoe has a look of motherly concern on his face and Hanbin's surprised to see it there. Of course he has to joke about it too. 

"So when'd everyone else go home?"

Junhoe's already digging in and Hanbin can't wait to either, hurriedly grabbing some kimchi to go along with it. 

"Around 2 am I guess. Jinhwan stayed a while longer though, helped me clean up."

Hanbin's struggling not to think of Bobby, Jinhwans' name helping him clear his mind from the fog that Bobby's lips have erupted. 

"What's the deal with you and him though?"

Junhoe wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and Hanbin wonders how long he's been friends with Yunhyeong for the habits to stick. 

"What deal? You mean that were hanging again?"

Hanbin nods, not knowing what else to say and stomach protesting loudly at the thought of putting the fork down. He wonders when Marks' habits will wear off. 

"I don't know. He was a douche for a long time but now he seems to be okay again. Probably because Bobby's too busy burying himself in your ass to notice him anymore."

Hanbin chokes on his food, the sentence giving him ideas. About a hundred of them.

"That's not true."

Junhoe snorts as he keeps eating, grabbing himself another piece of meat. Hanbin wonders if he's still going through a growing spurt. 

"Yeah it is. You literally hang off each other in school. Jinhwan's lonely and I get that."

Hanbin wonders if the closeness that he and Bobby actually harbor will become eminent as this.. _thing_ progresses. He hopes not. 

"So you're lonely too?"

Junhoe glares at him but it seems to hit home. Hanbin wonders if loneliness brought them together in the first place and Junhoe's inevitably straight hormones apart. 

"I'm not lonely it's just that.. We got along really well before and since he's got more time on his hands and he's not _that_ douchey anymore, I think it can work."

Hanbin nods, starvation making it hard for him to focus on the weight of the words and not on his food. 

"I'm glad you two are getting along again. And honestly Bobby and I are close but were still close with Jinhwan too."

Junhoe rolls his eyes and Hanbin pokes him with his fork. He yelps, taking the last piece of meat in retaliation but giving it back when Hanbins' stomach rumbles again. 

"God, you're blind. Honestly if you weren't dudes I'd think you'd be banging."

Hanbin lowers his gaze and concentrates on keeping the tremble of his hands under control. He makes an understanding noise in the back of his throat, hoping it will be a satisfying answer.

"So Jeongyeon's coming over tonight, huh?"

Junhoe wiggles his eyebrows as Hanbin tries pinching him. He jumps away far too fast for anything to happen and Hanbin stalls, gulping down a gallon of water while tying to think of an answer that wouldn't lead to more questions. 

"She is yeah, but she's my tutor and there's nothing to it."

Junhoe keeps wiggling his eyebrows though so Hanbin decides it's best to grab his chopsticks and try pinching him with those. 

 

*

 

His mother gives him a hard time for getting drunk, not even knowing the half of it. Not even realising that Bobby was there the whole time. Either above him, next to him or just in his mind.

It scares him to realise how much he actually thinks of Bobby, how much of his time goes under remembering the way his lips swallowed his moans or the way his eyes crinkle when he smiles at Hanbins' lame jokes.

He doesn't text him all day long, waiting for Bobby to do it first. For a while he wonders if this was a one time thing, if Bobby got scared off by what happened.   
If he realised that Jinhwans' in love with him and suddenly he's fallen back. 

Hanbin's got no time to fret over it when Jeongyeon comes over. His mother doubles over when she sees her, kissing her cheeks in joy and acting as if she's her daughter in law already. 

It makes Hanbin much more nauseous than the alcohol that's still running through his veins.

"So are you two lovebirds going to go on another date?"

His smile falls the minute she asks it, looking expectantly at Jeongyeon. 

Her smile seems to falter as well. She takes a minute before responding, glancing at Hanbins' fearful face and for just this moment, he hopes that she's realised whats really going on there. Realised what he feels for a certain dark haired boy and why that dark haired boy broke up with her. 

"Yeah, I think so. Hanbin's nice and very cute too, if I might add."

She smiles at his mother and Hanbin feels relief flood over him as his mouth still gapes. When they get a moment alone he's quick to ask questions, none of them coming out of his mouth for some reason.

"Look, don't worry about it. We can go on friendly dates."

He wants to ask if she really does know, if she's noticed the way he keeps searching for specks of sun on Bobby's pale cheeks. 

"I know how hard it is when your parents keep bugging you about dating, so it's okay."

Her eyes seem to say more than her words and Hanbin is certain she's figured him out now. That she can see the phantom of the kisses Bobby left on his neck forever. 

"Thank you."

He stares at his lap then, eyes revealing far too much. There's silence until her hand reaches his. 

"No problem."

 

*

 

He feels giddy walking to school on Monday. 

He's not sure if it's because his mother has finally stopped bugging him about girls or if it's because Bobby greets him by the gates with a smile that's meant just for him. 

"Hi."

He's a bit breathless, probably ran there to catch up with him and that makes the butterflies in his stomach flutter incredibly strongly, making him question his sobriety again.

"Hey."

They start walking towards the school and Hanbin tries to ignore the itch under his skin. Tries to ignore how inviting Bobbys' lips look.

"So I-uh-I was thinking that maybe you could come over tomorrow for physics? Chanwoo wants to watch a movie too, if that's okay."

Hanbin nods, struggling to keep the smile on his face at bay. It feels like the butterflies are about to burst out of him when Bobby's pinky finger grazes his for just a second. 

"I wouldn't miss it for the world."

He hopes it doesn't sound too mushy but Bobby's already laughing.

"You're so lame."

Hanbin punches him lightly on the shoulder, eyes crinkling up on their own accord.

"You still love me though."

Bobby's laugh dies in his throat as he looks over at him. Hanbins' whole body is on fire when Donghyuk runs towards them, the words still leaving Bobby's lips in a quiet mutter.

"I think I do yeah. I really do."

 

*

 

"Since you were too drunk to even get home on your own, I thought I'd bring my present with me today."

Jinhwan crowds into him at lunch and Hanbin feels embarrassed by all the attention. 

"You don't have to give me anything, honestly the evening was nice enough."

Jinhwan rolls his eyes and so do the others when they get there. 

"Take my gift or else-"

Jinhwan raises his hand, bulging out his eyes in a comical manner. Hanbin tries to hide his laughter and instead acts scared. He kind of is when the hand falls back down, inches away from his face. He doesn't think of why it scares him as much as it does.

"Fine, fine."

Donghyuk's staring intently at his gift as Junhoe and Yunhyeong keep muttering about something under their breaths. Hanbin's pretty sure they got him a stupid present as well. He wants to feel angry but sometimes even he likes to be showered with gifts.

He unwraps the surprisingly neat box to find a leather jacket, with the words "T- birds" embedded on it, lying inside. It makes him feel guilty that Jinhwan would go through such trouble for him and  actually remember that his favorite movie is Grease. Somehow he's not embarrassed at all, the embroidery looking top notch making the jacket even cooler than Danny Zukos'.

"You didn't have to do this!"

He feels fond all over as he grabs Jinhwan in for a hug. The other startles,  Hanbin never being the type of person to initiate physical contact. Not even with Bobby.

"I totally had to. I'm gonna get one made for everyone elses birthday too so be prepared for humiliation."

They laugh but Hanbin sees fondness written all over them as well. He puts it on right away, Bobby's eyes landing on his the minute he asks them how it looks. 

"Good."

He's the first to answer and Hanbin tries to hide his smile, Bobby refusing to hide the way his eyes keep trailing down the lines of his back and the curve of his ass.

"I can't believe your favorite movie is Grease."

Junhoe lets out a loud laugh as both Jinhwan and Hanbin glare at him. He quiets down, fingers tracing Jinhwans' forearm. Hanbin pretends not to notice. 

"Well at least my favorite movie isn't Legally Blonde. And I know it's Donghyuks' favorite too but he's man enough to admit it."

If that doesn't shut him up then Yunhyeong's laughing definitely does. After eating the both of them get out their own present and Hanbin acts surprised.

Bobby's fingers reluctantly leave his thigh as he gets up. Yunhyeong's trying hard not to giggle as Junhoe gives him an inspiring speech, he's sure he heard from Legally Blonde or one of its sequels. 

"So here it is. Hope you enjoy it."

They hand over a big plastic package which makes it hard for him to realise what's inside. Bobby bursts out laughing seconds later as Hanbin reads the instructions, turns it around and realises that it's a -

"You bought me a blow up doll?"

He's loud enough for the whole courtyard to hear if it weren't abandoned as usual. 

"Yeah, thought you'd need it since you gave Nayeon _and_ Jeongyeon the boot."

He runs towards the both of them, trying to hit them with the package. It doesn't work so in the end he just chuckles along, eyes locking with Bobby's. 

Bobby stops laughing to stare at him fondly and Hanbin thought he'd felt love before but this is nothing like it, his stomach doing somersaults just because of the look in his eyes. 

Donghyuk tells him his present is taking a bit of time and Hanbin tries his best to convince him that he doesn't need one.

"Sure you do, what good can a blow up doll and leather jacket bring you?"

Junhoe makes a crude joke at that as Bobby keeps chuckling next to him, the sound vibrating through his body, making him feel warm all over. 

"Fine but promise me it's nothing like the gift these two idiots gave me."

Donghyuk does the whole 'cross my heart and hope to die' routine which satisfies him. 

The bell rings soon and they all leave, Hanbin struggling to carry his presents. Bobby stays behind, of course, helping him out. 

"So you're not giving me a present?"

He teases, knowing that even if he didn't have one he'd be happy just to sit next to him. He wants to punch himself for falling so hard already. 

"Why would I? You already got a blow up doll so.."

They both laugh as the color on Bobby's cheeks keeps changing between pale pink and beet red. 

"You know it's fine if you don't get me anything."

Bobby scoffs and Hanbin takes note of how their thumbs keep brushing as they carry that stupid doll. He wonders what his mother'll say about it and that makes him want to laugh more than anything he heard during lunch.

"I'll get you one, and it's gonna be amazing. Just wait and see."

He spends the rest of the day thinking of what exactly Bobby might give him. The thought of it being something _dirty_  making his skin tingle in excitement.

 

*

 

He's playing with Hanbyul when the first text comes in.

'you know what my gift is? ;)'

Heat immediately pools in his stomach and onto his face, making him send Hanbyul off to draw.

'No..X'

It takes a minute for him to answer and Hanbins' already pent up. He's not sure if it's nerves or sexual frustration. Or both.

'a giftcard for an incredible handjob, done by moi. <==3'

Hanbin can feel his heart beat faster than ever and he's not sure when the coyness between them turned into sexting. Or something similar to sexting.

'Moi?X'

He thinks it over a gazillion times, hitting send and waiting for Bobby to elaborate on his own.

'it means me in french, idiot. is that all ur gon ask abt? :('

He chuckles, thinking of how Bobby's probably pouting, phone in his lap. He wonders if the idea excites him too. The thought stirring him up so he nips it in the bud.

'I already got the idea of it. Idiot. X'

It feels comfortable and safe and them. Even though it's completely different than what he's used to.

'am i your idiot though? :))'

The text comes in so fast that he has a hard time realising it's from Bobby. And that he's the one being cheesy all of a sudden.

'Yeah, I think you are. And you're cheesy as hell.X'

'..soo..what are we then?'

Bobby chooses to ignore the last part of his text and Hanbin checks if his mothers' in the room. Thankfully she isn't. He's afraid she might sense who he's talking to and what they're talking about, smile on his face as his hands keep shaking.

'What do you mean?X'

It's the most nerve wrecking twenty seconds of his life. 

'are we dating or not bin.'

He clicks send without thinking twice about it.

'Idk about you but I'd like to be. X'

' boyfriends?'

'Boyfriends xX'

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Literally had the hardest time thinking of a summary for this chapter since I didnt wanna give off the most exicting part of this OT7 ..okay OT6 fest that is the texting (almost sexting) in the end.  
> It legit took me 5 (!!) hours to write this, probably because of all the spell checks cause for some reason I cant tell the difference between your and youre today. The reason being Im tired and I'll go through most of the mistakes tomorrow.  
> Hope you like it, even though theres more hinting at Junhwan than there is Double B lmaoo


	16. The Air That I Breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time he has doubts.

 

He goes to Jinhwans' later, hands shaking for no apparent reason. 

"Thank god you're here. The kids are killing me."

Jinhwan slumps against him as his younger siblings run upstairs, leaving them in silence. 

"I love kids."

Hanbin puts his bag down, making his way towards the couch. Jinhwan follows, holding in a yawn. Hanbin sees his phone buzz next to him and wants to ask if it's Bobby or Junhoe. He keeps quiet.

"Yeah, you would, you're a kid yourself."

Hanbin smacks him for the remark as Jinhwan checks his texts. He smiles to himself, typing back.

Hanbin grabs his notebooks and remembers that he's now officially Bobby's boyfriend. Nausea makes a sudden appearance again, accompanying his never ending guilt. 

"Who's that?"

He wants to ask if it's a girl but knows better. It will never be one. 

Jinhwan startles out of his thoughts, dropping his phone somewhere between the couch cushions. 

"The guys."

Jinhwans' face is guarded, as always, leaving everything to Hanbins' imagination. 

"You have a group chat and you haven't included me?"

Jinhwan snorts, telling him that he's too boring to add. Hanbin laughs along with him, knowing that it's probably the truth.

 

*

 

"Oh god."

They're halfway into their play, 20 pages now written and Hanbin really wants to head home. He's tired, neck stiff and eyes drooping, the thought of seeing Bobby tomorrow making his body tremble in excitement and his mind fret over the dark circles he's definitely going to have under his eyes.

"What?"

Jinhwan's texting vigorously and Hanbin wants to ask him if he misses the burn of Junhoes' fingers as much as he misses the burn of Bobby's lips. 

"Guess who's coming over."

Jinhwan rolls his eyes fondly as Hanbins' stomach does a somersault, or two. 

"Bobby?"

Jinhwan nods as the doorbell rings, making them both jolt. Of course it's Bobby, entering with a bag of takeout and what seems like a Tarantino movie peaking out of his backpack. 

"I thought I'd come by to read more of your amazing play."

He snickers and steps closer to the couch, seemingly normal. Hanbin wonders if their earlier texts had any impact on him at all. 

"Uh-huh, you're not getting your hands on our hard work. You'll ruin it."

Bobby whines as Jinhwan grabs the papers from Hanbins' side, stuffing them between the couch and himself. His phone buzzes again and this time Hanbin's sure it's Junhoe. 

Bobby puts the DVD on and settles down next to him, nuzzling into his side like it's the most normal thing on earth. 

Hanbin only dares to look over at him when the movies been playing for half an hour already, Jinhwan nodding off on the other end of the sofa. 

Bobby's staring at the screen, hand squeezing his shoulder tightly and Hanbin wishes he could stay here forever. The warmth and shape of Bobby's body made just for him and for this moment. 

Bobby looks over then and Hanbin startles, cheeks flushing an awful shade of red. 

"Stop staring at me like that."

Bobby leans in too suddenly for him to move, lips against the shell of his ear. Hanbin tries his best to keep his eyes on the screen and not on the hand that's getting increasingly closer to his crotch. 

"Why?"

Bobby squeezes his thigh as he lets out a shaky breath. He checks to see what Jinhwans' doing and deflates when the other is sound asleep. At least he hopes he is. 

"Because I can't stop myself from doing _this_ ," Bobbys lips find his neck as his fingers trail up the insides of his thigh. "if you keep doing  _that_."

Hanbin squirms, the words taking time to register but the actions definitely not. He looks over at Jinhwan, his soft snoring the only thing he can focus on that isn't Bobby. 

"Would you stop."

He grits it out through his teeth, Bobby's calloused fingers tracing the lines of his hips, slipping under the hem of his shirt. 

"Oops."

Hanbin can feel how hard he is already and this is really not what he had in mind when he thought of handjobs as presents. Bobby seems to enjoy his suffering a bit too much so he quickly moves his hand up, trying to pinch his nipple, just to make himself feel better for coming undone so fast.

"Your nipples are literally nonexistent, I can't work with this."

He tries grabbing him one more time as Bobby holds in a giggle. The whole situation feels surreal to him as he wishes they could've done this at another time and in another universe, where there would be no prying eyes or fingernails that could scratch their way through to his soul if they wanted to. 

The thought of his mother makes him feel much more at edge than the presence of other people. Of Jinhwan. 

"Hey! It's a part of my charm!" 

Bobby swats away his fingers, cheeks flushed as Hanbins' hand stays under his shirt. 

"Yeah it is."

He lets his hand fall downwards as Bobby's abdomen twitches under his touch. Hanbin remembers the sauna, the sadness he saw in Jinhwans' eyes replaced by memories of hot fingers on his skin. 

"On the other hand your dick is so tiny I just can't seem to work with it."

Hanbin turns his head towards him, Bobby's fingers now extremely close to his zipper. He's ready to retaliate for the snarky comment when a buzz cuts their adventure short. 

Bobby jumps off of him immediately as Hanbin adjusts his shirt. Jinhwan yawns, checking his phone. 

"You guys fall asleep too?"

He looks adorable, hair mussed up and socked feet drawn to his body. Hanbin's too busy letting the guilt eat him up alive to answer, so Bobby does it for him.

"Yeah, can you believe this idiot drooled on me?"

Jinhwan laughs at them as they make their way towards the door, Bobby grabbing his movie and Jinhwan grabbing their play to hand it safely over to Hanbin.

Hanbin's not sure when the permanent sorrow in his eyes turned into wicked glee but it has and he bets it's because of Junhoe.

That doesn't stop him from kicking Bobby in the shin as soon as they step out, the others' yelp heard throughout the entire neighbourhood.

"What was that for?"

Bobby tries hitting him with his bag but misses. Hanbin holds in a snort as they continue walking, well Bobby limping. 

"For trying to uh-"

It's hard to say out loud. Especially with Bobby looking at him with that smug smile, like he knows exactly what his touches ~~did~~   _do_ to him.

"Just say it."

Bobby's hips keep brushing against his as they walk and Hanbin tries to suffocate the sudden want he feels inside. Any other thought unimportant except for the ones about getting his hands on Bobby right then and there. 

"For trying to jerk me off."

Bobby's eyes sparkle as he laughs, hands squeezing his shoulder because that's all they're allowed to do outside. 

Hanbin feels his heart plummet at the thought. He's in love, so _so_ in love and all he can do to show it is smile at Bobby, hoping he understands what it means. He bets he does. 

"I didn't do anything! I was just resting my hand on your legs."

Hanbin scoffs, blush still stuck on his face. He wonders if it'll ever leave. 

"Yeah, more like resting your hand on my junk."

Bobby doesn't fight the accusations, smiling at him instead. 

"I'll see you tomorrow. And then I won't be resting anymore."

They're by his doorstep when Bobby says it, making Hanbin dizzy by the mere thought of it. Bobby leaves after he gives his ass a smack and Hanbin wants to take a moment, a long long moment, to think of what he got himself into and how things have really _changed._  

 

*

 

"What's with you today?"

Junhoe's got his lunch with him and Jinhwan by his side. Hanbin tries to hide his curiosity by looking at Donghyuk instead, the man the question is aimed towards.

"Nothing."

Donghyuk keeps smiling though so naturally Yunhyeong goes over to poke his sides until the other can't hold his laughter or secret in anymore.

"Okay, okay! I umm.."

He clears his throat, embarrassment coloring his face pink. Hanbin's surprised he didn't fall for him instead.

"You what?"

Junhoe steals a sip of Yunhyeongs' smoothie, the other glaring at him angrily. Jinhwan keeps his fond stare locked on the culprit as the conversation continues and it almost makes Hanbin miss Bobby sitting down next to him. 

"I'm in the drama club!"

Donghyuk looks happier than ever, his glasses shaking between his unsteady fingers.

"That's great news!"

Jinhwan seems generally happy and Hanbin feels the same. He wants to move over to hug Donghyuk, congratulate him on making it, getting caught in Bobby's firm body instead. He'll take it for now.

"What's the big deal though?"

Junhoe seems unimpressed as Donghyuk glares at him. 

"I can get extra points for drama club activity! Besides, it's fun."

Donghyuks' smile doesn't falter even as Junhoe snorts and calls him a geek.

Bobby's fingers find his thigh again and Hanbin thinks back to the night they had and doesn't look at Jinhwan out of pure embarrassment and guilt.  

"Wait, isn't the play you two are working on going to be handed to the dramatics?"

Donghyuk smacks Bobby for calling them 'dramatics' and Hanbin tries his best not to stare too long at Bobby when he speaks.

"Only if our play's the best. And I highly doubt it."

Bobby's hand finds his nape, thumb brushing the small hairs there, making him shiver. He involuntarily melts into the touch, not able to look at anyone while he does it.

"It's going to win Hanbin. It has to."

When he raises his gaze to Jinhwan, the other doesn't look back, eyes fixed on Bobby and his hand. 

Hanbin feels the guilt again, settling deep into the pit of his stomach. He nudges Bobbys' knee and the other snaps out of it, hand retrieving like he's been burned. Hanbin would like to tell him how he's gotten used to it, pinching his cheeks instead.

He doesn't miss Jinhwans' stare when he does it.  

 

*

 

"I'm going to Bobby's for movie night."

He's almost through the door when she appears, eyes ablaze.

"What?"

Hanbin swallows the lump in his throat, trying not to look at her. He knows he hasn't got marks on him, nothing she _can_ see but a lot she _could_ if she'd look just a little bit closer. 

"I'm going to Bobby's place for movie night. The guys are coming too and his little brother is there."

He hopes she doesn't smell the excessive perfume on him. Nor remember how he took a shower just ten minutes ago. 

"You're going to be back in two hours and you're going to behave."

She steps forward and gives him a hug, Hanbin's body tensing up in seconds. He clears his throat and wills away the shakiness of his voice, answering with a 'yes', like he always does. 

 

*

 

He knocks on the door twice before it's opened, Bobby looking as casual as ever.

Hanbin can see his hair still drying and he smirks to himself, wondering if Bobby's just as inept at this as he is. 

"Look who's finally here."

Bobby helps him take off his shoes, their faces close like always. This time Hanbin dares to look him in the eyes, counting it as a mistake when Bobby does so too and leans in.

"Yeah, yes I'm here. Good to go. Yes."

He steps back, almost stumbling into the door. Bobby chuckles at him, voice low and sweatpants slightly tenting. Hanbin hopes to god he imagined it. 

"Okay so Chanwoo's upstairs and he gave us half an hour to deal with physics."

Hanbin feels himself pale, hands in his pockets, no bag in sight. 

"Don't tell me you forgot."

Bobby lets out a whine, Hanbin staring at him, his mouth wide open. 

"I kind of did."

"God you're such an idiot. Okay let me grab my things and we'll see if it works out."

He starts to run off, returning to his side awkwardly after a few seconds.

"Or you want to uh-" Bobby clears his throat, eyes darting around until they land on him. "-do something else?"

He leans in close at that, lips forming into a smirk. Hanbin wants to send all homework to hell as much as he wants to bathe in the scent of him. Sadly, he knows better. 

"You know I'd love to but you need to graduate."

Bobby lets out a sigh and a groan as he runs off, leaving Hanbin a bit breathless with the ideas the quirk of his brow indicated.

 

*

 

"So what movie are we gonna watch?"

They've been sitting in the living room for half an hour, no Chanwoo in sight.

Hanbin is already itching to touch him, the scent and presence of Bobby overwhelming him in every sense of the word. He keeps those thoughts at bay, willing away his imagination for a good cause. 

Bobby grabs the calculator from his hands, humming in thought. Hanbin opens his mouth to ask again, a finger landing on his lips instead.

"I heard you."

He tries not to squirm at the touch but still does. Bobby scribbles down a few numbers and throws the calculator onto his lap,  sighing in contempt.

"Okay so Chanwoo wants you to think he's cool and not the nerd he really is, so first he's going to suggest some action movie from the 90s."

Hanbin nods, attention on Bobbys' lips instead of his words. 

"And then he's going to come back with a sad puppy face and tell us he 'lost' or 'forgot' his DVD."

Hanbin nods along, feeling Bobby's hands on him again. He tries his best to focus. 

"If I suggest taking one of mine he's going to be like 'oh no I have this movie I've been thinking of watching!' and then were going to be stuck with Steve Carell and Keira Knightley all night long."

Bobby's animated when he talks, hands flying in the air and landing on him to touch, eyes wide and mouth running a mile a minute. It's yet another thing he loves about him, he realises as he keeps staring and hopes it isn't too obvious.

"Steve what? Keira who?"

Bobby sighs, throwing his hands in the air. He looks at him, frustrated, pinching his nipple. 

"It's a movie you dumbass. I keep forgetting the title but it's his favorite and I'm telling you, I've seen it about seven hundred times. No joke."

Hanbin lets Bobby push his legs on his thighs, the warmth of him suddenly making him sleepy. He tries to think of something to say, mind filled with the sound of skin slapping against skin and definitely not Bobby's little brother. 

"Why does he pretend though?"

Bobby snorts, hands on his own lap now. Hanbin kind of misses the weight of them. 

"Cause sometimes there's no other option."

He looks at him then and Hanbins' mind suddenly clears. He knows exactly what Bobby means by that. Wishing he didn't.

 

*

 

It takes them fifteen minutes after Bobby's retrieved the books to realise that Chanwoo is probably asleep upstairs. 

Hanbin can't seem to sit straight anymore. 

"So.. do you want to finish what we started?"

Bobby's back from the kitchen, popcorn almost thrown on the table as he snuggles next to him. 

Hanbin's shirt collar seems to tighten around his neck, the tension in the air too thick to breathe through. 

"Can't we go up to your room?"

He feels uncomfortable looking at him, knowing that his eyes have nothing but hunger in them. 

"That's why we have to hurry if you want to continue. I don't have a room."

Bobby's grabbing a blanket from the ground and Hanbins' too dizzy to ask where it's been and who it's been on. 

"What?"

He looks over at him, making a huge mistake. Bobby eats him up with his eyes, leaning in to kiss his nose, his cheeks and his chin. Hanbin's legs are already buckling at that. 

"I share one with Chanwoo."

Bobbys lips are down to his neck now, biting and sucking, making it hard for him to breathe again. It's too late to tell him to stop now, marks already left on his pale skin. 

The wind whistles outside, making him jolt. 

"Relax, I can tell when he's coming."

Bobby pushes him down on the couch again, moving to sit on top of him, lips attached to his skin at all costs. 

"But why didn't you tell me you share a room?"

Bobby's now on his lap, hips slowly grinding against him and Hanbin's not sure how long they've been doing this for. He's not sure of anything anymore. 

"Why would I? Besides no one's ever been in there either. I didn't think about it."

Bobby kisses him then, the questions Hanbin had on his tongue mingling with nothing but the heat on Bobby's. 

He tastes like popcorn and chocolate and Hanbin really _really_ wants more. His fingers find Bobby's neck as his thumbs keep brushing his collarbones, waiting to make their way down his shirt.

Bobby rocks into him as their lips part, Hanbins' head finding support on his shoulder. 

"God, you feel so good."

Hanbin wants to answer to that too, words coming out as a silent groan instead. 

"But why-"

Bobby nips his lips, eyes dark and glazed over. 

"Stop talking."

He does just that.

 

*

 

He's so close to coming, seconds away from embarrassing himself again, when Bobby jumps up, mouth red from his kisses and chest too, making him try to remember when he even did that.

"Wh-"

"Chanwoo."

Hanbin scrambles to sit upright as Bobby plops down next to him, blanket thrown over them for good measure. He's pretty sure that the room stinks of sex, of musk and jasmine and the salt of their sweat. He hopes Chanwoo's too innocent to think anything of it. 

"How's the physics going?"

Chanwoo's downstairs in seconds, grabbing the remote control and a handful of popcorn.

His heartbeats getting louder than the rain outside as he tries to think of an answer, Bobby looking much more casual than he'd expected. 

"We finished like, ages ago. You fell asleep, didn't you?"

Chanwoo looks sheepish, trying to deny the accusations. Bobby keeps arguing back, the banter escalating into Chanwoo running to get his DVD, cursing at his brother. 

Bobby chuckles next to him and Hanbin wonders when he became such an expert at having conversations while sporting award winning boners in his sweatpants. 

It makes him think of all the girls he's probably brought home, who've wound up in the same spot he's in. It makes him think of how special this is to him and how regular it is to Bobby. How he's just another trophy on his shelf. 

He swallows the lump in his throat, the mess Bobby had made of him with his fingers almost disappearing. 

"You okay?"

Bobby looks over at him, face worried but pupils still blown. Hanbin wonders if he actually cares or only pretends to, just to get into his pants again. 

The thought makes his skin crawl and not in a pleasant way. 

"Hey, are you okay?"

Bobby turns his head towards him, thumb caressing his cheek and Hanbin wants the flutter in his stomach to stop more than anything right now. 

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's just weird."

He takes a deep breath, the spell broken. 

"What's weird?"

Bobby looks concerned now, thumb still in place but lips moving closer. Hanbin wants to kiss him so badly yet something inside of him is telling him to stop. 

He remembers the way Mark had grabbed him, had kissed him and made him cum in his pants without a single touch. Remembers how Mark told him how precious he was, how much he liked him. Sometimes the word 'love' had slipped and then he'd acted as if it didn't. 

"I got us "The Long Kiss Goodnight". What do you guys think?"

Chanwoo's running down the stairs, Bobby sliding his hand down from his face and towards his stomach. The heat is stuck inside him and Hanbin hates how he needs the release. Hates how dependent he is. Hates how he wants and no one ever wants him.

"Look, he's about to discover that the disk box is empty."

Bobby whispers into his ear, fingers running along the line of his boxers tentatively. 

"Oh shoot, The DVD's gone! I guess a friend of mine took it."

Chanwoo rubs the bridge of his nose in fake concern and pity, running upstairs to fetch what he really wants to see. 

"I told you so."

Bobby's fingers move down then, grabbing him roughly, Hanbin's mouth letting out a shaky breath all on it's own. 

"Yeah, you did."

Everyone always did.

 

*

 

They're 10 minutes into the movie when Bobby's hand on his dick starts moving.

Hanbin jolts a little, Bobby's lips against his ear soft and alluring. 

"Shh, I'll be quick."

Chanwoo's sitting just inches away from them on the ground, popcorn bowl in his hands, sofa thankfully too small for him to fit. 

Bobby's hand is rough around him, quick and almost painful. Hanbin wants to sob from the pleasure and the pain, his eyes fixated on Bobby's little brother instead. 

"He's going to see. Or hear."

He hopes his voice isn't too loud, the spell back in full force. 

"No he isn't. If you don't ruin it."

Bobby's sucking on his earlobe now, teeth grazing his jaw ever so often and Hanbin is finding it really hard not to be obvious. 

There's a quiet moment in the movie, Chanwoo making commentary about it and Hanbin's pretty sure he's going to look. 

Instead he keeps his gaze on the screen, munching on popcorn loudly, making it easy for Bobby to jerk his hand every time he takes a bite. 

It's the weirdest cat and mouse game Hanbins' ever been a part of and he really doesn't want to end up as the mouse. 

"I'm going to uh-"

Bobby nods, mouthing something against his neck, letting his fingers move up to his nipples.

Hanbin can feel his dick jerk as he closes his eyes, embarrassing whine stuck in the back of his throat. He grabs Bobby's hand roughly and moves it down to his pants, waiting for him to continue.

He feels Bobby's own cock against his hip now, the other trying to hump his side. All it takes for him to find his release is Bobby's soft hair in his face, smelling of his shampoo and the musk he's gotten so used to. 

He cums with a swallowed cry, body shaking with the force of it. Bobby looks at him with a lazy smile and Hanbin wishes he could be the air that he breathes and not just another warm body. 

 

*

 

Bobby ends up jerking himself off in the bathroom when Hanbin's too much of a coward to do it himself. 

They watch the rest of the movie with and excited Chanwoo, who Hanbin highly doubts is as innocent as he lets them believe. 

"Why would you make me watch this crap?"

Bobby sighs as the credits roll, Chanwoo wiping away the tears he doesn't want them to see. 

"It's not crap! It's art!"

Bobby snorts and Hanbin tries to hide away his own tears. He wonders what he'd do if the world was ending and he'd only have a few weeks left with Bobby. 

"Oh my god, are you crying too?"

Bobby turns to him as he tries to hold in the waterfall that's about to burst out.

"No, I'm not."

He hits him lightly and it makes more tears fall. He doesn't want to be seen like this, knowing how weak it makes him look. Scared that they might tell how many hours of his lifetime he's spent doing this. 

"Yeah, you are. You're both a bunch of losers."

Hanbin wonders if his tears are as endearing to him as his were in the sauna. 

"At least Hanbin has a soul. Unlike you."

Chanwoo chirps from the kitchen earning himself a handful of popcorn thrown down the hem of his t-shirt. 

He leaves with a grumble and Hanbin tries his best to leave with some decency, hiding the massive amount of emotions , that he's carrying with him at all times, away again. 

"You want to stick around some more? Let me wipe your tears and sing you a lullaby?"

Bobby's mussing up his hair, fingers sticking to the gel he put on earlier. 

"No, I'm good."

He looks him in the eyes as Bobby does the same. It's a moment they're not supposed to have yet so Hanbin stands up. 

"You sure?"

Bobby's by his side in seconds, hands around his waist and head on his shoulder. Hanbin never wants him to let go. He still nods. 

Before he can leave Bobby finds him something to wear, suggesting towards his neck with a blush on his cheeks. 

Hanbins' scared to look in a mirror so he doesn't.

"I thought you might've missed it."

The stupid reindeer is judging him again, making Hanbin put it on quicker than he thought he would. 

"Wow, seems like you really did."

Bobby's smiling at him like a fool and Hanbin wonders if this is the moment they should kiss. He waits for Bobby to do it as he puts his shoes on and says his goodbyes. 

He doesn't.

"See you tomorrow, Bob."

He awaits some more. 

"Goodnight, Bin."

Nothing.

He remembers how Mark never sent him home. He doesn't think of why Bobby didn't either.

 

*

 

"So they said it back, huh?"

He's just about to enter their school when Donghyuk startles him.

"What?"

He's not sure why Bobby hasn't texted him a good morning dick emoji yet. Maybe he's taking a dick pic so Hanbin leaves it be. It must take time.

"They love you back?"

Donghyuks' smiling at him and Hanbin's not sure what he's talking about. Until he remembers their talk in the sauna, making him pale immediately. 

"I- I guess so yeah."

Donghyuk's arm sneaks it's way over his shoulders and Hanbin's sure he's staring at the plethora of colors on his neck. 

"Wait, they didn't say it back?"

Hanbin's not sure why he hesitates on answering. 

"No, they did."

Donghyuk's smile brightens, if that's even possible and Hanbin remembers how Bobby climbed on top of him last night. How he can tell Chanwoo's entering the living room just by his breathing. It makes him feel uneasy. 

"That's a good thing, right?"

Hanbin struggles to answer again and he wants to know why it's so hard for him to be sure of it. 

"Yeah, it is. It's just uhh- they- I-"

Donghyuk pats his shoulder, waiting for him to continue. Hanbin wants to thank him for not interrupting his train of thoughts, the words already hard to get out.

"I just think they might be with me for the uhh.. sex? I don't want to be just another booty call."

Donghyuk nods, worried about him already. Hanbin would really like to thank him for being the mother and father he never had. 

"Well, tell them how you feel. Honestly a relationship has to be on fair grounds. If they're looking for sex and you're looking for love then it's just not gonna work out between you two." 

Hanbin knows Bobby's in love with him too and he hates doubting it. But he's had reasons to in the past and he feels like he has reasons to know. 

"Yeah, I guess so."

They're walking towards his classroom as Bobby sprints towards them. Hanbin doesn't miss the knowing glint in Donghyuks' eyes. 

"But I'm pretty sure they're in love with you too. Just talk it out, alright?"

Hanbin nods as Donghyuk hurries to his class. He's pretty sure he knows, he's pretty sure everyone knows and the only one who doesn't is the guy right in front of him. 

"Damn, who ravished you last night?"

Bobby wiggles his eyebrows as he laughs and Hanbin forgets why he had doubts in the first place.

 

*

 

"Wow. WOW."

Hanbin wants the ground to swallow him whole, the marks on his neck making him feel much more uneasy than they did when Nayeon left them. 

"Someone got busy last night, I see."

Junhoe can't stop commenting and Hanbin really _really_ wants to shut him up. 

"Shut up."

Yunhyeong whistles loudly as Jinhwan keeps eyeing his neck in disbelief but also with pride. Hanbin hasn't got a clue if he's aware who did that to him or not. 

"Ya'll saw Hanbin's neck, right?"

Bobby sits down next to him, eyeing his work like a proud artist. Hanbin wants to smack him but can't do anything about it, Jinhwan's stare unwavering on them both. 

"Honestly Hanbins' a bigger prude than Nayeon so I'm having a hard time guessing who left those monsters on him."

Junhoe's pointing his chopsticks at his neck and Hanbin feels like a circus freak. Bobby's stare is much more appreciative, tongue wetting his lips as his eyes travel up and down until Hanbins' pretty sure he's about to drool. 

"I don't know either."

Of course Bobby feigns ignorance. Of course he does. 

"Who was it, Binnie? Who savaged you like that?"

Hanbin glares at him, elbow meeting painfully with his stomach. Bobby groans as the others laugh. 

"No one you'd know."

Junhoe lets out a loud 'ooh' as Yunhyeong cackles at his joke. Hanbin feels victorious until Bobby recovers. 

"Were they good? Like how would you rate  them from 1 to 10?"

Hanbin snorts, pretty sure Bobby's definitely getting a bigger kick out of this than he is.  Anybody at their table really.

"Who cares how good they were. Who is she?"

Junhoe's still interested in the persona and Hanbin can see how Bobby's struggling not to say his own name. It makes him feel like a trophy again, his stomach rumbling and not from hunger. 

He never asked to be hunted and yet Bobby did it. 

"I'd rate them a solid 3 out of 10. And she's some wacko from the other school. It was a one time thing."

Bobby gapes as Jinhwan applauds him for getting back in the dating scene again, especially with an opening act like that.

Donghyuk keeps laughing at them from the side and Hanbins' suddenly very aware of how he knows about them. Or at least suspects and it makes him quiver even more. 

"Can we move on now?"

Everyone seems to agree yet Bobby won't settle down. 

"Okay but can we all agree Hanbin's lying and that he-"

Bobby coughs as Hanbins' head darts up. No one seems to notice the mistake. Jinhwan's eyes keep staring towards him though and he wants nothing more than it to stop. 

"-they were probably amazing and he just doesn't want to share?"

Yunhyeong raises his smoothie in alliance, Bobby clinking his coke with it. Hanbin rolls his eyes, Jinhwans' landing on him curiously ever so often. 

He focuses on Bobby instead, sure that the shape of his lips and the outlines of his fingers are going to be burned on him forever. Hoping that they'd fade away the word 'behave' that's been stuck on his skin for years. 

 

*

 

PE goes as usual and their shower routine as well. 

He awaits for Bobby to clear his throat and ask for shampoo. It doesn't happen. 

When the showers start getting turned off, one by one, he turns off his own too,  the last one there. 

He almost drops the shampoo when Bobby appears before him. 

"You already showered."

Hanbin quirks his brow, wrapping the towel around himself. Bobby seems disappointed and it makes him feel much more satisfied than he'd ever thought.

"Yeah, couldn't wait for you forever, could I."

Hanbin's about to step out when a very naked Bobby crowds into him, body still incredibly wet and incredibly attractive.

"But you _could_ shower again, could you?"

Hanbin's finding it hard to say no, Bobbys' body heat making his freshly showered self sweat already. 

"I don't think so."

Bobby lets out a whine, pouting his lips. Hanbin hates how it affects him. 

"I'm gonna go."

Bobby lets out yet another whine as he steps even closer. Hanbin acts indifferent and fakes a yawn, getting a smack in return. He starts to leave before turning around and letting Bobby get a taste of his own medicine. 

"By the way, you're hard."

And then he leaves him there, snickering to himself as the shower starts running again. 

 

*

 

They're walking home from school, Bobby talking about some random guy who broke his new Ipod when Hanbin decides to bring it up, the thought eating him up inside.

"So..for someone who denied their sexuality for a long time you're awfully into my dick."

Bobby startles and looks over at him, eyes stopping a hundred times on his neck. Hanbin hates how it still makes him blush.

"Is that bad?"

He's obviously got no idea what this conversation is about and Hanbin really wants to take his words back. 

"No."

He stares at the ground, Bobby looking at him with confusion, probably.

"What's wrong then?"

His throat feels too dry all of a sudden and he really doesn't want to say it. Worried that his paranoia might actually turn out to be the truth.

"Nothings wrong but just..How many girls have you made out with on your couch?"

He looks over at him then, Bobby's face completely blank. 

"What?"

Their elbows keep knocking together and Hanbin would really like to entwine their fingers. Would like to let himself be happy. He can't. 

"Just answer my question."

Bobby hums in thought and Hanbin's scared of the answer. He's not sure if asking about it will calm him down or ruin everything. He's about to find out.

"I don't know. A few? Why?"

He really doesn't want to spell it out to him. 

"And how long were you together with those girls? Were you even together?"

Bobby looks at him until realisation hits, a veil of disbelief covering his face. 

"Do you really think that this is about me getting into your pants? That I'd _use_ you?"

Hanbin stares at his sneakers then, Bobby's tone too harsh. He deserves it for doubting him. 

"I don't but-"

He looks up when Bobby's tone changes from angry to frustrated. 

"Hanbin, you were the one to say the 'L' word. And you made me say it too."

He's not sure what that means and he's not sure if he even wants to know. Their still walking, the pace slower than that of a snails.

"So you never meant it?"

Bobby looks panicked then, stopping and making them stand.

"No, no  of course I mean't it!  Hanbin, I've never said that to anyone. I really am in love with you and it's scary and I said 'love' and that's even scarier but it's the truth. And I'd _nevereverever_ take advantage of you. Why'd you even think that?"

Bobby's cheeks are red and Hanbin wants to apologize, not sure how he's going to explain this situation away. 

"I just- I- you invited me over and we had sex on your couch, where you obviously have sex with everyone and then you just sent me off. And today during lunch-"

Bobby smiles but it doesn't look pleasant. 

"I love touching you. I love kissing you. I don't see how that's bad. I also want everyone to know how much I love you and how much I want to bang you and that we _have_  banged so like-"

Hanbin snorts, a weight being lifted from his burdened shoulders. He still feels them droop but doesn't voice his other doubts. The doubts he always has. 

"Please don't tell our friends how you want to bang me and how we banged."

Bobby smacks him on the shoulder, tension leaving his body in seconds. 

"I want so much more than banging Hanbin. Like, you have no idea."

Hanbin smiles at him, feeling like he's been a moody teenaged girl. He shakes it off. 

"So do I. I want a relationship. Nothing less than that."

He doesn't add how much he wants to build a home with him too, the thought sounding even more schoolgirlish than his previous ones. 

"That's settled then. I'm taking you out on a date."

Hanbin tries to hide his smile but it's barely working. Especially when Bobby's thumb brushes against the inside of his wrist, touching the burn mark there. He hopes that somehow Bobby'll make it disappear.

"Were going out on a date then."

Bobby nods, probably planning it in his head already. 

"But not on a friendly date." Bobby looks at him pointedly, reminding them both of Jeongyeon. " And definitely not a booty call." 

Hanbin snorts, bumping their shoulders together. He likes that idea a lot. 

"It's a deal."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I aplogogize for the mess that is this chapter. It's been 2 (!) weeks since I updated and I really hate having longer breaks cause It takes me at least a chapter or two to get into the story again + I always have to reread like the last 10 chapters to make absolutely sure I didnt miss anything ughh.  
> Sorry for the long wait! I was really busy with school stuff, had to finish my research paper and now I can breathe again. I still have an exam period coming up but there's time until that haha and I really hope that I can update at least once a week from now on.  
> And the movie I mention Chanwoo and Hanbin crying to is 'Seeking A Friend For The End Of The World'. It's one of my recent and probably all time faves which really makes me want to write an apocalypse au one day.. we'll see.  
> AND as always, it's late and I'll check all the mistakes I might have left unnoticed tomoroow!


	17. Fade Into You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time they get high together.

It's a Thursday night when Bobby texts him that their date will happen in just 24 hours. Hanbin almost chokes on his energy drink. 

"What's wrong?"

His mother's home with Hanbyul, who looks just as tired as he feels. He decides to snuggle her later.

"Nothing. Jeongyeon wants to cancel our study session tomorrow."

She steps into the room then, gel starting to wear off of her immaculate hairdo. 

"Why?"

She gives him a glare and Hanbin hopes the reindeer sweater is covering his neck fully or else he might suffocate for entirely different reasons. 

"Were gonna go out on a date."

He smiles at her and knows it's genuine. Only because he's thinking of sun specks on Bobby's cheekbones and the way his warm breath makes goosebumps spread out all over his skin. 

She lightens up, smile on her face as genuine as his. It makes his skin crawl out of nausea. 

"That's wonderful! When is she coming over?"

Hanbin looks at the texts Bobby's still sending in and tries to hide his blush and something else, that's stirring up thanks to the countless emojis, that describe what Bobby wants to do to him later.

"I'm gonna pick her up."

Hanbyul's running towards him, her tiny hands squeaky clean but her cheeks still ink stained. 

"Are you sure she doesn't want to come over?"

She's taking off her earrings now, heels left somewhere near the couch. Hanbin holds in a deep sigh as he pats Hanbyul's hair. It makes him uncomfortable just thinking about asking Jeongyeon this favor, but there are no other options. 

"Yeah. Besides you'll see her on Saturday anyway, so..."

He stands up and excuses himself for a shower. Hanbyul seems disappointed but he really can't stay. When he finishes, shivering from the cold and from the release his mounting desire got, he sends Bobby a text. 

'You're evil. I hope you know that.X' 

'you still want me tho :*' 

And he sure does. 

 

*

 

His legs jitter all throughout Friday. He's not sure if it's the copious amounts of caffeine he's pumped through his body or if it's the fact that Bobby's constantly staring at him. With that look in his eyes that makes Hanbin lose every bit of self control he's ever tried to muster. 

"So you coming to the party tonight?"

Junhoe's eating some meat sandwich that seems to be more to Donghyuk's liking than his. 

"What party?"

Bobby's hand is firmly on his thigh, squeezing it and Hanbin finds it really hard to concentrate on anything that isn't Bobby and his burning fingers. 

"There's a party at Jinah's tonight. Everybody's coming. I can't believe you haven't heard about it."

Junhoe takes a slurp from Yunhyeongs' smoothie, the other rolling his eyes dramatically. Jinhwan giggles at that, his forearm trapped under Junhoe's hand. 

"Well I can't believe you're going since you guys broke up pretty roughly. At least that's what I heard.."

Bobby smothers a laugh when Junhoe tries hitting him with one of Donghyuks' notebooks but ends up failing. 

"You're such an ass."

Junhoe snides as Bobby grumbles but stops when Hanbin lets out a snort, gathering all of their attention immediately.

"What? It's the truth."

They laugh as Hanbin stares fondly at Bobby. At his _boyfriend._

Somehow he still has a hard time believeing all of this is real. It's bound to end up hurting him and he knows it. 

"So are you coming?"

Yunhyeong wipes his mouth with his hand and Hanbin's got a great idea on what to gift him for his birthday. Napkins. A whole box of them. 

"Yeah, sure."

Bobby lets out a loud satisfied burp as he says it, Hanbins' head darting up immediately. 

"We are?" 

Jinhwan's idly chatting to Junhoe about something but turns around when he hears it. 

"I mean uh, you are?"

Bobby looks around at the mistake, swallowing loudly when he spots Jinhwan. Hanbin's not sure what he's realised about him yet. 

"Yeah I am and so are you. I'll text you and we can go together."

Bobby smiles brightly to him and the crowd. Everyone seems uninterested except for Jinhwan, one of his ears probably quirking in constant query.

They continue eating as Bobby's hand squeezes his thigh. Hanbin really starts wondering about when he'll get tired of it. Probably never. 

 

*

 

"Hey, what's up?"

He meets Bobby in the library before his next class. It's quiet and smells like books. He's not sure why Bobby's even here. 

"I wanted to see you."

Hanbins' taken aback by the words, making him notice Bobby's unbuttoned shirt and the want in his eyes. 

He drops his own bag when Bobby steps closer, pulling him in by his tie. They stand there, foreheads touching and breaths mingling, the action making Hanbin dizzier than he would've imagined possible. 

"Are we gonna kiss or what?"

Bobby chuckles at his question, fingers toying with the hairs on his nape. Hanbins' traitorous body lets out a shiver that could induce an earthquake. 

"Well someone's eager."

And then Bobby kisses him. Of course he goes straight for the money, grabbing him forward by his tie and his nape, fingers mussing up his hair that was actually styled for once. 

His tongue is sinfully skilled and sweet like saccharine. Just like his words when they break apart, panting as quietly as possible. 

"I can't get enough of you. I don't think I ever will."

They lock eyes and Hanbin feels his stomach do a somersault. It feels strangely intimate and strangely out of place, reminding him of the moment they had on his couch that they shouldn't have. 

His mouth falls slack when Bobby kisses his cheeks and his nose. He wonders when the heat in his stomach started indicating something more than just lust. 

Bobby looks at him again, lips red and swollen making Hanbin excited in various body parts. They breath each other in for what seems like an eternity, Hanbins' hands on Bobby's hips becoming more demanding than soft. 

He hears someone typing away on a computer but doesn't register where they are anymore, doesn't care to. All that exists is Bobby, and Hanbin wishes that it would stay that way. 

His mouth starts tracing open mouthed kisses down Bobby's jaw and neck, too brain dead to register what he's doing and why he shouldn't be doing it here. Bobby's close to letting out a whine, pushing him against the bookshelves forcefully instead. 

Hanbin turns them around, lapping at the sweat forming in the hollow of Bobby's throat. It tastes like earth and musk and chocolate. Like _him_. And without a doubt it's the greatest thing he's ever had the pleasure to taste.

Bobby's hands sneak under his shirt, riding it up with every carefully calculated bite Hanbin leaves behind on his neck, soothing them over with his tongue and making sure they don't last for more than a second. He'd like to revel in his artwork like Bobby did but knows that letting go would raise an immense amount of questions he's not ready to answer. 

So instead he trails his way back up, thigh pushed between Bobby's trembling legs. 

As they exit the library later, Bobby holding some book he doesn't even bother pretending to be interested in, taking it just so the librarian wouldn't look at them weirdly (which Hanbin bets she did, their hair mussed and the boner he's sporting obviously visible) Hanbin wonders if there were any cameras in there. All of his bravado suddenly replaced by fear. 

Bobby seems to wonder the same thing, lips pursed as he stays oddly quiet. 

"Oh my god, did you give me stubble burn?"

Bobby starts laughing at the question but checks him out anyway. 

"Of course not. I have like 3 hairs on my chin Hanbin. Not that manly yet."

He rubs his jaw in confusion, the tingling sensation on his skin unfamiliar at best. 

"Then why does my skin tingle?"

Bobby stops them by the hallway door, turning towards him. Hanbin looks around to see if anybody's there. 

"Because, silly," Bobby stops to rub his thumb over his lower lip and Hanbin feels like he's fallen under a spell again "That's what being in love feels like." 

Bobby's standing on his tippy toes then, patting down his obviously messy hair and letting his fingers comb through it. 

He doesn't have to stand like that and Hanbin wonders why he does it. A tiny part of him hopes that Bobby just likes to make him feel less fragile than he is.

"All good to go." 

Bobby removes himself from him and Hanbin holds back his whine. 

"See you tonight?"

Hanbin doesn't feel like answering, knowing that Bobby's already got his answer. Wherever he goes, Hanbin follows.

"Definitely." 

Bobby's storming off when the bell rings, hallway still empty as can be. Hanbin wonders when he fell so hard and how in the world he managed to drag Bobby along with him.

 

*

 

"Jeongyeon!"

He's running towards her, the taste of Bobby still stuck in his throat.  

She's waving goodbye to some friends and Hanbin tries to will away the shakyness of his hands. 

"Hey, Hanbin. What's up?" 

She smiles sweetly and he wonders if she's forgotten about what she's seen or if she's okay with it. His stomach still churns uncomfortably at both of the possibilities. 

"Umm, I was wondering if we could cancel our study session tonight?"

He doesn't look in her eyes when he says it. Scared of what he might see.

"Sure. Is that all?"

Her voice is as sweet and innocent as ever. Hanbin looks up, holding in a groan. He's going to kick Bobby's ass for this. For making him have to get an alibi like some criminal. For making his feelings obvious. 

"Not really. Could you uhh.. If my mother asks about it tomorrow, could you say that we went out?"

He looks at her then and she seems surprised. Not angry or jealous or disgusted. He hopes to god she doesn't realise why he needs the alibi for in the first place. 

"Yeah, sure. If you don't mind me asking, then why? I mean if I'm going to be lying here, I'd like to know it's not because of something illegal."

She jokes and Hanbin tries to let out a laugh. It sounds shaky and unlike him. He holds in another groan. 

"Yeah, well I just want to go to a party tonight and she's been pretty clear on the 'no parties' rule.. so."

He shrugs and hopes the lie works. It's not exactly a lie. Bobby will most definitely drag him to the party. But just after they've had their _date_. 

"Sure, I get it. She's nice but a bit uptight. Am I right?"

She laughs and they start walking towards the gates, a weight being lifted from his shoulders that he had no idea even existed.

"Yeah. She really is."

Jeongyeon looks over at him then and he's pretty she knows. Remembers the way he wiped that stupid sauce off of Bobby's lips. Knows that he's head over heels in love. He hopes she doesn't realise that Bobby is too. 

"I might drop by the party later. My date wants to go there after our night out. " She sighs "So, see you around?"

Hanbin lets out a sincere laugh at that. Jeongyeon quirks her brows. He coughs out of embarrassment. 

"Uh yeah, definitely. Hope you have a good time!"

She smiles and thanks him, as he runs to the gates, towards Bobby of course. As they start walking, side by side, Hanbin turns to look back once more. Jeongyeon's gaze is on them and Hanbin tries his hardest not to look back.

 

*

 

"I'm going out."

He's somehow survived the whole day without fretting and now he's standing at the edge of their staircase, fingers twitching in his button up shirt. 

"Where?"

She appears from the kitchen, looking immaculate but tired. He searches for Hanbyuls' giggles until he realises she's probably asleep by now. 

"Jeongyeon is waiting for me, remember?"

She smiles at him but he doesn't dare to feel relieved. At least not yet. 

"Oh right. I better hear all about it tomorrow."

She steps closer as he takes a step back. Her red lipstick leaves a stain on his cheek. He wants it off right away. 

"And don't think I haven't noticed the marks she's left on you."

The look in her eyes is wicked and it almost sounds lighthearted. Like he can respond with ease. It still feels like a fight or flight moment. 

"Yeah, I didn't want you to..uh.."

He's staring at his feet, nervous that she'll remember when they appeared. Nervous that she can tell it was Bobby who left them there, the marks a show of affection and passion. Nothing about it screaming Jeongyeon. Nothing about it screaming 'female'. 

"It's okay, Hanbin. You've been behaving and I'm glad that that _Bobby_ boy has left you alone."

For the first time ever she sends him out the door without asking for his explanations. Hanbin takes a deep breath to calm himself but it gets stuck somewhere between his rapidly beating heart and the persistent lump in his throat instead.

 

*

 

"Damn, who are you seeing tonight?"

Bobby meets him on the way to town, next to the park. Hanbin tries his best to erase the memory of him and Jeongyeon standing there, Bobby's hands on her ass.   
It reminds him of Jinhwan and all the questions that he's yet to ask. He buries them, in the hopes of a better time. 

"Just some loser who wouldn't leave me alone."

Bobby's approaching him now, giving him a smack on the shoulder. Hanbin can't help but yelp and they both laugh. Bobby's eyes keep roaming over his body in appreciation.

"So..you sure you're okay with the party?"

Bobby looks at him warily, fingers running through his damp hair. Hanbin likes that look on him a lot. 

"Yeah, I mean if we don't go then Junhoe's going to whine about it forever."

Bobby laughs at his response and Hanbin calls it a success. 

 

*

 

They make it to a small buffet near a quiet neighbourhood. Hanbin thinks he's gone to the library down the street once and it reminds him of yesterday and the way books will always associate with the smell of musk from now on. 

He sits down with an awkward boner in his jeans, hoping that Bobby doesn't notice. Of course he does.

"Well someones exited for the chicken pot pie were about to have."

He finishes his can of coke in seconds, trying to hide his burp but failing. Hanbin's thankful that his boner doesn't find that attractive. At least not yet.

"I uh-remembered the library."

He doesn't look up, eyes on his lap. Bobby clears his throat and makes him stare for the rest of the night. 

"Yeah, I did too."

His eyes are dark when he says it and Hanbin's pretty sure he'll never get enough of that look. Of the knowledge that Bobby wants him just as badly as he does. It drives him nuts. 

"Great. Good. That's settled then."

A random girl comes over to chat with Bobby, making him stare at his lap again. Hanbin hates how it makes him feel secondary. It's their date and he knows she's just another face in the crowd. Yet he can't help but feel like everyone else is much more important to Bobby than he is. 

"You look like you ate a lemon again. Did I say something wrong?"

Bobby's wiping his hair off his face, still damp and curling and Hanbin hates how he can't stop tracing the lines of his face, his eyes showing no intention of stopping. 

"No, no. I'm fine."

Bobby snorts, drinking water. Hanbin wonders when it got there. 

"You constantly look like a hurt puppy out of the blue. Is it because of the girl? She's an old classmate and a friend of Chanwoos. And besides-"

Bobby leans forward, discreetly grabbing his hand over the table. Hanbin feels his heart stammer in his chest, eyes darting around the room until they land on Bobby's freckled cheeks again.

"I told you already. I'm in love with you. And I'm not gonna stop unless you tell me to. Okay?"

Hanbin feels Bobby's thumb trace his knuckles and he relaxes into the touch. Still checking to see if anyone's looking. It's an itch he'll be scratching forever. He nods.

"Now relax. Our food is coming and I want you to be full and satisfied."

Hanbin smiles, taking a sip of his Dr. Pepper. 

"If you know what I mean."

He almost chokes on it. 

 

*

 

"Stop being so awkward around me. I've seen your dick about 20 times already. There's nothing to be awkward about."

Bobby's passing him his water back as Hanbin contemplates on ordering a new one. The statement makes him jolt and not in a pleasant way. 

Bobby looks at him with an annoyed expression and it makes him feel nauseous. 

"Sorry, it's just that I've never been on a date before so you know.."

He scratches his nape, eyes glued to his lap again. Bobby snorts.

"Oh yeah, forgot you're a virgin in every sense of the word."

When he doesn't look up at that, plotting on an escape route instead, Bobby grabs his hand again. This time it isn't that discreet. 

"Hey, look at me."

He doesn't really want to. He knows Bobby's joking and it's supposed to be innocent fun yet he can't let himself have even that. He wishes he could. 

"Bin." Bobby's expression is soft now, hair falling onto his frowning face. "I didn't mean it in a bad way, you know that right?"

He nods not even convincing himself. 

"I know, I do know. It's just that.."

He looks him in the eyes again, the intensity of Bobby's gaze a bit too much for him to bare. He stares at his lap before his eyes dart up when Bobby finishes his sentence for him.

"It's just that you're scared shitless that I'm somehow not in love with you. And you're terrified of yourself."

He startles at Bobby's words, the softness of his voice not fitting with the bite of what he just said. 

"I'm not scared of myself." 

Bobby's crossing his arms, quirking his brow. Hanbin's pretty sure neither of them are convinced with that either.

"Okay, fine I might be. But I have every reason to."

Bobby leans forward again, voice quiet. It isn't necessary, an SNSD song blaring through the buffets' speakers but not even close to the loudness of the staff in the kitchen, yelling something about eggs and toast. 

"And one of those reasons is your mother, am I right?"

The comforting blanket that's Bobby's smell and inviting eyes disappears immediately, making him aware of the cold coming in from the streets. He doesn't look at him then, deciding to stare at the raindrops on the window instead. Facing his reality is something he's never had the guts to do. And he doesn't really want to either. 

"You're right."

He hears himself say it, not even sure if Bobby heard. But of course he did. Hands trying to reach for his from across the table.

He looks around before giving him the chance to hold them. Bobby's fingers are warm but not pleasant. Not right now. 

Bobby sighs, eyes wandering over his face for a minute too long. Hanbin wonders if he sees the tears that have carved streams onto his skin. If he sees the rage behind his eyes, sees how it'd kill her if it had the chance. If he'd let it. 

"So why don't you do anything about it?"

Bobby's concerned for him and intrigued by him. Hanbin knows how much he wants to peel off the layers and peek inside. How he'd settle there and pull them back on like a protective blanket, if what he saw wouldn't push him away and it definitely would. 

Hanbin prays for something, anything, to happen so he'd get a chance to run out of there. His prayers don't get an answer. They never do. 

"I can't. I just can't."

He thinks of Hanbyul and the way she likes to cuddle up next to him, pleading for him to sing some lullaby. He thinks of how he's got no one else left in the world but her. 

Bobby looks like he wants to pester him some more, ready to ask something else. He deflates then, hands falling on his lap and eyes staying put on his even if he seems like he wants to look away more than ever.

"I know you can't. And I know you don't want to talk about it but you have to start some day. And I'll be here waiting."

Hanbin wonders why he's still there, putting up with his low self-esteem and his incredible resistance. He doesn't ask, doesn't dare to push his luck. 

"I'll start tomorrow. Alright?"

Bobby's smile is soft and inviting. Hanbin likes how it blankets him in again, makes him feel safer than the conversation they just had. 

"Sure."

They both know he won't. But maybe he'll give it a try anyway. Like Bobby said, he's going to have to start somehow.

They keep eating in silence until one of the kitchen members physically attacks the other and both of them erupt in laughter. 

 Bobby's eyes are teary and his voice cracks when he wheezes out something similar to 'Bin, I can't!'. Hanbin feels his own eyes water too as he realises then and there that one day he's bound to let him under his skin, under his layers. And he just _knows_ that Bobby'd like what he sees there and settle in. For the rest of his life. 

 

*

 

"See, that wasn't so bad was it?"

They're sitting in the theater, waiting for the movie to start. Bobby's pressed next to him, knee to knee, thigh to thigh and shoulder to shoulder. Hanbin doesn't mind how the arm rest is pushing painfully into his hip. He doesn't mind it at all.

"Yeah it was. She looked at us like we were out on a date."

Hanbin grabs a handful of popcorn before Bobby can eat it all up. He remembers the ticket sales(wo)man and holds in a groan.

"But we are?"

Bobby snorts, grabbing the bowl from Hanbins' hands, just like he predicted. 

"That's not the point you idiot."

Hanbin smacks him on the shoulder, their eyes meeting in the darkness. He buries the urge, the necessity, to kiss him and stares at the screen instead. 

"By the way, I saw Jeongyeon when we came out of the buffet. She was there with a date."

Hanbin hates how he sits upright at her name, how his skin breaks out in goosebumps and not in a good way. How she's become someone to look out for.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Bobby tries speaking through the mouthful of popcorn but doesn't succeed. Hanbin would laugh if the bundle of nerves in his stomach wasn't back.

"Because, she didn't even notice us. I'm like 99,9% sure. Her date was cute so I don't blame her."

Hanbin smacks him and Bobby spills half of their popcorn.

"Hey! This is some good stuff!"

Hanbin snorts, feeling weirdly fond of the way Bobby's breath smells like popcorn and chicken. 

"Well I paid for it."

They watch half of the new Avengers trailer before Bobby continues the conversation where it left off. 

"Don't worry about her though, I mean it."

He looks over then, hand on Hanbins' thigh like it always should be, burning in the nicest way possible. He thinks of how he never dreamed before Bobby came along. How he never dreamed of being so lucky to meet anyone like him. 

He clears his throat to will away the emotional boner he's having. 

Bobby's fingers trace up his thigh and over his hip, all the way to his cheek. Hanbins' breath hitches and he's pretty sure that he'll never forget the feeling of it as long as he stays by Bobby's side. 

"Jeongyeon is a nice girl and no matter how much I hurt her, she wouldn't hurt you."

Bobby's eyeing his lips, thumb ghosting over his jawline and Hanbin lets out a full body shudder. The glint in Bobby's eyes stays put and so does his gaze on his lower lip. 

"But if she knows then-"

Bobby's thumb finds his mouth and Hanbin forgets what he wanted to say in the first place.

"She won't. She's too enamored to pay attention to us. And Hanbin, she'd never tell your mother. Ever. No matter how big of a bitch she might turn out to be."

He jumps away when the movie music starts. He doesn't want to think about his mother and how he'll probably always be thinking of her. How Bobby knows exactly what's going on in his household. Doesn't want to think of how he can't make himself talk about it. Doesn't want to think about the fact that he's a coward. Still.  
So he focuses on the movie and Bobby's fingers on his thighs. That always seems to do the trick.

 

*

 

Bobby's forgotten his phone in the theater, making him wait outside in the cold. He doesn't mind, the action giving him time to think.

He's just about ready to call it a night, the thoughts of his mother whirling around in his head as a hand lands on his shoulder.

"Thank god you're back, could we-"

It isn't Bobby. It's Nayeon.

Hanbin suddenly feels a lot more nauseous than he did a few seconds ago. 

"Long time no see!" 

He startles and she seems to notice. He's so unprepared for this scenario, if anything, he'd have expected Jeongyeon to stumble into them not _her_. Not at all.

"Why so quiet?"

Her hand is on his shoulder and he feels a sudden need to shrug it off. He lets it stay. 

"Uh, I'm just surprised. What's up?"

She smiles at him, her eyes coy and her fingers playing with his collar. Hanbin can't help but fidget, hoping Bobby'd come to his rescue. 

"I was just out with some friends. You're hard to miss you know, that face is recognizable anywhere."

Nayeons' voice is sweeter and softer when she leans in, her lips against the shell of his ear. All he sees is her standing on her tip toes and it reminds him of Bobby. It makes his stomach churn just thinking about anyone else but Bobby being this intimate with him. 

"Thanks, I guess?"

Nayeon's still standing close, both hands on his shoulders now. Hanbin wonders why she's so fixated on him. 

"Are you out with someone? You smell expensive."

He tries to chuckle but it comes out more like a choke. She hides her laugh behind her petite hand. 

Her question makes him fidget even more, the bundle of nerves in his stomach making an appearance again for the second time that night. 

"No, just out with a friend."

He shrugs his shoulders and she slinks closer. Hanbin can't help but think of her as a snake. 

"You dress up like this for a friend?  Yeah, right. Tell me who she is."

Nayeons' toes keep stubbing his and the look in her eyes makes him swallow hard. She wants to hunt him, unaware of how he's already been hunted. 

"No, no seriously. Out with a friend."

"Who?"

She quirks her brows as Bobby runs towards them, stopping in his tracks. His smile seems to fade for a second before it's back in full force.

"Nayeon! What a treat to see you!"

Hanbin can tell right away that his friendliness is nothing but a facade. He can see how jealous Bobby is, how his eyes could burn holes through her if she'd notice.   
Her face is full of surprise when he sees him and even more so when Bobby steps between them, snaking his hand over Hanbins' shoulder. He almost chuckles at the analogy. 

"Nice to see you too."

Her eyes dart over them, over Hanbins' hand in Bobby's back pocket that he didn't even notice sliding in there. Over Bobby's palm on the small of his back. Over the fingers that keep gripping his nape like it's a lifebelt holding him afloat. 

She clears her throat, eyes on the ground and Hanbin can feel how his heart stops. She knows. 

"I could've sworn you're on a date but..whatever you say."

She smiles at them, a glint in her eyes that's only aimed at Bobby. Hanbin feels his shoulder being squeezed again and hopes he doesn't have bruises from the force of it. 

"Yeah, just a friendly night out. Were gonna head to a party so, nice seeing you?"

Bobby removes his hand from his shoulder and Hanbin slumps forward, rolling it to get his blood circulation back. He sends Bobby a glare when he isn't looking.  
Nayeon is though and with interest. He really wants to get out of there.

"Yeah, it was nice."

Her politeness is only towards him. He kind of likes the waves of jealousy coming off of Bobby. If only he didn't have to worry about her noticing it. And he's pretty sure she has. 

"Jeongyeon told me you're dating someone and I'm glad. Didn't even realise what she meant by someone special but now I know. See you around!"

Nayeon smiles at him before turning away and leaving him gaping.  Bobby doesn't look much better, his smile turning into a cold stare, teeth grinding together.

"Who does she think she is? What the fuck was that about?"

He's patting Hanbin down like he's been hurt, hands cupping his face to check for.. who knows what. 

"Stop touching me. She's looking!"

Hanbin shrugs him off, the feeling of Bobby's thumbs still on his cheekbones. It makes him shiver. Even more so when Nayeon turns around with a wicked smile. 

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck."

Bobby's pacing between him and the theater, humming. Hanbin knows he's realised it too and is trying to think of some quick solution. There is none.

"She..do you think she could tell that we were on a date?"

He finally stops in front of him, hands in his pockets but probably itching to tear his hair out. Hanbin snorts at his 'big' revelation. He tells him just that and more.

"No need to be snarky. It takes me a while, alright?"

He sighs with a nod. Bobby seems to be calming down as his own nerves start acting up. He tries his best to hide them.

"Maybe we shouldn't go to the party?"

Bobby looks at him with annoyance as Hanbin winces.

"If we don't go she's going to hear about it and think, what? That we're fucking. Which we are but she's not supposed to know that."

Bobby sighs, lowering his voice when a few people pass by. 

"We're going." 

He grabs his elbow and before they can turn off the street he looks at him and whispers. 

"And stop fretting about it. We didn't do anything wrong. No one would believe her anyways."

His mother would. He doesn't say it because he doesn't have to. They both know.

 

*

 

"You made it!"

Junhoe's already drunk when they enter, Bobby's hands on Hanbins' lower back guiding him in. It makes him feel a lot more heated than the staleness in the living room. 

"Look who's here Jinnie! LOOK!"

Junhoe's _really_ drunk and Hanbin can't help but notice how Jinhwans' glazed eyes sparkle when he calls him Jinnie. He wonders if his eyes, if his whole body, does that same trick when Bobby calls him Bin. He hopes not. It's too obvious to bare. 

"Heeey! Where were you? The drinks are almost gone."

Jinhwan pouts at them, a pink cocktail dangling from his hands. Hanbin wonders how come he still hasn't spilled any on himself. He wishes he had that talent. 

"Got stuck at the movies, talking to Nayeon. She's still all over Hanbin."

Bobby snorts, grabbing the cocktail and taking a long swig. Hanbin tries to hide his smirk at the jealous tone of his voice. 

"Really? Did you hear that Junhoe, Nayeon wants to get into Hanbins' pants!"

Junhoe cackles and calls her a prude. Hanbin wonders in what world that would make sense.

"Oh and by the way your pants are really nice. You look great tonight!"

Jinhwan's drunk off his ass and Hanbin's curious to how long they've been drinking already. Bobby looks at him fondly then and Hanbin's suddenly curious of a lot more. 

"Thanks Jinhwan. You look good too."

The other smiles brightly, laughter bubbling out of him. 

"Alright, I think I might be talking shit again. I'm gonna go have a glass of water and some fresh air."

He stumbles off  into the distance and Hanbins' pretty sure that Junhoe's right by his side. He startles out of his thoughts when Bobby's fingers find his elbow and Hanbin has to take a step back at his words. 

"Those pants really do look good on you. They'd look better off though."

His voice is husky and Hanbin wants to ask if he's already had a drink, the words too brutal. They make him shiver and take the shot of soju, that he's handed, as he tries to forget about it. 

 

*

 

"I've never seen Jinhwan this drunk before."

He's chatting with Donghyuk, Bobby detained by one of his million acquaintances.

"Same here. How many drinks has he had?"

Hanbin eyes his own beer, the taste of it definitely not one of his favorites. He spots Bobby by the back door, cigarette in hand. They lock eyes and Hanbin gets a lot of bad thoughts about what to do with him to the song that's playing.

"I don't know. Like 10 maybe? He's a goner, that's for sure."

Donghyuk's wearing his glasses, hair in a tiny ponytail. Hanbin is feeling courageous so he mentions how it makes him feel. Donghyuk blushes immediately.

"You know this look is so cool. You really make it work."

Donghyuk sips his drink, eyes glued to Bobby now instead of him. Hanbin's kind of ashamed that he can tell it's Bobby by the shape of his ass. 

"Thanks. I wanted to try something new. Bet I'll get a lot of chicks in college with this look. At least that's what Junhoe would say."

They both laugh as Hanbin asks about Yunhyeongs' whereabouts. 

"You didn't hear?"

Donghyuk looks surprised and Hanbin hopes he's okay. Hopes he didn't ignore his friends in favor of his stupid feelings again. 

"No, what happened?"

Donghyuk takes a bigger sip, contemplating on what to say. Hanbins' suddenly worried sick. 

"His grandpas in the hospital. He had a heart attack and they don't know if he's gonna make it or not."

His voice turns softer and softer as the sentence rolls out, Hanbins' mouth falling wide open. He closes it after a long while, hands fidgeting with his beer bottle instead of drinking from it. 

"When did it happen? Where was I?"

Donghyuk looks at him like a sad parent, trying to tell him it's okay. Hanbin knows it isn't. Yunhyeong's his friend and he failed him. 

"A few hours ago. He wrote to our group chat. Didn't you read it?"

Hanbin gulps down his beer, shrugging his shoulders. He remembers Jinhwan telling him he's too boring to add so he doesn't mention it. 

"Wait, are you even _in_ the chat?"

Hanbin stares at the shape of Bobby's ass instead, deciding that answering would be a death sentence either way.

"Oh shit, Hanbin! I'm so sorry, I thought you were there for some reason? You don't text much so I just guessed you've been reading our messages."

Donghyuk jumps next to him, leaving his armchair for some brunette chick with a tattoo. Hanbin wonders what type of party this is. 

"It's okay. I've been busy anyway. Besides, I can text you individually."

Donghyuk rubs his shoulders in apology, glazed eyes sad. Hanbin wants to snort at the fact that even while drunk, he's still the most responsible person there.

"It isn't okay. I really am sorry."

Hanbin pats his knee to reassure him that he's fine. Bobby's ass has disappeared from view when he looks up. 

"It's fine."

Bobby appears in a few seconds, telling them to make room for their circle. Hanbin's not sure about what's exactly happening. 

Though he does know, that Bobby's still jealous over Donghyuk. Which makes him really want to slap him, so he'd realise that Donghyuks' the greatest person he's ever met and Bobby has no right to judge him. Especially since he's incredibly straight. 

"What's going on?"

Bobby's exited and doesn't answer his question, plopping down on the couch instead. Hanbin lets his fingers travel under the hem of his shirt, behind his back where no one can see. Bobby responds then, a bit out of breath. It drives him nuts. 

"Stop doing that."

Hanbin lets his fingers trace his spine, enjoying the goosebumps that gather there. 

"I will, if you tell me what's about to happen."

Bobby looks at him, eyes dark and landing on his lips. Hanbins' throat feels very dry all of a sudden.

"We're gonna get high."

 

*

 

"Hey, make room for us too!"

Jinhwan and Junhoe appear when there's a small circle gathered on the living room floor. Hanbin wonders who even owns this house as no one comes up to tell them to move it outside.

"Forget about it Jinhwan. You're way too drunk."

Bobby scolds him and Hanbin feels himself giggle. He's a little drunk. Bobby's fingers on his thigh aren't helping reduce the heat around him and inside him either.   
Jinhwan lets out a whine. 

"You can't do this to me! At least one hit?"

Bobby sighs and grits out a 'fine'. Hanbin wonders if he's sitting next to Junhoe and of course he is, both of them sharing an armchair, Jinhwans small legs trapped between Junhoes' thighs. Hanbin can't take his eyes off of Jinhwan's incredibly blissed out face. 

"Let's do shotgun!"

Someone yells out, a guy he's seen around school and Hanbin knows exactly why he wants to shotgun, a gorgeous tall blonde sitting next to him. 

Everyone chuckles but no one seems to mind. Hanbin does, especially when he sees how Bobby's smirking at him already. 

The joint starts it's way through their circle. Hanbins' fingers turn numb as he readies them to take it. He sees the girl blow smoke into Donghyuks' mouth and the others' cheeks flush immediately.

Hanbin's palms start to sweat as Donghyuk takes a hit and closes in on him. He can feel Bobby's hands on his sides as he leans forward. 

Donghyuks' lips are soft and he smells like some citrus lotion he's seen him use. He inhales the smoke, almost coughing it out.

"You okay?"

Bobby's hands are patting his back, sliding up and down in reassurement. Hanbin nods. The fact that he's about to practically _kiss_ the guy he's in love with in front of _everyone_ makes him feel a lot more nauseous than the nasty taste of cannabis. 

"Ready?"

Bobby looks at him like he's the only one in the room and Hanbin feels high already. His thumb is tracing soothing circles onto his arm and Hanbin wants to tell him to stop, the shiver that runs through him almost making him exhale.

He closes in on him, hand on Bobby's nape, fingers brushing his neck softly as their eyes stay locked until their lips touch. Bobby's are soft but chapped, like they always are, plump lower lip making it impossible for Hanbin to think of anything else but biting it. 

Bobby's hand on his arm quivers as Hanbin exhales and he inhales. It feels like a moment stuck in time, their hearts beating as one. 

Bobby lets his tongue swipe over his lower lip before he pulls himself away, struggling to do so. Their eyes stay locked until he turns and Hanbin's fully aware of the sweat on his brow and at least four pairs of curious eyes on him.

As he looks around the circle, trying to even out his breathing, he wonders why he hasn't done this before. 

As he sees the blunt closing in on Jinhwan and Junhoe, he knows exactly why. Especially when Jinhwan grabs Junhoe by the hem of his shirt as the other yelps, keeping his eyes open and the distance between them wide. He can still see his fingers on Jinhwans' forearm and he wonders if Junhoe's blind or just stupid. Or both. 

He's glad he never did this before. Glad that the intent of his touch wasn't ignored like Jinhwans' is. 

 

*

 

They're on their third circle and Hanbin's feeling quite dizzy by now. Everyone's chatting and laughing along as he keeps falling behind, their voices too high pitched and too far away. 

"You've never been high before, have you?"

Bobby bows down to look at him. Hanbin realises he's been staring at the floor for about five minutes straight. 

"I have but it's never worked before. I thought it wouldn't this time either."

Bobby seems to fight the urge to raise his chin as he talks to him and Hanbin wants to tell him it's okay. He doesn't care about anyone except for him right now.

He's about to go on a Bobby frenzy in his mind when the blunt reaches them again. 

Donghyuk's smell is starting to envelope him, each time the blunt comes around. He wonders if his other senses will enhance too, not just his taste and smell. 

Donghyuk giggles into his mouth when Hanbin pinches his arm. He swats his hand off and Hanbin tries his best to will away his laughter.

Bobby's eyes are dark when he turns to him. A mix of jealousy and lust. Hanbin would like to tell him how it drives him crazy.

He leans forward, hands finding support on Bobby's legs as he does so. He wants to grab him, pull him closer, taste every inch of his skin.

Bobby seems to realise his intentions when Hanbin accidentally lets his tongue slip in. He stiffens and pulls away, eyes wide but hooded. Hanbins' hands reluctantly leave his lap. As he does so, he sees something very prominent in Bobby's jeans and he tries his best not to announce it to the world.

When he locks eyes with Jinhwan, from across their little circle, he knows that he doesn't have to announce it at all. He's already been seen.

 

*

 

Everyone's too lazy to stand up from their little huddle when they finish the blunt. Hanbin can feel himself startle when Bobby's lips find the shell of his ear. 

"You're driving me crazy."

He remembers Nayeon and how she smelled and how her lips felt against his skin. He wants to wash his brain out with bleach. 

"So are you."

He says it out loud. Thankfully no one seems to know what they're talking about. 

Bobby's cheeks are still red. Hanbin can't stop staring at them. 

 

*

 

He's not sure how long they've been sitting on the dirty old carpet. He is sure, however, that he's never felt this relaxed.

Thoughts of his mother and sharp fingernails replaced by images of palm trees and sandy beaches, Bobbys' tan skin tainted with his kisses.

Images of his fingernails scratching his back in pleasure instead of anyone scratching to hurt him. Of Cuba and Cuban cigars. Of bicycles and waterfalls.

Of all the ways he loves him. 

Most of all he gets stuck staring at Bobby. Enjoying the way heat pools in his stomach when he looks at him, enjoying how his eyes are stuck and he doesn't want them to be stuck on anyone else ever again.

Enjoys how he can smell the earth and musk all around him, feel rain pounding against his skin as his lips quiver with the ghost of their first kiss.

"You seem blissed out."

Bobby looks over at him, his voice groggy from the smoke. It reminds him of Mark and the way his cigarette smoke always got caught between them, making room for doubt.

"I am. Really am."

Bobbys smile is lazy and sweet, like it always should be. 

He keeps fiddling with a strand of his hair. Eyes still locked on Bobby. His breath hitches when the other looks at him again, coyly like there's something in their stares that they should hide.

Hanbin thinks there is. 

His eyes are inviting and warm like spice. He wonders if he'd taste like clove and a little bit of star anise, if he'd kiss him.  If the freckles on his skin were actually specks of cinnamon, that he'd lap up with his tongue. 

The thought makes him warm inside, warmer than he already is and he'd really like to tell him how much he wants to crawl into his arms and fall asleep. Wants to tell him how he's his only home. 

 

*

 

An eternity passes as he talks to Donghyuk while the girl he seems interested in grabs them a drink.

Donghyuk reminds him of California, of L.A. and beaches he's never seen. Of organ solos in the 60s. Of yarn and hay. 

He tells him how much he likes his dimples and Donghyuk laughs, turning back to the girl. Hanbin didn't even notice her coming back.

He spins around, the music turning into something much more familiar. The song Bobby played to him at their first party.

He glances at the other, at his autumn sunset colored cheeks. At the way his chest rises with each deep breath he takes and the way his neck vein pops as he yells over the loudness of it all. 

His glance turns into a stare until Bobby looks back. His mouth says one thing but his eyes say another.

"Good song, am I right?"

Hanbin nods, biting his lip and reveling in the shiver that runs through Bobby. 

For once in his life he's feeling fine. He's feeling over the moon and without a worried thought in sight. So he decides to do something crazy. Something he hopes he doesn't have to regret. 

'Come upsstaris.X'

'what'

'Come. Up.X'

'is this a joke? or are u naked' 

When his texts don't work he ends up strutting back into the living room, only to grab Bobby by his elbow and act angry. 

"We have to talk!"

He stomps off, dragging Bobby along with him. No one seems to question what they're up to. 

 

*

 

"This is the greatest idea you've ever had. Like ever."

They close the door and Hanbin's on him in seconds. Bobby tastes nothing like cinnamon, nothing like star anise. He tastes like him and Hanbin wants it to stay like that forever. 

"I know."

They stumble into the bed, still kissing. Hanbin never wants to stop kissing him. He probably says it out loud too, Bobby snorting at him and calling him cheesy. 

"If you want to get any then shut up."

He obliges, sitting down on the bed, Hanbin wrapping his legs around him to sit on top. 

Bobby groans into their kiss, mouth falling slack at the way Hanbins' hands are running down his body, at the way he keeps nipping at his neck.

"You're sinful."

His mouth closes when Hanbin grinds into him, lips on that maddening vein on his neck. 

"Well you're my sin."

Bobby tries to laugh at the cheesyness again, voice getting stuck in his throat when Hanbin decides to pull him in for a kiss.

Bobby's skin feels hot under his touch, like he's touching the surface of the sun. He doesn't stop even as a voice in the back of his head tells him to, warning him that if he gets a sunburn, everyone will know.

Hanbin's pretty sure he already has one. 

 

*

 

They kiss for what seems like ages, until Hanbin can't feel his lips anymore. When he pulls away, opening his eyes to probably find sunlight peaking in from the windows, he finds a dazed Bobby instead, who's hands are stuck on his ass.

"Take them off."

Bobby takes a minute to register what he said so Hanbin drops down on his knees, doing it for him.

"Hold up, hold up."

Bobby removes his shaky hands from his jeans and holds them in his own. Hanbin can feel how the action makes his cheeks flush, the high suddenly wearing off by the intimacy of it all.

"You sure you want to do this?"

Bobby's licking his lips, dick twitching in his pants and Hanbin wants to say he's sure but he isn't. So he takes a deep breath, thinks of every reason why he shouldn't and finds himself nodding anyway. Bobby weighing over his mother any day. 

Bobby's hands caress his face as he drags his jeans down, arms shaking when they reach his boxers.

It reminds him of the day Bobby broke up with Jeongyeon. Reminds him of how he could look but not touch. How Bobby wanted him and how in the end the wait was worth it.

"Hey, hey, it's okay."

Bobby's hands pull him up before he can pull down his underwear. Somehow in the midst of it all he's started crying. Hanbin feels like his tears are heavier than led, heavier than the grip Bobby had on his ass, on him. 

"You don't have to do this, Bin. I'm serious."

Bobby's kissing his cheeks, pants still stuck to his knees as Hanbin waits for his tears to stop. When they don't he apologizes as Bobby stays quiet, wiping them off of him. 

The heat in his stomach keeps pulling him down and he wants nothing more than to raise his head against it. It all feels far too intimate. He's not used to it.

Bobby's warmth is the only thing that keeps the blood in his veins pumping and he hasn't got a clue as to when he fell this hard. When the specks of sun on his face turned into spice in his eyes and into warmth in Hanbins' stomach. 

He stops crying after a minute or two, the thought of embarrassing himself too strong to continue on.

"You know, it's ridiculous."

He's wiping his tears into his sleeve, deciding to tug his shirt off as soon as he can stop. Bobby quirks his brow when he leans in and kisses him lightly. Presses his mouth against the corner of his lips and feels the smile forming there. 

"What is?"

Bobby pulls him in for a longer kiss, nuzzling into his hair as he waits for a response. 

"That I really don't want to do this with anyone else but you."

Bobby looks at him and nods. His fingers wipe away the last tears that fall from his eyes. 

"I know. Me too."

 

*

 

They continue with their first plan, Hanbin still feeling embarrassed about crying. Bobby reminds him of the sauna, in between heated kisses, and Hanbin remembers their actions more than Bobby's tears.

It still makes him feel better about the weight of the words he let out into the open earlier. 

Bobby's shirtless by now, pants gone but boxers still on. Hanbin wants nothing more than to rip them off of him but finds it hard to remove himself from Bobby's lips. 

"Boxers. Off. Now."

He stands as Bobbys' hands ride up his shirt, fingers tweaking his nipples. Hanbin hates how the shiver he gets from it is obvious to anyone who'd look. That anyone being Bobby, the only person there. 

"God, you're demanding. I like it."

Hanbin feels his head spin as he falls to his knees again, this time without any tears in sight. 

"You sure?"

Hanbin looks at the way Bobby's cheeks are blooming in pink and nods. 

"Stop asking."

 

*

 

His eyes keep watering as he tries to stop the urge to cough. 

Bobby's cock is jammed into his throat, his breathless moans like music to his ears. They're soft at times, when Hanbin exhales his hot breath onto his dick, and then almost on the verge of a deep and rumbling scream, when he sucks in the tip and twirls his tongue around, just enough that the saliva on his lips tastes like Bobby and nothing else. 

He looks up from time to time, staring at the way Bobby's eyelashes flutter against his cheeks. At the way his mouth falls slack when he licks up a stripe from the base of his dick all the way to the top. 

He looks at the way his legs tremble and the way his cheeks bloom in red by now. Looks at the way Bobby looks at him. 

His eyes are filled with more warmth than any spice could ever possess. It all feels like a feverish dream. Something he never thought he'd have in reality. 

Bobby's writhing underneath him, chest red from the exercise. Hanbin finds himself lapping up the sweat from his navel and nuzzling into the hair there, the smell of musk, of _Bobby_ , the strongest he's ever felt it before. 

And when his hand keeps pumping, teeth nipping at Bobby's hipbones, he hears it. 

"I'm gonna-"

He lets his lips wander down to his cock again, stretching around it obscenely. He lets out a slight hum as he thinks of how Bobby might taste. And then he cums. 

And Hanbin swallows. 

 

*

 

Bobby returns the favor with his hand, Hanbins' body shaking in his arms with just a few tugs. 

They get dressed, ready to leave their 'love nest' behind, at least that's what Bobby calls it, earning a smack from Hanbin. 

"I'm too tired to go. Can't we just stay here?"

Bobby's whining, spread out on the bed with a content smile on his face. Hanbin has a lot of ideas on what to do to him for punishment but stops them immediately.

"I know you don't but we've been up here forever. Besides It isn't a love nest. It's the room where I cried while giving you a blowjob."

Hanbin sits down, pulling his shirt over his head as Bobby sits up and crawls towards him, draping his hands over his stomach and pulling him in close.

"Listen here mister, shit happens. You're scared, I'm scared and crying is natural. So stop worrying about it."

Bobby's kissing the spot behind his ear, the one that makes him shiver and Hanbins' at a loss of words. 

"We don't have to talk about this again if you don't want to. But I- I just want you to know that the feeling is mutual. And I'm not backing out."

He kisses his way down to his collarbone, neck craning and Hanbin winces as it must hurt. 

"Neither am I."

He startles at his own voice. At the way it sounds broken and groggy and nothing like him. Bobby seems to like it.

"Wow I really am huge, aren't I?"

Hanbin smacks him as he gets up, pulling Bobby off the bed as the other tries wrestling him.

"You know what, for someone who just got an amazing blowjob you're acting a lot like an insufferable child."

Bobby pouts as he jumps his back, demanding a piggy back ride. Hanbin can't help but feel fond as he drags him downstairs, not even concerned about the looks of others.

They don't matter as long as he's got Bobby by his side. Or on his back.

 

*

 

Before they get a chance to leave Donghyuk corners them by the kitchen.

"Where the fuck were you two?"

Bobby still looks blissed out so Hanbin answers for him. He's pretty sure it's a mistake when his voice sounds like he's smoked a carton of Marlboros within the last five minutes.

"I-uh- introduced Bobby to a girl I thought he'd like. He didn't."

Bobby's staring at him fondly and Hanbin has to nudge him so he'd speak.

"Oh yeah! Right, right. She was a bit too loud for me."

He shrugs his shoulder as they awkwardly dance around the subject. Thankfully Jinhwan comes to the rescue and Hanbins' surprised he hasn't blacked out yet. 

"You guys! Yunhyeong texted and his grandpas' doing better! He's still in pretty bad shape though so be prepared to console Yunhyeong."

Hanbin wants to congratulate him on being a decent person even while drunk. Worrying about their friends' well being while he goes out of his way to cry because of a blowjob. He winces. 

"Oh damn. We should give him a visit tomorrow. If you and Junhoe aren't too hungover, that is."

Donghyuk stares at him pointedly and Jinhwan just chuckles.

"Whatever mom. See you around."

Jinhwan looks at him and Bobby with something similar to distaste and Hanbin wonders if he's still stuck. If he's still in love with him. 

But as he sees Jinhwan and Junhoe in the kitchen, Jinhwans' eyes glued to the other, he knows they can count with his blessings. Because Jinhwan looks at Junhoe like he used to look at Bobby and Hanbin just knows that he's in love. Has been for ages. 

 

*

 

"You know I've never seen Jinhwan this drunk before."

Bobby's toying with his fingers as they walk, cold autumn air hitting them in all the right places. 

"Me neither."

Bobby snorts and nudges him, eyes glued to his face. 

"Obviously, since you've known him for like a day."

Hanbin nudges him back, elbow colliding painfully with his ribs. 

They walk in silence then as Hanbin listens to Bobby kicking a pebble around, making beats with it in his head. Bobby hums for a minute before he asks something. 

"Is it obvious that I'm ignoring Jinhwan?"

Hanbin looks over at him, surprised. Bobby seems guilty, his red eyes a bit watery. It might be from the wind but Hanbin has a feeling it's not. 

"No. But why are you ignoring him?"

He tries his best to concentrate on the subject, nerves in his stomach concentrating on Nayeon instead. 

Bobby walks in silence then, fingers messing with his hair. He doesn't look him in the eyes and Hanbin knows he's going to talk about it. For real this time. 

"Cause I-I think he was in love with me? Still is? I'm not sure though."

Hanbin waits for him to continue as his mind buzzes with sounds and smells and names. He blocks Nayeon out once more. 

"And I think-I-was in love with him too."

His voice is quiet, all the enthusiasm gone from it. Hanbin wonders if he's scared that he'll judge him or scared that he'll cause a scene. He would never. Even if he wanted to. 

"I know."

Bobby chokes on his own saliva, as he tries to hide away his laughter.

"You what?"

Hanbin makes an effort to look serious. Bobby kicks the stupid peddle away from them, hand squeezing his. The feeling is still a bit foreign.

"I saw the way you guys looked at each other. I'm no fool Bobby. And then well.. you started looking at me and I was kinda confused on what to do with that."

Bobby seems embarrassed by his actions, embarrassed that he knows just what he was up to all this time. 

"I was aware of how much I liked Jinhwan, of how much the smell of his hair made my skin tingle and well.. how it made me uh.. _excited_. I was fully aware of that, don't get me wrong, but I never..  I never thought I could have him. I never saw what I did to him."

Hanbins' focus is fully back on Bobby and he's not sure how long he's been waiting for this conversation to happen. Feels like it's been years. 

"Really? Cause Jinhwan was all over you, he still kind of is."

Bobby looks a bit flustered, hiding his face with his hair. Hanbin puts it back behind his ear as Bobby pouts, muttering that he's not a girl. Hanbin holds in his laugh again. 

"But like.. a while back I realised that he's always been into me and it took me by surprise. I was so blind to his feelings, you have no idea. Well, I was blind to my own too, trying to explain them away."

Hanbin wants to answer but he continues, hands flying in the air again. He's pretty sure there's still a bit of weed left in their system cause he can't stop staring at the way he expresses himself and Bobby can't stop telling the truth. 

"And when you came along I.. I tried to pray it away every single night. I-when I saw you with Hanbyul that was it for me Hanbin. That was fucking it."

He looks over at him, uncharacteristic quietness to his voice. Hanbin feels the butterflies inside him awaken and he hopes the strength of them doesn't make him nauseous. He already kind of is. 

"And fuck, it took everything I had to explain it away. I tried to tell myself that you're just a hot guy and that it happens. I tried to tell myself you're just a friend and I can appreciate how you look. And then you went and acted like a fucking sweetheart and how was I supposed to explain that to myself, you know? Like okay you're hot I can deal with that but the fact that a line of chocolate on your upper lip drives me crazy is something I can't deal with. Couldn't deal with, I mean."

He's not sure what to say. Especially since he's never been called hot in his life. And no one's ever admitted to feeling this way about him. His heart's about to beat out of his chest and he really wouldn't mind if it did. 

"Okay, I still kinda can't."

He lets out an exasperated sigh, looking over at him with something similar to fear. Hanbin hopes that all his eyes convey is love. He thinks they do. 

"Bobby, you have no idea how glad I am that you couldn't explain it away any longer. _No idea_."

Hanbin thinks of how Bobby's fingers are no longer foreign to him. How his smile has been pressed against his skin countless times by now. He kind of loves how giddy it makes him feel, how it awakened the butterflies from their nighttime sleep. 

Bobby snorts at his statement and punches him lightly on the arm, his dark black hair reminding him of the night sky. Hanbin can't help but compare him to all the beautiful things in the world, knowing that he's still the prettiest. 

"But about Jinhwan..I think you should talk to him."

Bobby's unsure, the slump of his back enough for him to know.

"It'd just make things awkward. I'm already kinda weirded out when we hang out together. Like, I know he was in love with me and now I'm dating you. It just feels wrong."

Hanbin wants to tell him how much he's thought this over in his head. How many possibilities he's considered and how all of them led him to the same road. 

"I guess you'll just have to get over your awkwardness. That's all."

Bobby nods but Hanbins' sure he doesn't believe in getting over it. Doesn't know if it's even possible. He's felt that way too.

They continue walking in silence, Hanbin grabbing his hand and kissing his knuckles. He'd like to kiss so much more than that but Bobby seems fine with this too. Fine with everything Hanbin has to offer and that makes him weaker in the knees than all that was said just moments ago.

 

*

 

As they stand in Bobby's backyard, trying to see stars, Hanbin really does realise how glad he is. 

"Are you gonna cry again?"

Bobby nudges him in the shoulder with fake disgust. Hanbin makes sure to kiss him breathless so he'd have nothing else to say. 

And when Bobby looks at him as he points to a constellation, Hanbin just _knows_. Knows that they're bound together. A constellation formed by just the two of them. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should've named this chapter The Long and Winding Road damn :/  
> This chapters a M-E-S-S and I fully except and accept your judgement. Honestly I've been working on it for days and I had the idea for the shotgun thing for like a week and it was PERFECT but nothing else in this chapter came out like I wanted to so I had to rewrite it about 3 times. Ugh. Hope it's still enjoyable! And this is the longest chapter I've ever written.. what the heck..


	18. Shelter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time they sleep together.

"Jeongyeon!"

His mother's by the door seconds after there's a knock. Jeongyeon steps in, bangs falling into her small eyes. 

"It's nice to see you too Ms. Kim."

Hanbin doesn't move yet, waiting for the ball of nerves in the pit of his stomach to subside. 

"Hanbin didn't tell me much about your date, so I'd love to hear more details from you. Would you like a cup of tea?"

She's already guiding her to their kitchen, nails scraping her elbow as she drags Jeongyeon along. 

Hanbin glances over at them, the strength of his heartbeat making him nauseous. 

Jeongyeon glances back, her smile still intact. He doesn't dare to breathe, scared that his heart might jump out as he exhales. 

 

*

 

"So, what did you tell her?"

They're sitting in the living room, Jeongyeon waiting for him to finish a physics equation. She looks up then, fingers pushing the hair out of her eyes. All it does is remind him of Bobby and make him ashamed that he can't stop thinking about him for even a second. 

"Nothing much. Just talked about our _date_ and told her you were nice to me. Cause you always are."

He lets out a sigh, unaware of how long he'd been holding it in. She seems to notice.

"I hope you had fun at that party."

Hanbin remembers the feeling of Bobbys lips on his instantly. Of the harsh smoke in his lungs. Of the cinnamon specks he tried licking off of his face and how he didn't succeed in doing it. Of how he'll definitely try again. 

He clears his throat.

"It was fun." 

Jeongyeon smiles at him, something in her eyes telling him that she knows all about what happened that night. All about the way his throat burned because of Bobby and his taste. He coughs again. 

"What about you?"

A blush spreads it's way over her cheeks as she tries to answer, fingers fiddling with her pen. 

"It was great. I think the guy I'm with might be the one."

She laughs at her statement then and Hanbin does too.

"I know that's cheesy and I don't want to jinx it but whenever I'm with him I feel.. invincible."

Her eyes sparkle when they land on him and Hanbin can feel the corners of his mouth turn upwards. He knows exactly what she means by that. 

"It's not cheesy at all. And I'm glad it's working out for you."

She thanks him and turns back to their homework, Hanbin burying the need to dig deeper. He'll ask about Nayeon some other time. If he ever will. 

"I'm glad it's working out for you, too."

Hanbin ignores the words in favor of solving another equation. He's unable to ignore the smile on his face though, and how it makes Jeongyeon squeeze his hand that he for some weird reason, doesn't retrieve.

 

*

 

"So Yunhyeong's still MIA?"

Junhoe looks at the spot beside him sadly, not able to steal a sip from his smoothie. Jinhwan's fingers on his forearm seem to distract him from his thoughts though. 

"He's not gonna come yet."

Hanbin sits down as Donghyuk gives them the full report. 

"So his grandpas doing better? But he's still being a crybaby at home?"

Junhoe snorts and steals a fry, or two, from Jinhwans' plate. The other looks at him with fondness and Hanbin wants to gag. He wonders if he and Bobby look as cheesy as they do. He hopes not. 

"Stop acting like you don't care. Yunhyeong already told me that you've been to his place at least 7 times trying to get in. Man up."

Hanbin laughs at Bobby's statement, the other smiling back at him. He decides then that it's best to look away, before he could do anything as silly as kiss him or declare his undying love. It scares him how he'd do it in a heartbeat if they didn't have an audience. He focuses on his food then, unable to keep the smile off of his face. 

"Yeah, yeah whatever."

There's silence for a while until Junhoe, voice low and whisper like, brings the subject up again. 

"So.. are we gonna go over there soon?"

The table erupts in laughter as Junhoe pouts away, trying to hold onto the last ounces of his pride. 

"I think we should, yeah. But I don't know if his family wants us there."

Donghyuk's chewing on his pen as he tries to figure out what to do. As always. 

"What about Bobby's place?"

Jinhwan looks over at him and Bobby then, knowing that he needs Hanbins' approval just as much as Bobby's. The fact that he knows so much makes Hanbin anxious. He tries his best to hide it, like he hides everything. 

"That could work. Chanwoo leaves town on Wednesday so."

Bobby shrugs his shoulders, obviously not a fan of the idea. Hanbin wonders why as his fingers grip the others' waist with a little bit too much force. 

"So that's settled then?"

Jinhwan quirks his brows as Bobby hums in thought again. Hanbin pinches his hipbone just because he can and the other jolts, sending an ugly scowl towards him. Hanbin can't help but laugh.

"I guess so. Donghyuk can talk to him, right?"

The other nods just as the bell rings. As they gather their empty dishes and schoolbags, Hanbin keeps his step steady and slow. Bobby seems like he wants to hurry but keeps his pace similar. Hanbin wonders when they became so attuned to each other. He doesn't mind it at all. 

"So why don't you want them to come over?"

Bobby's woken from his daze, knocking their shoulders together at the question. 

"Why'd you think that?"

Hanbin looks at him harshly as Bobby sighs. He's starting to get the hang of this boyfriend thing after all. At least he hopes so. 

"My parents are leaving town with Chanwoo so I was kinda hoping we could have the night to ourselves."

Hanbin doesn't expect that to be the reason at all. He tries to think of an acceptable answer but all he can say is the truth. 

"Do you really want to spend the night with me?"

Bobby looks at him with annoyance, ready to smack him on the back. Hanbin's still not sure if he really means it. 

"Of course I do, dumbass. I thought we were over the whole 'doubting' thing?"

Hanbin looks away, fingers fidgeting with his sleeve. Bobby tries to grab them discreetly but he doesn't let him, panic rising in his gut at the possibility of anyone seeing. Bobby lets out another sigh.

"I'm not. I'm just surprised, that's all."

Bobby smiles at that and Hanbin wonders if it has the force to bring out the sun. He thinks it does. 

"Well I hope I'm gonna be surprising you a whole lot from now on." 

They enter the building before it starts pouring and Hanbin wishes they could go back, the rain on his skin reminding him of the first time he felt loved and how somehow the feeling hasn't stopped since. 

 

*

 

He goes to Jinhwans' house on Tuesday, the place quieter than it has ever been.

"I thought you weren't gonna show up so I told the kids to scram."

Jinhwan pushes the books and their notes towards him, making himself comfortable on the couch. Hanbin notices that the blanket on him looks exactly like the one in Bobby's house. He tries to forget about it. 

"You look exhausted. Sure you wanna do this tonight?"

He's got nowhere to go or nothing to do but seeing Jinhwan with bags beneath his eyes and what seems like a millionth coffee in his hands makes his heart lurch in a way it hasn't before. 

"I can do it, don't worry about me."

Hanbin quirks his brows at that and Jinhwan smacks him, rolling his eyes. 

"I've been taking care of these rugrats for years, I can handle a few nights alone with them too. Besides, coffee was invented just for these types of occasions."

He raises his cup defiantly and Hanbin laughs, Jinhwan trying to as well but getting interrupted by his own yawn. 

They work on their play, almost done with page 55, when Hanbin decides to break the silence. 

"So I've noticed you and Bobby are becoming estranged."

Jinhwan darts his eyes up immediately and Hanbin wishes he didn't ask. He looks exhausted enough but now there's aggravation mixed in with drowsiness and that makes a lethal combination. Hanbin should know. 

"Did Bobby send you here to ask about it?"

Jinhwan's acting defensive, Hanbin striking a cord with him that goes deeper than he'd expected. 

"No, no! I was just wondering myself."

He tries to shrug his shoulders and make it look casual. He hopes the tremble in his voice doesn't come off too strong. Jinhwan's far too sleepy to notice anyway. 

"Well we just- I just-"

Jinhwan musses up his hair and Hanbin bites his tongue before he can say anything inappropriate about it. 

"Basically, you and Bobby are attached at the hip and I've started to hang out with Junhoe. That's what's happened."

Hanbin doesn't look at him, ashamed that he's broken up a friendship and even more ashamed of the fact that he can't admit it, not even to himself. 

"I-"

Jinhwan stops him before he can defend himself. 

"It's okay Hanbin. I get that there's a.. _special_ bond between you two but it just hurts my feelings that he's suddenly forgotten all about our friendship and what we've been through throughout all these years."

Hanbin wonders if Jinhwan'd tell him any of this if he weren't as tired as he is now. If he didn't have the comfort of Junhoe and the feelings he has for him. The hope that this time things will work out. 

He tries to think of an answer then, mind stuck on the way he'd said the word _special_. On the way his fists clenched when the word slipped from his mouth.

Jinhwan sighs, taking a long sip of his coffee when it becomes obvious that Hanbin isn't going to answer. He musses up his hair again before speaking. 

"Sorry, I'm just tired and you kind of set off a bomb."

Hanbin chuckles, Jinhwan's tiredness coming off of him in waves, attacking him as well. He wonders if Jinhwan's tired because of the kids or because of his feelings. He thinks it's because of both. 

"It's okay. I'm sorry that he's been ignoring you, I really am. I didn't know it was that bad."

Jinhwan tries to smile at him but can't seem to muster up the energy. Hanbin winces. 

"I'll try and ignore him for a while. Serves him right."

That makes him smile for real and Hanbin wishes that it'd take away the twisting of his gut. It doesn't. 

"Thanks, but you really shouldn't. You'd break his heart if you did."

Hanbin can hear Jinhwans' heartbreak behind those words, can feel how his own heart lurches in his chest at the statement that they both know to be true. They laugh if off then, like they always do, continuing on with the play as if nothing ever happened. 

And Hanbin wonders if his life will always be about something that never happened. 

 

*

 

"You ready for tonight?"

It's sunny outside and as always, the rest of the school is suddenly right beside them, eating their lunches wherever possible. 

Donghyuk seems eager for their get together and Hanbin wonders what he has in store.

"Yeah, but please keep in mind that I don't have any alcohol so don't expect a party."

Bobby stares all of them down, Hanbin the longest. As always. 

"We're not gonna drink, I have everything planned so don't worry."

Donghyuk's books are nowhere to be found and Hanbin really hopes that he's going to take it easy tonight. He's pretty sure the other spends about 99,9% of his free time in the library and Hanbin's suddenly aware of how he's never asked about his personal life whatsoever. It makes him feel uneasy. 

Junhoe snorts at his statement, calling the night a 'drag'. Donghyuk tries to stab him with his chopsticks but Junhoe's way ahead of him, used to his rights being 'violated' as he screams from behind Jinhwan's back, where he takes cover. 

Hanbin can't help but laugh at their antics and at the other students giving them glares. 

"Yunhyeong's willing to come _but only_ if we don't watch Legally Blonde again."

Donghyuk retorts after sitting down, food already cold. Bobby perks up then and Hanbin just knows how he's dying to make them all sit through Kill Bill and it's sequel. 

"And no, were not gonna watch Tarantino either."

Donghyuk gives Bobby a glare as they all laugh. Hanbin comforts his boyfriend when the other snuggles close to him, nose burying into his neck as he lets out an overly dramatic whine. He kisses his hair then and when Bobby raises his head, he's ready to kiss his mouth too. 

The moment is too fleeting to cause any commotion but Hanbin can still feel his heart trying to beat through his chest. Especially when this time it's not Jinhwan who's giving them the stink eye. It's all of them.

Bobby tries his best to change the topic and calm Hanbin down, probably himself too. It's almost working until he sees Jeongyeon's stare towards their table. 

Hanbin tries his best not to run. 

 

*

 

"I'm going to Bobby's tonight."

They're eating an early dinner, Hanbin wiping Hanbyuls' face every five seconds. She seems concentrated on her spaghetti so he decides to bring it up. It's now or never.

"Why?"

His mother doesn't look up from her plate. He sees the way her fingers flex around a cup of milk. He squirms. 

"I told you about Yunhyeong's grandpa didn't I? Well anyway, we're having a sleepover to cheer him up."

Her eyes dart up at the mention of 'sleepover'. Her demeanor stays relaxed, nothing about it showing off what he knows she's truly thinking. 

"A sleepover?"

He gulps down his water, eyes fixated on Hanbyul and her loud burps. Their mother scolds her about it but he's sure she hasn't stopped thinking about what he said. He's right. 

"Yes. They're all staying over, if you don't believe me then I can let them call you later or take a picture."

He hasn't had time to perfect this. He hasn't had a reason to. 

Her fingernails click against the glass as she contemplates his words. Hanbin feels the sweat forming on his upper lip as he wipes his already dripping palms against his freshly washed jeans. 

"I guess you can go. But I want you to call me and it would be good if you'd send that picture."

She looks over at Hanbyul and he notices the sauce smeared all over her little face. He wipes it off as she continues. 

"I hope you behave Hanbin. I think you've learned that it's better to do so, am I right?"

He doesn't take his eyes off of Hanbyul when he nods. It seems to please her and she struts off. 

Hanbin doesn't even notice how rigid his posture is until Hanbyul mentions it.

"Binnie, are you okay?"

He startles out of his thoughts, wiping her face once more before smiling. 

"I think I am, yeah."

Hanbyul smiles back. 

 

*

 

"You made it!"

Junhoe's opening the door, jumping on him immediately. Hanbin takes a moment to collect himself before turning to Jinhwan in question.

"He's just happy 'cause he's gonna see Yunhyeong. Don't mind him."

Hanbin laughs as Junhoe tries to argue that he's just in a good mood and it doesn't have anything to do with Yunhyeong. Jinhwan argues back as Hanbin starts taking off his shoes, their voices somewhere far ahead of him.

Someone clears their throat and he doesn't have to be a genius to know it's Bobby.

"Glad you're here."

He straightens up as Bobby steps closer, fingers dipping gently under his shirt. Hanbin shivers, and ducks his head, when all it does is make Bobby laugh. 

"With that response, I can assume you are too."

Bobby's face is so close to his that Hanbin can't help but count his eyelashes. Count the freckles that have darkened after a day out in the sun. 

"I am."

Bobby smiles, eyes cast downwards to stare at Hanbins' fingers playing with his own. He feels like he's baring all of himself in this moment and seems like Bobby is too. 

The kiss is fleeting but long enough to make him want more. Bobby nips his lower lip before stepping back, warm fingers taking a moment too long to let go of his. 

Donghyuk's stepping to them then, hands filled with board games and Hanbin can't help the goofy smile that takes over his face. 

"I hope you're ready for game night!"

Hanbin rolls his eyes at Donghyuks' overly enthusiastic statement but keeps smiling anyway. So does Bobby. 

 

*

 

The man of the hour arrives later than everyone else. Junhoe's by the door to greet him as Chanwoo runs around packing his things, getting in the way of their celebrations. 

"Oh my god, do you guys know how relaxing it was without this idiot?"

Yunhyeong's pointing towards Junhoe who's trying to lift him up in joy. He stops in his tracks then, throwing him over his shoulder instead and dropping him on Bobby's small sofa. 

Hanbin swallows hard when Bobby stands behind his back, hot breath on his neck. It shouldn't make him tingle all over but it does. Especially when he remembers everything they've done and are yet to do on that same couch. 

"I can imagine that living without Junhoe is a dream."

Junhoe smacks Jinhwan for the remark, threatening to throw him onto the couch as well.

"But as I said, I can only imagine.."

Jinhwan tries to hold back his smirk but Junhoe's already chasing him down as Yunhyeong yells at them to stop before he dies of laughter. 

Chanwoo keeps getting in the middle of it, Jinhwan using him as a human shield to protect him from Junhoe's grabby hands. It all makes things much more hilarious than they already were. 

Hanbin looks over at Bobby, in the middle of all of the chaos, and the other's already looking back. Hanbin can't help but think that this is the best life he's ever lived. No matter how much he's had to suffer to live it.

 

*

 

They're halfway through playing Monopoly when Junhoe pushes the board over, angry that everyone's beating him. 

"Hey! Be careful, this is my cousins game!"

Donghyuk starts putting the things back together, trying to coerce everyone into continuing. 

"There's no point, Junhoe already ruined it for us."

Jinhwan glares at him as Junhoe tries to look mad back. Hanbin can see right through it. 

"I don't know about you guys but I'm pretty hungry. Yunhyeong, you ready to show your skills?"

The other nods manically at Bobby, jumping up at the thought of food. Hanbin can feel his own stomach rumble as well.

Bobby helps him stand and they walk together, Hanbins' fingers playing with his shirt tag. Bobby acts nonchalant but he can see the goosebumps on his skin. 

So can Donghyuk, at least that's what he tries to stare at without being noticed. He's caught red handed. 

Yunhyeong's rummaging through the fridge when Chanwoo runs down the stairs, yelling that they're here. Hanbin has no idea what he's talking about. Neither does anyone else. 

"My parents came to pick him up."

Bobby doesn't move as all of them make their way towards the door. Hanbin wonders if Jinhwan has ever met them and if he has then what did they make of him.

Chanwoo's trying to fit a chocolate bar into his crammed backpack, Yunhyeong lending him a hand, when the door opens. 

A short haired woman with thin framed glasses looks at them with surprise, as a man who looks nothing like Bobby, takes her hand and steps inside.

They kiss and cuddle Chanwoo, pinching his cheeks like he's six years old. They then turn their amazement towards the five other boys who're standing right there, nervous and exited. 

Bobby drags his feet toward them finally, making his parents jump up in glee. 

"You've both grown so much! I don't even recognize my little Chanwoo anymore. And Bobby, you're all man now!"

His mother kisses his cheeks as Hanbin stares at him. He can see right away that Bobby's just as happy to see them as they are to see him, but something's off. Something he'll drill him about later. 

"Yeah, yeah mom. We've grown." 

She kisses his cheeks once more, as his father pats his back, eyes tearing up. Hanbin tries to think of his dad's face but comes to the realisation that he doesn't remember him at all. He forces down the odd feeling in his gut, replacing it with the enjoyment he gets out of Bobby being talked to like a little kid. 

"You've also got five other children now. Welcome back!"

Bobby laughs as his dad checks his watch before asking about all of them. 

"Oh, I've seen you! Jinhwan, right?"

He nodds as Bobby's mom hugs him tight and tells him how much he's grown. They all chuckle at the statement being used again. 

"I'm sorry but it's true. It's been a while since I've seen my boys, including Jinhwan."

She smiles at him as Jinhwan tries to hide his blush. Hanbin tries hiding his faltering smile but Bobby, as attuned to him as ever, makes sure to step closer, fingers wrapping around his wrist protectively. 

Chanwoo introduces them to everyone else. Before he can mention Yunhyeong's grandpa, the other cuts him off, shaking his dads' hand and letting them move on. 

"And this is my other half, Hanbin."

The guys chuckle again as Bobby interrupts Chanwoos' frantic introductions. Hanbin takes notice of how the laughter dies in Bobby's throat when his mother doesn't giggle along. And how the same happens to him. 

"Other half?" 

Bobby's father seems to be laughing with them as his mother lets herself look him over and then does the same to the both of them, eyes stopping on Bobby's hand around his wrist.

Instead of letting him go, Bobby grips him tighter making Hanbin swallow a yelp. 

"My best friend."

Hanbin tries not to blush too hard but he's failing at it. 

"Oh, what a handsome boy you are Hanbin. I'm glad Bobby's making new friends and I hope your mother likes him just as much as I do you!"

She kisses his cheeks as Hanbin tries his best to hold onto the remains of his smile. The door closes soon after, Chanwoo yelling at them that he's gonna miss the plane if they keep trying to impress his folks. 

Hanbin doesn't miss the lingering look Bobby's mother gives him before leaving. He's not sure what to make of it. 

 

*

 

"Your fridge is literally full of energy drinks and..more energy drinks. What am I supposed to make from this?"

Yunhyeong takes out a bag of ham that looks about a 100 years old. He throws it in the bin as soon as possible. 

"Stop throwing good food away!"

Bobby jumps at him, strangling him for his betrayal.

"Good food? You've never even touched that shit!"

Yunhyeong fights back as Donghyuk mutters about them being children. Jinhwan agrees, grabbing an energy drink over their fighting bodies. 

When they've settled down enough to start cooking, Junhoe grabs his backpack and takes out a bottle of red wine. Everyone hollers except for Donghyuk who's pissed off that they're ruining his plans again. 

"Relax, were gonna drink a little wine with our pasta and then play your stupid board games again."

Junhoe pours Donghyuk a little extra and he seems to relax. 

So does Hanbin, watching everyone bustle around the kitchen, helping their Little Cook™(Bobby promised to get it trademarked for him) make his best effort with the scraps that Bobby's got. 

"Hey, maybe you can help him?"

Hanbin nudges Bobby's shoulder as the other sits down next to him, hand sneaking around his shoulders like it always does. 

"Me? _Moi?_ I can't cook."

Hanbin snorts loud enough for Donghyuk and Jinhwan to hear. 

"What's this about?"

Donghyuk seems intrigued, pushing his glasses up his nose. Jinhwan pours their cups full again before Junhoe comes back from the bathroom. 

"Bobby should help our Little Cook™," Yunhyeong tosses him a wet napkin at that and Hanbin almost chokes on his laughter "Because he's great at it."

Donghyuk and Jinhwan look at him in wonder.

"Bobby? A cook? You gotta be kidding me."

Jinhwan snorts, his wine glass half empty already. Hanbin wishes he could handle his liquoir as well as he does. 

Bobby tries to stop him from speaking, a deathly glare sent his way, but Hanbin continues on unmoved.

"Yeah. You should have tried the pancakes he made me. Or the paella he said Chanwoo cooked but I'm pretty sure Chanwoo can't even pour himself a glass of water without messing up."

Donghyuk laughs but Jinhwan seems to be genuinely puzzled, still. 

Bobby knocks their knees together as he lets out a loud sigh. Yunhyeong's adding spices to whatever he's frying, turning towards them ever so often. 

"I guess I can cook yeah. But not like our Yunhyeong here. Our Littl-"

He also gets a wet napkin thrown in his face. Hanbin tries hiding his laughter but he really _really_ can't. 

"Why haven't you ever told us about it? Or is it a _secret_?"

Donghyuk's dimples are redder than his cheeks and Hanbins' pretty sure he's drunk. 

Bobby rubs his nape for a second too long, looking anywhere but at them. Hanbin wonders what the big deal is. 

"It isn't a _secret_ per se but I uh-I've only cooked for my parents and my brother. I don't really do it often."

Hanbin catches Bobby's eye for a second and he doesn't find it a tad bit surprising that the other's blushing harder than he is. 

He basically just admitted to everyone that Hanbin is someone as important to him as his family. That Hanbin's someone _special_. His _other half._  

Donghyuk seems to put two and two together, his gaze falling to the cup in his hands. Jinhwans' keeps drilling through them though and the awkward silence is only filled by Junhoe returning from the bathroom, bragging about how he had the greatest orgasm of all time.

They all beat him out of the kitchen for that.

 

*

 

Hanbin finds himself alone with Yunhyeong, once everyone else has eaten and scrambled towards the living room again.

"That was delicious by the way."

He clinks his glass with Yunhyeong and they settle back into silence. 

"I don't want to poke an open wound or anything but-"

Yunhyeong's washing the dishes but turns around at that. He looks a lot older then, bags under his eyes and skin ashy. Hanbin startles at the change.

"I'm fine. Thanks for asking."

Hanbin swallows his wine and the lump in his throat. Yunhyeong keeps standing there, looking down at his fingers and the locket they keep fiddling with. 

"I'm sorry for prodding. I just really want to make sure you're-"

Yunhyeong sighs deeply and looks up at him. Hanbin's never seen him this distraught and it unsettles him. 

"I am okay. I really am. It's just that everyone keeps asking and I really don't want to think about what happened anymore. My grandpas fine now and it keeps reminding me of all the bad that happened."

He sighs, dragging his feet towards him and sitting down on the chair that was occupied by Bobby just minutes ago. 

"I don't want to remind you of that either. I just want you to know that it's okay if you aren't okay yet. Honestly, getting over a shock like that takes time. I'm glad you came here tonight though, it will do you good."

He lets his hand squeeze Yunhyeongs' shoulder, the other smiling just the tiniest bit. Hanbin feels accomplished already. 

"Yeah, I know. I'm still kinda shaken but not like I was three days ago."

Hanbin hopes that it's appropriate to make a joke so he goes for it. 

"You still look like you are though. I've never seen you with such-"

Yunhyeong stops him again and Hanbin wants to smack him for the habit.

"-bags under my eyes. Yeah, Bobby already made seven jokes about that."

They laugh as Yunhyeong looks over at him. Hanbin can still see the sadness and the worry in his eyes. He doesn't mention it.

"Thanks for caring, though. And before you can say it, I know you've probably worried about not being there for me but honestly, the best thing you could do was keep away. I had 4 guys constantly texting me inspirational quotes and homework info. I can't even handle Junhoe alone so imagine _that_."

Hanbin smiles again, cheeks starting to hurt from the foreign movement. 

"I really do feel like I've let you down. I'm glad I haven't."

Yunhyeong smiles widely and it seems to give him a normal complexion again. Hanbin smiles back, wishing he had more practice cause his cheeks are pretty much burning by now. He's not sure how he feels about it.

"You haven't. We're good to go."

He's about to mention how Yunhyeong's way too good at reading him when Bobby enters.

"Donghyuk will kill us if you don't come in there and play. Hurry up!"

And with that they leave and Hanbin decides that he likes the burn after all. 

 

*

 

Donghyuk's the first to go, saying he has a lot of studying left to do. Junhoe follows soon after, with Jinhwan running along with him. 

Yunhyeong lingers longest and Hanbin likes the ease he feels when he's around him. Bobby makes them both laugh as they chat while watching some variety show on mute. 

"It was fun. Thanks a lot for having me."

Yunhyeong's putting on his shoes, Bobby draping himself all over Hanbin, hugging him from behind. He's too relaxed and a bit drunk so he lets him be. He tries to convince himself that he's too tired to stop him. It's not exactly a lie but it isn't the truth either. 

"I'm glad you came too. I didn't have to cook!"

Bobby's draped over him, arms around his waist as he keeps his chin on his shoulder. Hanbin's getting hard embarrassingly fast, the warmth of Bobby's breath and body doing him in. He hopes Yunhyeong leaves before his embarrassment shows. 

"Yeah, but I hope we can cook together sometime. You helped with the sauce but that's way too easy."

Yunhyeongs' eyes linger on Bobby and Hanbin's pretty sure he's staring at his mouth right now. He'd turn his head but that'd mean that he'd stare back. And that is not a good idea. 

"I really hope you two will cook something for us when we graduate. I can't wait to taste that."

Yunhyeong and Bobby both groan at his statement as Hanbin keeps laughing. The movement makes him writhe in Bobby's arms and not soon after he bumps into something he's gotten quite familiar with over time. 

"I'd rather die than cook a big ass meal for all of you. Have you seen how much Junhoe eats? How much _I_ eat?"

Bobby makes a face, Hanbin can only imagine what it looks like, before Yunhyeong's bubbly laughter is heard again. He waves them goodbye before stepping out, giggles slowly subsiding. Bobby nuzzles into his neck as soon as the door clicks shut. 

"You know, you smell like that stupid shampoo again."

Hanbin grins, pushing his ass back to meet Bobby's crotch. They both shudder at the contact, Bobbys' hands roaming over his front before slipping under his shirt again. 

"You don't like it?"

He's biting his lip, knowing that he can make sound but not really wanting to. Bobby seems to like the lone whine that escapes from the depths of his throat, hips moving steadily against his ass. 

"I love it." 

Hanbin's not sure who's breathing heavily, him or Bobby. He is sure however, that the sound makes him tingle all over, knees buckling when Bobby bites down on his neck. 

"You do, yeah?"

He knows he's teasing but the fact that it's borderline dirty talking, doesn't even register. He'd never thought he'd do it but now here he is, standing in front of Bobby's door, breath hitching in his throat as the words slip out of his mouth without any restraint.

Bobby's fingers find his nipples and he tweaks them. Not once, not twice but three times. Hanbin can hear himself groan as Bobby does the same. 

"I used to uh- I used to-"

Bobby licks his way up from his neck to his jaw, making his way down again with small bites and sucks. Hanbin hopes he doesn't leave a trail. He can't blame that on bedbugs even if he wanted to. 

"You used to what?"

Bobby moves his hand downwards then, fingers finding his belt buckle immediately. Hanbin tries to stop himself from shaking but he's unable to.

"I used to jerk off to the smell of it. Thinking of you."

And that's when Bobby pushes him against the door, all restraint gone. 

Hanbin's pretty sure he's going to have a bruise on his shoulder from the collision, teeth thankfully intact. 

Bobby's still behind him as his hand slides into his pants, grabbing him roughly. 

The spell breaks a minute later, with Hanbins' release in Bobby's hand and Bobby's release a prominent stain on his front. 

 

*

 

"I'm so tired. Can't we just fall asleep right here?"

They're lying on the couch, Bobby's head on his lap and Hanbin's fingers lazily dragging themselves through his hair. 

"Nooo, we have to wash the dishes first. And then we can go to bed."

Hanbin groans, eyes falling shut. 

"Who cares about the dishes."

He pulls Bobby up by his hair, pushing his tongue in his mouth for a deep kiss. Bobby groans when he pulls at his hair again and curses, tearing himself away. 

"My lips are going to be purple. Stop it."

Hanbin laughs, body weak from it. 

"I thought you liked to kiss me?"

Bobby nips at his neck before answering, making Hanbin jolt. He's kind of aware that he's about to pop a boner again if they don't stop.

"Hanbin, I'd like to die while kissing you. But we have stuff to do so stop it."

Bobby drags him off of the couch and makes him wash every single dish. Hanbin doesn't even mind doing it, Bobby's words replaying in his head over and over again. 

He'd like to die while kissing him too. 

 

*

 

"Wait,"

He's trying to brush his teeth with a toothbrush he hopes no one hasn't used before when Bobby steps into his room and starts taking his clothes off.

"Are we sleeping together?"

Bobby looks over at the bathroom down the hall and snorts. 

"Of course we are." 

Hanbin almost swallows the toothpaste residue left in his mouth. 

"Really?"

Bobby looks at him before strutting over, hoodie thrown on and a pair of clean boxers hanging low on his hips. Hanbin turns his gaze away when Bobby smirks at him knowingly. 

"You don't wanna sleep with me?"

Hanbin tries rinsing but Bobby's putting his hands around him again and he just can't move now, can he. 

"Of course I do. In many ways than one. But you never-"

Bobby kisses the spot behind his ear and Hanbin can't help but melt into it. Bobby smirks again and earns himself a blow in the ribs. 

"I never let anyone in my room. Well now I'm changing that."

Hanbin tries to hide his smile but Bobby still sees it, stares at it in the mirror and tries kissing the corner of it when Hanbin ducks his head down. 

"You know, I wish we could have this for more than just one night."

Bobby's staring at him through the mirror as Hanbin takes his time rinsing, thinking of an answer that isn't too open. Too truthful. 

"Me too."

He can't muster one. 

 

*

 

"Why didn't you go on the trip?"

Bobby's already lying on the bed, lights still on but his eyes keep falling shut anyway. Hanbin decides to switch them off before laying down next to him. 

"It was a Chanwoo thing."

Bobby muffles a yawn as he folds his arm under his head for support. Hanbin makes himself comfortable so that their knees touch. He's kind of impressed at how much warmth Bobby's body is willing to give him from even the tiniest touch. 

"What's a Chanwoo thing?"

Bobby tries to make out his face in the dark as Hanbin keeps staring at his. He likes the dark, likes how he's able to take him in without being noticed. Likes the comfort of it.

"Long story short, my mom and dad are showing him colleges."

Bobby yawns again as Hanbin tries to hold in his own. He keeps his eyes focused on Bobby's face to stay awake. It seems to work. 

"But you're closer to graduating than he is..?"

Hanbin's pretty sure this is why Bobby acted colder towards his parents than he'd expected. 

"Yeah, well, they see more 'college' potential in him than me."

Hanbin sees the anger on his face and feels his disappointment when Bobby entwines their fingers, squeezing his for a long long time. 

"You know you're worth so much more than they think you are, right?"

Hanbin can't tell when exactly he started whispering but it happened, making their conversation feel much more intimate than it did before. 

Bobby snorts at his statement but keeps squeezing his fingers. 

"You're so cheesy. " 

He dips himself forward with his last efforts, kissing the tip of his nose and retrieving with a thump. Hanbin smiles, waiting for a response. 

"It's just.. I'm not even sure that I wanna go to college. But it'd be nice if they'd recognize that I'm capable of going, you know?"

Hanbin nods and then mutters a groggy 'yeah' when Bobby doesn't seem to see him. 

"I want to feel happy for Chanwoo but it just makes me bitter. I'm not an A student but I'm not a failure either...Or am I?"

Hanbin kisses his knuckles then and finds himself enthralled by it and by everything they've shared tonight. 

"You definitely aren't."

 

*

  
They've been silent for a while and Hanbin's aching to crawl under the covers. He's scared that Bobby's fallen asleep though so he waits it out, trying to fall asleep too. 

"You up?"

Bobby's voice startles him enough that he jolts, letting his hand slip from where it was tucked safely under Bobby's hoodie.

"I guess you are."

Even Bobby's laugh is groggy and Hanbin takes his time to store the sound of it away. He's not sure he'll ever have the opportunity to hear it again. 

"What'd you wanna say?"

Hanbin tries to will away his melancholy as Bobby tells him about the football game on Friday night. Hanbin makes sure to let him know he's coming. 

"You know that the first time I saw you was at the football game, right?"

Bobby opens his eyes then, a sleepy smile forming onto his face. 

"Yeah, I know. That's the first time I saw you too." 

Hanbin squeezes his fingers before he continues. He's kind of scared of what he's about to say.

"But I heard your voice before I ever even saw you."

Bobby looks at him, not bothering to cover his yawn.

"I know, I'm loud. You don't have to constantly remind me of it."

Hanbin laughs, a bit breathless, but says it anyway.

"No, the first time I heard you was in a bathroom." Bobby quirks his brow at that "With Jeongyeon."

Hanbin's pretty sure that if the light was on he'd see that Bobby's face is beet red. 

"When?"

He's suddenly wide awake and Hanbin can't help but laugh at his enthusiasm. He wonders when he'll stop laughing and smiling so much. It feels like a bad omen. 

"I think it was the first day here? Or second?"

Bobby can't help but laugh himself, pulling Hanbin in close. He gives him an eskimo kiss as Hanbin tries to fight him but gives up in the end. Bobby drapes his legs over him and lets his hands wander down to his waist. Hanbin would find it exiting if his eyes weren't heavy with sleep. 

"But how did you hear us? Were you _in_ there as it happened?"

It seems ludicrous to Bobby and he laughs, only realising that that's what actually happened when Hanbin doesn't laugh along with him.

"Oh my god! Wait but what did you hear us do?"

Hanbin tries to look away from Bobby's face, too embarrassed about the fact that he fell for him right then and there. Hearing him get a blowjob from another person. A girl. 

"She was uh- she was...you know. Doing what I did at the party?"

Bobby drops his gaze and Hanbins' pretty sure he'd have a boner too if he weren't on the verge of hallucinating from lack of sleep. 

"I can't believe you had to hear that. I'm so sorry."

Bobby doesn't _sound_ sorry so Hanbin tries pinching his nipples. They're too small for him to find and he curses, making Bobby cry out in victory over his small BP's. 

"I heard you moan. And that was it for me."

Bobby's laughter dies down in his throat as he leans forward and kisses him, surprising Hanbin with the force of it. 

Bobby licks into his mouth before Hanbin cuts it off with a laugh. He looks confused.

"I even got detention because of it! I was late to physics because of you!" 

Bobby laughs along with him until Hanbin starts hiccuping from it. They fall asleep some time after he stops, in the middle of a kiss that Bobby said would cure his hiccups. 

He thinks about how they've cured a lot more than that before he truly falls asleep.

 

*

 

Hanbin wakes up sometime in the morning. It isn't dark anymore but the sun's not out yet either. It never is around here.

He's pretty sure that this time around the smell of musk is actually there and he takes his time to breathe it in. Let it invade his space until he's incredibly dizzy.

He wonders what time it is before he notices how Bobby's snuggled into him. And that he's somehow become the little spoon.

Hanbin doesn't mind it though, not when Bobby's breathing calmly behind him, warm breath making his neck tingle. 

He tries to sneak a look at him, in the morning light and mid-sleep. He tries but fails, Bobby snuggling even closer to him and not willing to let go. Hanbin finds himself smiling again, letting out a sigh of contempt.

He snuggles back into him as the pooh bear on Bobby's pillow gives him a look of approval. He likes it a lot more than that stupid reindeer. 

And he likes Bobby a lot more than he ever could've imagined possible. 

 

*

 

"Do I have time to shower?"

He's eating breakfast Bobby prepared for the both of them, trying to enjoy it but also finish as fast as possible.

"Only if you shower with me."

Bobby's running down the stairs, smirk on his face as usual. 

"We don't have time for anything, you know that right?"

He takes the last bite of his grilled cheese sandwich, Bobby's specialty, and waits for an answer.

"I know. I just like to shower with you."

Hanbin tries to hide his blush but knows it's visible and is about to be even more visible as he takes his clothes off in front of him. He doesn't mind. 

"Race you upstairs!"

 

*

 

Bobby's got this crazy idea that he shares with him before lunch break and Hanbin doesn't really know what to say.

"You and me and the bathroom. No one's there after hours anyway and I-"

A girl passes them in the hallway, Bobby's already waving at her with a huge smile. Hanbin wonders how he does it.

"-I want to taste you."

Bobby's breath tickles his neck and Hanbin wonders how he could possibly say no. Even if he really doesn't find it a good idea.

Bobby's probably been thinking about this all day and Hanbin's sure that they're going to do it no matter what he says.

"I never should have told you about what I heard. This is too risky Bobby, we can't."

He looks him in the eyes and it's a mistake. Bobby's gaze is roaming over him and Hanbin shivers at the intensity of it.

"Hanbin, please. I know the idea's driving you just as crazy as it's driving me."

His eyes get caught on Bobby's lips and Hanbin finds it hard to think of it as a bad idea. 

"I don't.."

"You're not gonna last anyway. Two minutes and were done."

He nudges Bobby away and the other just cackles. 

"Fine." 

He says it like a pouting child and Bobby's so close to wrapping his arms around his waist and kissing him, the bell thankfully ringing before it can happen. 

He looks at Bobby leaving towards his next class, blowing him a shy and concealed kiss, and Hanbin's thoughts run wild with ideas.

 

*

 

"I can't believe our Little-"

Yunhyeong smacks Junhoe before he can continue. They laugh. 

"I'm here stop making a big deal out of it. And stop trying to grab my smoothie!"

He swats Junhoes hands away as they continue eating. 

"What time did you leave last night?"

Jinhwans' looking through one of Donghyuks' notebooks, eyes widening with all the effort he's put into them. He's still somehow able to take part of the conversation and Hanbin applauds him for it.

"I don't know. It was late."

Yunhyeong keeps eyeing him and Bobby with curiosity. 

"When'd you leave?"

He's probably wanted to ask it ever since he saw them by the door and Hanbin gulps, not knowing what to say. 

"He didn't."

Bobby's slurping his soup and they all look at him in question. Hanbin as well, alarmed by his sudden honesty. 

"Fell asleep on the couch after cleaning up all of yall's mess."

They seem to buy it but Hanbin's pretty sure Yunhyeongs' curiosity hasn't been satisfied. It makes him conscious of the hands he has on Bobby and the way he keeps leaning into him. He tries to stop doing it but can't force himself to stop something that's become second nature to him. Bobby doesn't seem to want to stop either. 

 

*

 

It's late and if the sun were out it would be setting by now. 

Bobby's classes have ended and he's waltzing towards the lunch table. Their eyes lock and Bobby's got this hunger in them that makes him hold his breath in anticipation.

"You ready?"

Bobby acts nonchalant but Hanbin can see how much he wants him and it drives him crazy that someone actually would. And that that someone is Bobby.

"Yeah."

They make it to the bathrooms, chatting about nothing in particular. Hanbin steps in first, checking if anyone's there. Not a single soul.

Bobby's after him, closing the door with a loud thump and working his magic with it, so it'd lock. 

Then he's staring him down and Hanbin can see his chest heave and hears his own ragged breathing. Bobby's on him in seconds.

His hands finding their way into his hair and his lips on every inch of his skin. Hanbin's dizzy already and they haven't even done anything that new yet.

Bobby lets his tie loose and starts unbuttoning Hanbin's shirt. He doesn't want to but lets out a whine anyway. Bobby chuckles lowly, his voice raw and Hanbin can't help but react to it with shivers. 

He moves his lips down to his chest as Hanbin holds onto his shoulders for dear life. He thinks of the story he told him yesterday and curses himself for it. Bobby lifts him up then, startling the both of them with the thump that Hanbin evokes from the sinks. 

Bobby keeps tracing obscene circles over his nipples with his tongue and Hanbin would like to tell him to stop because if he won't he'll cum. He tries thinking of distractions and stops on a particularly frightening thought. The thought of them getting caught. 

"You okay?"

Bobby's voice is deliciously groggy and Hanbin tries for a nod but it comes out uncertain.

"What if we get caught?"

Bobby's slowing down now, hands coming to the sides of his neck, tracing his thumbs over his vibrating pulse points. Hanbin finds himself relaxing into the touch.

"No one's going to come, alright? There's literally 4 students in school right now and that's if we count ourselves. The teachers never step foot here and I locked the door too."

He peppers kisses all over Hanbin's face and he hasn't felt this loved in ages. It makes him shiver again.

"But if you don't want to then it's fine. I'm not pushing you to do anything."

Hanbin snorts and Bobby shuses him with a peck on the lips.

"You're the one who's gonna suck dick for the first time. I'm fine honestly, everything's good."

Bobby's cheeks redden in embarrassment and Hanbin calls it a success. 

Bobby kisses him again, slowly moving down to his knees before his hands stop in front of Hanbin's bulge. He's not sure if Bobby's actually ready to do this. His boner sure hopes he is. 

Seconds later, Bobby pulls his pants down, eyes fixated on his dick. 

If the cold air hadn't given him goosebumps already, he'd have gotten them from Bobby's stare. 

He licks his lips once before lowering his head. Hanbin grips the sink for dear life when Bobbys lips finally close around him, and move with precision that Hanbin thinks he definitely didn't have. 

Bobbys' eyes keep watering as he tries to take him in, Hanbin trying his hardest not to thrust into his hot mouth. He lets out a loud whine when Bobby looks at him, eyes hooded as his lips glisten from saliva and precum. 

He swirls his tongue around him once more and Hanbin can't help but let out a ragged 'please' , especially when Bobby looks up again, flushed cheeks hollowed as his pupils keep dilating just as much as his mouth does.

Bobby finally swallows him whole and Hanbin doesn't realise how loudly he gasps. Bobby's lips stretch around him like it's nothing and he's pretty sure he's never seen anything as beautiful as this.

The other hums and that's it.

He coats Bobby's mouth with his cum as the door opens, the image of a gaping Donghyuk burned onto his eyelids forever. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the delay and the mess that is this chapter!! I really wish I could start writing consistently again cause it's so much easier for me to get back into these characters and the story but right now I'm still very busy with school :/ but I'm hoping it'll slow down a bit soon so I can write more of these idiots heh  
> I had that bj scene written ages ago and I wanted it in this chapter but I also felt like it ruined the ~~mood~~ of it a bit?? I still hope you like it though!  
> And as always I'll check for mistakes later.


	19. All Alright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time he tells him about her.

His ears ring for a whole minute after that, Bobby standing up in utter disbelief.

"Did that just..?"

Hanbin swallows the lump in his throat as Bobby swallows the last of his cum. 

"Yeah."

Bobby helps him down as Hanbin's heart sinks. He thinks of all the people Donghyuk's already told. All the whispers and black eyes he's about to get.

"It's gonna be alright, okay?"

Bobby's helping him zip up without him even noticing. His hands are trembling but still warm. Burning. 

Hanbin takes a deep breath before he decides to face the truth. Face everything he's never had the courage to.

"I'm gonna go talk to him. Stay here?"

Bobby nods but before he can leave there are hands on his stomach and lips on his neck. 

"Don't fret about this too much okay. He's gonna..he has to be alright with this."

Hanbin nods without believing it. 

 

*

  
"Donghyuk."

The other's standing near the windows, hands in his hair and glasses tucker neatly to his front pocket. 

"It's uh..it's not what you think it is."

Donghyuk turns to him to roll his eyes. Hanbin winces and before he has the chance to continue, Donghyuk cuts him off.

"So my friend wasn't just sucking your dick?"

Hanbin winces again, trying to will away the shake of his hands and confront what's about to happen next. 

"I-yeah he was."

Donghyuk snorts and yet again continues for him.

"Why didn't you tell us?"

Hanbin wants to say something but his throat closes up before any words can pass his lips. He wants to tell him the truth. Tell him _everything_. But he knows what's going to happen if he doesn't behave. Knows how it'll hurt a lot more then what happened last time. So he tries to lie again. 

"I- we- it's new. And it's not what you think it is!"

He's raising his voice and then lowering it again, afraid someone'll hear. 

"Hanbin. Stop lying."

He squirms under the scrutiny of Donghyuk's stare. 

"Please just tell me if it's serious or not. I don't want you guys to be fooling around and breaking each others' hearts."

Hanbin feels his heart breaking already but doesn't mention it.

"It is serious."

When he raises his gaze, Donghyuk's already smiling and Hanbin has a hard time finding disdain behind those eyes. It takes him by surprise.

"That's what you should have said right away."

Donghyuk steps closer before he can budge, hesitating to put his arm on his shoulder. Hanbin hates how it makes him feel. 

"I'm glad you both finally got to your senses. And please don't worry, okay? It's fine. I'm fine with this."

Donghyuk rubs his shoulders so he'd get a smile out of him. Hanbin feels one appearing without his permission. 

"Are you-"

"Yes, I'm sure. I kind of guessed it but I'd really preferred if you'd have told me instead of-of..yeah. What happened."

Hanbin feels his cheeks burn at that as Donghyuk gives him a hug, still a bit stiff. 

"Tell Bobby that he sucks at locking doors-" He pauses thinking of making a joke before he shudders his shoulders in denial " -and that we're good."

He lets go of him and walks off, leaving him a bit dumbfounded. Hanbin has no idea what just happened  there. 

 

*

  
"So what's the verdict?"

Bobby's still standing in the bathroom when he enters, hands trembling enough for the both of them.

"I honestly don't know. He- he seemed kind of weary but also.. he said he knew?"

Bobby's stepping closer, hands finding his to squeeze them until they turn numb. Hanbin doesn't mind it at all.

"Really?"

Hanbin thinks back to their conversation, still a bit shocked. 

"Yeah."

Bobby hums, thoughts running wild. Hanbin hopes that they aren't as grim as his. 

"I guess.. we're okay then?"

Hanbin nods, Bobby's fingers tracing their way up to his shoulders to pull him in close. He doesn't say it but the hug makes him feel closer to home than ever before.

 

*

  
He keeps fretting about it all the way into Friday. Donghyuk doesn't text him and Hanbin wonders if he's possibly mulling over what he saw and ready to tell everyone.

He knows he's not that kind of a guy but a part of him doesn't dare to hope anymore. 

Bobby meets him by the gates, as always, his smile a bit shaky.

"You doing good?"

Hanbin nods not even believeing it himself.

"I texted you last night but I guess you were already sleeping."

Hanbin nods again even though he read them all. He just didn't have the strength  to answer. 

Bobby seems to sense that somethings off but leaves him alone for now. Hanbin hopes he'll never come back to this topic again. 

 

*

  
"Ya'll ready for tonight?"

Junhoe seems incredibly enthusiastic and Hanbin has no idea why. He remembers the football game when Bobby smiles sincerely for the first time that day. 

"Kind of. I hope Yunhyeong here doesn't ruin it for us."

The other tries to slap Bobby over their table but doesn't succeed. Bobby laughs until he hiccups and Hanbin remembers how kisses make them better. He wishes he could chase the bitterness of dark chocolate on his tongue. He doesn't. 

"What'd you think if we go out for pizza afterwards? My uncle has this great pizzeria downtown-"

Jinhwan snorts and Junhoe looks at him incredulously.

"We all know _June_. You can't stop telling us about your 'half Italian' uncle. He's not even Italian!"

Junhoe fights back, voice suddenly high pitched and cheeks red from embarrassment.

"Yeah, he is! He lived in Italy for years!"

Jinhwan doesn't let it go and Hanbin finds himself smiling through their banter. 

"That doesn't make him Italian idiot."

Junhoe rolls his eyes, tucking his head down in defeat. 

"Yeah, whatever."

He keeps muttering something about his uncle as Donghyuk sits down next to Hanbin, plate in his hand shaking, trying to balance the countless amount of books he always carries with him and the food he never seems to eat. 

"What's this about Italy?"

Bobby and Yunhyeong scream at him to not bring it up as Jinhwan cackles with Hanbin. It feels nice and easy. As it should be. 

Hanbin thinks they might be alright after all until Donghyuk sees Bobby's fingers on his thigh and chokes on his soda. Hanbin winces as he realises they have a lot to discuss.

And he really doesn't want to.

 

*

  
"Bin, wait up!"

He's ready to go home and worry about telling the truth when Bobby stops him. 

"Can I come over? Let's do some physics and shit."

He wiggles his eyebrows and Hanbin knows he wants to do more than physics. He's okay with it. 

"How can you expect me to tell you 'no' when you look at me like _that_." 

Bobby swallows his eminent arousal and makes goofy faces at him, asking if that's what he means by 'that' look. 

Hanbin wants to punch him but doesn't. Instead he kisses him on his doorstep, their shoes still on and backpacks slung down at their feet.

Bobby tastes exactly like he imagined him to during lunch and Hanbin would like to drown in it. Instead he tickles him and runs away before Bobby can retaliate.

 

*

  
"So..Donghyuk hasn't said anything since yesterday?"

Bobby's eating the last pieces of his chicken and Hanbin warns him that he needs to leave some for Hanbyul or she'll stop calling him prince Bobby. 

"Nope."

He tries to focus on the physics in front of them but Bobby's licking his fingers clean and it's distracting as hell. 

"And you're okay? With everything?"

Hanbin nods, still following the way his fingers leave his mouth with a bop. Bobby's eyes glisten with desire and Hanbin's really grateful for the change of topic. 

"I don't buy it."

Bobby's shifting closer, breath smelling like chicken and coke. Hanbin has no problems with it whatsoever. 

"You should. Cause I'm fine."

Bobby's basically on his lap by now, hands on either side of his face, body hovering over him. Hanbin swallows the lump in his throat and waits for him to make a move. 

"No you're not. I know you better than you know yourself. And the whole thing is bugging the shit out of you."

He sits down on him and Hanbin lets his mouth fall open. Bobby shudders and he feels it in his bones. It drives him mad. 

"No you don't."

Bobby's leaning down to his neck now, ghosting kisses on his skin. Hanbin grinds up into him, hoping it'd make him do something, anything.

"Yeah, you're right. I don't. You still haven't told me what's the deal with your family."

He bites into his neck as Hanbins' eyes fly open. 

"Way to ruin the mood."

He shoves Bobby off of him without a second glance, making his way towards the kitchen. Bobby follows like a famished puppy. 

"Look, how else am I gonna get you to talk about this."

Bobby tries to pull him in close but Hanbin won't let him. He's got enough on his plate already. The truth's out in the open and he doesn't want to let more of it slip. 

Bobby whines when he pulls away and starts making coffee.

"Look, it's-it's complicated."

Hanbin feels him shuffle closer again, hands going around him and this time he lets him. It makes him feel false security and he hates it. 

"It's always complicated with you, Bin. Just tell me.. does she have a clue?"

Hanbin swallows hard at that. Bobby seems patient enough after it's been at least five minutes without an answer so he gives him one.

"Yeah. She knows about me and she's guessing hard about us."

It's all he can muster, body hunching over after he says it. Bobby's there to catch him though and Hanbin's got no clue how to feel about it. 

"What would she do if she'd find out?"

Hanbin almost drops the coffee. It's been a month since he's thought about it. Thought about his blonde hair and the way it all burned. 

"I'd never see you again."

Bobby makes him put the cups down before holding him tight. Tighter than ever and letting his nose bury itself in his hair. 

Hanbin would like his body to stop reacting and betraying him but it doesn't. He squeezes his arms as hard as he can, fingernails pushing painfully into his skin. Bobby's lips keep kissing that spot behind his ear through all the pain he's probably inflicting on him. It's twisted how much he loves it and how Bobby's still not letting go. How he never will.

He barely hears his voice but when he does he never wants Bobby to let him go. Wants his arms to be the home he's never had. 

"I won't let that happen. Trust me."

Hanbin tries his best to believe him. It's getting harder by the minute.

 

*

  
They end up playing video games in silence before Hanbyul gets home. Hanbin would like to call the silence comfortable but he feels Bobby's sorrow and his own. Feels how this is a turning point and there's no way back. 

He wonders if the laughter that Bobby kissed away was really a bad omen. He prays to god that it wasn't. 

"Bobby!"

She's happy to see him, as always. Their mother not so much. 

"Hi Bobby. What are you doing here?"

She smiles at him politely as Hanbyul tries to climb up his leg. Bobby laughs at her antics before taking her in his lap. Hanbin feels his heart soar and swallows the feeling when her stare is nothing but cold. 

"Hanbin helped me with physics."

He tickles Hanbyul and smiles up at their mom, trying to look his best. Hanbin would tell him he does, but nothing will ever change her mind about him. No matter how hard he tries. 

"Why didn't you ask Jeongyeon?"

She's putting away groceries and Hanbin helps. His hands tremble and he tries shaking it off. 

"Well we had a pretty bad break up and now that Hanbin likes her it's.. kind of awkward."

He stops washing the apples when he hears it. Hears how _real_ it sounds. He wonders if his habits have worn off on Bobby too. 

"Oh, right. Sorry about that."

Her smile is anything but genuine as she leaves them alone to go and change. 

Hanbyul runs off to bring Bobby a painting she made for him and Hanbin has to suffer through a horrible emotional boner because of it. 

"I get what you mean. I really really do."

Bobby's stepping closer and Hanbin almost yelps when he thinks the other's going to kiss him. Bobby just chuckles, grabbing his hands and kissing his knuckles instead. 

"I'll always be here though. Don't worry about it."

Hanbin wants to tell him the same but he doesn't believe in it. Not yet. 

He kind of starts to when Hanbyul gives Bobby the unrecognizable portrait she made and he seems to tell the truth about putting it on his wall for all to see. 

 

*

  
It's raining when he gets to the field later. The guys are already on the bleachers as he arrives, waving toward him to hurry up. 

"I'm not sure who's gonna win today. This is going to be intense!"

Junhoe's eating something again and this time Yunhyeong's the one to try and steal, anxiety making him hungrier than ever. Hanbin grins at them as he makes his way towards Donghyuk who seems to startle when he sits next to him. 

"I'm not gonna bite you know."

Donghyuk seems on edge when he leans close and whispers and it kind of amuses him. But kind of scares him at the same time. 

"I know. The only one you wanna bite is B-"

Hanbin gives him a glare and Donghyuk quiets down, smile appearing on his face by now. 

"I-I- like guys yeah, but that doesn't mean I like _everyone_ in that way _._ "

Donghyuk nods along, eyes on the cheerleaders, unaware of his internal struggle. It's the first time he's ever said it out loud. It takes him aback and makes him miss Donghyuk's response.

"I know. You're in love and I'm happy for you. "

He catches the last few words and it makes him blush. He tries to hide it but Donghyuk's already seen. 

"But I'm not gonna lie, it was a bit weird seeing the two of you.. you know. I knew something was up but I didn't want to see it."

Hanbin keeps checking if the guys are listening. Instead they're fighting over who's gonna win and Junhoe's probably betting against their friends as usual. Yunhyeong's back from the changing rooms fairly quickly and now Hanbin's sure they're betting against him, his voice raising higher than his mothers'. 

"Yeah, I can imagine that to be uhh.. kinda awkward."

Donghyuk shakes his head in laughter.

" _Kinda_."

Hanbin elbows him in the ribs at that and Donghyuk yelps hard enough to get everyone to stare at them. 

They end up betting as well and Hanbin bets that ~~his~~ their team is going to win. 

They just have to.

 

*

  
Hanbin's not sure if he's seeing wrong or if he's actually distracting Bobby. 

He seems to be staring up at him whenever possible and Hanbin wants to tell him how it looks obvious as hell, sadly not able to shout it from the bleachers for all to hear.

He thinks it might have to do with the fact that his sweater's soaked through, clinging to his body, thanks to him forgetting his only umbrella at home. 

"Come on, Bobby!! They're beating your ass!"

Junhoe's swearing and Donghyuk glares at him, telling him there are children present. That makes him swear and yell even harder and Jinhwan can't stop laughing at it. 

They end up winning but no thanks to Bobby. Nor Yunhyeong. Some new kid on the team gains them three goals and a win, making both of his friends grunt in disbelief. 

Hanbin makes sure to take his time as everyone piles to the field. Bobby seems a bit grumpy and Hanbin decides to envelope him in a hug before anyone else can. 

"You did great today."

Bobby looks at him with a frown and Hanbin really wants to kiss it off his face.

"Stop lying to me. I sucked!"

He grabs him close again, wet bodies heating up with each touch. 

"It was all your fault. You and your stupid wet sweater."

Bobby looks at him with desire, like he's accustomed to now, and makes his breath hitch with the action. He clears his throat to clear the doubts in their friends' minds. 

"Well now you know how I feel every time I come and watch you play."

Bobby whines against his neck as Hanbin makes eye contact with Donghyuk. Who seems really flustered and out of place by what he just saw.

Hanbin decides that they have to talk. All three of them. No matter how hard it is for him to confront his demons.

 

*

 

"Pizza's on Bobby and Yunhyeong since they failed us all."

Bobby smacks Junhoe and almost pushes him over causing Junhoes 'Italian' uncle to wave his finger towards them. And it doesn't look like a pleasant gesture. 

"It wasn't our fault that that new douche wanted all the spotlight for himself."

Yunhyeong's already digging into a pizza and Hanbin wonders where he got it from. Junhoe's easily behind him and looks like there's not going to be much left. 

"But we did suck. A little."

Yunhyeong gives Bobby a glare, squinting his eyes and hissing. Junhoe almost gags on his pizza, Jinhwan patting his back until his skin turns a healthy pink again. 

"And who's to blame for that?"

Donghyuk knows the answer but asks anyway. Hanbin wants to pinch him. 

"Jeongyeon probably. Did you see her screaming Bobby's name?"

Yunhyeong acts all 'scandalous' and earns a life threatening smack from Bobby. Hanbin feels pride bloom in his chest at that. 

"She wasn't even there?"

Bobby's gotten a piece of pizza and Hanbin's pretty sure he won't hear him talking for another half an hour. Nor see a plate full of pizza either. 

"Yeah she was. That's what you were staring at weren't you?"

Junhoe's quirking his brow and Bobby somehow manages not to choke. Hanbin pats his back in silent praise.

"I was staring at you guys, acting like your usual selves aka like fools."

Hanbin feels like _he's_ the one acting like a fool when he can't stop staring at him, shoving piece after piece of pizza in his mouth. He can't help but find it adorable. But kind of gross too.

"So do you wanna come by Bobby's with me?"

The guys are ordering another pizza and he stays behind. Donghyuk looks surprised but Hanbin bets he isn't. 

"I-"

"Please."

Donghyuk nods and Hanbin lets out a breath he didn't even know he was holding. It's now or never and even though he tries denying it, he wants it to be now. 

 

*

 

"You're leaving already?"

Yunhyeong's just about ready to start partying when Bobby  on the other hand starts putting his jacket on. Hanbin follows.

"Yeah, the misses here is tired."

Hanbin smacks him but blushes anyway. 

"You should stop calling him misses. Maybe that's why he hasn't gotten laid yet."

Junhoe laughs at them but Hanbin doesn't find it funny at all. Neither does Jinhwan nor Donghyuk. It makes his stomach turn.

They're halfway out the door when Donghyuk finally joins them. Hanbin sees Bobby squeeze his shoulder and he does the same. Donghyuk seems to relax a bit and he hopes he'll feel at ease after they've talked. 

 

*

 

"I made us some cocoa."

Bobby's back from the kitchen, the awkward silence in the living room now filled with slurps. 

Hanbin sees the line of foam on Bobby's upper lip before it even gets there and he fights the urge to lick it off. 

"So I'm guessing you uh-might have questions for us?"

Bobby's almost done with his cocoa, the line still on his lip. Hanbin finds it harder to ignore than the ball of nerves in his stomach. 

Donghyuk looks at the muted TV screen before he opens his mouth. 

"I don't really know where to start?"

Hanbin answers before Bobby can.

"Neither do we."

It breaks the tension a little. The knowledge that they're all just as confused and just as curious. 

It takes him a minute or two before Bobby starts speaking. Eases him into it with telling him about Jeongyeon and all that he's always tried to ignore. It's nothing like he told him. It's a summary, a simple version of events.

It lacks the heartache and the doubting. Hanbin doesn't mind hearing it like this at all. 

"Wait so you're telling me _that's_ what happened during that rainstorm??"

Bobby nods, shy smile on his face. Hanbin can't wait to kiss the corner of it. 

"And then I was kinda emo and Hanbin was kinda emo but we worked it out. And here we are."

Donghyuk seems surprised but slightly more comfortable than he was half an hour ago. Hanbin likes it. He takes another cup of cocoa and this time with cinnamon.

It reminds him of Bobby's freckles and he turns to him to stare. The other's already staring back. 

"So..the talk I had with you in the sauna.. it worked?"

Donghyuk's smiling at them and Hanbin finds it to be the sincerest thing he's ever seen. He hates how he's blushing though and so is Bobby, both of them betraying that something else happened there that night.

"Yeah, your help was uh.. very useful."

Donghyuk hides his eyes behind the frames of his glasses, cocoa cup in his hands half empty. 

"You know that was the first time I really realised that there might be something between you and it wasn't just my imagination. And also I can't believe you took my advice!"

He's laughing now and Hanbin finds himself returning it. 

"And you!" He points at Bobby, startling him so that he almost jumps on Hanbin. "You had second thoughts. I can't believe you'd second guess being with this handsome bastard over here."

Bobby smothers a laugh and tells him about the jealousy he had and how it made them say their 'i love you's. 

Donghyuk seems to sense that the moment is only theirs after that. Excusing himself to the bathroom.

Bobby's staring straight at him when he turns his head.

"You've had foam on your lip for over an hour. It's driving me crazy."

Bobby's smile is devilish when he answers.

"That was my intention."

He shuffles closer so that they're pressed next to each other. Shoulder to shoulder, thigh to thigh, knee to knee. 

"It worked. Oh how it worked."

Hanbin kisses it off of him. Kisses him until their both out of breath and he wonders why he was so afraid of this. Why he'd ever doubt Donghyuk's intentions and most of all Bobby's. 

"You seem thoughtful again."

They're nose to nose and Hanbin has no intention of moving. 

"Yeah. Just thinking about how scared I was of this. Of us."

Their breaths mingle as Hanbin's words get lost inside Bobby's mouth. 

"You aren't anymore?"

Bobby presses his smile against his skin and Hanbin can't help but shiver. He looks at him when he answers.

"I really don't think so."

Bobby's responding smile could blind the sun. 

"I've never told anyone about who I am. I've never.. talked about this. It's the first time I'm speaking to someone about me being - you know - and that someone isn't my partner or the person I'm crushing on."

Bobby's thumbs caress his chin and Hanbin lets his eyes fall shut. 

"And now it's out in the open. And I haven't been crying myself to sleep because of it." 

He takes a deep breath and opens his eyes. 

"It's weird."

He could never decipher the look in Bobby's eyes but Hanbin imagines it to be something similar to unconditional love. 

"I wouldn't want to interrupt or anything but you guys look like you're about fuck. And I really don't want to see that again."

Donghyuk clears his throat and they jump apart. He steps inside as Hanbin tries to hide his blush, Bobby's knees colliding with his arm. They boath moan in pain and Donghyuk laughs. He looks at them fondly for a minute, silence invading the room. Hanbin wonders how come he didn't tell him earlier. He really should have.

"So.. I was meaning to ask this and I guess now's the time. When are you gonna tell the guys?"

Bobby looks over at him for an answer and Hanbin doesn't know. He really doesn't.

"Look I-It's already hard enough for me to talk about this with Bobby and even harder to tell you. So I'd like to wait a while before we tell them. Is that okay?"

Donghyuk rolls his eyes.

"You don't have to ask my permission. It's your relationship and I support it either way. I'm just asking so I wouldn't accidentally slip out that 'hey! bobby and hanbin are doing the nasty!'"

Bobby throws a pillow at him for it and they all laugh. The night goes by faster after that, Donghyuk telling them about his drama club and how he's got his sight set on the college his dad went to. That college being Harvard.

Hanbin is suddenly very aware of how much he'd miss him if he went and he tries to will away the ache in his chest and be happy for him. Cause that's what friends do. 

 

*

 

Donghyuk leaves about an hour later, yawning his way out the door and cursing himself for staying up late.

Hanbin apologizes but Donghyuk doesn't look like he actually meant it. When Bobby goes to the kitchen to pack him some cheesecake that 'i swear i didn't make!' Hanbin's left alone with him in the hall. 

It's kind of awkward again until Donghyuk speaks up.

"You know, I'm real glad you finally trusted me enough to tell. I know it was partly because of uh.." He smiles sheepishly and Hanbin ducks his head, ears burning from the memory "..what happened but I'm still glad. You know you can always come to me if you want to talk about anything else, right?"

Donghyuk's putting on his shoes, eyes still looking up at him. Hanbin sees the earnestness in them and hates how he didn't open his mouth nor his heart earlier. Hates how he could've been living without lies for months now. Not without fear though. 

"Yeah. Thanks for everything."

Donghyuk smiles and then stumbles with a loud chuckle. Hanbin quirks his brow.

"Gosh..wasn't it awkward at the party? I kind of kissed you in front of your uh-"

Donghyuk hesitates for a second. 

"Boyfriend, yeah."

Hanbin helps him out and Donghyuk keeps smiling. 

"In front of your boyfriend. Jesus, tell Bobby I'm sorry."

Hanbin snorts as the other makes his way towards them, cheesecake tucked firmly under his arm and hair tucked behind his pink tipped ears. 

"Here you go. And remember I did not-"

"Make this." 

Donghyuk smiles, grabbing the box. 

"Got it."

He leaves, looking at Bobby's head on his shoulder, sighing dramatically. Hanbin likes how it makes him feel. 

For the first time ever, he actually has someone to be affectionate with and that affection is reciprocated. And not looked down upon. He snuggles further into Bobby at that thought. 

 

*

  
When he gets home later that night, after trying his hardest not to fall asleep on Bobby's bed, he gets a text from him.

'see that wasnt so bad was it?'

Hanbin thinks of how Bobby's snuggled under his blankets, warm and sleepy. The thought makes his chest ache. 

'It wasnt. Im glad we talked.X'

Bobby responds in seconds and Hanbin tries to hold in his smile. He doesn't manage for long. 

'yeah, hopeflly dh doesnt walk in on us anymore. id h8 having to talk him out of his awkwardness again :(('

Hanbin snorts and imagines Bobby's eyes falling shut. His own are too. 

'Dont jinx it!X' 

Another buzz. 

'i wont :) gnite boo' 

Hanbin is willing to admit that he loves any nickname that Bobby bestows upon him. 

'Gnite, hun.X' 

Bobby doesn't text him back and Hanbin takes the pleasure of imagining him falling asleep with his phone still open, smiling as he awaits a response. 

He's almost asleep himself when another notification comes in. He's been added to their group chat by Donghyuk. He does fall asleep then, with a real smile on his face this time. It's the first in months.

 

*

 

He wakes up the next day feeling better than he has in a while. A long long while. 

He makes himself some coffee before getting out his physics books for some gnarly exercises before Jeongyeon gets there later. He's halfway through looking at all of the 100 texts Junhoe and Yunhyeong have exchanged when there's a knock on his door. 

It's the middle of the afternoon when everything changes.

"What-"

Bobby's storming in, a bit disheveled and Hanbin's worried in seconds. 

"I-I told him."

Hanbins' heart sinks. 

"Told who? Told _what?_ "

Bobby's stepping closer then and Hanbin sees how worried he looks. He really doesn't want to keep guessing at this point.

"I told Jinhwan."

There's silence and Bobby stops pacing in front of his door and looks at him. Waiting for a response. Hanbin's not sure he even has one.

"You..what??"

Bobby keeps mussing up his hair and Hanbin wants to grab his hands to stop him but doesn't. Instead he steps closer and looks him right in the eye. Bobby reminds him of a scared puppy and that makes his heart sink further. 

"I told Jinhwan. About us. An hour ago."

Hanbin feels his breath hitch as he grabs Bobby by the elbow, dragging him to the living room. Hanbyul and his mother are thankfully out, buying fresh products from some market she's told him several times about. Hanbin doesn't care to remember it's name.

He's got a lot of burning questions in his mind and he's not sure where to start. Doesn't know if he even wants to. It's all over now anyway. 

_"Why?"_

Bobby's deciding whether to sit down or not. He looks up at him and lets himself fall under his scrutinizing stare.

"Look, I went over there trying to fix us. You know we've been kinda distant and even told me to fix it!! So I wanted to and then-"

Hanbin's legs jitter but he keeps standing.

"So the best way to fix it was telling him?? You know how he felt about you."

Bobby lets his eyes fall shut and sighs. Hanbin hates how angry he sounds so he takes a deep breath and sits down. Thinking of all the people that know about this already. And hoping that his mother isn't next. Praying that she'd never be. 

"I didn't want to tell him!"

Bobby opens his eyes and jolts when Hanbin's sitting next to him and not peering down angrily. He seems to relax at the change, letting his fingers play with the hairs on his arm. Hanbin shivers. 

"So why did you?"

Bobby looks at him sadly and explains it all. Hanbin would like nothing more than it to be a bad dream. It isn't. 

"He was mad as hell. Asked me if you and I are totally ignoring him now. I was confused and he mentioned yesterday with Donghyuk and Hanbin-you-he.. he just looked _so_ sad thinking we preferred Donghyuk over him."

Hanbin's taking it all in and letting himself be lulled back into a false sense of security by the sound of Bobby's deep voice. 

"And he started accusing me of abandoning him and then I just.. I kind of snapped and told him that we had a reason to invite Donghyuk over and it's not because we like him more. And of course you know Jinhwan, he couldn't take that vague answer. So I just spilled.. I told him Donghyuk found out about you and I. About us being.. together."

Bobby squeezes his arm and Hanbin feels guilty about his first reaction. That he didn't think of how Bobby's feeling. Jinhwan's his best friend for life. Things like that just don't change over night. 

" _Together_ together. And then he kinda.. fell silent and was just.. the look on his face was horrible Hanbin. It was like I literally broke him. And I didn't meant to do it."

Bobby's eyes are teary when he looks in them and Hanbin kisses the tip of nose. It doesn't take the sorrow away. He sighs.

"I know. I know you didn't meant to hurt him or tell him." 

Bobby's wiping his eyes with the back of his trembling hand. Hanbin wants to make it better for the both of them but knows he can't. Bobby'll feel guilty about betraying him and Jinhwan and he'll feel guilty for ever having to hide this in the first place. 

"Yeah but I did, didn't I?"

Bobby's swallowing his tears bravely but they fall anyway, when Hanbin leans closer and kisses him. Lets his lips convey how he doesn't hate him for it. Not a little bit. Not at all. 

They keep sitting there in silence, Bobby's tears chasing each other on his neck like raindrops. Hanbin wants nothing more than the game to end as he puts his arms around him and keeps holding on for dear life. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so im really sorry about the wait!!! I had a crucial math exam so I needed all of my focus to be on that and then I kinda wanted to post yesterday but I just didnt get anything right and this is my fourth rewrite of this chapter gaahhh
> 
> I know it's shorter than what I've been putting out these past few weeks but I hope you like it! and yes.. i know that literally nothing happens in this chap.. dont remind me of it ughh


	20. Warning Sign

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time he tells him about them.

He sits there with Bobby on his lap for half an hour before collecting himself enough to realise that she could step in any minute. 

"Hey, you good?"

Bobby's playing with his fingers, sniffling quietly. 

"No."

Hanbin wants to laugh at that, Bobby sounding like a pouting child. He doesn't. 

"Thought so but.. I think you-uh- _we_ should get going."

He doesn't want to sound insensitive but knows he does. Now is not the time to think of saving his own skin but somehow that's all he can ever think about. 

Bobby raises his gaze and Hanbin wishes he didn't say a word. He looks so distraught, so tired and all he wants is to carry him to bed, his weight in his arms the best feeling. 

"She's gonna be here soon, right?"

Hanbin nods, their heads knocking together softly. Bobby snorts at that, grabbing his arm and pulling them both up. 

"I can go by myself."

Hanbin wants to protest but knows it's already settled. Knows he settled it with his own words. 

"I'm not a girl. Don't need a man to escort me home."

Bobby snorts at his own joke, even though it sounds like an effort.  Hanbin feels a sigh escape his lips as he hopes that whatever they're about to go through will be effortless instead.

"You sure you're not?"

Bobby smacks him then and Hanbin can't help but cackle. Joking is easy, comfortable, something they know how to do. He wishes they knew what to do with Jinhwan too.

And so this time he's the one to hug Bobby from the back, lips hovering over the junction of his neck and shoulder before kissing it delicately. He's somehow afraid to break him again, thinking of Bobby as his mothers' precious china.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow."

When he steps out seconds later, Hanbin makes sure to remember that Bobby's so much more than china, stronger than anyone he's ever met before. If anything, he's the china and Bobby's the glue that's been keeping him together all along. 

 

*

 

He spends the next fifteen minutes in what can only be described as utter shock. In shock about all of his secrets coming out in the open and _him_ coming out in the open.

All of his lies are crumbling down and if his mother would ever- 

"Hanbin, where are you going?"

She's stepping in with Hanbyul, groceries in hand, when his frantic search for an umbrella gets stopped. 

"Uh, Jinhwans'? We have that literature thing."

She squints her eyes in doubt and Hanbin hopes that he doesn't tremble enough for her to notice. 

"I thought you were doing it with a girl from your class."

He almost drops the umbrella he just got a handle on.

"Yeah she umm-uh-changed projects? Nayeon got jealous of her a while back and then I got stuck with Jinhwan."

He hopes his smile doesn't look too off. That it doesn't convey how he's just told her a minimal amount of truth and most possibly fucked up his peace of mind along with it. 

"Interesting. I wish you'd have told me sooner."

She's washing the apples now, no sign of her detecing his lies and the ounce of truth that came before them. 

"Yeah, sorry about that, I got distracted with Nayeon and forgot to tell."

The water stops for a second and so does his heart.

"Okay, but tell me next time, will you?"

He nods and realising she can't see, yells out a groggy 'yeah'. He's out the door in seconds, wondering whether he's going to see the light of day again or not. 

 

*

 

It feels like hours have gone by when he finally arrives at his doorstep, eyelashes fluttering under the weight of the raindrops.

He knocks three times before there's bustling and the door opens. Jinhwan looks at him like he's murdered his entire family and Hanbin feels his heart break in seconds.

"What do you want?"

He's closed off and Hanbin can't tell if he's angry at him, at Bobby or himself. 

"I want to talk about what happened."

Jinhwan snorts, making sure his siblings don't run out the door.

"Look, I thought I made it clear enough for Bobby but seems like he didn't get the memo. I don't want to see you nor talk to you right now, okay? I just don't."

Jinhwan crosses his arms and Hanbin shivers. It's the cold in his eyes more than the cold outside that makes him do it. 

"But I need to explain-"

Jinhwan stops him abruptly and Hanbin's sure he'd yell if the kids weren't around.

"You don't need to explain anything to me Hanbin. Hearing it once was enough for me."

Hanbin feels his fingers itch with the urge  to grab him and tell him how sorry he is. He just stands there instead, silence filling the space between them that never should have existed in the first place. 

"I just want you to know that I didn't mean to hurt you. I really didn't."

He's too much of a coward to look him in the eye when he says it. Jinhwan doesn't either, when he finally looks up. 

"But you did."

And he closes the door in front of him, making Hanbin finally realise that his life is truly about something that actually happened. And it doesn't feel half as good as he'd have liked it to. 

 

*

 

"What's up with you today?"

Jeongyeon looks happy as always, hair tucked behind her pierced ears and eyes sparkling with joy. 

Hanbin knows he's the exact opposite. 

"Nothing, just had a bad day."

They finish their physics soon enough and Jeongyeon helps herself to another cup of apple and cinnamon tea. Hanbin thinks of all the times Bobby reeked of it while around her and squirms. 

"You sure it's nothing?"

She wants to ask more but doesn't. Hanbin is thankful for it. Thankful that he can ignore the truth while around her at least for another day. 

"Yeah I just uh-had a fight with a friend."

Jeongyeon seems to think it's Bobby right away, perking up in her seat and looking at him with sympathy. Hanbin holds in a groan, it's the last thing he needs right now. 

"With Jinhwan."

She seems puzzled at that, wondering what could've possibly gone wrong. Hanbin wishes he had the audacity to wonder instead of the knowledge of how he hurt him. 

"What happened?"

He's ready to tell her when her eyes stay on him for longer than a minute. When her hands reach for his and warm up his tired body. 

"It's..complicated."

Jeongyeon settles down then and Hanbin wonders how come he didn't. There's nothing to lose anymore and she'd understand, of course she would. But when he sees a glimpse of her, standing near the kitchen entrance with her smartphone in one hand and a cigarette in the other, he knows just why. 

 

*

 

Bobby texts him later that night and Hanbin swallows the urge to run to him. 

'i cant sleep w/o you'

'Neither can I.X'

Their group chat stays quieter than ever. 

 

*

 

"So Jinhwan still isn't talking to you?"

They walk to school together on Monday, Hanbin feeling happy that Sunday's finally over, it having been the hardest day he's ever had to go through. Yet.

"Nope. Any luck?"

Hanbin shakes his head in defeat, phone in hand showing Bobby all the texts he's sent him and the cobwebs in his inbox.

"He really is mad, is he?"

Bobby looks sad again but tries his best to hide it. Hanbin would like to tell him he knows him better but doesn't poke the wound.

"Yeah. But it'll get better and besides he can't ignore us in school, right?"

Hanbin tries to find a silver lining. Tries to hope that Jinhwan hasn't spread rumors about them to the entire faculty already.

He knows that Donghyuk isn't like that and he knows Jinhwan isn't either but the ominous gut feeling won't leave him alone for even a second. 

"You don't know him like I do though. If he's got a grudge against someone, he can go for _years_ without talking to them."

Hanbin takes it as an obsticale on his search for a silver lining. He won't stop looking for it though. 

They stand alone in front the gates as the bell rings and Hanbin feels an urgent need to kiss him. Instead he takes the fleeting moment to rub his shoulders, hands sliding down his body to his waist, grabbing him into a tight hug. Bobby melts into the touch without any hesitation, Hanbins' arms wrapping around him as he leans in for a whisper. 

"We'll fix this. Don't worry."

And when they break apart Hanbin realises that he might be glued back together but Bobby isn't. He makes it his mission to do so.

 

*

 

"Hey, did something happen?"

Donghyuk's walking with him to their usual table, eyeing Jinhwan who's sitting down far away from them. 

"I guess so yeah."

Donghyuks' eyebrows raise to the sky and Hanbin really doesn't want to talk about it again. He guesses he just has to when Donghyuk keeps egging him on with his ruthless stares. 

"Bobby told Jinhwan about us and he freaked out."

Donghyuk stumbles, the lunch tray in his hands almost falling. Hanbin wants to laugh at how much it reminds him of himself. 

"Really??"

Donghyuk's at a loss for words and Hanbin hates how his dramatic reaction makes it all seem so much more real. 

"Yeah. He got upset that we uh..hung out with you instead of him and then Bobby had to tell him and Jinhwan pretty much sent him to hell and when I tried-"

"He told you the same."

Donghyuk pats his shoulder, tray in hand still trembling. Hanbin holds in a sigh. 

"Yeah." 

They're almost at the table, Junhoe and Yunhyeong looking over at Jinhwan and whispering loudly. Hanbin wouldn't even call it whispering but he thinks that's what they're aiming for.

"You have to clear this up." 

Hanbin sighs again, the grip he has on his own tray tightening with every word he says. 

"I know. We both know. But Jinhwan's stubborn and he probably just needs time."

Donghyuk grabs his elbow before he can sit down, making him think of Bobby who's now walking towards them, looking like a living corpse. Hanbin's heart sinks to his stomach.

"If there's anything I can do, please tell me alright. I want to solve this mess as much as you do."

Hanbin feels himself smile and wonders when Donghyuk became his favorite person in the world. 

"Thank you."

 

*

 

"So what the fuck happened?"

Junhoe's slurping loudly on Yunhyeongs' smoothie, the other too wrapped up in their conversation to notice. 

"We had a fight."

Bobby's sitting down, hand on Hanbins' thigh immediately. He tries to comfort him with a touch of his fingers on his hip. Bobby relaxes into it and Hanbin wishes he could do more than that. 

"Well it must've been a huge fucking fight cause he isn't even looking towards us. He hasn't answered my texts in two days!"

Junhoe looks sadder than them and Hanbin wonders if he's finally realising that Jinhwan isn't just his buddy. That what he feels for him is like nothing he's ever felt for a friend before. That what happened between them years ago was a lovers' quarrel and not just Jinhwan being moody. He thinks he might be mistaken though. 

Bobby raises his gaze at Junhoe's incredulous tone, hurt that Jinhwan's opted to ignore all of them because of what he did. Hanbin squeezes his side but all it does is make him sigh. 

"I'm sorry he isn't talking to you. I'm trying to get through to him but you know him. When you had a fight he stayed away for years."

Junhoe chokes on the smoothie and only then does Yunhyeong notice him slurping on it. He pats him on the back with a little too much force, hiding away his smirk at Junhoe's anguished face. 

"We didn't fight! We just.. grew apart. It was completely different. Besides it's not like we fought because of a girl."

Junhoe's licking his fingers clean from his chicken and Hanbin wonders if it drives Jinhwan just as crazy as Bobby drives him. 

"We didn't either?"

Bobby slurps on his soup, averting his gaze again. 

"Wait, why did you fight then?"

Yunhyeong's sitting on the edge of his seat, Donghyuk looking at him like an angry mother, trying to push him further away before his uniform  could stain from the greasy meat.

Bobby gulps loud enough for him to hear and Hanbin really wishes he could soothe him with his kisses. Help him take his mind off of the way he left Jinhwan in pieces. 

"Because of Hanbin."

His head darts up immediately. Junhoe and Yunhyeong look at him with quirked brows and all he can hear is Bobby's heavy breathing and the thundering of his own heartbeat.

"Because we-uh-we-"

He stops him before this can go any further. Before he has to be glued back together again. 

"Because we've been growing closer and Jinhwan feels left out."

It slips out easier than he'd expected. He's becoming accustomed to telling the truth lately but old habits die hard. 

"So that's it?"

Yunhyeong looks at them with suspicion and Junhoe with disbelief.

"Yeah. No offence June but you know Jinhwan loves me more than you and he's kinda getting bored with your constant shit talking."

The air seems to settle around them then, Bobby making jokes as usual and Junhoe grabbing chopsticks to poke him with, making Bobby leap up with a yelp and hide behind his back. 

Hanbin's sure he feels Bobby's heart beating wildly against him, trying to break through his rib cage and settle down next to his own.  And he tries his best to make room for it. 

 

*

 

He thinks the day couldn't get any worse until he sees Donghyuk coming out of the library and hurrying towards him after classes.

"What's up?"

He hopes it isn't about Jinhwan. He just can't take another agonizing thought about him. 

"I just uh-wanted to tell you something."

He stops in his tracks at Donghyuks' tone, at the way he keeps staring at him through his glasses with a look that he's never seen before. 

"What happened?"

Donghyuk lets out a shaky breath, worried smile forming on his face. Hanbin feels dread trickle down his spine in the form of goosebumps. Hopes that it isn't Jinhwan or worse, Bobby.

"Oh god, don't look so freaked out! I'm just nervous cause I shouldn't be out here in the first place. The drama club is quite needy. "

Hanbin doesn't feel the goosebumps subside just yet so he keeps listening, waiting for the turning point.

"But I- I heard some rumors."

He shivers knowing exactly what he's talking about. Knowing that he'll go through all of it again and again and again. 

"Let me guess..rumors about me and-"

"Bobby. Yeah."

He lets himself slump a bit, knowing that all it'll do is relax his body but not his mind. 

"What kind of rumors?"

Donghyuk rubs his shoulder in concern and Hanbin tries to straighten up again. Look as though he's been behaving and that nothing bad could ever come from this. 

Thoughts of blonde hair interrupt his inner motivational speech and he listens to what Donghyuk has to say. It isn't good. But not bad either. 

"Some chick from art class talked about how Nayeon is bragging about you. That she's the only girl you've ever gone straight for."

Hanbin doesn't expect that at all. 

"Nayeon?"

Donghyuk nods, looking just as confused as he is. 

"Yeah. And then she supposedly broke up with you cause she found out that you're uh-um-fucking Bobby."

Hanbin feels the goosebumps spreading out all over his skin now, blood turning cold in his veins. 

"What the hell." 

Donghyuk winces. 

"I know. I kinda heard some rumors about you and Bobby before but those have always been the same you know. Whenever two guys are close people get suspicious but Bobby's straighter than anyone I've ever met-"

Donghyuk stops himself, an apologetic blush appearing on his cheeks. Hanbin lets out the weirdest laughter that startles even himself.

"-I mean he seems like the straightest guy ever so you know, those rumors died down. But this..Hanbin I think she's out to no good and I think people are starting to buy it."

The laughter doesn't die down, instead more of it bubbles up and Hanbin has a hard time swallowing all of it. It feels like everything he's ever hold his breath for. 

He remembers how Bobby kissed away his hiccups and how he couldn't stop laughing. How his cheeks burned from it and from Bobby's soft fingertips. Remembers how it felt like a bad omen and how it's suddenly turning out to be one. 

"Thanks for telling me I-I guess I'll go tell Bobby too."

Donghyuk looks at him sadly, his eyes filled with pity and it's the exact thing Hanbin's been trying to avoid for so long. Pity. He hates it. 

"It's..it definitely is a lot to bare right now but we've got you, don't we? And Yunhyeong and Junhoe. Even though they're a little slow at times."

Donghyuk laughs too then, pity almost gone from his crinkled eyes. 

"You definitely got me. And don't worry about this too much. I bet Jeongyeon can talk some sense into that girl."

Hanbin feels the dread weighing down on his shoulders but shrugs them anyway. It doesn't make it disappear.

"I hope so yeah."

He thinks of how he should've never gotten caught up in his own happiness. Shouldn't have ignored Nayeon and her ominous presence at the cinema. Shouldn't have let himself be happy. After all, happily ever afters are only meant for princes and princesses. Not for him. 

 

*

 

"Bin!"

He's leaving school, mind whirling about everything that's happened when Bobby catches up with him. The relief that floods over him is stronger than the torrent they first kissed in. 

"Jesus, you look like shit. Jinhwan again?"

Bobby's own face turns sour at that and Hanbin wishes he could take away his pain more than his own. 

"No uh, another thing."

Bobby grabs his arm and entwines their fingers. Hanbin subtly lets go, hoping he wouldn't notice. Of course he does.

"What's wrong?"

Hanbin looks at his fingers and feels the cold between them. He wants to cry more than he ever has before. 

"Donghyuk told me about a rumor and it's-Bobby everything's going to shit."

He wants to laugh at that and does so when Bobby looks more confused than ever.

"Stop laughing and tell me what happened."

Hanbin tries his best to stop and he ends up telling him while they're sitting in Bobby's living room, his tears covering Bobby's neck this time around. 

"It's just a rumor, Bin. Nayeon can talk all she wants but no one will listen."

Hanbin raises his head from Bobby's firm chest, trying to calm himself down and keep himself from spilling everything. From letting the dam fall. 

"I know it's just-I-This reminds me too much of what happened a few years ago and Bobby I-I know where this is going. It's not going to end well. None of this is."

Bobby shushes him with his lips on his cheek and Hanbin hopes his tears taste like raindrops instead of the dread that's been forming inside him.

"What happened in your past then?"

His voice is quiet and Hanbin hates how he sounds so careful when asking about this. How he's scared Bobby off. 

"I-"

Before he can answer Bobby kisses him, lips tasting of salt and Hanbin can't help but want to chase it forever. 

"It's okay if you don't wanna talk. But just know that this time around it has to end differently. Even if it does go bad I promise you, we'll make it home."

Hanbin snorts as Bobby's eyes widen.

"When did you get so _deep_?"

Bobby pushes him over at that, climbing on top of him for countless amount of kisses, pinning his arms to the couch before asking again. 

"But do you want to talk about it?"

Hanbin takes a minute to think. There's nothing much to lose anymore so he does tell. Just a little bit. The truth that's spilling out of him tasting like venom instead of dread. 

"I-About three years ago when I was living in Donghae..I kind of fell in love."

Bobby snorts this time and Hanbin quirks his brow, feeling vulnerable enough already. 

"Oh shit! Don't start crying again fuck, I'm just.. you _kind of_ fell in love?"

Hanbin tries to wiggle his hands free to smack him but can't find the will to do so. Bobby seems too smug so instead of kissing him back when he leans down, he bites his lip. The other pushes in more firmly then and Hanbin forgets what he was even talking about when they pull apart.

"Oh yeah uh-so I fell in love right. And I thought they fell in love back. So I-told them. It took all of me to do it. But I was so incredibly sure they were in love back. And then a day later my phone blew up with nasty messages from our entire school. He told.."

Hanbin swallows the lump in his throat but can't will away his tears. Bobby's grip on his arms loosens and tightens, just as his chest keeps heaving out breaths that seem too uneven. Hanbin can't look him in the eye no matter how hard he tries.

"He told me that I'm disgusting and that he'd never look at me that way before beating me up with his friends." 

He closes his eyes before continuing. 

"He-I thought it'd stop some time you know? But it never did. Ever. It kept going. I came to school and people made fun of me, guys kept beating me up and girls kept egging them on. Before that there were rumors about me but no one believed them, not even the guy. And then when I made my grand move.. he knew and the whole school knew. My mom found out after talking to my principal and asking why I always came home with black eyes. And then she-she-"

He can't continue on. 

Bobby keeps silent as Hanbin cries the rest of the day in his arms, whispering sweet nothings into his ear without asking anything else.

Hanbin has never felt as thankful as he does at that moment. 

 

*

 

When Wednesday comes by Hanbin isn't sure how he's still holding on. Things have cooled down enough that he's gotten a grip on his emotions and hasn't cried on Bobby's shoulder for a day already. He calls it a success. 

Jinhwan is still ignoring them during lunch and Junhoe looks miserable. Hanbin echoes his emotions. 

"Listen, could you fix whatever happened between you and Jinhwan? I'm getting tired of him ignoring us. I've been through his house like 7 times already and he never even answers the door!"

Yunhyeong pats his shoulder as Junhoe tries to cool down, cheeks red from the way his voice rose. 

He gulps simultaneously with Bobby. 

"It's complicated Junhoe. We're trying to work on it, okay?"

Junhoe snarls at Bobby, startling all of them but himself the most. 

"I get it but try harder okay? Could you do that?"

Hanbin wants to yell at him, knowing how much Bobby's beating himself up over what happened. He keeps quiet instead. 

"Yeah."

Bobby looks down then and Hanbin grabs his hand, entwining their fingers without second thought. Hanbin hopes that the grip he has on Bobby's hand shows him how he isn't to blame for anything that happened. Bobby still seems to think that he is. 

 

*

 

PE goes badly and that's an understatement. Hanbin can see how much Jinhwan tries to fly the ball against his or Bobby's head and how he's trying to stand next to Junhoe at every opportunity he gets. 

He hopes they can talk about this sooner or later because the way he acts will definitely fuel the gossip mill and the more he thinks of it the more he feels like giving up. But giving up is not an option right now. 

"Did you see how hostile he was?"

He's staying behind to wait for Bobby and the rain. 

"Yeah you idiot, I fell two times, of course I saw. "

Bobby looks like he's been kicked when he says it and Hanbin grabs his hand.

"Hey, I'm just joking like always. You know I don't blame you for anything, right?"

Bobby nods but it looks hesitant. Hanbin wonders when their positions changed this drastically. 

"Seriously, Bobby, it would've happened sooner or later and thankfully Jinhwan heard it from you. Of course he's hurt but he'll get over it. I'll try and talk to him again sometime since he isn't as violent towards me as he is to you."

He laughs again and Bobby tries to laugh along. Hanbin kisses the side of his neck to get a real laugh out of him. It seems to work. 

"I know it would've happened but I just didn't want it to. And I let you down too."

Hanbin startles, turning towards him and making them stand.

"How?"

Bobby rolls his eyes but doesn't let go of his hand.

"Don't feign ignorance with me Bin. I know you didn't want me to tell anyone and I failed you."

The way Bobby looks at him makes his heart lurch. He's scared and humiliated but most of all nothing like himself. Smaller than the blades of grass they're standing on. 

"Listen, yeah I didn't want to tell but as I said earlier, it would've happened anyway. I'm glad we got it over with and I'm glad it was you not some rumor from Nayeon."

That makes Bobby sigh loudly. Hanbin looks around to see if anyone's still there and when he can't spot a single soul, he takes his face between his hands, making Bobby shiver with his touch. 

"God it's been so long since we've had time for ourselves."

Hanbin snorts, letting his thumbs trace his freckled cheekbones and those two invisible ones on his nose. 

"Yeah, it has."

He lets himself step closer, the feeling almost foreign, but when Bobby's hands go around his waist, sweaty bodies heating up with every touch of their skin, he knows that this is all he's ever meant to feel. 

"Like home."

Bobby smiles, letting his nose bump against his.

"What?"

Hanbin doesn't answer, kissing him instead. It feels intoxicating and almost like their first. This time it's more intense though, more familiar and more like home. Like everything he's meant to have, the thought making the butterflies in his stomach stir and his skin break out in goosebumps, this time because of Bobby's fingers. Because of the way the lines of his palms are already inked onto his rib cage and the way they burn him but it never hurts. 

Bobby's nose bumps against his when he tries to bite his lip but fails. 

"You know, I really wanted us to work out."

Bobby's lips are blue from the cold when he touches them and Hanbin feels mesmerized enough to almost miss what he's said.

"But we have worked out."

Bobby buries his nose in his neck, peppering his collarbone with kisses that don't even feel like ones. 

"Yeah but for how long?" 

Hanbin feels the goosebumps again but they're not good ones. When Bobby looks at him, eyes filled with sadness, Hanbin makes sure to remember something else. That no matter what he'll never let his home go. Ever. 

 

* 

 

Everyone's left the shower already when Bobby steps into his. 

"Shampoo?"

Hanbin turns around, not even able to hide his laughter at the look on Bobby's face. 

"God, you look like a dog in heat."

Bobby slaps him on the shoulder and Hanbin would yelp if it wouldn't give them unwanted attention. 

"But you like it."

Bobby steps closer then, hands going around him and lips on his neck, trying to finish what they started on the field earlier. 

"Yeah I do."

It takes him about a minute to go from a semi to a full on boner. He tries to remember all the reasons why they shouldn't do this but can't even think of a single one. 

"You taste so good." 

Bobby's hands are stuck on his lower back, roaming down to his ass. Hanbin swallows a moan that's been stuck in his throat forever. 

"What do I taste like then?"

Bobby removes his lips from his neck with a bop and Hanbin's sure there's a mark there. He wants to reprimand him for it but stops in his tracks when he sees Bobby's feral gaze and the way someone's moving towards their stall.

"Like-"

He manages to push Bobby away but not to hide the obvious state they're in. The stranger stops and Hanbin can tell who it is even if the steam and lust are blurring his vision. 

The last person on earth who needed to see them. Jinhwan, of course.

 

*

 

"I was hoping I wouldn't have to see you two slobbering all over each other again but I was hugely mistaken."

Jinhwan turns around immediately, storming off towards the lockers. Hanbin thinks he saw his cheeks redden and knows he's right when he catches a glimpse of his hurrying figure. 

"Jinhwan, please wait!"

Bobby's running towards him, Hanbin thankfully having enough common sense to throw him a towel and wrap one around himself as well. It still does nothing to hide his obvious arousal. 

Jinhwan turns around when Bobby keeps insisting, snorting at their hand placement. 

"Why do I have to wait? It's obvious you two have some urgent business to take care of."

Bobby sighs and Hanbin takes the moment to peek around and see if anyone's come in there because of the commotion. Thankfully not. 

"Jinhwan, could you please just.. listen to us?"

Bobby looks desperate already and Hanbin tries to bury the urge to comfort him. 

Jinhwan glares at him while he thinks of his answer, long and hard. Glares at the way his neck's blossoming with purple lilacs by now, stocked upon each other the way Bobby meant them to be. His own little art piece smelling of jasmine and tasting of the chocolate on his breath. 

"What is there to listen?"

What he saw seems to aggravate him and he sighs, throwing his hands in the air, making Hanbins' heart ache. He sees all the pain he's ever felt there. All of the rejection he's gone through and all of the similarities between them. 

"Could you at least give me a chance?"

He steps in then, hand on Bobby's hip for a moment too long making Jinhwan turn his head away in sorrow. 

"I-"

He looks at him and Hanbin hopes he sees that they're no different at all. Hopes he hasn't blown his chance by now. 

"Okay."

Hanbin tries to let out the sigh he's been holding in but fails to do so. It's too early for that. Instead he whispers for Bobby to leave them alone for a second, seeing his boyfriend walk out with shoulders slumped. It makes his stomach twist unpleasantly and Hanbin hates it. 

He motions for Jinhwan to sit down before breathing in a lungful of stale air again. Jinhwan finally does sit and so does he, both of them squirming unpleasantly at the thought of actually talking about this. _Finally_ talking about this. 

"So what do you want to tell me then?"

Jinhwans' hands are still crossed but he sounds small and looks even smaller than ever. Hanbin feels his throat go dry at that. 

"I just..wanted to talk about everything. Jinhwan I-I never meant to hurt you. I knew from the start that you and Bobby..that there was something different there."

Jinhwan doesn't answer but tenses up still. 

"And I knew that you hadn't done anything about it. And when I gradually fell for him I-I thought nothing could ever happen, you know? Since nothing ever happened between you two. I never-I never thought I'd have to have this talk with you cause we always seemed to be on the same boat."

He stares at the ground then, breathing turning ragged from all the truth he's been telling this week. 

"I looked at you and saw myself. Someone who's always in love with the one they can't get. I saw all the pain and all the.. suffering I went through.  I saw us as equals and I wanted to talk about our experiences _all_ the time. I wanted to ask you if you've ever had your heart broken like I have, if you've ever had that lucky break and found someone who'd feel the same and not tear out your heart and stomp on it. Just wanted to know if I was finally not alone. But I was - _I am_ so scared Jinhwan. I really am."

He doesn't dare to look at him, feeling his skin bloom in pink at all the weird words he's just said. At all the actual feelings he's put in them. 

"I've never told anyone about myself since..it always ended badly. I knew we were the same but I was still terrified that you'd rat me out anyway. I know that's a bad thing to say but I can't stop thinking about it. Even with Donghyuk I-I know he's the purest soul on this earth yet I still thought he'd tell everyone and then I'd be beate-"

Jinhwan stops him with a hand on his arm and Hanbin feels the dam fall. Feels his tears cool his burning skin. 

When he looks at him, Jinhwan doesn't say a word. Instead he nods, fingers still brushing against his knuckles, kissing the top of his head before he leaves. 

Hanbin's never felt this relieved in his life before. Even though he isn't sure if they're okay or not, he knows Jinhwan gets it and knows they will be. No matter what, some day, they will be. 

 

*

 

"So how did that go?"

Bobby's back in a few minutes, Hanbin thankfully not crying anymore. It all reminds him of _them_ and how he cried for days. Of the people that never helped repair him but pulled him apart at the seams instead. 

"I don't know. He didn't say anything but he..I think we'll be okay. Not now but soon."

Bobby sits down, hand grabbing his and fingers brushing his knuckles like Jinhwans' did. Hanbin feels himself shiver at how different it feels. 

"How soon?"

Bobby's hand is soft on his chin and Hanbin feels like he's about to purr. The thought makes him giggle. Almost. 

"Very soon. At least I hope so."

Bobby pulls him up then, hugging the life out of him. 

"I guess we'll just have to wait."

Hanbin nods against his shoulder, letting his fingers drag down his back. Bobby seems to like it and Hanbin wonders if anyone else but Bobby could ever save him. He thinks not. 

 

*

 

He arrives home later than he thought he would, Bobby's kisses holding him hostage.

"Hanbin, I hope you don't mind me interrupting your studying but I just wanted to-"

She steps in when he's changing his shirt and Hanbin instinctively turns sides so she wouldn't see the lilac flowers on his neck and sense who made them. 

"Son, you should start studying, it's getting late and you have loads to do."

Hanbin nods, not even looking at her, afraid she'll ask about his red eyes.

"I just wanted to tell you we're leaving to Seoul on Saturday and we'll be back Monday morning."

Hanbin turns to her then, out of his daze.

"You're leaving so soon?"

She nods, looking at him like she wants to ask something else but doesn't. 

"Yes, your grandfather wants to take Hanbyul to the new amusement park, you know the one they keep talking about in the news?"

Hanbin nods and before he knows it it's already Friday and he'll have the whole weekend to himself. 

 

* 

 

"Hey."

Bobby's sitting by their table alone and Hanbin takes the moment before the others get there to tell him some good news for once.

"So I know things have been kinda shitty lately but I think you'll like what I'm about to say next."

Bobby's piling the meat off of Hanbins' plate onto his own and he has to smack him so the other'd stop. Bobby laughs and then makes his assumptions. 

"Hmm.. you're finally willing to strip for me?"

Hanbin smacks him again this time and waits for Bobby's laughter to subside. He can't help but find his scrunched up face adorable. 

"Guess again."

Bobby hums a bit before he perks up. 

"You're willing to watch Kill Bill and it's sequel with me?"

Hanbin groans as Bobby laughs, hands all over him to calm himself down. It has a whole other effect on Hanbin though.

"No! I-umm.."

He feels himself blush and Bobby seems very interested again. 

"I have the house to myself this weekend. I thought you might want to stay over."

He doesn't have to say it out loud for Bobby to realise what he really means, his body betraying him again with a blush spreading down to his cheeks. Other cheeks. 

"I-"

Bobby gulps, looking at his lips before licking his own. He seems nervous now, fingers fidgeting with the material of his jeans. 

"I'd like that yeah. You sure though?"

Hanbin glances at him then and if Donghyuk weren't arriving with the guys he'd kiss him. 

"Yeah. Really sure."

He feels himself squirm as his voice turns husky, the thoughts he's had about what they could do suddenly ready to become much more than just thoughts. Bobby keeps staring at him, mouth wide open as Donghyuk coughs while sitting down, knowing exactly what they've been talking about. 

"So that's settled then."

Junhoe's diving into his food, quirking his brow in question.

"What is?"

Hanbin looks over at him, knowing that he looks dazed as heck. Bobby's no better, eyes glazed over and dimples pulling at his cheeks. 

"Hanbin is gonna get laid."

Donghyuk chokes on his salad, eyes widening as he looks over at them, realising what the conversation was about. 

Junhoe looks joyous instead, a bit baffled but still happy for ~~them~~ him. 

"Finally! Who's the lucky girl?"

Donghyuk interrupts then, gulping down enough soda that even Bobby's surprised. Probably trying to find some liquid courage even though that's not how it's done. Hanbin doesn't mind.

"You'll find out later."

Hanbin thinks that he definitely will and somehow the thought doesn't scare him one bit. Especially when he looks over at Bobby and knows that when he does tell, he doesn't have to do it alone. 

Jinhwan arrives outside a few minutes later, when Junhoe's already stopped the jokes, trying to steal Yunhyeongs' smoothie instead and looking at the empty spot beside him with longing. 

Hanbin's busy thinking about all the things Bobby could do to him, missing out on the fact that Jinhwans' turning towards them, this time walking past his lonely table.

He notices the collective gasp and turning his head up he gets caught in Jinhwans' eyes. Sees how the hurt's still there but how it's bit by bit turning into acceptance.

"What? Is there something wrong with my face?"

Jinhwan acts as if nothing's ever happened and Hanbin feels like he has to close Bobby's mouth with his hand, the other looking like he's starstruck. 

"Yeah, your face."

Junhoe snides but Hanbin can see how his eyes sparkle again and it makes him notice how they hadn't for a week already. 

Jinhwan smiles down at him, from where he's standing, hands going around his shoulders and Junhoe relaxes into the touch. Hanbin can physically feel things shift and he hopes that what they had at the lockers was a hello instead of a goodbye. 

And that what he'll have with Bobby tomorrow is going to be the first time and not the last. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here it is!! Finally am I right? Anyway I wanted to apologize for the long wait, I really really wanted to write but I had my last exam which was literature and it had me pulling out my hair (literally stayed off social media for a week holy crap!) and then sadly a funeral.. followed up by one of my all time favorite bands whom I finally got to see live!! So I hope you forgive me and I really really hope you like this chapter!! And as it seems then the next chapter will be our boys' first time.. and a major turning point for the story!!
> 
> Hopefully I'll get to update in a few days already (or at the end of the week) cause I have a nice little loop hole in my schedule waiting to be filled by these aholes. 
> 
> Thanks so much If you've decided to stick with this even though its a monster and a time consuming one <3


	21. 1+1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time

Hanbin knows he has to take extraordinary measures to ensure that his mother wouldn't know anything about Bobby staying over. He also knows that the only person who could help him is Jeongyeon and he certainly isn't ready to tell her the truth yet. Even though he's positive she knows everything about it already.

"Hey!"

She's walking towards the library with some friends when he stops her, face contorting into something similar to a smile. 

"What's up Hanbin? Want me to cover for you again?"

She knocks her elbow against his with a wink that's too exaggerated to be real. Hanbin feels himself relax. 

"Well kind of yeah. I uh..also wanted to talk about a rumor I heard."

Jeongyeon quirks her perfectly plucked brow, Hanbin losing any hope of her knowing about it already. 

"Nayeon has been saying-she's-"

He feels breathless all of a sudden. Like the truth is weighing down on his lungs trying to force itself out. Hanbin will fight it even if it means he'll die. 

"She's been saying what?"

Jeongyeon seems a bit impatient now. Wanting to know what her friend has gotten herself into this time around. Hanbin wishes he didn't have to bear the news. Wishes there were no news. 

"She's been saying that I broke up with her for uhh..for Bobby."

Hanbin awaits for the world to crumble around him. He thinks it really is when Jeongyeon doesn't even blink an eye, frozen to her spot before him. 

When she finally blinks it all comes out like word vomit. 

"What?? I can't believe she-she's such a snake! I told her not to mess with you and still she went and started ugly rumors. You know she's been obsessed with you right? For like, months now. Wants to be your girlfriend soooo badly. Hanbin, honestly you'd never date her, right? I mean she's my best friend and all but she can be a bit nasty. As you've probably noticed. And-"

Hanbin stops her with a hand on her shoulder. Makes her know it's okay that she told Nayeon. It's okay that she had assumptions. It's okay as long as she'll help fix this. 

Her shoulders slump before she continues, fingers fidgeting with a small strand of hair that's always stuck behind her ear. 

"I'm sorry. I'll talk to her I-I promise."

Hanbin takes it as cue to talk about his other idea. Pretend that none of this ever happened. Hopes that the rumor will be forgotten like it never even existed. 

 

*

 

"So when am I coming over?"

Bobby's almost bouncing on his heels and Hanbin feels himself laugh not even wanting to. They're walking towards Bobby's house, trying to discuss what's going to happen sooner or later. Soon, if things go according to plan.

"I don't know? Honestly I haven't figured it out yet."

Bobby stops in his tracks to pout at him and Hanbin has to drag him along so they'd move. He still has to babysit Hanbyul before going out to Jinhwans'.  
"You haven't figured it out? C'mon why'd you ask me over then?"

Hanbin feels the tips of his ears turn pink as he glances over. 

"You know why. I just-I don't really know when it's _safe_ for you to come over."

Bobby's smirk quickly fades as he nods along, hands in his pockets itching to grab his. 

"Yeah, sorry didn't think of _that._ "

Hanbin hears the annoyance in his voice and the acceptance in his own when he speaks. 

"If uh-if something comes up and she can't leave then uh-" He scratches his nape, another habit he's taken over from Bobby. "-Could we go to your place?"

Bobby's a bit taken aback by the question. And then he smirks again. 

"So you're really eager to do this, huh?" 

Hanbin rolls his eyes just so he wouldn't have to look at him when he says it. 

"Yeah I really am."

Bobby lets him wait for an answer for a while, before giving it to him at his doorstep, kissing him breathless as soon as they enter. 

Hanbin likes his way of answering. 

"I am too." 

They make their way towards his couch to do some physics before Hanbin has to take Hanbyul from day care. 

"But if she doesn't leave then uh.. we're in trouble."

Bobby's got his feet propped up on his lap, making Hanbin take off his stinky socks because he's too lazy to do it himself. 

"Why?"

Hanbin throws them across the room before letting his head fall on Bobby's shoulders, hands twisting on the others' lap as they try and make sense of some equation. 

"Chanwoo's coming back tonight."

Hanbin knew not to expect good news, knew not to expect anything but what he really didn't expect was this. 

Bobby nudges his head when he doesn't respond, heaving out a sigh instead.

"But we've got your place so don't worry. Besides, if we can't uh..do it tomorrow then we'll definitely have some options in the future."

Bobby's nose is a few seconds away from poking his eye yet all he can think about is the fact that they _have_ to do it now. He knows they won't be able to otherwise, the knot in his stomach making sure he takes notice of it. 

"Yeah, I guess so."

Bobby kisses his forehead before accidentally bumping him in the eye. With his nose. Hanbin acts offended until Bobby drops to his knees before him, making Hanbin see the stars in their constellation.  

 

*

 

"So you wanna come with me?"

Bobby's laying on the couch, sprawled out like a starfish. A dead one at that. 

Hanbin throws a shopping bag at him to make him respond. Bobby jolts and throws it back before popping his head up to peer at him. 

"Where to?"

Hanbin moves to the door, knowing that Bobby's gaze is following him every step of the way. He doesn't really think of why he bends down thrice to get there. 

"To pick up Hanbyul."

He grabs an old scarf from Bobby's shelves before bending down to tie his shoes. Ass in full view. There's a slight pause until he hears Bobby's hurried footsteps. 

"Fine, fine I'm coming."

Hanbin tries to hide his victorious smile but Bobby still manages to kiss it off of his face, even though he denies it's existence in the first place.

 

*

 

Walking over to Jinhwans' place later that night takes more time than it usually does.  Takes more of _him_. 

He's scared that Jinhwan'll still kick him out. Even after all the truth's he told him and all the lies he had to swallow. 

He feels the weight of the raindrops weighing down on his lashes again yet this time they're not raindrops. Not at all. 

Jinhwan opens the door knocking the breath right out of him. Hanbin isn't sure what to say so he steps in, feet getting stuck in his shoes that Bobby usually takes off for him. 

"I wasn't expecting you to actually come."

Hanbin tries to look him in the eye but doesn't dare to. Not yet. 

"Me neither."

Jinhwan snorts and makes his way towards the living room. It's quiet again and Hanbin feels himself smile at the two cups of cocoa on the table. 

"Take your pick."

Hanbin quirks his brow as he sits down, bag slung between them for good measure. 

"One of them is poisoned."

Hanbin can't help but laugh at that, the sound lifting his spirit and the tension from the room. Jinhwan smirks into his cup without giving him a second glance and Hanbin thinks things just might have a chance of going back to normal. 

An hour and 30 pages later he feels his phone buzz. He doesn't think twice about answering Bobby's attempt at making physics homework sound sexy. He does however hear Jinhwan clear his throat and raising his gaze makes him realise how all of this must affect him. 

"I-"

Jinhwan looks away from him like he's been burned. 

"It's okay Hanbin. Text him back. I'll just.. go and make some cocoa for us."

He smiles as he looks at him but it doesn't reach his eyes, at least not yet. Hanbin swallows the lump in his throat with the last of his cocoa. 

 

*

 

"You know I... I never thought I'd actually tell anyone what I told you at the lockers."

Jinhwan's busy in the kitchen when he raises his voice and Hanbin can visibly see him startle. 

"Hanbin we don't have to-"

He tries to stop squirming but fails when he hears the crack in Jinwhans' voice. 

"Yeah, we do Jinhwan. At least _I_ do."

The next few minutes are filled with nothing but the sound of his own breathing and Jinhwan desperately holding onto the kitchen counter, knuckles turning white from the effort. Hanbin thinks he's trying to hold onto something else as well. 

"I-I everything that I said was true. And I meant it. I really did. And I just.. I really wish we could talk about it, you know? I've never been able to and it's the first time I actually want to Jinhwan. I want to know what happened between you two. I want to-to just hear you out because I know so so well how it feels. I really do."

He hears Jinhwan heaving out a loud and long sigh before returning to the living room, arms crossed. Hanbin tries to look up but can't stop staring at his sneakers. A habit of keeping himself in control. Of helping him behave. 

"Hanbin," he looks up when Jinhwan doesn't continue, fearing to see his arms still crossed and his eyes closed off "The bigger question here is, are you ready to talk about it?"

Jinhwan's eyes are warm and Hanbin would compare them to the spice he saw in Bobby's. 

He thinks for a minute too long about it. Scratches the burn mark on his wrist. And then he nods, welcoming the spice in Jinhwans' eyes and the warmth of his embrace when the raindrops weigh down on him enough for the dam to finally break. 

 

* 

 

He wakes up on Saturday with his stomach in knots and eyes still red. He wonders if she saw how he came home the other night. If she realised he'd finally stopped behaving and he has no intent of doing it ever again. 

"I left you a bit of money to go grocery shopping. Make sure you have fruit for when we come back. You know how much Hanbyul loves her apples."

He's scratching his tummy not really paying any attention to what she's saying. She kisses him on the cheek before telling Hanbyul to run off to the car.   
He's busy making himself a coffee when she speaks again. 

"And remember to behave Hanbin. I will be back first thing Monday morning. And don't even think about inviting your friends over for a party. Got it?"

He turns around, stomach fully in knots again, hoping that the smile he has on his face looks just the tiniest bit genuine. She seems pleased, giving him a smile that's nowhere near warm. Never has been either. 

He waves her goodbye before watching them get in the car. He looks at how she smiles to Hanbyul and how it looks nothing like the ones he gets. How Hanbyul sees warmth in it, a _home._  

And how he never has. 

 

*

 

He's busy cleaning the house when the doorbell rings. He wonders if they're back already and tries to shake away the dread that's making it's way down his spine again. 

Instead he sees a familiar smile with a backpack filled with movies and eyes filled with joy. 

Bobby scowles and gestures towards the seven hundred takeout bags in his arms. Hanbin snorts before grabbing them all, letting Bobby fall limp on his couch as soon as he gets his shoes off. 

"Do you have any idea how many people buy takeout around noon? Especially on Saturdays?" 

Hanbin makes his way back to the couch, grabbing Bobby tight against him so the others' whines get muffled in his shirt. 

"Thanks for the support asshole."

He scrambles free before lightly punching him in the chest. Hanbin pretends to be hurt and Bobby, the model boyfriend he is, just laughs. 

After spending at least 20 minutes tackling each other Hanbin decides it's enough. Especially when his shirt keeps sticking to his skin and Bobby smells muskier than he'd ever want him to. 

"Okay, okay stop it you five year old. Nap time."

Bobby tries tackling him again at that, Hanbins' hands curling around his back to hold him tight. 

"I'm too energized to nap. But I sure know something that'll help me relax."

Bobby wiggles his brows before jumping on his lap, the muscles in his thighs working to hold him in place again. Hanbin starts to wonder if they _both_ might have a thigh kink. 

"Not yet Bob. I'm hungry and besides, I'm not getting anywhere near _that_ before you shower."

Bobby doesn't look too offended. More thrilled than anything. Hanbin decides he likes that look on his face a lot.

"Alright but I'm still gonna kiss you and you can't stop me."

Hanbin thinks his heartbeat might be thumping in unison with Bobby's when their lips do touch. Bobby's tasting saltier than ever before, making Hanbin decide to chase it and with it the foreign feeling in his chest that he thinks will never ever stop growing. 

"I wouldn't have stopped you even if you'd have wanted me to."

 

*

 

"So, the day's just started and I bought-"

Hanbin's trying to help Bobby with the takeout yet the other keeps nudging him away. 

"About 700 movies. Yeah don't think I didn't see your backpack."

Bobby throws a piece of salad at him that Hanbin amazingly catches. They both laugh at that. 

"Well yeah but they're all movies you just _have_ to see!" 

Hanbin grabs a cherry tomato from Bobby's fingers before the other can stop him. He gets kissed to death for it and Hanbin doesn't mind his punishment one bit. 

He finally eats the tomato when Bobby's lips stop assaulting him. 

"I bet they're all Tarantino right?"

Bobby looks away from the takeout bags with a smirk. 

"Well I do have Natural Born Killers as well."

Hanbin sighs and rolls his eyes for emphasis. Bobby kicks him out of the kitchen  and Hanbin doesn't mind, getting to choose the least violent movie out of all of them.

"Just like Heaven?"

Bobby snorts at his movie choice as he tries taking the seven bowls of food with him to where he's sitting. He fails to do so. 

"Well you brought it so don't blame me."

Hanbin grabs one of the bowls from his hands before putting the movie on and feeling Bobby's warmth by his side in seconds. 

"Touche."

The credits haven't even started before he has to pause to ask what it means. 

"It's in french you moron. It means 'i want to blow your mind'. Literally"

Hanbin decides he's never ever going to take language lessons from Bobby but that he really wouldn't mind Bobby taking something else of his later that night. 

 

*

 

They're halfway into the movie when Hanbin starts thinking again. Thinking of everything he's willing to risk for this boy next to him and how much he doesn't care right now. 

Of how he'd never thought he'd have this. Not even a glimpse of it. Bobby seems to sense something's off so he turns to him, eyes concerned but hand staying put on his shoulders.

"You good?"

Hanbin watches as Mark Ruffalo pines over Reese Witherspoon and thinks of how that's all he's ever done. 

Bobby nudges his face towards him now, thumb staying put on his jaw. 

"Hanbin?"

He clears his throat before leaning on him, letting himself breathe in the scent of him that's turning into his security blanket. 

"Yeah I'm good. Just thinking."

Bobby lets his thumb trace towards his nape and Hanbin feels himself involuntarily shiver. Bobby's silent laugh gets stuck somewhere along the way when he answers. 

"You always are."

Hanbin lets himself nuzzle into his throat, feel his vibrating pulse points. 

"Yeah. I just.. I'm gonna sound sappy but I never in my life thought I'd have a moment like this you know?"

Bobby's fingers pause on his nape and then they continue, his glazed eyes still on the TV set. 

"How come?"

Hanbin feels the sigh he's been holding in all night escape his lips. Making his body shiver like it hasn't in a while. Bobby's hand moves to his waist to hold him even tighter. 

"I..I just thought that I'd never have the chance to. I umm.. went over to Jinhwans' yesterday."

Bobby's body seems to tense up at that and Hanbin lets his lips wander down to his collarbones to relieve it. It helps. A little. 

"What did you guys talk about?"

Bobby's voice is quiet and husky as the first notes of some acoustic song start playing to accompany the end credits. Hanbin can't help but wonder if tonight is their end credit. He really hopes not. 

"Everything. Why I thought I'd never have the chance. Why he never has."

Bobby's thumb has made it's way underneath his shirt and Hanbin feels himself shiver again as it runs along the lines of his hips. 

"You're ready to tell me too?"

Hanbin raises his head then, the soft acoustic track filling his head with thoughts of false security. Or maybe this time actual security.

"I think I am yeah."

He knows his smile must be bittersweet yet Bobby's isn't and somehow that helps a lot. Their gazes lock as Bobby's lips land on his again and Hanbin knows it's time to tell all and bare all. 

His knees still wobble when he follows Bobby upstairs. 

 

*

 

"So.. you wanna cry first or fuck first?"

Bobby's sitting on his computer chair, legs opening wide with his last words. Hanbin throws a pillow at him but it doesn't help hiding the blush on his cheeks nor the obvious arousal the thought gives him. 

"If you're gonna be this nasty then their won't be any fucking."

Bobby pouts at him, his beet red cheeks still visible.  

"Fine, fine."

Hanbin sits down on the bed and stares at his sneakers before he dares to open his mouth and let out the words he's always been so afraid to. 

"She umm.. she found me with another guy."

Bobby's head quirks up and he makes his way towards him, sits down to trace circles onto his thigh. Lets the comfort of his burning fingers take away the memory of the burning cigarette. 

"When we moved away I told her that what happened in Donghae..it-it was an experiment you know? That I was just trying to figure out who I am and thought I had feelings for the guy but never actually did. She believed me. For a minute maybe."

Bobby nods along, body turned away from him. Hanbin is grateful for the space. Grateful for the silence because the words keep burning his throat just as much as the tears keep burning his eyes and he never wants to let them out again. Not because of her. Not because of what happened. 

"She told me that it better be a one time thing. I agreed and tried to make her believe my original story. So we settled down in a new place and things were okay for a while. I still had bruises from when they'd hit-I still had bruises. And I could still feel how hard she'd slapped me but it.. it was something I thought I'd get over. I tried not to fall in love again and it was easy. I didn't have any friends so I didn't have anyone to fall in love with."

It's raining outside again and Hanbin wonders why it never stops. 

"And then I saw him. Mark. He was a senior so a lot cooler than me of course. I never really felt anything towards him until.. until one night after a football game. He was the backup player and I was cleaning the lockers thanks to detention. He came in and started talking to me and he was really charming you know? And since I've never really had friends I was already kind of desperate for communication. So I started chatting to him whenever we walked out of class together or after a football game. And so I kind of grew on him? At least that's what I'd hoped you know. And uhh.. there was a party once. I wasn't invited but had a tutoring lesson that was on the way. And when I walked back he stumbled into me really drunk and really uhh.. hands on. And so he.. kissed me. And I fell in love."

Bobby's hand squeezes his as it gets harder to go on. Even though he told Jinhwan about this he never told him about what happened later. Of how much he hurt. 

"So he-he pretended as if it didn't happen at first. He told his friends awful things about me and I became the joke of the town again. Yet when no one was looking he'd come talk to me, come hold my hand while I was in the library and I was just... falling in love with him even though it hurt. And it continued on to the point where he'd invite me to parties and try hooking up with me and then when I'd say no he'd take some random girl and leave with her. But we had nice moments too you know. On Sunday's we'd walk around the empty school yard and hold hands and make out and take pictures. And he'd say he's really into me while we'd make out under the bleachers. Yet he never touched me and never acknowledge me outside of all of this."

Hanbin can feel his heart beating wildly in his chest as he thinks of everything that happened next. 

"And then came the day when I invited him over. My mother wasn't home and I thought we could just hang out. But he kissed me and we made it to my room and he took off his shirt and I-I didn't want to but I did as well? But before anything could..could happen she-she came back."

He feels the tears start to fall and there's nothing he can do to stop them. 

"She opened the door as Mark was on top of me and I-I was saying I love you to him and she-"

Bobby wiggles his way behind him, pulls him in so he's sitting right between his legs and arms. Hanbin can't help but feel comfort in it. After all, Bobby's become the home he's wished for for so long. 

"It's okay. Go on, Bin."

Bobby rests his head over his shoulder, arms so tight that Hanbin has a hard time breathing. He wonders if it's the strength of him or the memories. He thinks it's both. 

"She came in and Mark got up immediately. I-I was so shocked I didn't know what to say or do. I just remember lying there.. looking up at her while the cold took over my body as I saw it in her eyes. At that moment I knew she didn't love me anymore. I knew she-she never had in the first place. And so Mark took his shirt and ran off, not before she could scratch at his arms and call him a 'pig'. And when the door closed she.."

He takes a shaky breath and smells the cigarette smoke. Tastes his own blood again. 

"She pulled me up from the bed and hit me with the biggest book on my nightstand. And then she.. she dragged me to the bathroom. Closed me in the stall and-and turned the sho-shower on. And it was so hot..so so hot and all I could think about was Mark and how he left and if he was okay. And I banged on the door but she wouldn't let me out. After she let me into my room again I think I passed out but I'm not sure. The next thing I remember is her calling me a liar, a bastard, a disgusting fre-"

He finally notices Bobby whispering sweet nothings into his ear. Notices how his tears are rolling down Bobby's hands yet he doesn't move them even once.  Notices how he's shaking and Bobby's there to hold him. 

"She told me I'd never be her son again. And after that she locked me in my room for a day. I was delirious from crying and aching so much so when she finally came back I almost forgot what had happened. She was so so cold. She was smoking as she told me what was going to happen next and how bad I was. And how much she hates me for being like I am. How I need to change myself or I'll never be loved again. And then she said she'd have kicked me out if Hanbyul had been there. But she was 'generous' enough to let me stay. But only if I behaved. Because I have to behave Bobby. I have to behave or no one's ever going to love me again."

And without even wanting to Hanbin lets go of the remaining bits of his past. 

"To remind me that I should behave she..she marked me forever. It's for my own good she said. It's for _our_ good." 

He doesn't have to tell Bobby how he got beaten up at school again. How Mark left the country without even telling him anything about it. How foreign he'd been and how much Hanbin had needed that fresh breath of air. How he'd moved here with thoughts of never opening his eyes again. Never wanting to either.

And how Bobby was the one to change it all. He doesn't have to tell him because Bobby knows already, knows him better than anyone ever could. And so he holds him until the shivers and sobs subside. Holds him until Hanbin is whole again because being in his arms is the only way he could ever be. 

 

* 

 

There's silence for a while before Bobby speaks. 

"You know, that's the most dramatic thing I've ever heard in my entire life."

Hanbin looks up at him, eyes still red and face blank. Bobby's eyes turn wide in apology and then crinkle when Hanbin lets out the lightest laugh of his life. 

"I know. What can I do, I was born for drama!"

Bobby kisses his cheek at that, consumes himself with kissing every inch of his face. 

"You know if I wanted to be slobbered over I'd get a dog."

Bobby's laugh sounds throaty, like he's been holding in tears of his own. 

"Well yeah, you could call me your dog. If you're into that kind of stuff."

Hanbin smacks him on the back before sitting next to him again. Shoulder to shoulder, thigh to thigh, knee to knee. 

The laughter subsides and they're left in the quiet. Hanbin doesn't know what to say so he says the truth instead.

"Thank you."

 

* 

 

They chit chat about the 'corny' movie Bobby supposedly hated watching but Hanbin knows deep down loved, when suddenly Bobby keeps quiet, sitting on his computer chair face turning redder every time he opens his mouth but nothing comes out. Hanbin finds it amusing so he does nothing to help. 

"Umm talking about what uhh.. we're gonna do no-now uhh do you want me to uhh... y'know.."

Bobby gestures something with his hands that Hanbin has a hard time understanding. The fact that Bobby's usual bravado is suddenly very very gone makes it easier for him to guess though. 

"Want me to what?"

Bobby scratches his nape, eyes cast downwards. Hanbin wants to kiss that sheepish look off his face but gives him another minute instead. 

"Do you want me to you know.. or do you want me to uhh.. you know.. take it?"

Hanbin lets out an almost breathless laugh he thinks even the neighbours can hear. His cheeks still colour themselves red. 

"I umm.. I guess I want to uhh..you know.. take it. Since you've already uhh.. yeah."

He feels his face burn when he gazes at Bobby. His features are softer than they've ever been before as he looks at him for a long while before nodding and standing up. Hanbin suddenly realises how very real this is and how much he wants it. 

"So I guess.. shower then?"

Hanbin nods, moving towards the bathroom with a million thoughts in his head, Bobby's palm on his lower back startling him out of it. 

"You wanna shower together?" 

Bobby looks sheepish again and Hanbin hates how awkward all of this feels. 

"Well yeah. We're both dirty so.."

Hanbin doesn't want to say it but has to when Bobby keeps looking at him impatiently, cheeks just as red as they were before. 

"But I have to _clean_ myself."

He doesn't look up out of sheer embarrassment. Bobby's fingers find his clenched fist, brushing his knuckles until he relaxes. 

"I know. I want to do it for you."

And that's something else to add to Hanbins' 'I never thought' list. 

 

* 

 

 Hanbin never thought he'd do anything more intimate than having sex. Yet now here he is, standing under the spray of luke warm water. Bobby stepping in behind him, hands on his hips and lips hovering over his neck. 

Hanbin hates how quiet it is. Hates how he hears Bobby turn towards him and the way his breath hitches in his throat when his hands start moving up and down his sides, lips sucking on the junction of his neck hard enough to bruise. 

Hates how he peppers kisses on his nape and behind his ear, making his knees go weak and moans escape his lips.

Hates how Bobby's suddenly taken over every part of his life and his being and he doesn't mind it. Not even a little bit. Not at all. 

"Turn around for me Bin." 

He does as he's asked, fingers trembling when Bobby looks at him, wet hair in his ~~lust~~ _love_ filled eyes. 

He steps closer then, breath hitching when Hanbin's arousal bumps into his hip. Fingers running down the sides of his body and stopping to grab onto his ass.

Stopping to look him straight in the eye and kiss him until there's nothing left but the sound of their breathing and the sound of the rain. 

Hanbins' hole body seizes with want when Bobby's thumbs trace their way back to his face to hold it, to reassure him that everything's okay and will be okay once they've done this. 

Hanbin believes him. Believes every word he hasn't said and every touch he's yet to feel. Believes him when Bobby says it will hurt. And believes it when he says the pleasure is worth the pain.

So he relaxes his body. Lets Bobby's burning fingers take what's his, lets himself shake in his arms and moan into his neck. 

Lets himself be Bobby's and waits for Bobby to let him be his. 

 

* 

 

"Well that was different."

Bobby's sprawled out on his bed, the towel that's wrapped around him almost falling off. Hanbin likes the view a lot more than he thought he would. 

"Yeah."

He stands in his doorway, boxers on and t-shirt almost pulled over his head. Bobby leaps up with a yelp when he sees it on him. 

"What?"

He's in front of him in seconds, towel falling down without a sound. Hanbin feels his cheeks blush at their proximity and Bobby can't help but smirk. 

"Why are you putting your shirt on? We're about to.. you know.. get down and dirty?"

Hanbin snorts at his wording, letting his eyes wander down Bobby's slightly wet body with a gulp that can definitely be heard all the way to America. 

"I just thought you'd like me to be a little more traditional you know. Not just jump into it already naked."

Bobby's hands are on his waist now, moving the shirt up with every word he says. 

"So you want to strip for me then?"

Hanbin pushes him without any real force behind it. Bobby steps closer than before.

"No way."

Bobby's face is inches away from his, hands still bunched in his shirt waiting for Hanbin to raise his arms. 

"Well it'd be really hot. But I guess I can strip you instead."

Hanbin wonders how come keeping his eyes locked to Bobby's gets harder with each move he makes. Wonders how come taking the shirt off doesn't feel half as baring as what's in his eyes instead. 

The shirt falls onto Bobby's towel and before he knows it, Bobby's on his knees before him, taking his sweet sweet time with Hanbins' baby blue boxers. 

"Do you have uhh.. lube?"

Hanbin nods, mouth falling slack at the way Bobby licks his lips while staring him down. Dick twitching at Bobby's hot breath through the thin cotton. 

"Wait, how do you know about lube?"

Bobby wiggles his brows as the boxers inch down his thighs, thighs that Bobby can't take his eyes off of. 

"I did my research."

Hanbin wants to snort but it comes out like a moan instead, Bobby's teeth grazing over his thigh before his tongue darts out to lick the tip of his cock. 

"Research how?"

Bobby doesn't answer, hands wrapping around him for a tug and tongue wetting his lips for what he's about to do next. 

"I watched some porn. Gay porn. No biggie."

Hanbin stumbles, almost slapping him in the face with his dick. Bobby falls over in a fit of laughter. 

"Honestly it's not that big of a deal. Everybody watches porn!"

Hanbin jumps on to the bed then, waiting for Bobby to make his next move. 

"Yeah but how is that research?" 

Bobby stands up, skin a bit red and Hanbin awaits for him to move. 

"Well .. I found out a lot of things I wanna do to you."

And Bobby's taking a lot longer to move than he'd wanted him to. 

"Like what?"

Bobby scrambles through his bag and takes out a small package that Hanbin definitely recognizes. He has a similar one in his nighstand, hidden under a bible so his mother wouldn't see. 

"Like rimming for example."

Hanbin doesn't want to admit how big of a virgin he is so he pretends to know about it. Bobby can see right through him. 

"It's a thing where you-"

Hanbin would like to know about it some other time. Preferably when his dick isn't leaking onto his stomach already. 

"Look, I don't care right now. Just-come here and kiss me, will you?"

Bobby complies with a smile. 

 

* 

 

Bobby's smell surrounds every inch of him when they kiss and Hanbin thinks it's the thing he likes about him most. 

He might rethink it when Bobby pulls away, lips wet with his saliva to proclaim that the lube he got is apple & cinnamon flavored. 

"Okay, mister magic man. I'm glad you got it but please-please do something before I cum."

Bobby snickers before lowering himself down to kiss his neck, sucking into his collarbones and biting his chest, evoking sounds from Hanbin that he calls 'delicious', making them both giggle. 

His lips hover over Hanbins' hips before he kisses his way down, nuzzles into the hair there and lets his cock hit the back of his throat. Hanbin thinks the sounds that come out of his mouth are more feral than delicious. 

Bobby's a bigger tease then he thought, moving his lips down to his thighs instead of attending his aching cock. 

Hanbin feels the tips of his ears turn pink when Bobby looks at him. At his body and relishes in his work and how he's made him come apart within seconds. 

He's ready to tell him off when he lowers his head again. Peppering his inner thighs with kisses that make him see stars. 

"You know, If you don't get in me right now I will literally punch you."

Bobby cackles at that, sitting on top of him, the friction making it hard for them to breathe. 

"Yeah well maybe I'm into that?"

Hanbin wants to laugh but stops in his tracks when Bobby's fingers gently squeeze his ass. He thought he was ready for this moment but he thinks he'll never be. 

"Hey, give me a pillow."

The laughter's gone from his voice and it's replaced with a familiar husk Hanbins' only heard during moments of heat between them. When Bobby's dick is jammed so deep in his throat that all he can and has to focus on are the sounds he makes and the way he talks. 

Bobby pulls his hips up with one swift movement, pillow placed neatly underneath him. Hanbin can't help but stare at his concentrated face and feel his skin tingle at the way Bobby keeps touching him without him even having to ask. With want. 

His stomach somersaults when the burn of his fingers enters his hole. It feels foreign, having someone else do it and even weirder now that the moment he's been waiting for has arrived. And it doesn't feel like a bad omen. 

"Okay, tell me when it hurts alright?"

Bobby opens the lube and Hanbin feels himself blush when his hole contracts around Bobby's cold fingers. 

"Keep going."

Bobby adds another finger and then a third before he hits that spot, fixed on finding it. Hanbin feels like laughing yet his mind goes blank when Bobby keeps thrusting against it, massaging it with his fingers until Hanbins' cock twitches with need. 

"Yeah you really should get in me before I literally explode."

Bobby's laugh is groggy and Hanbin stares at the way he jerks himself off, looking at Hanbins' sweaty and heaving body. The thought that someone could want him as much as he wants them, that _Bobby_ wants him as much as he does drives him mad. 

And then he's pushing in. Taking what's his and along with it Hanbin's breath. 

He thinks of all the experiences in his life he's missed. Of all the things he's never gotten to do. And of how much he wants to do all of them with the man right in front of him. _Inside_ him. 

"God, you feel so good. Holy shit."

Hanbin's laugh sounds more like a whine as Bobby's hips keep pushing in. And when he finally finds rhythm, Hanbin finds himself falling apart. 

Pleasure trickles down his spine without any trace of dread in sight and Hanbin pulls Bobby close, closer than he thinks is possible, just to hold onto something. To know that this is really it. 

"I-I'm not gonna last long."

Even Bobby's whispers sound hot to his ears as his pleasure escalates. He wraps a hand around himself as Bobby kisses his neck, his cheeks, his nose. Hanbin can't help but smile, face flushed and hair sweaty. 

"You look so fucking gorgeous."

Hanbin smiles even bigger at that, wanting to respond but moaning instead when Bobby pulls away to bend his legs up. 

And then he comes, looking straight at the boy that has ruined his life in so many wonderful ways. 

And Bobby comes inside him, panting into his stomach as he collapses. 

 

*

 

They lay there for what seems like an eternity, love-spent bodies turned towards each other as their minds wander. 

"You know that was nothing like I imagined it to be."

Hanbin feels embarrassed all of a sudden. Aware of how naked he is and how vulnerable he must look. 

"Yeah, I know. Porn is _very_ different."

Hanbin laughs as he tries hitting him with a pillow, arms still like jelly. 

"But you've had your first time. I haven't yet...hadn't."

Bobby snorts at his statement, playing with the small hairs on Hanbins' navel. 

"Well yeah but I've never done this with a guy before. Besides my first time was in the backseat of a car. It really wasn't anything to be happy nor proud about." 

Hanbin smiles and thinks of all the little pieces of Bobby he's going to get from now on. All the information he's yet to collect. 

"Well then I guess I'm lucky." He smiles at Bobby before finding the courage to say what he's wanted to for the whole night. "I'm..I'm glad I did this with you."

He's too embarrassed to look at him but Bobby makes him, laying on top so Hanbin couldn't stare away. 

"I am too. Don't you ever think otherwise Bin."

They smile as the cum dries on his skin and the stars come out of hiding. 

 

*

 

"Have you ever had birch tree juice?"

 Hanbin's been awake for what seems like years. He's so tired and so sore but it's nice. 

"No, why?"

He's playing with a strand of Bobby's hair. It's reflecting a bit of the moonlight coming from his windows and Hanbin wonders if the moon finds him competition too.

"You taste like it."

He snorts, rolling closer to Bobby and pushing their naked bodies together.

"What do you mean?"

"Not you, you idiot. You taste like salt and sweat and whatever skin tastes like."

Hanbin wants to argue that skin has taste. Bobby's is chocolatey with a hint of dirt. He likes it. 

"So?"

Bobby squirms a bit and Hanbin wonders how he ever got so lucky to have this. 

"Your cum."

He hides his face behind bare hands, Hanbin noticing the small healing cuts on his forearm. He's yet to ask about those.

Bobby's waiting for him to laugh but he doesn't. Instead he's smiling like an idiot, waiting for the other to continue. Bobby heaves out a sigh.

"I was in Europe once and before you can ask I'll tell you bout it later. Anyway I can't remember what country cause I was little and stupid but it wasnice and warm. And the people were all drinking this liquid that I thought was water, cause you know. What else can it be, right?"

He looks at him and Hanbin nods. He's sleepy but listening to Bobby talking about something, anything, is fascinating. So he tries to stay awake. 

"So I took a sip from some old lady's cup and it was this sweet and kind of milky tasting juice? It reminded me of flowers and I thought it was made of cherry blossoms for some weird reason. Anyway turns out every spring the trees give out this juice that's super healthy to drink and people take trips to the woods to gather up as much as possible. To be honest it's kinda bad for the tree since it takes away it's needed water but-"

He decides it's time to stop him before he actually does nod off. 

"I got your point."

Bobby makes this weak noise in the back of his throat and Hanbin nuzzles into it. 

"You taste like it. It's weird."

He can feel Bobby's nose brush against the tip of his ear and he knows that this time it's not pink at all. Not in the slighest. He's extremely pleased. 

"What do I taste like?"

Hanbin yawns against his warm skin and gives it a peck, the other startling a bit, yelping that it tickles.

"Have you ever tasted spoiled milk? Or sour cream?"

Hanbin smirks up at him and Bobby lunges forward, giving his hands a free pass for tickling. Hanbin doesn't mind at all. And if he does fall asleep in the middle of it, no one has to know.

 

*

 

He wakes up with Bobby plastered to his back. Hanbin tries to get rid of him but ends up waking him up instead.

"This wasn't a one night stand you know."

Bobby doesn't bother to cover his yawn and Hanbin tries pushing him away. 

"You need to brush your teeth before being snarky. Now move."

Bobby laughs and tackles him over, giving him kisses with his morning breath. Hanbin feels himself smile again and wonders if he might have slept with it on. 

He's somehow gotten on top of Bobby when he takes notice of it. 

"You have a new freckle on your nose."

Bobby snorts, while trying to gain dominance again. 

"I don't have freckles. It's probably just a pimple."

Hanbin thinks of all the freckles he's going to discover throughout his lifetime and smiles to himself before answering. 

"Nope but you do have one on your chin. It looks nasty by the way should have-"

Bobby iniatiates a pillow fight at that and Hanbin is more then happy to comply. 

 

* 

 

"So are you cooking anything for breakfast or do I have to eat the leftovers?"

Bobby's making coffee as Hanbin takes his seat on the counter top, eating an apple and wondering what they could do with all the time they have left. He has several blood pressure rising ideas.

"Of course I'm cooking for you. I'm a gentleman after all."

Hanbin snorts at that and Bobby gives him a glare, handing the coffee cup over. 

"So..I-umm..did you talk to Jinhwan about me?"

Hanbin gets taken aback by the question. 

"Well yeah, kinda I guess."

Bobby quirks his brow while looking through his cupboards. Hanbin is pretty sure he isn't really looking at all. 

"I mean.. I told him about my past. Not..not about what happened with my mom at least not in detail. But I told him about my past and he told me a little about his. And then we decided that that was enough for one night but I think he's.. he's coming to terms with what's happened and things will be fine."

Bobby nods but doesn't turn around to look at him. 

"He's going to be your friend again Bobby. Don't worry about it."

He nods again yet Hanbin can tell he's still in thought. Probably somewhere far far away.

"Come here."

Bobby turns around without really looking at him and Hanbin grabs his hand to pull him close. 

"Jinhwan is a good guy. And he's your best friend. No matter what happened between you, you'll always be friends. I can't take away your friendship. No one can. And since you both are reasonable people, I'm hoping, then you can get past this. It's just the way it'll be."

Bobby pulls him into an awkward angled hug before he speaks again. 

"You know, I can't believe you're not a least bit jealous over Jinnie. I mean, he's had feelings for me for ages!"

Hanbin can't help but laugh into his neck at the ridiculous statement. 

"Bobby, Jinhwan is already over you. He's been over you for months. Besides, are you telling me you'd be unfaithful?"

Bobby pulls away and mimics a fish, mouth opening and closing without saying a word. 

"I'm-I would never!"

Hanbin takes the chance and rubs his shoulders in reassurance.

"I know, I know. I wouldn't either."

He wants to go back to his coffee cup when Bobby stops him with his lips. He tastes like toothpaste with a hint of musk. Hanbin decides he likes it. 

"You wanna go for round three?"

"Round three? I thought it was two?"

Bobby keeps nipping at his neck, leaving lovebites everywhere his mouth goes. Hanbins' toes curl and he doesn't mind at all. Wants the feeling to last for a lifetime. 

"Well, by the looks of your knees we had round two in the shower. Or you forgot?"

He didn't, Bobby's taste on his tongue a clear evidence. 

"Whatever you wanna call it I'm in. Just touch me, please."

Bobby raises his gaze and Hanbin feels himself blush even though there's nothing much to blush about. 

"You want me to touch you, huh?" His fingers hover over the side of his hip and Hanbin jerks. Bobby's laugh is breathless.

"Isn't it obvious?"

His hands slip down, the burn moving from his hip to his navel. Hanbin feels his abdomen quiver. 

"It really is."

He grabs him with one quick motion and Hanbin feels his lips part with a deafening moan. Bobby's breath hitches at that, mouth falling slack immediately after. 

Hanbin grabs the back of his neck for some kind of balance, if not physical then mental. It doesn't help, Bobby's skin burning hot and lips on his neck leaving open mouthed kisses, biting down ever so often. Hanbin can't help but let him be his canvas once more. 

"You-"

Bobby can't finish his sentence, Hanbins' hand moving down to the front of his boxers, grabbing him before there could be any protest. 

Bobby doesn't moan, no, he does this thing where he lets his breath hitch for a second too long before making a sound at the back of his throat that's something similar to a growl but not quite it. Hanbin loves it. 

He's too occupied with the feeling and taste of Bobby to make anything of the cold breeze he suddenly feels. He's too occupied thinking of how he wants to do this every single day, wants to go on road trips with him. Wants Bobby to bake him cheesecakes and make love to him on the backseat of a car to the sound of grasshoppers and mountain lions. Wants to feel wanted. Wants to feel his home. 

All he hears are his own shaky breaths as Bobby's fingers slide around him, accompanied by the rapid thumping of his heartbeat that's threatening to deafen his ears. 

And then there's a shriek cutting through everything. Through his life.

He's stopped behaving. And now she knows. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITS HERE!!! YAY!!! Im so so so sorry for making you guys wait for 2 months .. but a lot has happened! I graduated, got a job, got an s/o then broke up with said s/o and had another family member hospitalized so its been WILD but i hope you understand and i really really really hope you like this new chapter!! it sucks to take big breaks because i cant get into the story so i hope i did my characters justice and that the sex scene is worth it haha  
> title inspired by a beyonce song because im basic like that OH and also i made a playlist of the tunes i listen to to get into that ~~fic~~ feeling so if you want to you can check it out here http://8tracks.com/helena-c-118260/fools-fic  
> A big big thank you for all who have stuck with this! <3 I hope you wont have to wait long for the next chapter :) and as always.. its very very late (should say its early since its 6 am lmao but i havent slept at all) so ill check for mistakes later!


	22. Don't You Ever Leave Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last time he's at his house.

_"I knew it!"_

Hanbin feels his bloodcurdling at her voice. At the way it sounds nothing like last time. 

He sees her walking towards them, hears her throwing some bag on the ground and knows that this is really happening. It's serious and it's here and it's everything he's ever been afraid of. 

Bobby's hands are stuck on his skin, faltering but not leaving. They feel heavy, like led and Hanbin wants to push him away. Can't make himself do it, knowing that it might be the last time he'll ever feel them on him. Near him even. 

He lets his head fall down, on Bobby's shoulder that's still somehow warm and pink. The thrill that pumped through him now replaced with dread. 

He feels his knuckles turning white with the force of his grip on Bobby's boxers. Feels himself whimper into the crook of his neck before looking back at her and resigning to his fate, the scent of Bobby still stuck in his nostrils. Stuck on his skin. 

"I knew you'd stopped behaving Hanbin. I knew it the moment I saw this boy at our house and the way.. the way you looked at him. I'm no fool. I _can't_ be fooled!"

Her voice is throaty, like it's hard for her to breathe and Hanbin knows exactly how that feels. 

"Ms. Kim I-None of this is-"

She steps even closer then, Bobby stepping away from his side and suddenly Hanbin's just very _very_ cold. 

His tailbone hits the sink with a loud thump and Hanbin winces. 

"Don't speak to me. Don't speak to my son or my daughter ever again. Get out of this house right now!"

Bobby looks at him, waits for Hanbin to say something, do anything. He's too tired for it. Knows fighting her is a lost cause. So he just stares at the goosebumps on Bobby's skin. Hopes his eyes convey how sorry he is. 

"I-I-Hanb-"

The spark in Bobby's eyes is slowly disappearing and Hanbin wonders if he himself ever even had one in the first place. He thinks not. 

"Go!"

And so Bobby scrambles out of there, hoodie in one hand and shoes in the other. 

Hanbin stares at the door and wonders if Bobby'll ever come back. 

 

*

 

"What are we gonna do with you now, huh?"

She's pacing in front of him, staring at the lovebites on his neck with disgust. Her small hands clenching into fists whenever he even dares to look at her.

"I..I promise it will never ever _ever_ happen again. Please let me graduate here and we can move and I'll find-"

She laughs, the sound hollow and empty. Hanbin feels the knot in his stomach twist so strongly that it makes him nauseous. 

"You promise? Oh Hanbin haven't you realised your promises mean nothing in this household anymore."

She looks at him and Hanbin wishes he had the will to run. Fight for the life he's always wanted to have. He thinks even if he did, that will is slowly fading.

"Now come with me. You need to learn your lesson before I can even think about what to do next." She grabs his elbow sharply before letting it go to squint her eyes at him. "And for the love of god If I have to look at those bug bites on you one more time I will-"

Hanbin interrupts before he has to hear any more.

"Okay,mother. Okay."

 

*

 

He wakes up to the sound of Hanbyul singing along to her favorite cartoon. A day later.

His bones ache, his joints feel like they're on fire and Hanbin has a hard time remembering why. And then he opens his eyes and it all comes back.

The way he fell down the stairs. The way he accidentally bumped into a door with his eye. The way it all paled in comparison to her fingernails. The way she pushed them in his skin and the way he begged for her to stop. 

Told her he'd behave. But they both knew he'd never be able to again. 

"Oh, youre up!"

She walks into his room an hour later. Hanbin knows she heard him looking for his phone, frantically going through every drawer and every spider webbed corner of his room. 

"I bought you some soup and pain meds. Take them and go washing later."

Hanbin nods but doesn't try to respond. Doesn't really want to either.

"And if you're looking for your phone then..I'm sorry but it's gone. I'm selling it."

She's out the door in seconds and through all his pain, through the weird thumping in the back of his skull, through the painful tug of his knee, all he really thinks about is Bobby. And how to tell him he's alright. _They're_ going to be alright. 

 

*

 

He wakes up the next morning, head spinning and heart pounding in his chest. He limps down the stairs and it's suddenly very quiet. Hanbin wonders if she's home.

He looks at the door and tries to figure out what to do. Thinks of Bobby and his inviting arms. There's a cough and Hanbin startles. 

"Good morning." Her eyes narrow. "What are you looking at?"

She's making breakfast, Hanbyul running back from her room and shrieking when she sees her big brother. Hanbin swallows the lump in his throat and wills away the tears starting to form in the corner of his already red eyes. One of them still a bit swollen. 

"I was just thinking if I want to eat or not."

He shrugs his shoulders and listens to the old clock ticking in their living room. The sound of it somehow ominous, keeping him on edge. 

"I made ramen and some veggies."

He nods as he tries to sit down without wincing too much. Missing Bobby's fingers and how the burn of them would take away all the pain of the world.

"So.. I hope you learned your lesson Hanbin."

He nods again, gulping down the water Hanbyul gives him as her smile falters when she spots his eye. 

Her voice is quiet and concerned when she speaks. 

"Wh-what happened to your eye Hanbinnie?"

He snorts and startles at how desperate it sounds. His mother gives him a glare as Hanbyul looks at him, suddenly seeming a lot older than she really is. 

"Nothing, just hit my head, that's all." Hanbyul still doesn't seem very satisfied by his answer so Hanbin continues. "You know..hugs will make it a lot better. And kisses too."

She smiles up at him and climbs onto his lap. Hanbin tries his best not to cry. 

The breakfast is quiet until she speaks again, her fingernails clicking against her smartphone screen. No, _his_ smartphone screen, trying to unlock it for the eleventh time. Hanbin wants to laugh at her attempts. Wants to feel smug because finally there's a thing in this world she can't take away from him. 

"I'm sending you back to school tomorrow."

He startles, staring at his sneakers and waiting for her to continue. 

"But Hanbin.. you must realise that this cannot go on anymore. I talked to your school.  I won't tolerate you seeing that boy again. And If I hear about anything strange you'll be sent immediately to the self help camp I picked out for you."

Hanbin tries to make sense of what she just said but he's still too tired. Bones aching under the waves of his exhaustion. 

"Self help camp?"

She smiles at him and Hanbin turns away, stomach rumbling and willing to throw up everything he just ate. 

"Well, you see you've stopped behaving. And the only way I can make you behave again is send you there for a few months. Right now I booked you in after graduation but if I hear anything about that boy you will go right away. And you'll never ever see Hanbyul again. I mean it."

He's been trying to find a silver lining all day long yet now it all seems pointless. There is no silver lining. There'll never be. 

 

* 

 

He's scared to go. Really, it's stupid because no one knows what happened and she can't see him when he's in there but he.. he's scared. He can't stop his legs from shaking, the slight limp he has getting worse because of it and he can't stop his teeth from chattering. 

Can't stop feeling like no matter what he does he's bound to end up in a straight jacket. He's stopped behaving and she can't risk with that. She just can't. 

He's too caught up in his own thoughts to hear the footsteps running towards him. To prepare himself for the way seeing Bobby still takes his breath away. Always will. 

"Hanbin, _fuck_ , HanbinHanbin _Hanbin_ -"

Bobby's arms loop around him, crushing him in a hug so tight he thinks his bones might break.

"Are you-Are you okay? Fuck I was so worried I called and I called and I didn't I-"

Bobby's on the verge of tears and Hanbin feels himself already cry, feels the tears roll down his cheeks in front of those stupid school gates. Knows that they're making a scene but he doesn't care. Not right now. Not at all. 

"I'm-"

He can't finish his sentence, Bobby's arms going around him again, cold lips pressing against his neck, peppering his collarbone with desperate kisses as Hanbins' whole body shudders. He feels like he's home again. Has been homesick for days. 

"I'm okay Bobby. I'm-"

Bobby looks at him then, fingers hovering over his cheek as his eyes dart over him, afraid he'll break with just a single touch. Hanbin thinks that it might actually happen. 

"What the _fuck_ did she do to you??? What did she _do_?"

Bobby's fingertips are on his cheek now as he stares widely at the puffyness of his left eye.

"It's nothing Bobby. I've been through worse it's-"

Bobby's nostrils flare as he keeps interrupting him and people keep staring. 

"Worse?? Hanbin this _is_ worse! We have to-we have to do something! _Anything!_ "

He wants to answer, wants to say that, _yes_ they can leave or they can fight but the thing is, they can't. They can't do anything cause she's the adult. She's the parent and they're two idiots who fell in love. Two _boys_ who fell in love and no matter how many times they'll run it'll never be enough. 

He's ready to try and defuse the bomb that Bobby's turning into when there's a hand on his shoulder and worried eyes glancing between the two. 

"Guys, I don't want to interrupt but everyone's staring. Let's go."

Hanbin expects it to be Donghyuk or Jinhwan or just about anybody else but Yunhyeong. 

Bobby lets out a long sigh, lips in a tight line. 

"Okay."

 

*

 

"I have no idea what's going on and I don't even know if I want to but- people were taking pictures. Filming you! And I really don't think that it's a good idea fueling the rumor mill right now."

Yunhyeong's taken them to their usual spot outside, no lunches in sight this time around. 

Hanbin finds his presence overwhelming. Doesn't know what to say to him to explain everything that just happened. 

He sighs as Bobby keeps looking at him intently, fists clenching by his sides. Hanbin hates how he feels guilty all of a sudden. Like he's the one to blame for all of this happening. For them never being able to have a home.

"Yunhyeong it's-it's a bit complicated."

Bobby lets himself relax a bit, sitting down by Yunhyeongs side and pulling Hanbin down with him, when he doesn't budge. 

" _Ooo_ kay but you could try and explain. I mean whatever it is I'll probably understand, I..I just want you guys to tell me what's up. And why Hanbin hasn't been to school in days. Especially why he hasn't been reading mine and Junhoe's amazing commentary about The Heirs."

He gives him a look and Hanbins' legs stop jittering for a minute, a giggle escaping from his lips involuntarily.  Bobby relaxes into his touch and into the sound. 

"Are you sure you want to hear it all? Since there's lots to tell and were already-" Bobby checks his imaginary watch and Hanbin feels fond all over, the jittering of his legs stopping all together. "-20 minutes late."

Yunhyeong shrugs his shoulders, eyes darting between the two. Hanbin is thankful that he isn't sipping his smoothie because he's pretty sure he'd suffocate otherwise. 

Bobby looks at him for approval and Hanbin nods. He's still nervous, he's still fearful yet telling Yunhyeong isn't nowhere near the top of his list of things to be afraid of. 

And Hanbin's pretty sure that no matter what he does there's nothing much left to lose if he's already losing Bobby. 

"Hanbin and I are together."

Yunhyeong doesn't say a word for the next ten minutes and Hanbin wonders if that's his personal record.

Bobby takes advantage of his silence to tell him their story in under 5 minutes. Hanbin's thankful he doesn't tell him about what happened when his mother came home. That he doesn't even mention her at all. He's also glad Yunhyeong doesn't bring their very public scene up again, probably thinking it was just a regular couple thing. Hanbin wishes it was. 

"Okay, Okay.. _okay_ , that's.. a lot to take."

Yunhyeong pats their knees and then retrieves his hand, not really knowing what to do or how to make it seem like he's not in complete and utter shock. 

Bobby chuckles, the sound coming out strained and tired. Hanbin squeezes his hand.

"Yeah umm.. Donghyuk and Jinhwan kinda know already but Junhoe doesn't. I think we'd appreciate you not telling him before we get to it."

Yunhyeong nods before his head darts up, eyes kind of accusing. 

"Wait? What do you mean they know?"

Bobby rolls his eyes but looks fond anyway. Hanbin echoes that feeling. 

"Donghyuk found out on his own and we had to tell Jinhwan cause he was getting upset about it."

Yunhyeong seems to process the information and then he's got questions again. 

"Found out on his own? Do you mean like he saw you d- Wait no, no I don't want to hear about that!!"

He's almost ready to jump up from the table and run, Bobby's hand on his shoulder pulling him down again. Hanbin shoves him a little and rolls his eyes. Yunhyeong still looks a bit scarred without even hearing a word about what really happened. 

"Is that why Jinhwan was ignoring our table? He was upset about you two?"

They nod in unison as Yunhyeong puts the pieces of the puzzle together, taking a lot longer than Hanbin expected him to. 

"I mean.. I'm happy for you and everything but this is.. this is a lot to take in. We have to talk about this again.. _I_ have to talk about this with Junhoe when he finds out. This could _literally_ break our whole school if it got out, you know that right?"

Hanbin wishes he didn't. 

"Yeah, we do."

Bobby answers when Yunhyeong seems to wait for one, voice bittersweet. The other looks at them for a long while before smiling to himself and probably trying to figure out the right wording for what he's about to say next. 

"Umm.. I kinda thought you two were strangely close but I didn't even consider that y'know- a relationship and everything. I really should've put it together when we had my cheer up party at your house. Damn you two were all over each other."

He smiles fondly to himself and Hanbin feels his heart lurch for the first time that day. And not in a particularly bad way either. 

"Wait so if you stayed the night then does that- oh forget I ever said anything. I don't want to hear about it!"

He scrambles up for real this time as Bobby cackles, starting to tell him everything they did  and overexaggerating, of course. 

"So I took his di-"

Yunhyeong's already running away, screaming for them to leave him alone and Hanbin takes that as cue to laugh his ass off before they could move on to everything they needed to. 

 Hanbin feels his legs jitter again when they've sat in silence for a moment too long. 

Bobby looks deflated now, no longer angry but just.. sad. Hanbin wants to laugh at how they parallel each other too much at times. 

"Hanbin.. what did she say?"

He's brushing his fingers against his knuckles and Hanbin feels himself melt under the touch. 

"A lot of things." 

Bobby nudges him lightly and it feels like them again. With just a little bit of edge behind it all. 

"Come on, you know what I mean."

He does and it's still hard to open up. It's still hard when he knows Bobby can't do anything about it. 

"She said that if she ever sees me with you again, or if her 'friends' or informants or whatever see us then she'll send me to a self care or self help or.. whatever camp."

Bobby furrows his brow, not expecting that answer at all. Hanbin wants to kiss him so badly it hurts. 

"Basically what she means by that is a mental hospital or most probably some 'pray the gay away' stuff." 

Bobby wants to say something but Hanbin continues, doesn't want him to get his expectations up. 

"Even if she does let me graduate she said she'll still send me there. It's just..If I-I see you or talk to you before that then it's.. I'll have to go immediately."

Bobby's grip on his hand tightens and Hanbin forgets how it hurts as soon as their eyes meet. The spark Bobby has still there, hidden. 

"She can't do that Hanbin. You're-you're a grown up! You're 18 already and she- she just can't send you away. She can't send you away from me."

His hand is cupping his cheek now and Hanbin nuzzles into the touch. Sighs. Waits for Bobby's voice to soothe him enough to let out the harsh truth. 

"Bobby but If I don't she'd never let me see Hanbyul again. She'd tell her I left her or that I'm dead or just.. something. I'd never see her. And she's all I got."

Bobby's head darts up as his other hand finds his thigh, their bodies now turned towards each other so completely that Hanbin wonders how they're not in each others laps by now. 

"You got me too."

Hanbin smiles for the first time in days. Genuine and big but still not completely him. 

"I know. I know but.. she's my blood Bobby. She's all I have and I don't want her to grow up with a mother like that. Without me around she'll.. I don't want her to fall in love with the wrong person-" Hanbins' mind doesn't forget to add that no, for her it's wrong and for them it's always been _right_. "- like I did and suffer because of it. Have her whole life ruined."

Bobby's eyes are bleary and Hanbin hates how he feels his stomach twist because of it. Hates how the shivers run through his body when Bobby's hand falls from his face. Hates how much he loves him and how princes and princesses are allowed happy endings. Yet he never will be. 

"Hanbin, I promise you I'll think of something. Anything. There has to be a way for us. Because I won't have this go to waste. It can't. You-I-"

Bobby stops for a second, collecting his thoughts and his breath. Hanbin wants his breathlessness to come from their endless kisses and not from this. Not from anger and fear and desperation. 

"I love you Binnie. I really really do."

And Hanbin takes in the scent of Bobby again. The fresh air around him, the earth, the musk and the apple and the cinnamon. And lets himself lean forward, catch his lovers' lips without a second thought.

Because Bobby tastes nothing like he feels right now. Bobby tastes like bitter chocolate, like salt and most of all like home. The butterflies in his stomach awaken and Hanbin hopes he doesn't have to put them to sleep for good.

 

* 

 

Lunch rolls by soon enough and Hanbin holds his breath. 

"Hanbin!! Where have you been?"

Donghyuk's by his side in seconds, as he plays sadly with his food, none of it going down. 

"Had some trouble at home."

He smiles but he knows it doesn't reach his eyes. Donghyuk looks at him wearily before sitting down and hugging him, long and tight. 

Hanbin is taken aback by the action, a noodle dangling between his lips the whole time. Donghyuks' eyes crinkle in a laugh when he sees it. 

"God, you're stupid. I missed you."

Hanbin smiles and feels it fill him up more than the food he's trying to will down. 

"I missed you too."

And soon enough Yunhyeong arrives with Junhoe, Jinhwan tagging along with a worried look on his face. 

It disappears as soon as he sees Hanbin and Hanbin has trouble smiling back when he realises that it's not a dream. That for the moment they're okay and Jinhwan doesn't hate him. Not even a little. Not at all. 

"Glad to see you back. Sick or just wanted to avoid the history test?"

Jinhwan seems to notice somethings off and he looks around to spot Bobby. For some reason he hasn't arrived. 

"Kinda sick and kinda lazy."

They laugh as Bobby finally makes his way to the table, taking shuddering breaths as he sits down next to him. Pressing close so they're thigh to thigh, knee to knee and shoulder to shoulder.

Yunhyeong looks away from them immediately and Hanbin hopes that he's on their side. 

"So what's up with you two?"

Junhoe's talking with his mouth full again and Donghyuk looks at him pointedly. The other just laughs. 

"Nothing?"

Bobby's sulking and Hanbin hates how there are no fingers on his thigh. No hand on his waist.

"Yeah right. You both look like kicked puppies. What's going on?"

Yunhyeong's eyes bulge in their sockets as he stares at them and then down at his hands again. Hanbin feels himself wanting to laugh but the sound dies somewhere in his throat. 

"Nothing it's just..It's.."

Bobby scratches his nape, looks at Hanbin for a long long while, longingly, and Hanbin feels the urge to kiss him raise it's head again. The urge to fight back. 

"It's complicated."

They're all quiet until Yunhyeong snorts. 

"Yeah, tell me about it."

That seems to break the barrier, both Donghyuk and Jinhwan doubling over in laughter. And Hanbin looks at Bobby as his eyes crinkle and wonders if he'll ever see the sun again. 

 

* 

 

Jinhwan's invitied him over after school and Hanbins' pretty eager to go. He calls his mother from Jinhwans' phone, makes sure that she knows he's not lying. Makes sure that Hanbyul is okay. 

Jinhwan makes them cocoa again as Hanbin settles in, throwing his bag on the ground and grabbing his books, comfortable silence filling the room.

They make small talk about Jinhwan's family and Hanbin thinks it's gonna be okay. He knows it isn't when Jinhwan keeps staring at him over his cocoa cup, afraid or maybe just uncomfortable to open his mouth and voice all the questions he has. 

"So.. what's really going on?"

Hanbin startles a bit, almost dropping his cup. They laugh but it dies down quickly. 

Jinhwans' legs are pulled up and he looks tired again. Eyes filled with worry that never seems to properly disappear from them.

"I.. I don't really know where to start."

He tries for a smile but thinks it might look more like a frown instead when Jinhwan's eyes stay on him for longer than he'd want to. 

"Well.. we have the whole night. So you can start by telling me why you don't have your phone and why Bobby looks like he wants to commit." 

Hanbin startles, unsure if it's a half assed joke or if he's serious. Seems like it's both when Jinhwan snorts as soon as he does. He wonders how come Bobby hasn't told him about any of this. Wonders if they're still not talking and why he feels a pang of guilt about it. 

"Is-" Hanbin looks at the way Jinhwan's phone buzzes on his tabletop and startles. "Do you have a new phone?"

Jinhwan was waiting for something else, judging by the look on his face yet he nods, telling him all about how his old phone was too low in space so he finally convinced his dad to buy a new one. 

"Can I umm.. can I have your old phone?  I swear I'll bring it back and everything but I just really need it right now."

Jinhwan nods but doesn't get up just yet. 

"Sure, but first speak up."

Hanbin tries to. 

 

* 

 

"Hanbin seriously you can't.. you can't let her do that. You can't let her win."

Jinhwan's by his side now, the both of them huddled over the kitchen table,  cups of cocoa forgotten somewhere in the living room. 

"I don't want to let her win, Jinhwan but it's.. what can I do really? I can't take Hanbyul away from her cause she's..she's too good. Everyone believes her when she says she loves her, because she does. And everyone believes her when she says I'm a freak because I am."

Jinhwan looks at him pointedly, grabs his arm and makes Hanbin stare him right in the eye. The movement, his forcefulness and his height reminds him a lot of her yet it isn't unpleasant. It's nothing like her. The touch makes him feel safe and cared for. 

"Listen you're not a freak. Because If youre a freak then I'm one too. Remember? We both like-" Jinhwan takes a breath before continuing, admitting it out loud still hard for the both of them to do. "-boys? So _no_ , were not freaks we're just.. different that's all. And please Hanbin you have to get out of that house. I know Hanbyul means a lot to you but-"

He interrupts and sounds a lot rougher than he'd like to. 

"Yeah but you don't. She's the only one I have Jinhwan. She's my only family and I don't want her to grow up with her alone. I don't want her to feel unloved. I know my mom might not do anything to her but.. what if I leave and she starts finding things that are wrong with Hanbyul. What if the guy or girl she falls in love with are wrong. What if she's I don't know.. too fat or thin or whatever and she hates it and- I- I just want what's best for her."

Jinhwan looks at him then, eyes sadder than they were before, if it's even possible. Hanbin wants to tell him it's alright. He'll manage. 

"Hanbin.."

Jinhwans' voice is quiet as he tries to get rid of the crack in it. 

"You.. you deserve so much more. I-I know I said some bad things when I found out about.. _you know_ but.. you don't deserve this. You don't deserve losing him because of this."

Hanbin knows it's the truth but there's nothing he can do about it. At least that's what he keeps telling himself. 

Jinhwan doesn't feel like writing their play once they've finished talking and Hanbin feels like it's time to go to his house. 

He's almost out the door, with the phone stored deep in his pocket, when he speaks again. 

"Jinhwan?"

The other walks closer, hands crossed and mind in thought. 

"Yeah?"

"Just know that uhh..you deserve so much more too ."

He doesn't have to say who or what he means, Jinhwans' eyes lighting up in shock as his phone buzzes in his pocket. Hanbin gives it a knowing glance before stepping out and noticing that the stars have gone back into hiding. 

 

* 

 

Hanbin doesn't really want to go to school the next day but the thought of PE makes him step out the front door anyway.

He hopes that Bobby'll be there and that they'll get to hold each other again. That he'll get to feel the comfort of his skin and feel the hotness of his breath.   
And all of that does happen when someone clears their throat in his shower stall, Hanbin turning around with a bright smile. 

"Shampoo?"

Bobby's stepping closer, hands going around his waist and pulling him in. Hanbin's aware that theres one more person in there with them but he doesn't really care. Especially when their shower turns off and suddenly they're alone.

 _Finally_ alone. 

"I thought you said you'd stop asking for shampoo if I'd help you in physics."

Bobby snorts, fingertips tapping his lower back as his lips swallow Hanbins' next statement. 

Hanbin has been homesick for days yet it felt like _years_. Years without Bobby's hands on his skin, years without the scent of him, years without his smile and the crinkle of his eye. 

They're pressed together so tight that Hanbin wonders if he'll ever be able to let go. 

"Bob-" He tries to speak but Bobby's lips are on his again, kissing him breathless, kissing him until his body tingles from it, toes curling by the press of their skin. 

"Mmph, I'm-I'm trying to speak here." 

Bobby laughs then, laughs as he leaves his lips to trace open mouthed kisses down his neck and Hanbin has a hard time making any sound at all. 

"I- I want to make this work."

Bobby nuzzles into his cheek then, happy. Willing to take whatever scraps Hanbin gives him. 

"I'm glad. Hanbin I'll figure something out, I promise. But until then just.. just meet me at the showers because, _god,_ you taste so fucking good."

He tries to swallow the laughter bubbling out of him but can't. Bobby pouts and acts offended until Hanbin drops to his knees before him. And somehow even that feels bittersweet to him. And Hanbin wonders why. 

 

*

 

He knows when he arrives to school the next day. Knows exactly what's happening. Feels the air change around him as his worst nightmares come to life. 

He stumbles to the gates, girls giving him nasty looks and guys staying as far away as they can. His stomach drops as his palms start sweating and Hanbin needs answers, he needs them now. 

"What-"

Donghyuk's there, panicked and pushing a phone in his hands making all of the color drain from his face in seconds. He knows what this is. He knows what's going to happen. And he knows he's never ever going to survive this.

"I- I don't know where they got this from but look-" Donghyuk scrolls the pictures and Hanbin feels like throwing up, bile in his throat already. "-Bobby's in his boxers? Running from your front door??"

Hanbin feels like he's really going to throw up. Like he can't hold it all in anymore. It's too much. All of it is just _too much._  

"Okay don't- don't look at that, some nasty comments about.." Donghyuk scrolls further and winces. "And see this I.. I don't know who took these but it's you and him and you're.. you're.."

"..We're kissing."

And Hanbin does throw up then. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i shouldve put a warning out that this chap. is just a bunch of emo dialogue god.. goD i know its a bit all over the place and messy and probably not at ALL what you expected but the next one is just probably gonna be one big angst train.  
> also IM BACK!! YAY!!! fckin finally am i right?? Im so sorry for letting you wait for so long its' just my work was killing me and i didnt even have time for a social life and just.. it was very bad. not as bad as hanbins' situation right now but just.. bad in general. So I quit!! And I hope I'll have some time to write this fic before I find another job again. Maybe an update every week? Every two weeks? Heck even three weeks would be great at this point.  
> But alright.. sorry for the weirdness of this chapter I rewrote it 5 times and this one just seemed to fit best even if its a little hectic. Hope you like it!!  
> Oh and as usual i'll check for mistakes tomorrow :)


	23. Letting Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last time he feels safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for slurs!!

Donghyuk ushers him away from the building, hand on his back as Hanbin retches out the dread that's been kneading its way through him. 

"Where--where did this come from?"

He feels dizzy, hands stuck on his knees as he stares down at his food. He wants to laugh at how familiar all of this is and how he should've been ready for it. But that's the thing. He should've but he knows he never could have. 

"I don't know Hanbin. I got this text about fifteen minutes ago and it's spread all over school."

Donghyuk's voice is brittle and thin as if he was the one to throw up all his dreams. 

He stands up then, steps closer to Donghyuk and sees the pity in his eyes. Hates how it makes him feel smaller and weaker than the leaked pictures. Than the truth that's finally out. 

"Can I see  them again?"

Donghyuk gives him a questioning stare. 

"Do you really wan-" Hanbin nods before he can continue. Wants to tell him how looking at them one more time isn't painful. It isn't pleasant either. It's bittersweet. 

The pictures are from yesterday and Hanbin feels himself smile without wanting to. Knows that he's staring at the last pieces of his happiness. At the last time he could ever feel at home again. 

" _I_ kissed him."

Donghyuk's by his side in a second, taking the phone away and storing it in his pocket. 

"Don't blame yourself Hanbin. These people are nosy and disgusting, none of this is your fault."

Hanbin nods and thinks maybe it _is_ true. After all he's kissed Bobby numerous times. On the field, in the locker rooms. In the library for god's sake. 

But it _isn't_. Because if he hadn't fallen in love with him in the first place, none of this would've happened. None of them would have to suffer. 

 

* 

 

He's walking to class feeling like absolute crap. Knowing that the dread will eventually seep into his bones and never ever leave.

The guys and girls keep staring and Hanbin can't help but look at his sneakers again. Try and find some comfort in knowing that at least it's over with now. That he won't have to go through it again after this. 

He's near his class when the whispers become louder. He's ready to turn around to a punch but it's Bobby instead. Grabbing his elbow, looking terrified.

There are questions in his gaze but more of them arise as they make their way through the crowded hallways, everyones stares following their synced steps. Bobby's hand never leaves his elbow. 

 

*

 

Hanbin's ready to speak when Bobby turns around, making every thought disappear from his head. He stares at him like he's something precious. Like this time he's his mothers' china and Hanbin feels himself shiver at the thought. At how he feels protected. Loved. 

"You saw them didn't you?"

Bobby's scratching his nape, trying to look a little less terrified than he is. Trying to look intimidating even though he's far from it. 

"Yeah."

Hanbin hears the shakiness in his voice and hopes that no one enters. Knows that someone's out there listening, trying to make sure that they're together. That they're foolishly in love. 

Bobby sighs as he stands closer to him, smooths out his shirt and then his own. Hanbin feels his breath stutter at their proximity. At the way Bobby still cares. 

"Listen I... I've never been through this and fuck I really don't want to either but--the point is I'm not giving up Hanbin. You told me yesterday that you're willing to try and so am I. I just..I won't let them take you away from me."

Hanbin wants to snort, wants to laugh and bring Bobby back from his cloud. Wants to tell him that no matter how hard they try it'll always end up hurting them. That it isn't worth it. 

But looking into Bobby's eyes makes it so much harder. Makes it harder for him to lie. To breathe. 

"Hanbin?"

He feels the corners of his mouth tug up and he wills himself one last smile. 

"Yeah. Lets try."

And one last lie. 

 

*

 

Hanbin's playing with his jacket sleeves, weather cold enough, especially now that it's almost Christmas time. He wonders when it'll stop raining. 

Donghyuk's talking about some drama club thing, trying to take his mind off of everything. Off of the dozens of eyes staring at them from the inside of the building.   
Hanbin sighs just as Junhoe steps closer. Hanbin doesn't look up at him. Embarrassed that they never told him. Worried of what he'll see there. 

And he should be when Junhoe clears his throat with a question that makes his ears ring from fear. 

"What the fuck Hanbin?"

He doesn't look up, fingers fidgeting with his sleeve, hoping that Bobby'll be there soon. Foolishly thinking that everything will be okay once he's there.  Once he's made Junhoe see how much they love each other. And how much it hurts. 

"Calm down Junhoe."

Donghyuk's voice is just as thin as it was earlier that morning but there's a bit of anger behind it. _A lot_ of anger behind it. 

"Why didn't you tell us you're a-a-"

Hanbin feels his fists clench as tight as his stomach does. Bile rises up in his throat again even without him having eaten anything since this morning. Since they found out. 

"A what Junhoe?"

And then Jinhwan's there, Yunhyeong by his side with eyes wide as saucers. Hanbin wants the ground  to swallow him hole. 

"You know what he is."

Junhoe's voice sounds venomous, his words filled with spite. Hanbin wonders why he hoped for the best in the first place. 

"A faggot? A gay? A homosexual?" Jinhwan's eyes are ice cold and his words are clear. Yunhyeong's smoothie stays as put as Donghyuks' notes. The wind whistles between the both of them and Hanbin wonders if Junhoe knows why he feels like this. Why he's so scared. Terrified even. 

"Or a guy who likes guys? A guy who's in love with another guy? A guy who was perfectly happy minding his own business with his lover until everyone decided to butt into it?" Jinhwan sits down, looking calm and collected. Hanbin can still see the way the chopsticks shake between his fingers. 

There's silence for a moment as Yunhyeong gulps and Donghyuk squeezes Hanbins' hand hard enough to hurt. 

"So what do you prefer?" 

Jinhwan looks up at him again as Junhoe breathes in hard and heavy. Hanbin feels himself jolt at the way it reminds him of all of them. 

"I-"

Jinhwan stops him again, stare as ruthless as his next words. 

"But what do you want us to call you then? I mean if Hanbin and Bobby get to have a cute nickname like 'faggot' or-- _ooh_ 'freak', then what do we call you?"

Junhoe's fuming by now as he glares over Jinhwans' tiny frame. Hanbin finds that Jinhwan doesn't remind him of his mother anymore. He reminds him of himself if he were braver. 

"What about June? Oh no that's too simple, hmm-" Jinhwan looks more theatrical and angry than he ever has before and Hanbin would give him an Oscar on the spot "-maybe..guy with anger issues? Guy who hates his friends? Ignorant asshole? Traito-"

Junhoe's finally had enough as he grabs his tray and glares angrily at all of them. Especially at him. Hanbin feels his arms shake hard enough to drop his fork. If he even had one. 

"This is why I stopped talking to you. _This_ is why I never want to talk to you _again_."

Junhoe stares Jinhwan right in the eyes as he says it and Hanbin sees the spark in Jinhwans' disappear as well. Sees him close off before anyone can say a word to save him. 

Sees how Junhoe has always asked for inches and Jinhwan keeps falling all over himself to give him miles. 

 

*

 

When Bobby doesn't show up to lunch at all, Hanbin gets worried. Worried that Bobby saw through him. Knew that he didn't believe in making it work.  

So he goes searching for him. 

The hallways are quiet as he makes his way to the bathrooms. Then to the library. And then to the locker rooms. 

He feels his heart jump at the sounds coming from inside. Feels his legs shake underneath him like the first time he heard that moan. Yet this is different. _Uncomfortably_ different. And Hanbin knows why. 

"Bobby..? Are you-"

He hears him in the corner before he even sees him. When he does, it takes the very best of him not to scream out in horror or go running out of there to pound everyone who's ever looked at them strangely. 

Bobby's hunched down on the floor, nose bleeding as his eye keeps swelling up. Hanbin feels himself fall to his knees before it even registers. 

"What--what happened I-"

Bobby's wincing at the sound of his voice and especially at the way his hand's on his chest. 

"Sorry."

He's sorry about leaning on him. Sorry about touching him. Sorry about hurting him with his presence in his life. Sorry that they ever even met. 

"It's okay. I'm-I'm fine. Are you okay though?"

Bobby's staring up at him, through his swollen eye and Hanbin feels his stomach clench again. Feels the dread in his veins already. 

"I'm fine Bobby, _god,_ you're the one I'm worried about."

He snorts as Hanbin grabs his hands and tries to get him up. Bobby winces and Hanbin feels like crying more than ever before. 

"It was nothing. Don't worry about it, okay? It wasn't even about us I-"

Hanbin snorts, gently helping him down on the bench. Bobby looks up at him and he lowers his gaze immediately. Doesn't want him to see the guilt that's pouring out of every pore on his body. 

"I'm not an idiot Bob. Who did this? The guys on the team? Junhoe?"

Bobby's head darts up at the last name and Hanbin feels even worse. Bobby pulls him down next to him before Hanbin can start cleaning his wounds. 

"What do you mean Junhoe? Did he say anything? Hanbin please tell me he didn't."

Hanbin wants to lie again. Wants to but can't. It isn't his second nature anymore. Hasn't been ever since he gave himself to Bobby. 

"He was acting strange at lunch again. Nothing too bad."

He's lost Bobby though. He's lost every sense of security he ever had so Hanbin tries to fall back into his second nature. Pick the pieces of himself up and glue them together enough so it'd look okay. So he'd function. 

"You don't have to lie to me you know."

Hanbin avoids his gaze as he stands up and tries getting something helpful out of the first aid kit. He knows he doesn't have to lie but needs to anyway. 

When he turns around Bobby's already looking at him. He still has the spark and Hanbin feels himself fall even further down the rabbit hole than he'd ever wanted to. 

He stands in front of him then, awaits for Bobby to say it. To say that he loves him and everything will be okay. 

Instead Bobby's face lands on his stomach, hands pulling him closer by the hips as the blood starts drying on his skin and on Hanbins' shirt. 

 It's quiet as Bobby takes in a deep breath, pulls him in even closer and sighs. Hanbin doesn't need to ask why, doesn't need to do anything but let his hands fall into his hair, fingers burying themselves in the tangles and smoothing out his pain. 

"I really wish we could've worked out." 

He hears himself say it before he can stop. Bobby nuzzles his nose against his hipbone then as Hanbin hears a hiccup, a shuddering breath. Knows that it's time for him to lean down and as soon as he does he's met with grabby hands and burning fingers. And tears on his neck falling down like raindrops.

He'll never stop chasing them. 

 

* 

 

"It hurts, you asshole."

Bobby's wincing harder than before as Hanbin cleans his eye with some antiseptic, that he's had to use countless of times before. He doesn't share that fact with Bobby. 

"I know it does, you crybaby. Just try to relax, okay?"

Bobby looks tired and Hanbin knows exactly where that kind of tiredness comes from. Has felt it all his life. 

"What do I get out of it?"

Bobby tries winking but squirms in pain instead, Hanbin's hand on his back trying to soothe him through it. 

"Umm.. a clean face?" Bobby pouts at that, as best as he can, so Hanbin ups the stakes. "And maybe a kiss. Or two."

That makes him smile widely and Hanbin realises it's been a whole day since he's seen it. It already feels like an eternity. 

"Deal."

Hanbin feels Bobby's goofy smile warm up his whole body and he decides he'll give him five of them. Or five hundred. 

And as Bobby tells him about the guys on the team, about his coach not coming in as he heard the shuffling, heard his cries for help, he wonders if he could give him a whole lifetime worth of kisses in just an hour, because he's scared that's all they'll have. 

So he lunges forward when Bobby's smile turns into a frown and tries savoring the feel of his dimples with his fingertips. Tries savoring the warmth in his gut and the hope that's so eager to slip away. 

Because Bobby's the only person he'll ever ~~want~~   _need_ like this. 

Like the moon needs the stars, Hanbin needs his sun. 

 

*

 

Hanbin is thankful that it's Donghyuk he sees while he's leaving school. 

"Where's Bobby?"

Hanbin feels himself laugh. It sounds as bitter as he feels. 

"At home. Healing his wounds."

Donghyuk looks at him worriedly and Hanbin finally elaborates. 

"He got beaten up because of us."

He swallows the lump in his throat and tries not to look at Donghyuk. Tries not to see the pity in his eyes that's always there. 

"What? Is he--Is he okay?"

They're passing by the park and Hanbin remembers the first time he saw Bobby and Jeongyeon there from the car. The first time he realised Bobby isn't like the rest of them. That he's just as much of a fool as he is. 

"He says he's fine but.. I guess we'll see tomorrow."

He feels his fingers itch and wonders when he started to miss holding Bobby's hand. The way their fingers fit perfectly between each other and how no one elses ever will. 

"So..what really happened while you were away?"

Donghyuk doesn't look at him when he asks it and Hanbin finds himself staring at the sky for strength. Spotting the constellation he's been apart of all along.

"My mom found out and It's... It's not good."

He remembers all the times they walked on this road, hips brushing by the closeness of their bodies. Remembers how Bobby looks like an autumn sunset when his cheeks flush and how right now he's an autumn sunset for completely different reasons. 

"I thought so. I mean, you have a new number and you haven't posted in our group chat at all. Or well, you never really have."

They laugh and it feels better for a second. Feels like talking about it might actually shift some weight off his shoulders. Like the butterflies in his stomach will lift him up instead of weigh him down. 

"So what's going to happen next?"

They're almost by his house and Hanbin remembers when Bobby wiped milk off of his lip there. How he felt something shift and knew it was never going to go back. No matter how hard he tried. 

"I don't know. I.. Donghyuk can I be honest with you?"

The other looks at him and nods, eyes sparkling and Hanbin wishes his did too. 

"I wish I never came here. I wish I never met you guys, I wish I never.. I wish I never fell in love. I just... I'm happy. I'm finally fucking happy and I realised I've never been Donghyuk. I've never been happy in my whole entire life and it's so hard to let go of this feeling. To know that I'll lose it all. So I just..I wish I could go back to how it was but I-I never can."

He stops for a second, realising he's on the verge of tears but continuing on. Donghyuk stays quiet throughout all of it. Hanbin can't thank him enough. 

"I can never go back to how it was because I.. didn't know what it was to feel loved back then. I didn't know what it meant to have friends. I didn't know that you could actually lose your breath because of the way someone looks at you. I didn't know, I really didn't know and sometimes I wish someone had told me, so I could've kept away."

Hanbin feels his arms shake for the thousandth time that day as he looks to Donghyuk, scared of what he'll say. Scared of what his _best friend_ might think of him. 

"Hanbin, life doesn't come with a warning sign because othewise you wouldn't let it happen. And trust me, I'm really glad you did. I know we'll get through this."

He grabs his hand with a smile and Hanbin takes in a shaky breath, holds himself together enough so he'd hear his next words. 

"Just know that I'm really really happy that I met you. And I wish that It'd have happened sooner." 

Hanbin really hugs him for the first time that night and doesn't intend on ever letting go. 

 

*

 

He sees Bobby waiting for him by the gates the next day and Hanbin wonders if he's been waiting for him for long. If he's willing to wait for him forever. 

"God, you look awful."

Bobby snorts, grabbing his side when the movement hurts. Hanbin puts his hand over his, fingertips hovering over the spots he knows are bruised the most. 

"Can I?"

Bobby looks away from him then, probably at the hoards of people who always stare. He nods his head as Hanbin lets himself explore, lets himself know that he's the one to cause this. He's the one who let himself be happy and dragged everyone else down alongside with him. 

Bobby flinches yet again and Hanbin wants to apologize with his kisses but knows he can't. 

"Why didn't you stay home? Bobby, this is really bad. You need to heal."

He gets a pointed look, Bobby weaving their fingers together and the look turning a bit more playful. 

" _Because_ , how else will I get you to spoon feed me? Oh and piggy back rides are also very welcome."

Hanbin laughs loudly, hears a few startled coughs but doesn't really care. 

"I'll never spoon feed you. Okay, only if we're eighty and arthritis has taken the better of you."

Bobby punches him lightly before stepping forward and wrapping his arms around him. Hanbin stiffens immediately but gets lost in his eyes anyway. 

"So you want to be with me even when I'm eighty and have no teeth? _And_ insist on getting a new dog?" 

Hanbin feels his heart lurch at the mention of dogs and everything he's ever wanted to have with him. That everything including arthritis and brittle bones. 

"Yes. Only it's a cat not a dog."

Bobby laughs, head falling on his shoulder and face burrowing into his neck, making Hanbin feel it vibrate through him. Feel it deep underneath his skin and in his bones. Trying to vanish the dread that's been there for weeks now. 

He lowers his head without thinking much about it. Stares into Bobby's swollen eye wondering if he's worth it. And he knows he is the minute their lips touch. The minute he hears the shocked gasps and the giggles and the angry breaths, all of them warping into nothing as his head's filled with the smell and sound of Bobby. As his head's filled with sunlight and not the rain. 

 

*

 

"Hanbin?"

He's staring at his sneakers, squirming in his seat out of nervousness when Bobby arrives making them both light up. 

"What are you doing here?"

Bobby's by him in seconds, pushing Hanbin back into his seat as his fingers grab his thigh hungrily. Hanbin has missed the touch as much as Bobby's probably missed doing it. 

"I don't know. I got called in. I thought it was something to do with my grades or mom."

He hasn't really spoken to the principal since he got here and now he's worried. Especially when they're both called inside at the same time. And especially when he sees the look on her face. 

He wishes that he never came. 

 

* 

 

"Mr. Kim and Mr.." She checks her document before turning her gaze back to Bobby. "And Mr. Kim. Do you have any idea why you're here today?"

Hanbin does but he keeps quiet. Bobby shrugs his shoulders as the principal stares at his swollen eye. And at the way their fingers brush. 

Hanbin tries to pull his arm away but they're like magnets. There's nothing he can do about it. 

"Well.. I heard some interesting rumors a few days back. It is none of my business what you do outside of school but I got some very disturbing information this morning."

Hanbin turns to stare at Bobby and wonders if he has any idea what's to come. If he's willing to bury his hope or not. 

"A few students came in and told us that..that you had been kissing in front of the school. As you know we have a reputation to hold and I just wanted to make sure that you know what the rules are."

Hanbin wants to laugh at how forced it all sounds. Wants to laugh at how she said 'kissing' and how she looked at them while doing it. 

"But everybody kisses around school? Not even outside but inside, in classrooms, at the cafeteria.. Everywhere. I don't think it's fair that you're singling us out."

Bobby's voice is steady but Hanbin can tell he's nervous. Can tell that he himself is, by the jitter of his leg. Can tell that he might not come to school tomorrow at all. 

"I'm not singling you out Mr. Kim. I just want you to know that kissing on school property isn't appropriate. I do however, think that it's better for you and for the faculty and students, if you could keep your relationship between yourselves. I'm terribly sorry to say but most of the students here don't feel at ease learning alongside hom--" She smiles politely at them and clears her throat. "You understand what I am saying, right?" 

Hanbin nods and so does Bobby. 

"Okay good. I hope that you'll follow my guidelines and stay in our school long enough to graduate."

She sends them off and Hanbin knows that the only thing that's keeping him from falling apart is Bobby. And he also knows it's time to let go.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay okay okay I know this is short and emo and weird, im sorry!!! i listened to sufjan stevens and im actually kinda depressed right now and i have loads of ideas for this fic but I cant seem to get back into long chapters yet (sorry!!)) but i do hope the next chapter will be long enough but also its going to be even more emo so please prepare!!! <3 oh and sorry june is an asshole, he'll get better.  
> oh and as usual it's real late and i'll check for mistakes later!


	24. Only Love Can Hurt Like This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last time he mentions him.

  
"So how was school today?"

She's sitting in the living room when he gets back home, knitting something. Hanbin feels his heart drop at the question. Suspects that she knows something. That she's half a step ahead of him and he just keeps falling behind. 

He takes a moment to step out of his shoes, the twist of his stomach reminding him that that's Bobby's job. _Used_ to be Bobby's job.

"It was alright."

He's testing the waters. Hoping that it's the right move. His life kind of depends on it. 

Her head perks up a bit but she doesn't raise her gaze. Hanbin steps inside the living room, heartbeat deafening his ears. 

"Didn't you talk to that Bobby boy? At least that's what I heard."

Her voice is steady but Hanbin still winces. He scratches the burn mark on his wrist and tries to control the tremor of his voice. 

"He tried to talk to me but I said it's over. I walked away."

She looks up then and Hanbin feels himself stumble. He thinks of Bobby and his burning fingers to calm himself down. Thinks of how they'll be together one day. Not in this life though. Not if she can help it. 

"I'm glad you told me the truth, son. I hope you'll continue doing it."

Her smile is sweet and attracts the giggling of Hanbyul from the kitchen. She runs into the room to show them her drawing. It's of Bobby and Hanbin walking her home from kindergarten. 

"I'll behave."

He runs up the stairs hoping his heartbeat wasn't loud enough to hear. The spike in it might have been a bit too telling. 

 

*

 

Hanbin pretends not to notice how everyone's looking at him when he enters the school building. Pretends not to remember the way Bobby kissed him on the football field in that rainstorm and how he forgot himself in his eyes. He wonders if he'll ever get himself back. 

"Hey, are you even listening?"

They're eating lunch again when Hanbin zones out for the hundreth time that day. It's just him and Donghyuk at the table. 

"Yeah, sorry I just.. I'm wondering where the others are."

Donghyuk gives him a half assed smile and Hanbin knows that there's something he hasn't been told. He tries his best to pry it out of his friend. Desperate times call of desperate measures. 

So he tickles him. 

"Okay, okay just--gahh Hanbin! Stop!"

Hanbin feels himself smile at the joy on Donghyuk's face. At how it feels slightly less awkward and more like them again. How he's spent months holding himself back and now he's finally daring to look further than his sneakers. He tries his best to keep the staleness away from his life. The fresh air Bobby supplied almost running out. 

"So, why aren't they here?"

Donghyuk's demeanor changes a bit, lips still quirked up but cheeks red because of something else. Hanbin wills away the nausea and the bile and keeps himself calm. 

"Umm.. I begged them to come and I think Yunhyeong might but--Hanbin I really don't want to talk about this."

He raises his hand and moves his fingers around, a sadistic grin taking over his face. Donghyuk holds back a laugh with a loud sigh. 

"Well Yunhyeong wanted to come but his teammates threatened to kick him out of the club if he's hanging out with--Well anyway Jinhwan is moping around somewhere because he isn't speaking to Junhoe and Bobby is stuck in the library studying for his physics test."

Donghyuk takes a bite from his meat and trains his gaze on anywhere else but Hanbin. Hanbin hates how it makes him feel. Hates how the pity in Donghyuk's eyes is already stuck in the pit of his stomach, rumbling every time he even thinks about eating. 

"I don't know about June himself though. I haven't talked to him ever since he said.. the things he said."

Hanbin snorts and that gets Donghyuk's full attention. 

"You know you can talk to him if you want to, right? He's just stubborn, he'll come around."

Hanbin doesn't believe his own words. He says them anyway. 

"Hanbin. _Please_. I'd never do that to you. Besides, I don't want to associate with June if he keeps being such an ass." 

Hanbin feels his mouth quirk up a bit at that, hand falling to his lap to grab Donghyuk's fingers that are angrily gripping his thigh. He squeezes them in a silent thanks. Donghyuk grins with his mouth full. Hanbin finds himself smiling without even wanting to. 

The smile falls from his face as soon as he realizes that he's to blame for all his friends getting shunned. Hanbin throws away his food again and lets the ball of pity grow. 

 

*

 

He awakes to Hanbyuls' quiet knocks and checks the clock. It's 8 pm. That means only one thing. 

"Hanbinnie! Jeongyeon is here!" 

She's bouncing on her heels and Hanbin has a hard time letting her go after scooping her up. He tells her he might take her out tomorrow and Hanbyul giggles, throwing her head back in joy. 

Hanbin thinks of how it'd be if it was just the three of them. If he could take her out for pancakes every morning, meeting up with Bobby and kissing him on the lips in front of everyone. If Bobby would like that, if he'd be okay with raising her. If they'd be good parents. 

Hanbin feels himself startle and is brought back by Hanbyul's big smile.

"You're all red Hanbinnie. Don't worry I won't tell what you were thinking about."

She zips up her mouth and runs away, Hanbin a bit bewildered by what just happened. Wondering if he might've said it all out loud. 

"Hi, I hope I'm not too early?"

And then he raises his head to meet her gaze. The ball of pity in his stomach grows to a halt. 

 

* 

 

Jeongyeon doesn't look at him like he thought she would. Her eyes have no pity in them, no hurt, no jealousy. Just pure joy for him, for the love he's feeling and sadness for the abrupt ending of it all. 

Hanbin wants to tell her something, anything, but his throat closes up every time he even tries to squeak. 

"So..I think we're done for tonight. Is it okay if you-"

Hanbin squirms in his seat, staring pointedly at the living room. At the chair she's sitting in, pretending not to listen in. 

Jeongyeon clears her throat, putting a strand of hair behind her ear. Hanbin wills away the shake of his shoulders and his head. He needs to do this properly.

"Do you want me to send you home? I'd love that."

He smiles at her, eyes darting over to where she's sitting. His thoughts, the knot in his stomach, get cut off when Jeongyeon raises from her seat. 

She's by the door when Hanbin finally responds, getting up as well and putting on his shoes. There's the ticking of that old clock again and somehow Hanbin can feel it even in the back of his skull. Tick tock. 

"Oh Jeongyeon, leaving already?"

She's there in a second, pretending like she didn't just listen in on everything they said. Thankfully there wasn't much. 

"Yeah, Hanbin is sending me home. Is that okay?"

Jeongyeon smiles but it doesn't look genuine. His mother smiles back. That somehow does. 

"Of course, don't be out too late!"

And as they step through the door Hanbin can hear her mutter _young love._ He feels like throwing up again. There's no point to it though, his dreams already in a puddle of ramen and rain in front of the school building. He can't stop the shiver that runs through him. 

 

*

 

"So..."

Her steps are quieter than Bobby's, her hips never brushing his. Hanbin keeps in a long sigh. 

"So."

It isn't raining but it still feels cold. Hanbin wonders if it'll snow instead and thinks that it'd fit with his insides. With the way his heart rushes ice through his body whenever it beats. 

"I heard about what happened. Well I mean I saw."

She looks at him, bangs falling into her eyes and Hanbin releases the sigh. 

"I thought so. Jeongyeon...I--I didn't want you to find out like this. I wanted to tell you eye to eye but it was out of my hands as soon as the pictures leaked."

She looks at him then and Hanbin can see a trace of pity. He swallows hard to make the hot prickle of tears fade away. It doesn't really work. 

"I heard some guys from the football team took them. They saw Bobby run from your house the other day and well Nayeon had already done the damage with her rumors. And the kiss-"

Hanbins' snort cuts her short. 

"Yeah, and I made the stupid mistake of kissing him on school property. None of this would've happened if I could just keep my hands off of him. But I bet _you_ of all people would know how hard that can be at times."

Jeongyeon seems a bit hurt by his harsh tone. Hanbin takes the moment to wipe his hand over his face, over his eyes particularly, and gently grip her elbow. 

"Sorry."

Jeongyeon looks at him again before grabbing his hand between hers. His fingers still feel like falling off. 

"It's none of your fault Hanbin. You should be able to kiss your loved one without anyone making a big deal out of it. I'm sorry Nayeon was such a snake to you. Actually she's.. she's..sorry too."

Hanbin raises his brow. He wonders if she has any idea how the ice running through his veins hurts. How every time his heart beats it misses the warmth of Bobby's. It wants to beat next to him. 

"Yeah, I know it's kind of a surprise but she didn't expect it all to be true. And she didn't expect her rumors to have an effect on people. She thought no one would take her seriously. And I'm not defending her or anything but just.. know that she didn't mean for it to be this way."

Hanbin wants to tell her that he didn't either. It was supposed to be easy. He was supposed to get through this year by studying and keeping away from everyone. But then he heard that groan and-

"By the way, I always knew."

Hanbin gets caught off guard and he stumbles a bit, Jeongyeon trying her best to hold back a giggle. The air feels a bit lighter around them then. 

"I knew that you knew."

Hanbin laughs at his sentence and so does she. They fall into a comfortable silence before Jeongyeon speaks up again. 

"I can cover for you if you want. Tell your mother I'm dating you again or something."

Hanbin rolls the thought around in his head. It feels like a snowball. Like everything is suddenly snowballing out of control. 

"I..I don't know If I need it anymore."

They're almost at her house when she furrows her brow and Hanbin hates that he needs to speak about this. He doesn't want to elaborate on his thoughts anymore. Doesn't want people to convince him that he should fight. He doesn't have anymore of it left in his body. He's too tired. All he wants is to lay between Bobby's arms and rest. And maybe never even wake up. 

"I don't think it's good for us to risk like that. She's...she's--" He takes a moment to swallow and blink away the tears that are about to fall. "--I don't want people to suffer because of me. I don't want Bobby to be unhappy. I want him to thrive with his football squad, I want him to be able to talk to anyone because he's that kind of a person. He needs people around him. And I've taken them all away."

Jeongyeon puts her hands on his shoulders, startling him out of his thoughts. 

"Hanbin, Bobby will only be unhappy if you're not with him. He doesn't care about other people, never has, never will. He cares about you. Please don't leave him now. Stick around, see what happens but don't leave him."

Hanbin feels the tears start to fall so he turns away, tries to keep them in. He starts to sob anyway, lets go of the weight on his shoulders for just a bit. Feels his face heat up with anger and confusion and _hurt_. 

Jeongyeon hugs him before he can turn around. Puts her tiny hands around his waist and tells him it's alright. He cries until the tears overtake his voice. 

Her words are stuck in his mind until he falls asleep and so is the scent of musk on his pillow. 

 

  
*

 

'so why have u been ignorin me'

It's Sunday night and Hanbin is waiting for a text from Jinhwan. He thinks they might finish the play tonight. 

He doesn't expect Bobby to talk to him at all. A part of him hoping he'd accomplished pushing him away and a part of him cheering because it's _him_.

'I'm not.X'

It's a matter of seconds before Bobby responds. 

'yes u are :('

Hanbin feels himself chew on his pen, the play forgotten on his lap. 

'You have a physics test. I'm giving you space.X'

A minute passes before he gets a response and this time Hanbin can't help but succumb to the fireworks in his stomach. 

'yea but that doesnt mean i dont wanna talk to u. i miss u, stupid. see?' 

There's a picture of him attached. On his bed, pouting. Wearing that stupid reindeer sweater that makes him look too cute for his own good. Hanbin wants to kiss him so badly it hurts. 

'I see.X' 

He doesn't know what else to say. Doesn't know how to stop himself from blowing his cover. 

'hanbinnnnieeee stop :( its gon b okay, ok? love u' 

Hanbin closes his screen and doesn't intend on answering. He opens it again when it's 1 am and he's stuck in bed, pillows reeking of Bobby and lips bitten raw from how much he wants to say it back. How much he wants to kiss him and prove that he means it. 

'Love you too.X'

 

*

 

"So I thought you weren't going to sit with us anymore? The football team threatening to kick you out and everything?"

Hanbin's finally eating his soup. It's bland and not even hot anymore but somehow he's got his appetite back. Go figure. 

"Yeah well I told them they can't kick me out cause I've scored 7 goals this season and most of them haven't done shit."

Yunhyeong's smiling back at him, big and bright and Hanbin finds it to be contagious. 

Donghyuk's making his way to the table with a contrasting frown and Hanbins' stomach falls immediately.

"What's up?"

Donghyuk chews on his glasses and looks at both of them nervously before opening his mouth and then closing it again. 

"Come on, what happened?"

Yunhyeong's smoothie is back and Hanbin feels his lips tug up a bit at that, wonders if things will fall back into place and everything will be okay again. 

"The drama club are uhh.. acting weird with me."

Hanbin knows where this is going and he sighs because a normal lunch break will never happen for them. Especially considering the dozens of eyes still staring through the windows. He can see the word 'freak' on their lips even from miles away. 

"What, why?"

Jinhwan's arriving then and Hanbin can sense he's trying to force a smile on his face. Can sense the sorrow coming off of him in waves. He winces and looks away. 

"Because uhh.. well because of everything that happened."

Donghyuk makes a point of not looking at him and Hanbin is grateful. The pity is rumbling in his stomach and he wonders why he lost his appetite. 

"Why is everyone in this school literal assholes? Is being Junhoe a trend now?"

Jinhwan bites into his apple, words bitter. Hanbin wonders if they poisoned the apple he's eating too. 

"You don't have to hang around with me. I mean they'll leave you alone if--"

Donghyuks' hand lands on his mouth and Yunhyeong lets out a huge snort, smoothie coming out his nostrils. Jinhwan makes a point of sitting further away from while making noises of disgust. 

"Don't you ever say that again. We talked about this already, I'm not leaving my best friend with the vultures. No way."

Hanbin feels himself smile under his palm and Donghyuk smiles back. Yunhyeong coos at them before a piece of meat is thrown his way. 

Hanbin finishes his soup. 

 

*

 

Hanbin finds himself sitting on Jinhwans couch that night, contemplating on whether or not he should fight. 

"Wow, did we actually finish this or am I dreaming?"

Jinhwan's drinking his cocoa with a surprised smirk on his face, a line of foam on his lip. Hanbin wonders if Junhoe ever realized how much it bothered him and why it did so. 

"We did. We actually did. I guess now I don't have to come over anymore. You're free!"

Hanbin tries to joke, his voice sounding a bit too miserable for it to sound like one. 

"I'm still gonna force you to come over. Who else will make you delicious cocoa and hear you whine?"

Hanbin actually does laugh this time and that makes Jinhwan's eyes crinkle up as well. The bags under them stay put. 

"Alright. I'll come around. If my mother allows it."

Jinhwan doesn't look at him then, deciding to take a sip of his drink instead. 

"How are things with her?"

Hanbin shrugs his shoulders, not really sure on what he should and shouldn't tell. 

"I don't know. She's cold as usual. I guess she's calmed down a bit but I'm pretty sure when I make a wrong move all hell will break loose."

Jinhwan tries to snort but it gets stuck in his throat. Hanbins' does as well. 

"But how about you and Bob?"

Hanbin shurgs his shoulders again, deciding to avoid the question with another question. 

"How about _you_ and Bob? Have you talked about any of this yet?"

Jinhwan squints his eyes at him, muttering something under his breath. Hanbin's pretty sure it's a curse word and holds back his laughter. 

"He did try and talk to me the other day but I was upset about..stuff and kind of ignored him. Now I feel crappy about it. He needs me as much as you do."

Hanbin agrees on that, knows that Bobby needs his best friend right now and especially since he's been ignoring him even harder than Jinhwan has. 

"I'll try and talk to him though, don't worry."

Jinhwan continues when Hanbin has a hard time finding words to explain how he's been avoiding his boyfriend for days now. Maybe even a week. He pushes the thought away and feels the ticking in the back of his head again. Tick tock. 

"Did you talk to Junhoe?"

He looks up from his lap, only to face Jinhwan's bitter smile. They haven't discussed it yet. The obvious crush Jinhwan has on him. The obvious denial Junhoe's in. Hanbin thinks they have enough time in the world to do it though. A lifetime filled with pity parties. He sighs. 

"Not yet. I don't want to either." Jinhwan takes a sip before letting out a loud giggle. Hanbin quirks his brow. "Even Yunhyeong is ignoring him. Serves him right."

Hanbin laughs along and wonders when the pity parties will turn into wedding parties. Into happy endings. 

Tick tock. 

 

*

 

"So, are you done ignoring me now?"

He's in the library trying to find Bobby but being found by him instead.

"I wasn't--"

Bobby steps closer, looking out for anyone that might see them. That might take more pictures that they can't risk having. 

"Hanbin, stop lying. You're ignoring me and I want to know why."

He fidgets with his sleeves and wonders if Bobby can tell how desperate he is to touch him, to feel him under his fingertips. To smell him. To smell _like_ him. 

"Gahh, Hanbinnie stop staring at me like that and tell me what's wrong."

Bobby takes a step further and grabs his face in his hands. Hanbin's willpower crumbles and he lets himself nuzzle into the touch. Lets himself sigh again and feel the butterflies in his stomach lift him up, bit by bit. Back into that safe space, into those arms he calls home. 

"My mom told me someone saw us together at school so I tried to keep away. That's all."

Bobby's eyes are aflame by the spark that's still in them and Hanbin feels like burning up along with it. 

"Yeah, but you can still text me. You haven't even done that."

Hanbin feels guilt deep in his gut and looks away, Bobby's eyes too earnest. Not enough but too much all at the same time. 

"Fine. I just.. I thought I could keep away from you but I can't. You caught me. I really really can't."

Bobby smiles at that, the look a bit foreign on his face now and Hanbin feels the guilt swallow the butterflies. 

"Stupid. You're so stupid. _God,_ I love you."

Bobby's bunny teeth appear all of a sudden and Hanbin looks around to see if anyone's there. A girl in the back with a book in her hands and the librarian. He leans forward without second thought. 

"Yeah, I'm stupid. _Stupidly_ in love with you."

Bobby's ready to murder him for the cheesy joke but Hanbin murders him with his lips instead. 

Bobby tastes like home and Hanbin enjoys it a little bit too much. Lets himself melt into a gooey mess in front of him because that's how Bobby makes him feel. Messy and unorganized and nothing like himself. Yet, _no_ , he's more himself now than he's ever been. He wonders if he ever really even existed before Bobby came along. He thinks not. 

 

*

 

It's a Wednesday night when Bobby texts him something he was definitely not ready for. 

'lets run away together. u n me. lets just go.' 

Hanbin takes a moment to fall back onto his bed and listen for footsteps that might enter his room. He opens the text again and doesn't really understand what Bobby means. It can't be what he thinks it is. It just can't. 

'What??X'

A few seconds pass before he gets another one and this time Hanbins' whole body seizes up. 

'lets. run. away. together. there's a train leaving for daegu on saturday. lets just go.' 

Hanbin feels his heart beating out of his chest and he wonders if it's the coffee he made or if it's the deadly realization that Bobby is serious. This is serious. 

'I can't. We can't. What about school? Hanbyul?X'

The next minute is too nerve wracking to bare. Hanbin grabs his pillow, the fading musk almost knocking him unconscious. 

'we'll figure it out. its now or never hanbinnie. pls?' 

He doesn't answer Bobby's text, heaving out the bigger part of his dinner first. Fight or flight? 

'...Ok.'

Flight. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> umm my inital plan was actually to have hanbin mope around in self pity and ignore everyone but then i got a huge writers block n i was like why?? n then i realised its kinda ooc now since the chapter 1 hanbin woudlve done that but now hes in love and loved back and.. chapter 24 (holy shit) hanbin couldnt do that.  
> hope this isnt too messy???? idk im kinda happy because ive been trying to write this chapter for days now and finally i got it out!! woohoo


	25. Running (Lose it All)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last time he sees him on the field.

Hanbin walks to school the next day wondering if it'll start snowing soon. It's the last day before Christmas break and he's looking forward to seeing Bobby's face and trying to cope to living without it for two weeks.

His brain reminds him then that, no, they're going to runaway and he'll see his smile every single day of his life. Hanbin feels himself shiver at that, at the thought of waking up alongside him, to the sound of rain hitting against the tinroof of their own little house. Or apartment.  
  
He's willing to take anything Bobby's ready to give him and that thought is somehow less scary than the reminder that Hanbyul will have to spend Christmas alone this year.   
  
The world _flight_ gets replaced with the ticking in the back of his skull again. He sighs.  
  
Tick tock.

  
  
*

  
  
"Are we really doing this whole 'running away thing'?"

Hanbin sits down with the tray in his hands shaking. He's only wearing a thin jacket and nothing else, not really expecting the guys to eat outside on the last day of the semester. On the _coldest_ day of the semester.  
  
"As long as you want to."  
  
Bobby's concentrating on eating his soup before it freezes over and Hanbin tries holding in his laughter. The teeth chattering helps.   
  
"I do.. I do.. It's just.."  
  
Bobby sighs and gives him his own jacket before continuing. Hanbin stares at him like he's lost his mind.   
  
"It's just that we haven't really thought what to do with Hanbyul and your mom. Don't worry about it. We'll have more than enough time to think as we go. Think on our feet and all that stuff. I'm good at it."  
  
Hanbin gives the jacket back before concentrating on an answer. Bobby shoves it back to him.   
  
"When have you ever been good at thinking?"  
  
The other doesn't put the jacket back on and Hanbin throws it over his shoulders with huge disdain, hiding his little moan of satisfaction with a bite of meat.   
  
"I'm not as dumb as you think. Now shut up before I ban you from kissing me."  
  
Hanbin drops the chopsticks from his numb fingers just to gawk at him and laugh. Bobby pouts at his soup.   
  
"Can you even do that?"  
  
Bobby's ready to make up a ridiculous theory, the guys arriving before he can even open his mouth. Hanbin lets out a quiet snicker that doesn't go unnoticed.   
  
"You coming to the game tomorrow?"  
  
Yunhyeong's as exited as ever, yet there's a hint of something else behind his gleeful eyes.   
  
"What are you so pumped about? Getting laid or something?"  
  
Bobby's grumpyness gets him a punch on the shoulder as Yunhyeongs' cheeks turn bright red.   
  
"I hope Junhoe's there so he can see what he's missing."  
  
Donghyuk grabs a piece of bread as Jinhwan rolls his eyes, sitting down to glare at Yunhyeongs' new skin tone. Hanbin holds in a laugh, finding himself closer to Bobby than he was before.   
  
"I hope he chokes."  
  
Jinhwan's reply has them all giggling and Hanbin forgets to think about how he's bound to Bobby and that there's no way back. 

  
  
*

  
  
Jinhwan texts him later that night, saying it's an emergency. Hanbin really hopes it isn't but runs there anyway, stepping in when no one answers his knocks.   
  
"Jinhwan? Is everything alright?"  
  
His feet get stuck in his shoes again and then so does his breath in his throat.  
  
"Bobby?"

The other's there to help get them off, body closer than it has been in ages. Hanbin breathes him in and forgets everything he was thinking. Breathes in the scent of musk and the tiny hint of jasmine, wondering if the both of them are intangible now. Hoping that it is so.  
  
"I can't believe you guys! Honestly, who runs away on _Christmas_?"  
  
The moment gets ruined by Jinhwan's loud yelling and the sound of cups placed on the living room table.  
  
"You told Jinhwan."  
  
His eyes widen but his heartbeat doesn't rise.   
  
"I told Jinhwan."  
  
Bobby's head falls on his shoulder as he lets out a loud groan. It echoes through him and makes him shiver. He tries his hardest not to kiss his hair and bury his nose in it. Not to get lost in him and his presence.   
  
"What are we supposed to do then Jinnie?"  
  
Bobby turns around, body still pressed against his and Hanbin shivers again, squirms under the warmth of him, staring at his neck trying not to bite into it.   
  
"Don't call me Jinnie. And I don't know. Maybe umm.. _wait_ a little while?"  
  
Bobby groans again, pulling Hanbins' arms around him to relax fully into his touch. It awakens the butterflies in the pit of his stomach. And the heat.   
  
"I don't want to wait. It'll take months until we graduate and she's going to send him away no matter what."  
  
Jinhwan quirks his brow at them and especially at the way he's _sniffing_ the back of Bobby's ear. Hanbin drops his gaze hoping the blush on his cheeks can be blamed on embarrassment and not on a certain member of his body acting up.   
  
"I..I didn't know that."  
  
Bobby sighs, pushing into Hanbin even more, body turning alluringly soft and placid, just waiting to be touched. To be hunted.   
  
Hanbin withers away from him with his shirt pulled desperately over the front of his pants. The reindeer on Bobby's sweater doesn't forget to judge him.  
  
"Yeah, it's complete bullshit. We can't even talk because we'll be seen and he'll get shipped off to Antarctica or something. But even if I'm celibate for four months and _die_ from lack of sex Hanbin _still_ has to go away."  
  
Jinhwan makes a gagging sound at them, muttering something about Bobby being an idiot. Hanbin takes the moment to stroll further into the room and sit next to him, hoping he isn't as red as the reindeer's nose.   
  
"It's unfair. All of this is just fucking unfair. So why not runaway?"  
  
Bobby follows him like a hopelessly devoted puppy, getting comfortable by laying all over him. Hanbin allows it even though it's harder for him to breathe.  
  
"I get it. But what about Hanbyul? School? Chanwoo?"  
  
Bobby's eyes widen a bit and Hanbin realizes he hadn't thought about his brother at all, at his own family. Only focusing on Hanbin and his pain. It makes the weight on him feel heavier than before, the burden of his own future sitting firmly between his shoulderblades, waiting to unfold into disaster.   
  
"I didn't exactly think of that yet.. _But!_ We can figure it out. I'll just tell Chanwoo I'm gonna go hide for a while and he'll understand. And Hanbyul we--we.."  
  
Bobby deflates like a sad little balloon and Hanbin grabs his fingers in his hand, hoping it'd make a difference.  He opens his mouth for the first time that night.  
  
"She'll be okay. I can... I can come back to take her with us."  
  
Jinhwan lets out a loud snort, eyes apologetic when Hanbin looks over at him.   
  
"Sorry. But do you really think she'd let you? Two guys raising her young daughter? Not exactly your mothers dream is it."  
  
Hanbin feels the weight shift to his lungs then. Feels how heavy every atom of his being suddenly is. Wonders if it'll make it easier to free fall and plunge into an inevitable end. Or maybe a new beginning.   
  
Bobby turns his whole body towards him, staring up for an answer. His eyes are too earnest, too scared of what he'll have to hear. So Hanbin utters the only words he can think of, the only words that'll make this all feel a little bit less like an utter trainwreck, a disaster.   
  
"I'll figure it out." _They'll figure it out._    
  
Bobby squeezes his hand, eyes disappearing to make room for his smile. The weight shifts but doesn't disappear. 

  
  
* 

  
  
He excuses himself to the bathroom a few minutes later, body full of warmth. Not all of it the pleasant kind.   
  
As he returns he hears the two of them whispering in the living room. Hanbin doesn't want to eavesdrop but does so anyway, standing still underneath the only clock in their hallway, unable to move.   
  
"Are you really sure about this? Bobby I want the best for you but--"  
  
There's a deep sigh and some shuffling. Hanbin tries to focus but the loud beating of his heart keeps blocking out everything except for that stupid clock.   
  
"It is the best for us. Do you have any other ideas?"  
  
There's a moment of silence until Jinhwan speaks, a bit more hushed and a bit more worried.   
  
"What if you uhh... talk to your own parents?"  
  
There's some ruffling and Bobby's muffled angry voice. Hanbin holds his breath.  
  
"Just listen, okay? They might be a bit surprised at first but if you tell them about the severity of the situation, they're bound to understand. Aren't they? Besides your mom is a lawyer. Bobby,  do you know how much that could help you? She could give you a better idea than just 'run'. "  
  
Hanbin hears a cup being slammed on the table a bit too harshly.   
  
"And she'll probably be the only person who could help Hanbin out of this toxic situation. You _can_ run Bob, but you _can't_ hide."  
  
There's another loud sigh.   
  
"I'm the one who'll help him out of this, Jinnie.  You could've talked me out of it a few weeks ago. But I don't think it's working now."  
  
Hanbin can sense the hurt in the air, can sense Jinhwan's been stung by the words that Bobby doesn't mean. So he stumbles into the living room, feeling the clock still ticking over him.  
  
"We'll if you're really sold on this whole 'lets dump our friends and runaway idea' then I guess we should have a going away party tomorrow? What do you think?"  
  
Jinhwan changes the subject as soon as he enters, probably knowing exactly what he did back there. Bobby's oblivious though, lost deep in his own thoughts.  
  
Hanbin wishes he could wipe that worried look off his face but knows that he's wearing one as well.   
  
He entwines their fingers, squeezing Bobby's tightly.   
  
"Yeah sure, why not."  
 

*

  
  
Bobby's already out the door when Hanbin gets stuck putting his shoes on. There's a small shadow over him and Hanbin knows exactly what Jinhwan's about to say.  
  
"Sorry I keep insising but I-I don't want you guys to leave. What will I do without you?"  
  
He sounds sadder and smaller than he has in a while, arms tucked underneath himself and eyes lost somewhere on the ground.   
  
"You have Donghyuk and Yunhyeong. Even though they're not nearly as awesome as us."  
  
He knows it's true, knows that the boys will take care of him and love him just as much as he does. He also knows Jinhwan only wants that love to come from one very certain person.  
  
Jinhwan smiles at that, raising his gaze for Hanbins' more serious words.   
  
"You should take your own advice, you know. Junhoe's gone but you're still running. Let go."  
  
He doesn't respond immediately, standing over him with an unfamiliar smile on his face. It doesn't look pleasant at all.   
  
"I did that. Doesn't feel good. Zero out of five, definitely don't recommend."  
  
Hanbin chuckles at his review, hoping his eyes convey how he's been feeling the exact same way for years now. He grabs his jacket before turning around and leaving, Jinhwan's voice somewhere far behind when it speaks.  
  
"Talk to him, to _them_. It's worth a shot."  
  
Hanbin can't stop thinking about the words and the unfamiliar calm in his chest for the whole night. He wonders if they should stick around and fight. Wonders if he could ever put himself and Hanbyul through it. Wonders if the kiss he shares with Bobby could be their last goodbye for a long long while. 

  
  
* 

  
The game is just as tortorous as he imagined it to be. He knew there were gonna be stares and whispers but he didn't think they'd be so loud. That they'd get under his skin and climb up his spine, paralyzing him on the spot.   
  
"Come on, Yunhyeong's waiting."  
  
Jinhwan's grabbing his elbow and he notices the eyes following him to their usual spot, just a single row above Junhoe's. Jinhwan doesn't spare him a second glance. Tries to pretend the sight of his back doesn't make his blood boil in a mix of love and hate.   
  
"Hey guys, uhh.. this is Jisoo. She's my date."  
  
Yunhyeong's wearing a weird yellow headband, something apart of their uniform. Hanbin can't wait to see it on Bobby.   
  
"Nice to meet you. I'm Jinhwan and this is Hanbin."  
  
She smiles at them, her hand tensing when it's around his. Hanbin feels the melting ice in his veins freeze over once again.  
  
"Is he that-"  
  
Yunhyeong's eyes widen in panic, grabbing her towards him and giving her a kiss. A kiss so unexpected, Jisoo punches him with her bag, cheeks red from embarrassment. Hanbin holds back his cackle but Jinhwan doesn't, especially so when Junhoe turns around to stare at them with anger. The anger turning into longing as soon as his and Jinhwan's gazes cross.   
  
His attention's back on the girl and Yunhyeong, when her hand grabs his again. It feels a bit warmer than before.  
  
"It's nice to meet you."  
  
He tries to find something in her smile, tries to hear the whispers she's about to spread. He can't.   
  
He smiles back just as widely.   
  
"Guys, guys I just bet Bobby 10 bucks that Yunhyeong won't score."  
  
Donghyuk's making his way towards them, hair in a ponytail again as his bobble hat sits sadly in a puddle near their feet.   
  
"What?"  
  
Jisoo turns her head, eyes comically wide as they all burst out laughing, Donghyuk and Yunhyeong trying to explain what he means by 'scoring' just as Chanwoo arrives, making Jisoo blush even harder than before. Hanbin can't hold in his laugh as Yunhyeong runs towards the field yelling he's sorry and especially so when his eyes get caught in Bobby's confused ones. 

  
  
*

  
"So I heard about your plan."  
  
It's halfway through the game and Yunhyeong's already scored, making Donghyuk count his money. Chanwoo's inched closer without him even noticing, startling him with a whisper.   
  
"Umm...what plan?"  
  
He tries to act nonchalant, staring at the way Bobby's running on the field and not even bothering to hold back his fond smile.   
  
"You know what I mean. Bobby told me last night."  
  
Hanbin holds in a groan of his own, remembering Jinhwans' words. He glances over at him but the other's too busy staring angrily at Junhoe's back as the other tightens his hand around a date that looks eerily similar to Jinhwan.   
  
"You don't want us to go, right?"  
  
Chanwoo stares at him, eyes unbearably wide. Hanbin concentrates on Bobby instead. It seems to work out fine, especially so when his boyfriend throws away his jacket for a moment, muscles flexing under a thin white shirt. Hanbin licks his lips without even wanting to.   
  
"Honestly, I don't mind if you do."  
  
Hanbin drags his eyes away from Bobby just to squint them at him disbelievingly. It can't be.   
  
"You..you don't mind?"  
  
Chanwoo smiles at him and Hanbin feels like he's looking at family. He shakes his head to clear those thoughts away.   
  
"Nope. If you want to then please, go ahead. I'm all for my brother being happy."  
  
Hanbin knows there has to be a catch to all of this. Knows it can't go as smoothly as he wants it to. Chanwoo takes in a breath before continuing. He was right.   
  
"But I..I don't think he's really sure about this. He's told me all about your love story which, by the way, I knew."  
  
 Hanbin feels his cheeks redden at the memory of Bobby's hands around him on that couch and how good it felt. And how Chanwoo was probably in on it. He gulps.   
  
"I'm not _that_ dumb. But the point is I..I don't think he's ready to go just yet. He's doing this for you. He's afraid she'll get you away from here before he can. But I know my brother, he's terrified of having to leave it all behind without telling anybody. Terrified of what our parents are gonna say. Most of all, terrified of what's gonna happen to your sister."  
  
Hanbin keeps staring at Bobby on the field, drawing blood from his lips because of how strongly he's biting into them. He knows that everything he's saying is true. Knows that this is absolutely insane. Knows that they'll never be happy without his sister, without their friends.   
  
Knows that he couldn't live without Bobby even if he wanted to and how the feeling in his chest erases every doubt he's ever had.   
  
"I-"  
  
"You're right. Completely fucking right. Bobby's just stubborn and Hanbin doesn't want to live without him so he'll go along with any stupid plan he thinks of."  
  
Jinhwan leans over him, hand on his knee colder than the one he's used to.   
  
Chanwoo takes the moment to high five him and Hanbin mopes at the both of them, lips turning into a pout.   
  
"Look, we'll support you no matter what but just promise me," Jinhwan stares over at Chanwoo's worried face before changing his sentence. "Promise _us_ , that you'll think about everything we just said before stepping on that train. Alright?"  
  
Hanbin raises his gaze just to be met with Bobby's. His whole body shivers as he grabs their pinkys with a defeated 'alright'.   
  
The guys smile throughout the rest of the game yet he can't seem to.   
 

  
* 

  
"Tell me if it's out of line but.. are you over Bobby?"  
  
Chanwoo's voice is hushed, no one but them being able to hear it. At least Hanbin hopes so,  when he cheks to see Donghyuk conversing and most probably stealing Yunhyeongs' date.   
  
Jinhwan almost drops his drink, that's definitely something alcoholic judging by his breath, the bottle landing on Hanbins' thighs instead.  
  
"How--how did you-"  
  
Chanwoo smirks at the both of them and Hanbin has a hard time not slapping him on the shoulder. This kid is _evil._  
  
"Come on Jinhwan, I've known you for years. I'm not as oblivious to everything as my brother. So, are you over him? I mean you couldn't possibly endorse this situation if you weren't but..who knows right?"  
  
Chanwoo bumps their shoulders together trying to get a smile out of him but Hanbin focuses on keeping the tip of his nose warm and staring at his boyfriend instead. Bobby's smile seems to do the trick.   
  
"You know I never believed Bobby when he said you're a chaotic evil type of guy but now I really _really_ do."  
  
Chanwoo coos with a loud 'thank you', fluttering his lashes at Jinhwan's annoyed face. Hanbin holds back his smirk.   
  
"But I'm over him. It's done with. I'm not even into guys anymore."  
  
Hanbin cautiously stares at Jinhwan and the back of Junhoes' head. It's awfully quiet now and he wonders if the other can hear them. Wonders if Jinhwan wants him to.   
  
"Why's that?"  
  
Jinhwan snorts, taking a sip from the drink and staring off into the distance until his gaze lands on Junhoe's back.   
  
"Because someone else broke my heart. End of story."  
  
Hanbin sees the tips of Junhoes' ears turn pink and now he's definitely sure the other heard them. Hoping that this might not be the end of their relationship but maybe a beginning instead.   
  
Jinhwan doesn't acknowledge him for the rest of the night and neither does he.  
  
The game is about to end when Bobby scores, the guys jumping up in glee.   
  
Hanbin notices the crowd ignoring them though. Notices how the clapping dies down as soon as it started and how there are a few guys snickering at him, yelling loud 'boos' he's sure Bobby can hear.  
  
The laughter dies in his throat as a feeling bubbles up in his chest, taking over every part of his body, grabbing him along for the ride.   
  
"Bobby! We love you!"  
  
He smiles down at him, legs wobbling from what he's just said. Jinhwans' eyes sparkle as he yells the same along with Chanwoo, Donghyuk and even Jisoo, Yunhyeong jumping on Bobby's back in pure glee.   
  
Bobby sends what seems like a finger heart up at them and Hanbin forgets the whispers and the looks and the crawling underneath his skin, savoring the love that runs through him instead.   
  
They end up winning the last game of the season, Bobby hollering loudly as they run to the field, huddling for a group hug that squeezes the air right out of him. He doesn't mind though, doesn't mind at all when he sees Bobby's face and knows no matter what they'll choose, it'll work out. 

  
  
*

  
  
"So, I got some pizza from Junhoes' uncle and a kiss from Jisoo. Congratulate me!"  
  
Yunyeong's making his way to the crowded living room couch, just after they're done telling Donghyuk about the escape plan. The air is tense around them and Hanbin wishes he could take away the bitter feeling of a farewell.

"You kissed Junhoe's uncle and got pizza from Jisoo?"  
  
Yunhyeong punches Bobby in the chest, as the other falls all over Hanbin, making him squirm away from his touch. Jinhwan rolls his eyes at them as Yunhyeong finally realizes something's different.   
  
"Why do y'all look like zombies? Did Bobby make you watch that stupid movie again?"  
  
Bobby pounces off the sofa to tackle him as Donghyuk and Chanwoo laugh, Jinhwan downing his glass of wine with a fond expression on his face.   
  
"Nope, Hanbin and I are leaving."  
  
He's on top of Yunhyeong when he says it, the other a bit bewildered and not really sure where he should put his hands. Hanbin finds it to be highly amusing.   
  
Jinhwan tells him the entire story as Yunhyeong withers away from Bobby's touch, staring at the ceiling as he hears the news.  
  
"We'll that's stupid."  
  
Bobby's sprawled all over him again, the others squeezed together on the end of the couch, giving them both a very annoyed look.  
  
"We know."  
  
Hanbin swallows the urge to run and plays with Bobby's hair instead. Listening to arguments unfold.   
  
"No but seriously guys, just think about staying for a little while."  
  
Donghyuk's taking down his ponytail and Hanbin notices a few blonde streaks in his hair. He wonders if they're for a girl and how much of his life he'll miss while they're away. He squeezes Bobby's thigh as the ticking in the back of his mind intensifies.   
  
"Think about telling mom and dad. Bobby, you know they'll help!"  
  
Chanwoo's sitting on the ground with Yunhyeong now, the other taking the opportunity to use him as a mattress. Chanwoo's protests go unnoticed.   
  
"They'll react badly. I just know it. Besides we can't.. we can't just.."  
  
Hanbin stares into Bobby's eyes as the other tries to find answers in his. Chanwoo makes a gagging sound when Hanbin ducks down to where Bobby's laying on his lap, to kiss the corner of his mouth in an attempt to wipe off that frown.   
  
"Can we not talk about this?"  
  
He turns to the others when Bobby's frown doesn't disappear, instead deepening into something similar to worry and that very familar feeling of his - dread.   
  
"Fine. But just..there are other options out there."  
  
Hanbin doesn't know if he has enough willpower to wait for those to work. 

  
  
* 

  
  
Hanbin wakes up on Saturday to Hanbyul's soft giggles as some guy from the market brings in a huge Christmas tree. He swallows hard at the look on her face, at the look on his mothers' face and hopes he doesn't look too happy. Hopes his legs don't jitter as he tells her a lie about going over to Jeongyeons' later that night. Hopes that running is worth it. That he won't lose it all in the process. Lose himself.   
  
"Hanbinnie, decorate with me!"  
  
It's sunny outside but Hanbin couldn't tell, _can't tell_  without counting the freckles on Bobby's face.   
  
"Sure, but be careful."  
  
She nods as he kneels down next to her and starts grabbing the same old ornaments from their same old boxes. He doesn't know if the night will end the same old way or not.  
 

  
* 

  
  
The backpack he has on feels twice as lighter as the weight on his shoulders. The same weight that shifts to his lungs as soon as he notices Bobby on the other side of the tracks.   
  
Bobby waves at him before running over, acting just as carelessly as always. He reaches him with a huge smile, eyes sparkling as Hanbin recounts the freckles on his face. He smiles when he notices a new one.  
  
"You ready?"  
  
Hanbin doesn't answer, hands finding his hips instead, pulling him forward for a kiss. It makes his insides feel lighter for a little bit, like he's ready to take off into the unknown.   
  
Bobby pulls away just as the first flakes of snow fall between them and Hanbin thinks that the sweat in the hollow of his neck tastes less like raindrops and more like morning dew. More like home.  
  
"Not really."  
  
Bobby chuckles, pulling him in for another chaste kiss, lips hovering over his as it ends. Their noses brush together, Hanbins' heart trying to beat out of his chest and through the heavy fog that's crowding over his lungs.   
  
"You know, I haven't kissed you in a day and it already feels too long."  
  
Bobby brushes their noses together for the umpteenth time, Hanbins' numb lips regaining some color thanks to his breath. He counts the snowflakes on Bobby's cheeks to focus.   
  
"You know, it's our first Christmas together."  
  
Bobby's hands around his neck tighten, mittens scratching him a bit too roughly. He smiles anyway.  
  
"Merry Christmas, Bin."  
  
Hanbin feels his chest tighten at the words and at the way Bobby's looking at him. At how he sees fresh starts in there. A spark that's contaminated him into becoming a better person. A _new_ person.   
  
"Merry Christmas, Bob."  
  
He thinks of Hanbyul for a second, wonders if she's sitting by the tree alone, waiting for her big brother to arrive to open her gifts. Thinks of her long fingernails and the way they'd scratch her skin when she'd find out he's gone forever.   
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
Bobby's looking up at him, concerned but happy. Hanbin can't break the bubble, can't destroy their dream. But he thinks he just might have to, morning dew be damned.   
  
"Bobby I...I uhh..."  
  
Bobby's arms are warm around him, like the home he's desperately been waiting for,  ever since he knew what the word even meant.   
  
"I don't think I can..I don't think I can go. I can't leave her. Jinhwan's right. They're all right. We can't just go like this."  
  
The weight falls from his shoulders but stays heavy on his lungs as Bobby's arms detach from him. Hanbin feels the sting of it deep in his gut. In his eyes as he tries to blink it away.    
  
"I'm so glad you said that."  
  
He raises his gaze, hoping he looks as confused as he feels. Hoping Bobby won't leave him behind not now, not ever.   
  
"I don't want to go either. At least not right now. Not like this."  
  
Laughter bubbles up in his throat as Bobby takes a step back, grabbing his arm so they could go sit. Grabbing him and not even thinking of letting go. Hanbin feels the fresh air burn his lungs as he stares back at their footsteps on the fresh coat of snow. Stares back at his past and into the eyes of his future.   
  
"We'll get you out of that house no matter what, Bin. I'll..I'll talk to my parents. Maybe they can think of something better."  
  
Hanbin feels his mouth turn up with a smile as Bobby's mittened fingers find his. As they point to their constellation.  
  
"I wanted to help on my own but I..I don't think this would at all."  
  
Hanbin shifts closer, pulling Bobby on his lap as the other yelps and tries giving him a weirdly angled eskimo kiss. He holds back the weird giggles trying to burst out  of him to focus on the feeling in his gut. The feeling surrounding him. That everything will be alright.   
  
"I'm trying to be serious here!"  
  
Bobby pouts at him, entwining their limbs so that there's no way he could escape. The pout turns into a heavy breath as Hanbin nips at his neck, breathing him in. Letting the snow fall on his cheek as he rests it against Bobby's, feeling the calm take over like that stupid scent of his.  
  
"You have no idea how much you've helped, Bob. I mean it."  
  
And he really does mean it. Knows he has to step into those steps he took earlier, has to be the Hanbin in those same old sneakers, the one whos gaze would never raise above the ground. Knows he has to be the old Hanbin and not the new one. The new one who's sitting with Bobby on his lap, building a home right in front of his own frostbitten nose, not even accepting the possibilty of losing it. Of losing himself.   
  
He walks home an hour later, feeling the weight shift off of him completely. Feeling the snowflakes chase down his neck in a new game.   
  
A new beginning.   
  
~~Flight~~. _Fight._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so here it is!! ive been struggling with this chapter for five days now and finally got it out on xmas.. an xmas miracle??? i think so!  
> im gonna check the mistakes later as usual for me but i do hope you like it!! its mostly the guys giving advice and double b not listening until they listen but whatever.. also i think this fic will have max 5 chapters left?? theres not much left to tell in this world so stay tuned!! for lots of eskimo kisses and minimal drama probably.  
> merry https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Z-Nu351j58 to all!


	26. Banana Pancakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last time.

'you up for sum milkshakes? ;)'   
  
He's home with Hanbyul, wondering if Bobby's parents are already in town. If they already know. The text surprises him and so does the smile that keeps creeping on his face.   
  
'Im babysitting Hanbyul. Can't.X'   
  
Hanbyul's watching some old Chinese cartoon he doesn't understand and Hanbin already promised to make them mug cakes. He just has to find the recipe on his phone before his mother arrives.   
  
'cum on :(( meet you in two hours?'   
  
Hanbin wants to say no, wants to argue that she'll get suspicious. He agrees instead, the pull Bobby has on him stronger than anything he's ever felt.   
  
"Hanbinnie, can we eat cake now?"  
  
She turns around, her big eyes staring up at him and he can't help but nod. Hanbin is whipped for Bobby and most of all for the smile Hanbyul wears whenever he's with her. 

  
  
*

  
It's snowing heavily when he arrives to the coffee shop downtown, snowflakes melting in his lashes. Bobby's waiting for him outside, in what seems like three layers of hoodies.  
  
Hanbin holds in a laugh and tries to hold in the burst of warmth that floods through him as soon as Bobby's gaze meets his with a big smile. He can't. 

"Hey you."

Bobby's teeth are chattering and Hanbin wants to scold him but doesn't have the heart to.   
  
"I thought you were serious about our relationship. I guess I was wrong."  
  
Bobby's smile turns into a shocked scowl, cheeks pinker than they've ever been before. Hanbin wants to squeeze them and barely holds himself back.   
  
"What?"  
  
He bites his lip and just knows his eyes are twinkling. He can't help it when he's looking at Bobby. He thinks no one can.   
  
"You're clearly not in this for the long run. You're gonna die in a week if you keep dressing like that."  
  
Bobby's scowl turns playful and Hanbin takes a careful step back. Bobby inches closer, gloved fingers hovering over his hips. Hanbin feels himself shiver in anticipation.   
  
 "I hate you."  
  
Bobby's on him in seconds, fingers pinching his sides as he tries to tickle him. Hanbin lets him, cackling so hard he thinks he might break. He doesn't worry about it though, knowing Bobby's arms will always hold him together.   
  
"You're gonna pay for that comment. I demand a piggyback ride home."  
  
Hanbin feels the laughter still stuck in his throat as Bobby lets go of him, the residues of it gathering in the pit of his stomach and making the butterflies swirl just as hardly as the snow around them.   
  
"Fine. But you're paying for the shakes."  
  
Bobby pouts and grabs his arm, pulling him inside and muttering a quiet yes. Before they can get through the door he gives Bobby a kiss. Small and hidden, behind his ear where he likes it most.   
  
Bobby's cheeks turn a deeper shade of pink at that, as if he's been told a treasured secret. Something he needs to guard at all costs. Hanbin hopes he does so.  
  
"What were you staring at at?"  
  
Bobby's back from ordering something ridiculously large and ridiculously sweet. Hanbin wants to taste it on his tongue.   
  
"Nothing."  
  
Bobby smiles at him, knocking their knees together under a table that's way too small for two growing boys. Men.   
  
"Come on, I know you were checking me out. No one looks that horny when they're thinkin about cheesecake milkshakes."  
  
Hanbin knocks their knees together again, this time a little harder. Bobby overexaggerates his wince and Hanbin doesn't feel bad about it at all. Okay, maybe a little.   
  
"I was.. just.. thinking."  
  
Bobby quirks his brow, chin covered in whipped cream. Hanbin fights the urge to lick it off.   
  
"About?"  
  
He feels his own cheeks heat up as his thoughts take him back to their first kiss. To the sauna. To Bobby's words of not being like that. And to Bobby eating those same words off of his stomach wi-  
  
"Hey, we don't have forever you know."  
  
_At least not right now_.  He wants to add but continues on with something he's never said out loud to Bobby. With something he never thought he'd get the chance to say.   
  
"I was just thinking about me. And you. And us. And how I'm not scared anymore."  
  
Bobby's dimples are hidden by the cream and it's driving him mad. Bobby seems to know as he keeps getting it all over himself, eyes sparkling with mischief.   
  
"I thought you were gonna say that you love my ass or something."  
  
Bobby cackles at Hanbins' responsive punch, milkshake almost falling in his lap. Hanbin stops laughing only when the clerks start giving them distasteful glances and he remembers having to keep a low profile.   
  
"I do love your ass, _honey_. I think about it way too much already. So I thought I'd change it up a little today."  
  
Bobby kicks him in the knee playfully, even though it actually does hurt. Hanbin holds in his groans so he wouldn't worry and wonders if this is what love is all about.   
  
"I'm just surprised at how different everything feels, you know? I never thought there was a light at the end of the tunnel. I never thought I'd see the sun when I opened my curtains and now the sun is sitting right in front of me with--with stupid cream all over his face."   
  
Hanbin smiles as he leans forward and lets his cold thumb swipe it all off. Bobby looks soft and cuddly now, complete pudding under his touch and his gaze. Hanbin thinks they don't need to do the hunting anymore.   
  
"Stop calling me the sun. The last time I checked, we weren't living in a Nicholas Sparks novel."  
  
Bobby's grabbing onto his hand now, the one that's still stuck on his face. His fingertips feel warm and inviting. Hanbin thinks he might look just as soft and just as satisfied as his boyfriend.   
  
"Fine. I'll stop giving you compliments all together. Let's see how your fine ass will survive. Sorry, I mean completely regular ass."  
  
Bobby gives his thumb a quick peck, invisible to the eyes of others. Hanbin can still feel the heat rush through him.   
  
"I hate you."  
  
The air constricts in his lungs at the way Bobby's looking at him. Hanbin wonders if he would've ever felt this exact way with anyone else. He thinks not.   
  
"I hate you more."  
 

  
*

  
"So...why didn't you tell me you didn't want to leave?"  
  
It's still snowing heavily and Hanbin hopes he doesn't swallow too much of it, creating another devastating snowball in the pit of his stomach. It's already crowded enough.   
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
Bobby's lips are turning bluer with every step they take. Hanbin pulls him in close so that their hips would touch. So that their knuckles would brush.   
  
"Chanwoo told me that you were just doing this to make me feel better. Why didn't you say anything?"  
  
Bobby's cheeks are bright pink again and Hanbin pulls him in even closer, gaze locked on his face. Bobby's step falters for a second before he adjusts to their rhythm, to telling the truth himself.   
  
"Do we have to talk about this? I just.. wanted to get you out of here, that's all."  
  
Bobby looks at him only when he has no other choice, Hanbins' numb fingers grabbing his chin to stare into his eyes. Into the sun.   
  
"Bobby, we always talk about things like this. I don't want you to ever sacrifice yourself for me, got it?"  
  
Bobby snorts and pulls his face away and it feels a lot colder than the wind that's howling through them.   
  
"Hanbin, I'd sacrifice myself for you everyday if it was necessary. I just don't want to see you suffer anymore. I love you too much to let her even put a finger on you." Bobby takes a deep breath before staring back at him. " I'd do anything for you."  
  
And that's all Hanbin needs to hear before he leans in and kisses him.   
  
"I'm still gonna get my piggyback ride, right?"  
  
Bobby tastes like chocolate, warm and delicious. Hanbin doesn't mention it.   
  
"You're an idiot."  
 

  
*

  
"Hanbinnie, what are you doing?"  
  
Hanbyul's running into his room the next day, just as he's smiling to himself, humming a tune Bobby played for him yesterday.  
  
"Getting ready."  
  
She sits on his bed, legs crossed and eyes falling shut. Hanbin tightens his belt and feels his heart do the same.   
  
"For what?"  
  
He wants to tell her the truth. Wants to tell her he's going to see his friends and kiss his boyfriend and have a good time for once in his life. Instead he smiles and keeps his mouth, tucking her into his bed when she actually does nod off.   
  
Her smile isn't as innocent and warm as Hanbyuls' when she asks the same.   
  
"I'm going out with Jeongyeon. She's waiting for me downtown."  
  
Her fingernails click against the handrail as she contemplates an answer. Hanbin holds his breath and thinks about counting freckles on Bobby's cheeks again. His smile to her is genuine for once.   
  
"Have a good time."  
  
And Hanbin finally will, fingers already itching for the cocoa Jinhwan's making. 

  
  
* 

 

He makes it to Jinhwans' an hour later, fingers frozen to the point where he thinks they'll fall off. He tries knocking on the door but can't get his hand to make a fist. 

A warm puff of air hits the side of his face and he winces.   
  
"Stop teasing me with warmth and knock on the door, will you?"  
  
Bobby's laugh gets stuck somewhere in his throat, replaced by a cough instead. Hanbin turns to him to smirk, Bobby's mittened hands weakly punching him on the shoulder.   
  
"I told you so."  
  
Bobby gives him an angry glare that turns into a sneeze. Or two. Or three.   
  
"Yeah, yeah whatever you're not my mom."  
  
The door opens before either of them can move, Jinhwans' eyes turning wide when he spots them.   
  
"Jesus, I thought my brothers locked themselves out again. What are you standing there for? Come in or go buy more drinks. The choice is yours."  
  
Bobby's eyes widen in horror as he sprints past Jinhwan's tiny figure. Jinhwan laughs, holding the door open as Hanbin eases his frostbitten toes into moving again. It's harder than he thought.   
  
" _So_.. you have a lot of explaining to do."  
  
Hanbin gives him a glare as he finally enters, shivering from the change of temperature and from the big grins that welcome him.   
  
"Yeah, whatever. You're not my mom."  
  
The look in Jinhwans' eyes sure says he is. 

  
  
* 

  
"I thought you were off to live your gay dream and stuff. What happened? Did you get a sudden...lust for bust?"  
  
Yunhyeong's mouth is full of..something Hanbin doesn't want to know, as he makes the stupidest joke of the century.  
  
"What happened is, they listened to my brilliant advice. Was about time."  
  
Jinhwan's knocking their shoulders together, sitting down next to him and Bobby. He reminds him a little bit of Hanbyul, cross legged and eyes falling shut. Hanbin holds in his smile of fondness and the snort that'd definitely get him jabbed in the stomach.   
  
"We just couldn't do it. _Chanwoo_ was right about everything."  
  
The jabs are passed onto Bobby instead and Hanbin lets out the snort that he's been fighting for the last ten minutes. Bobby glares at him but his arm doesn't move an inch from his shoulders. Hanbin snuggles closer, avoiding Yunhyeong's eyeroll.   
  
"Bobby's an idiot and idiots shouldn't be in love."  
  
This time the hand does move, attacking Jinhwan with ferocity. The other yelps and drags himself away, into Donghyuks' protective arms.   
  
" _Jesus_ , Hanbin you fell in love with a beast."  
  
Bobby takes a deep breath before returning back to his side, letting his head rest in the crook of his shoulder, response getting muffled by Hanbins' overheated skin.   
  
"What?"  
  
Donghyuk's eating his second bag of chips and Hanbin wonders how he keeps in shape.   
  
"I'm a beast yeah, but in _bed._ Get it?"   
  
Jinhwan throws a pillow at Bobby's eyebrow wiggling face and the other's ready to retaliate, everyone's gagging be damned. But there's a knock on the door before he can do it.   
  
Hanbin pulls his boyfriend closer again, letting his eyes fall shut as he kisses his hair, wondering who it might be.  
  
"Did you invite Chanwoo?"  
  
Yunhyeong's putting on chapstick and Hanbin wants to ask about it but before he can, Jinhwan's opening the door and the room is filled with silence.   
  
His heart skips an entire beat as he stays completely still, Bobby wiggling in his arms trying to see who it is. Hanbin has a dreadful feeling of who it might be. Can taste the blood in his mouth already.   
  
"Junhoe?"  
  
And the sigh of relief he wants to let go of gets swallowed instead. It isn't her. But it isn't safe either.   
  
There's silence for a full minute until Jinhwan finally opens his mouth. Hanbin still doesn't dare to turn around.   
  
"What are _you_ doing here?"  
  
Donghyuk finally chews the last of his chips and swallows with a gulp so loud that it echoes through the house.   
  
"Can I uhh... Can I come in?"  
  
Hanbin does turn around then, thanks to Bobby's incentive tugging. Jinhwan looks distraught, hurt, fragile - everything he's felt for the past weeks. But Junhoe looks even worse. Tired and worn out, like something's been eating him up alive.   
  
"Fine, five minutes and you're gone. Deal?"  
  
Junhoe steps past him then, hovering over him for a while until his feet finally touch the ground again. Hanbin wonders if he's been missing Jinhwan just as much as the other's been missing him. Or even more.   
  
"If you're here to kill the mood then please go."  
  
Donghyuk's glasses are back on, making him look stern and cold. Hanbin thinks they all mirror that image.   
  
Junhoe finally looks at him, lowering his gaze in shame. Hanbin sees how Bobby's nostrils flare and he hopes they'll settle this calmly.   
  
"You can sit here. If you want."  
  
Jinhwan's arms are crossed and so is he, mouth trembling as he tries to hold back everything he's been keeping inside him for years.   
  
"I'm uhh.. I don't even know where to start, really."  
  
Junhoe sits on the edge of the sofa, legs jittering as he lets out a quiet breathless laugh. Hanbin doesn't raise his eyes.   
  
"Guys I'm...I'm really sorry. I didn't think you'd all be here. I wanted to ask Jinhwan if he could get you all together and I thought I had time to think about what I was gonna say but uhh.. I guess not."  
  
Bobby's grabbing onto him tight enough that his knuckles are turning white and Hanbin finds himself trying to calm the both of them down, fingers on his thigh, bunched in his sweatpants.   
  
"You _should_ be sorry. You should be begging on your knees for us to forgive you."  
  
Jinhwan's glaring at him, blinking rapidly to hide the tears that won't stop coming.   
  
" _Jinhwan_.. let him finish."  
  
Donghyuk's voice is soft and careful as he pulls Jinhwan towards himself by his knees and makes him sit down, head resting on his shoulder as Jinhwan tries his hardest to keep some composure.  
  
Hanbin hopes he isn't pinching Bobby with how hard he's trying to bury his fingers in his thigh.   
  
"Look I--I know what I said was completely wrong. I know that and I'm sorry. I just.. got scared."  
  
He's looking at them now, at how they're grabbing onto each other for dear life. Hanbin feels his stomach twist at the wince that slowly appears on Junhoes' face.  
  
"I got scared that everything was gonna change. That things weren't going to be like they used to. I got scared because what you two had. _.have_ made me realise I want the same thing. I had to face my own demons and I didn't want to do it. So I'm sorry. I'm so-"  
  
His voice cracks for a second and Hanbin can hear Donghyuk's gasp and feel his own desperately trying escape from the depths of his throat.   
  
"I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that I let you down when you needed me most. And I'm not trying to excuse my behaviour but I just.. Just know that I didn't mean to be such an asshole and hurt you guys."  
  
He stares at Jinhwan then and Hanbin feels a shaky breath fall from his lips. Bobby catches it between his own with a slight peck. Insuring him that he's there and he won't go anywhere.   
  
"I'm sorry I hurt you."  
  
Jinhwan stares at his hands then, blinking rapidly again and Hanbin feels the air around them shift. Wonders why and gets the answer as soon as he glances at Junhoe, at the love that's written all over his features.   
  
"Look I don't know about Bobby and Hanbin but I think we should give him another chance. What'd you guys think?"  
  
Yunhyeong's question is firm yet a bit timid, fingers messing with his chapstick.   
  
"Fine by me. As long as he keeps his promise of not being an asshole anymore."  
  
Hanbin hears how his voice sounds, a little shaky but even when it needs to be. Bobby's staring at him with confusion in his eyes. Hanbin grabs his hand and entwines their fingers which makes him nod along immediately.  
  
"If Hanbin is okay with it, then I am too. But Junhoe.. if you ever hurt Jin-"  
  
"It's okay. He can stay."  
  
Jinhwan's voice is throaty, like he's been crying invisible tears and Hanbin knows exactly how that feels. Jinhwan lets out a shaky breath, eyes meeting Junhoe's again.   
  
"Stay. Please."  
  
Junhoe bites his lip not to smile too wide, eyes falling shut as he collects himself.   
  
"I'm staying for as long as you want me to."  
  
Yunhyeong and Donghyuk share glances at that and Hanbin wonders if they're still oblivious to the feelings in the air, between them. Mixed in with every word they just said.   
  
"Alright. Who wants cocoa?"  
  
Jinhwan gets up and wipes at his eyes, noticeable to every one else but himself.   
  
"I'll help."  
  
Junhoe's smile is genuine and wide, cheeks a bit pink and eyes puffy. Hanbin squeezes Bobby's fingers in delight, hoping that the roller coaster they're about to step on is a lot less scarier than the one he's soon gonna step off of.   
  
"Hey wait, since when does Yunhyeong use chapstick?"  
  
Junhoe's almost in the kitchen when Donghyuk answers.   
  
"Since he got a girlfriend."  
  
_"WHAT???!??!??!?!"_

 

*

 

  
"Come over tomorrow."  
  
They're getting ready to leave when Bobby's hands slip under his shirt, warm against the tips of his hipbones.   
  
"Tomorrow? But my mom's home all day."  
  
He lets his fingers trail down Bobby's forearms as he wishes he could go for just a day. For the rest of his life.   
  
"Yeah well she's always at the market before noon. Come over. My parent's fly in around 3 pm so it'd be perfect."  
  
Bobby's breath ghosts over his nape, as his lips hover of the side of his neck. Hanbin wants to jump out of his skin.   
  
"I'll see what I can do."  
  
Bobby bites into his neck then, softly but with an edge of roughness behind it. Hanbin winces, breath getting caught in his throat when Bobby licks it over, soothing and maddening all at once.   
  
"You're gonna come over. It's a deal. See you at 9 am."  
  
"9 am? _Booobbyyy._.."  
  
He doesn't pretend to hold back his whine this time around, knowing the punishment will be worth it.   
  
"Jesus christ guys, get a room."  
  
Yunhyeong's there to ruin the moment, Bobby's fingers letting go of his nipples and _how the hell did they get there?_    
  
"You're leaving too?"  
  
Donghyuk's already behind him, waving at the living room as he speaks in a hushed tone.  
  
"I think they need to talk about stuff."  
  
Hanbin glances towards the living room then, at Junhoe's adoring eyes on Jinhwan's face and at Jinhwan's fingers playing mindlessly on his forearm. Making patterns that'll last for a lifteime. He looks away, feeling like it's something he shouldn't have seen.  
  
"A lot of stuff."

  
  
*

  
Hanbin's stepping into Bobby's house, feeling like an intruder but not having any other choice since no one's come to open.  
   
It's slightly past 9 am and he feels like a zombie, waking up just around the time his mother and Hanbyul left, sitting in bed and hoping she wouldn't come back and spot him fresh out the shower, skin flushed by his own imagination.  
  
It's sunny outside and the crisp cold has made his cheeks fiery red. He roams around the house, quietly taking off his shoes and wondering if Bobby's still asleep. 

He makes it to the room upstairs, spotting a figure bent down searching something from the closet. He smiles to himself, hoping that this is the image he'll to see for the rest of his life.   
  
He lets his hands sneak around his boyfriend, fingers dipping gently under his shirt and moving down to the edge of his jeans.  
  
 "Mornin'. How'd you sleep?"  
  
_"Bobby's in the shower!! Bobby's in the shower!!"_  
  
Chanwoo whips around, eyes wide with horror. Hanbin's mortified, stepping away and almost tripping on his own feet.   
  
"I'm so sorry, I thought--I thought that you-"  
  
Chanwoo brushes past him with fresh clothes, running down the stairs as if he's being chased by those same demons Junhoe talked about.   
  
"I know, I know. I'm flattered you thought that my bod' is just as hot as Bobby's but like.. next time please check. I'm off to my tutors. Bye."  
  
Hanbin's left standing at the edge of the stairs, bewildered by what just happened.   
  
"So.. you're into my brother now."  
  
He whips around as fast as he can, cheeks burning from embarrassment. Bobby's chuckling softly at him though and Hanbin thinks it's alright.   
  
"Yeah, what can I say, you're getting kinda old."  
  
Bobby's towel keeps falling lower and lower as he cackles at the joke, probably thinking of a good comeback.   
  
He can't seem to come up with one when Hanbin keeps staring at his wet torso, tongue unconsciously wetting his lips. So he rips his towel off with one swift movement and chases him around until they're sprawled on his bed, half naked and panting, lips not even brushing yet.   
  
"You know, you look a lot better without clothes."  
  
Hanbin snorts, pulling off his jeans and falling back down on the bed, Bobby's hand softly grazing the hairs on his navel, his boxers tenting with every touch.   
  
"Chanwoo said I look better with my clothes on. I think I agree."  
  
Bobby's turning towards him then, pushing himself up on his elbow and staring at the way Hanbin's stomach quivers with every tentative move he makes.   
  
"You're.. wrong."  
  
His lip gets caught between his teeth as his eyes wander down to Hanbins' incredibly hard cock.   
  
"Are you gonna make a move or do I have to do it myself?"  
  
He hears how throaty he sounds, how his voice is thick and deep.   
  
"Do it yourself."  
  
Hanbin opens his eyes to stare up at him, biting his lips hard enough to bruise. He pushes Bobby's hand away then, and plunges his own deep into his boxers, grabbing himself just as he likes it.   
  
It's hard and rough, as biting as the wind outside their own little world. He closes his eyes, imagining Bobby on top of him and letting out a quiet whimper, tugging at his own nipple and seeing fireworks brighter than the ones that'll soon fill the sky on New Years Eve.   
  
He opens his eyes when his hand gets pushed away, Bobby's own cock now throbbing against his thigh. Hanbin swallows a moan as Bobby's hand works him, slow and steady. Nothing like he wants.  Sweet like molasses, like the honey that's stuck on the roof of his mouth whenever he tries to speak.   
  
"Kiss me. Please."  
  
And Bobby complies, rolling on top of him in a second, lips crashing against his. It feels electrifying. Feels like his body is being lit up with every touch of skin against skin.   
  
Bobby tastes like chocolate and Hanbin licks into his mouth until he feels like he's swimming in it.   
  
"You smell like apple  & cinnamon again. Fuck, I've missed it."  
  
Hanbin laughs into the crook of his neck, bites into it when Bobby's fingers slowly tease his hole.   
  
"I've missed you."  
  
He hears the distant sound of a bottle opening as his thighs burn with the warmth of Bobby's fingers moving all over them. Heat trickles down his spine like drops of honey as soon as Bobby enters him.   
  
Hanbin laps away at the sweat in the hollow of his neck, gathers up all the morning dew that smells distinctly like honey and sees the sun before his eyes as he comes undone all over Bobby's freshly washed stomach. 

  
  
*

  
"You really are a beast in bed."  
  
He's staring at the half closed curtains and wondering how come the room is still filled with sunlight. He's still panting a little, perched on his stomach and wondering when Bobby'll lay all over him again.   
  
"I try my best."  
  
Hanbin snorts and stares at him, at the sweaty locks of hair that keep falling into his eyes. He wishes they could stay there forever.   
  
"So was this better than the first time?"  
  
Hanbin snorts again, the sound turning into a soft sigh as Bobby ghosts kisses all over his back and the curve of his ass.   
  
"I don't know. I think we might have to try again so I could make up my mind."  
  
Bobby buries his giggles into the small of his back, fingers scratching lazily at his sides. Hanbin feels goosebumps form all over his skin and wonders if anyone else would ever make him feel this way.   
  
"You know what?"  
  
Bobby's busy kissing the back of his shoulders but Hanbin thinks he might be listening.   
  
"What?"  
  
He turns around without giving any warning, Bobby falling into his arms with a yelp and a few unfortunate slaps to Hanbins' front. He doesn't mind though, especially since he can't help but say what's been on his mind this whole time.   
  
Bobby bumps their noses together, hiding his eyes from the love in Hanbins'. It's too much for a second. Too intense for him to bare. But Hanbin keeps staring until he gathers the courage to open his mouth and Bobby gathers the courage to look back up.   
  
"Falling in love with you is the best thing that ever happened to me."  
  
Bobby buries his head in his neck at that, kisses every inch of it, careful not to leave any marks.   
  
"Stop being so sappy."  
  
Hanbin cackles as Bobby leaves raspberry kisses all over his torso, nipping at the top of his navel.   
  
"Fine. I'll just go then."  
  
He pretends to get up, not really doing anything but moving his arm yet Bobby's all over him in seconds, falling on top and pushing his body into the mattress so hard he thinks his imprint might be there forever.   
  
"No! You can't go, we gotta make banana pancakes."  
  
Hanbin gets lost in the kiss Bobby gives him and has a hard time remembering what he said.   
  
"Banana pancakes?"  
  
Bobby smiles as he buries his face in his neck and makes Hanbin feel drops of honey all over his skin again. 

  
* 

  
He makes it home just in time for his mother to arrive. It takes her an hour until she calls him in to the kitchen and Hanbin hopes she doesn't notice the glow of his skin or the smile in his eyes.   
  
"You called?"  
  
Her eyes are just as cold as always and Hanbin feels a bit chilly all of a sudden.   
  
"Sit down."  
  
He feels himself gulp before he even does it. He hopes she's going to ask about Jeongyeon. Hopes that this isn't about the thing that he least wants to let go of. Hopes that this isn't about them at all.   
  
"I heard you were seen with that boy in a coffee shop. What did I tell you about keeping away from him?"  
  
Hanbin tastes the blood in his mouth and wills himself to say something, anything. Nothing comes out.   
  
"I..We didn't do anything."  
  
She snorts, fingernails clicking on her smartphone screen. There's a smile on her face that he can't really put a finger on and Hanbin feels the panic rise.   
  
"I told you to keep away. And since you haven't been following the rules there's nothing left for me to do. You're leaving the first week of January."  
  
He feels his arms shake as the news hit him with a tick in the back of his skull, harder and louder with each word she says.   
  
"You..You can't do that. I have to graduate mother I-"  
  
She looks at him then, that unfamiliar smile still on her face and Hanbin knows why it's there now.   
  
"Start packing."  
  
The ticking in the back of his skull intensifies and it's all he can hear for a while. All he can feel buzzing under his skin as he slowly steps into his room and thinks about losing the one and only thing in his life that's worth living for.   
  
So he does something stupid. Something that'll make her send him away earlier if she wants to. But he doesn't care right now. Won't care if it means he gets to see him one more time and tell him that they need to hurry if they want to make this happen. If they want to make their home happen.  
  
So he runs out the door fifteen minutes later, dressed in just a hoodie and bare feet stuffed in his old sneakers.   
  
" _Hanbin!_ Where are you going?!?"  
  
He's going home. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait!!! I tried writing this chapter seven times (no joke) and it didnt work at ALL and now ... finally!!! inspiration struck and its not the best but its here and its gonna be over soon!! im thanking the song banana pancakes for my sudden burst of creativity.  
> As usual, I'll check for mistakes later!


	27. Last Mile Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last mile home.

"Ha--Hanbin? What are you doing here?"  
  
He jumps into Bobby's arms as soon as the door opens, the other looking bewildered and a bit shaky. Hanbin doesn't know why he feels the knot in his stomach tighten, Bobby's presence always calming him down.  
  
"I..I'm sorry I had to come. Bobby she--she's sending me away next week. I can't do this I really can't."

He's grabbing onto Bobby for dear life, burrowing his face in his neck for a short minute as his fingers dig into his shoulder blades and into the dirt. Bobby's a bit jumpy but he doesn't let go, pushing the hair back from his eyes and staring at him in confusion but most of all - shock.  
  
"What'd you mean she's sending you away?"  
  
Hanbin buries his face in his chest without hesitation now, smelling the intense musk he's come to love and hate all at the same time.  
  
"She's sending me away. That's it. Someone saw us in the coffee shop and now I'm leaving and Hanbyul is staying here and I--I can't go without _you_. I can't do this Bobby. I'm not giving you up. Not this time."  
  
_Not ever._  
  
Bobby's eyes dart to the living room but return as soon as Hanbin lets out an almost inaudible sob.  
  
"Shh, Hanbin, it's gonna be alright. Okay? I'm not gonna let you leave."  
  
His hands are warm on his face, grabbing onto his cheeks with ferocity. Hanbin feels the sting of warmth all the way down in his toes.  
  
"I love you."  
  
Bobby's eyes widen a bit but not as much as when pushes forward, their lips colliding with a loud smack. Bobby's almost returning the kiss when there's the sound of something metallic hitting the floor a few feet away from them. Hanbin opens his eyes and knows there are a thousand questions in them. Bobby gulps but doesn't dare to turn around.  
  
When Hanbin does it for him, they're met with a spoon on the floor and Bobby's mother staring at them with her mouth wide open.  
  
" _Kim Jiwon_ , what is _this_?"  
  
Hanbin feels his heart sink into his stomach and wonders if it'll stay afloat.

  
*

  
"Mom..Mother I--"  
  
Hanbin feels himself pale as the realization dawns. The darting eyes. The knot in his stomach. They're not _alone_.  
  
"What is this? What's..What's going on?"  
  
Ms. Kim grabs the spoon from the floor and puts her tea cup down with shaky hands. Bobby lets out an awkward cough as he tries to think of answer. Anything but the truth, Hanbin assumes.  
  
But right now, the truth is all they need.  
  
"Hi umm.. I don't know if you remember me? I'm Hanbin. I'm Bobby's uhh..I'm his.."  
  
He wants to say the word but the look on her face makes him queasy enough he thinks he might have to puke. Bobby grabs his fingers and pulls him forward, against his back. Hanbin feels himself relax a little and knows he has to help Bobby do the same.  
  
"My other half."  
  
"He's my boyfriend."  
  
They exchange looks and Hanbin squeezes his fingers and sees Bobby exhale at last. Bobby's mother looks at them long and hard. Something dawns on her face and Hanbin's knees go weak. He feels them wobble and wonders if he's about to lose control of his body and everything he's fought so hard for.  
  
"I'm--I'm in love with your son Ms. Kim."  
  
She nods and sits down in the armchair. Hanbin wants to giggle all of a sudden, at the sight of her knees wobbling just as hard as his. He swallows the giddiness and the lump in his throat along with it.  
  
"I.. I see."  
  
Bobby takes a deep breath and storms forward. Hanbin finally feels how cold he is and wonders if it'll always be like this when Bobby leaves him. Hopes it doesn't have to come to that.  
  
"Mom I..I'm sorry I didn't tell you. But this was new. Well _is_ new and--and we're scared. And please.. just please don't hate me."  
  
His voice is shaky and Hanbin feels his heart clench in his chest so tightly that it's getting hard for him to breathe. He takes a tentative step forward and stands in the doorway, waiting for something to happen.  
  
"How long has this been going on for, son?"  
  
Her voice is steadier now but she isn't looking up at Bobby. Hanbin wants to go over there and hold him but rubs the mark on his wrist instead.  
  
"A..while. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I really am. I just.. We wanted to talk to you actually. Hanbins' mom is..she's--"  
  
He interrupts without thought.  
  
"Bobby that's not important right now."  
  
He doesn't expect Bobby to turn around in ~~anger~~ _desperation._  
  
"Yes it is! Hanbin's mom is trying to send him away to a mental health institution just because he's in love with me. She's _abusing_ him, mom. She's beating him and telling him he's worth nothing when he's worth _everything_ in this world."  
  
Hanbin's breath gets caught in his throat as he stares wide eyed at Bobby. The other stares at him with fear, the words he just said piling onto his shoulders and pressing down hard. Hanbin knows how that feels.  
  
"And Hanbin's sister is..she's so adorable mom. She's so young and adorable and I'm not letting Hanbin go to that facility. But if he doesn't she'll never let him see her again and mom..mom she can't do that to the both of them. I won't let her."  
  
Ms. Kim finally raises her head, shaking it as if she's been in a daze for years. Hanbin is still holding his breath but he doesn't dare to let it go just yet.  
  
"Bobby, son, let me think about this please. I need to.. think. And then we'll talk."  
  
She gets up from her chair and Bobby deflates, almost falling on his knees before her. Hanbin wants to pick him up and tell him he shouldn't. But he sees how earnest her eyes are when they lock with his own, sees how she'd never make her son kneel before her. Sees how a family should really be like.  
  
"You boys stay..stay here. I'll go speak to your father."  
  
"Mom-"  
  
Bobby's reaching for her when the aforementioned enters and Hanbin stumbles back a bit. Bobby glances at him but stands still, puffing out his chest in the most alpha way ever. Hanbin can smell the insecurity from a mile away, though.  
  
"Speak to me about what?"  
  
She gives them a look before grabbing him along and disappearing into the kitchen.  
  
There's silence for a while, until Bobby turns around and really does fall. Hanbin is there to catch him.  
  
"We did it."  
  
Bobby's voice is breathless but there's a smile in there. A smile in his eyes as their gazes lock.  
  
"We did."  
  
He wants to say how proud he is of him. Of them. But Bobby's already pulling him forwards and into the tightest hug he's ever had the pleasure to feel. Hanbin still doesn't want to let go.

  
*

  
They're sitting on the Kims' family sofa as the streetlights turn on outside. Hanbin hasn't said a word in fifteen minutes, Bobby doing all the talking for him.  
  
His father's gone to his study and Hanbin sees how tense Bobby is because of it. He knows there's probably going to be a lot more needed for him to accept 'whatever's going on between them'. But Hanbin also knows that he _will_ accept it. With a sigh and probably with a year.  
  
"And she's been doing this for ages, mom. Hanbin's never spoken up because he's never had anyone to speak to. But I'm here now. _We're_ here. And we have to help him."  
  
His mother lets out an exasperated sigh and Hanbin tightens the hold he has on Bobby's fingers, behind his back where no one can see. Bobby doesn't flinch, not even for a second.  
  
"Hanbin, is all of this true? Or is my son just over exaggerating things?"  
  
Hanbin sees how she wants to believe it's an exaggeration. Sees how she's begging for him to say that it's all okay and they're not in a shit ton of trouble.  
  
He squirms in his seat and opens his mouth but nothing comes out. Bobby whispers a silent 'its okay' and the ruins of the dam get washed away by the flood of his feelings.  
  
"It's true. She's...She's not okay. Ever since my dad died she's become someone I don't know. A monster. I can't--I can't do this any longer. I can't go back to her now that I know how love actually feels."  
  
Ms. Kim looks at him, her scrutinizing stare boring right through him. Hanbin hopes it sees all the right things. Hopes that it doesn't dig too deep.  
  
"If..If you don't believe me umm.. here's..."  
  
And he does something he's never done before. Shows her a part of him no one's gotten to know. Not even Bobby.  
  
He slides the sleeve of his hoodie up and turns around his arm. Points at something small, something that looks like a bugbite or a scratch. Something that makes her turn her head away and Bobby's breath hitch.  
  
It's the burn mark. The mark that's stuck on him forever. The one that's ticking in the back of his skull telling him to behave.  
  
"She marked me so I'd remember how to behave. It was a cigarette. Not as bad as the things she's done but the only thing that left a scar."  
  
Bobby's thumb slides over the mark, his fingertips shaking ever so lightly. Hanbin feels tears burning his eyes and wonders why they're coming out now. Why he's coming out now and not sooner. Not before all of this could happen to him.  
  
"Hanbin, I'm--"  
  
Ms. Kim crouches down and Hanbin startles, her face too close to his. He knows his tears are visible now. Knows that all of him is bared and wonders if they'll ever accept him.  
  
"Hanbin, I'm a laywer and I'm very good at what I do. Don't you think that I'm helping you just because you're with my son. I'm helping you because every and any mother would."  
  
He hears the silent 'real' that's stuck between her words. Any real mother. Hanbin thinks he's finally found one.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
She smiles and gets up, wiping at her own eyes. Hanbin feels a smile tugging at the corner of his lips and doesn't really know what to do with it. Bobby puts it against his own and Hanbin thinks that this is the first time he's ever felt as a human being. As someone who matters. He catches that feeling in his chest and lets it stay there for the rest of the night.

  
*

  
"Please don't go."  
  
He's borrowing one of Bobby's jackets after eating toast Ms. Kim made. He didn't mention how the honey on it reminded him of her son and his everlasting kisses.  
  
"I have to. I'm just gonna pack my things and come right back, alright?"  
  
He doesn't want to leave either. Doesn't want to let go of what he has right now.  
  
"Let me come with you then."  
  
Hanbin snorts and puts on his sneakers, Bobby helping him with them. He shivers at the closeness of their bodies, making Bobby smile.  
  
"I'll be fine Bobby. I'll just get my things and tell her to fuck off and come right back. Just.. let me know if your mom changes her mind or something."  
  
Bobby snorts and grabs him closer, puts his arms around him and breathes in the scent of him. Hanbin shivers and entwines their fingers, letting himself go for just a second.  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
Hanbin smiles and knows Bobby can tell he's doing so, even as he's standing behind him with his nose buried deep in his hair, lips sucking the lightest of bruises on his nape.  
  
"Yes. I'll be back in half an hour."

  
*

  
And it isn't fine. Not at all.  
  
"Listen to me young man, if you think you can come and go as you please-- If you think you can go to that idiots house without telling _me_ you're highly mistaken."  
  
Hanbin walks past her and pats Hanbyul's head, running up the stairs to grab his bag and start putting his life back together.  
  
"I can do whatever I want."  
  
He feels confident now. Feels as if the world is his to conquer. She stands in his doorway, fuming.  
  
Her nostrils flare in that way, that makes him shiver and hunch his shoulders. He still tries to seem confident.  
  
"So, what? You think you're gonna go play house with him?"  
  
Hanbin looks at her and nods, smiling wide and throwing a few pairs of socks into his gym bag. Her eyes are starting to bulge out of their sockets and Hanbin finds it to be amusing.  
  
"You can't love him. He can't love you. It's an _abomination_."  
  
Hanbin feels effervecent all of a sudden. He doesn't know if it's a bad sign or not.  
  
" _You're_ an abomination!"  
  
He turns around then and stares at her with all the anger he's kept inside for years. Something in her eyes changes and Hanbin feels his stomach tighten and stumbles backwards. She snickers at him and closes the door.  
  
Hanbin takes a deep breath before continuing but can't do so for long. There's a distinct sound behind his door and all of a sudden Hanbin knows exactly what's going on.  
  
"You can't do this!"  
  
He storms forward but it's too late. The door's locked and she has the key. Hanbin almost cackles at the metaphor of his life.  
  
"Oh, I can. And I will. Have a great night Hanbin."  
  
He's never felt as miserable as he does now, with his freedom in his hands and the way to it cut off.

  
  
*

  
'I cant leave. She locked me in my room.'  
  
His charger is nowhere to be found and Hanbin is dreading losing the last of his battery. Losing his contact with his only lifeline.  
  
'WTF??!?!? HANBIN IM CALLING THE POLICE!!'  
  
The buzz is louder than he thought it would be and he keeps still, listening for any movement behind the door. There is none.  
  
'No! Dont! Shes capable of turning this against us. Please dont. I'll be OK'  
  
He doesn't have to wait a minute for Bobby to respond and he hears his heart break as he reads the message.  
  
'hanbin stop fuckin around!! shes keeping you hostage!! i shouldve come along im such a fckin idiot :( im gonna cum over'  
  
It's his fault. It's his stupid stubbornness. It's him trying to fight back for the last time and losing anyway.  
  
'Its not your fault! I didnt think of this beforehand, ok? U can come over but be careful, alright?'  
  
Bobby doesn't respond and Hanbin feels his heart beating all the way up in his throat.

  
*

  
Bobby does come that night but Hanbin can only hear his voice from outside, yelling that he's going to come back and take him with.  
  
It hasn't felt as terrifying as all the other times she's locked him in yet it's starting to. Especially so when she enters his room the next night and sits down on his armchair with something in her hand that he can't quite see.  
  
"What...what's going on?"  
  
She smiles at him and pushes Hanbyul out the door, closing it behind her. Hanbin thinks of knocking her out and making a run for it but knows he couldn't do it. He's not the kind of a person she is. He's not her family.  
  
"You're leaving on Wednesday."  
  
Hanbin chokes on his own saliva. He tries to speak but his tongue feels too heavy in his mouth and he gets stuck staring at her instead. He has three more days left to live.  
  
"I'm not going anywhere."  
  
She smiles again and tightens her hand around the thing she's holding. Hanbin feels goosebumps gathering along the small of his back and tries to keep himself still.  
  
"Yes, you are. You're starting your New Year on a good note. Imagine if all the teens that are.. like you.. had a chance like this? They'd take it in a heartbeat."  
  
Hanbin wants to laugh yet no sound comes out of his throat. He feels a heavy weight in his chest and wonders if it's suffocating him and if it'll be faster than whatever she has in mind.  
  
He's about to protest again when she stands up and the belt unravels from her hand. Hanbin stares at it for the longest time until he feels numb enough to let her do whatever she wants with him.

 

  
*

  
'Im leaving on wednesday. Bye'  
  
Hanbin feels weaker than he has in years, the weird miso soup she made him churning in his stomach and making him dizzy.  
  
Bobby's text takes ages to come in.  
  
'dont do this to me bin. tell me where she's taking u and what time ur leaving.'  
  
Hanbin doesn't really think it'll make a difference but does as he's told. The next buzz is quicker.  
  
'im coming for u. u just wait.'  
  
And Hanbin does.

  
*

  
Wednesday arrives way too fast and too slowly at the same time. Hanbin hasn't heard from Bobby in days, ever since his phone decided to die on him and now he's sitting in his room and waiting for her to tell him when it's time to go and lose all the dignity he's ever had.  
  
He wonders if he should make a run for it as soon as she leads him to the car or if he should wait for Bobby. If Bobby really is coming for him and everything will finally be okay.  
  
She opens his door as soon as she's done with unloading his bags and Hanbin feels a desperate urge to just run. He knows it'll take him nowhere and puts on his jacket instead. Her smile of approval makes him gag.  
  
"Are you ready for your new life?"  
  
Hanbin thinks that the only new life he'd ever want to have is with Bobby. And she robbed him of the chance.  
  
He sits down and winces, the marks on his back making him ache. It's not as deep as the ache in his bones though, the one that's screaming because a certain heat of a certain body is missing.  
  
Hanbin waves at Hanbyul from the window and hopes that the neighbour who's babysitting her won't question the two lovely people that come to visit. The ones that'll hopefully take her to a better place that he isn't sure he'll ever have.  
  
It's about an hour into the drive when Hanbin starts thinking of Bobby again. It's not as if he isn't in the back of his mind all the time but now he's the front line and center.  
  
They agreed that Bobby'll stop the van near a gas station out of town. They agreed that Bobby'll come and rescue him. Like he's rescued him in so many ways before.  
  
But Hanbin isn't sure he's coming. They're passing the gas station and there's no sign of him. No sign of anything and the ache in his bones turns into a static buzz under his skin.  
  
He wonders if happy endings really are for princes and princesses and if he'll ever get the chance to have one.  
  
"We're almost there."  
  
Her voice sounds contempt and Hanbin feels like throwing up. He's scratching the burn mark on his wrist when it starts raining again and Hanbin accepts that it'll never stop.  
  
A sudden jolt goes through him as the car stops to a hault and his mother breathes loudly, confused at what just happened. Hanbin doesn't want to hope but his hearbeat skyrockets anyway and he looks out the window, praying that he's gonna be hunted again.  
  
He smells the earth and the musk in the air as the rain keeps pounding down around them, slowly turning into snow. His mother unlocks the doors to go check what happened and he takes the chance, hopping out with his bag, heartbeat thundering in his ears.

He looks up and it's _him_. It's Bobby. It's his new life, his future and his home everything wrapped up in one.  
  
He hears her gasp and starts running to the car in the middle of the road. Starts running until he feels he's lost it all. Shed the skin of his old self to become a new one.  
  
"I'm sorry! I'm _so_ sorry our car got totaled and we had to take Jinhwans'. I'm so sorry."  
  
Bobby's panting, worried look on his face deepening as Hanbin starts crying. He falls into his embrace, hearing nothing but their heartbeats in sync and the rain patting down on his skin.  
  
"You came."  
  
Bobby smiles at him and Hanbin cries more, the sound of it similar to a child lost in the woods. It's guttural and hollow and deep all at the same time. It's everything he's never gotten to let out. It's relief.  
  
His mother yells at him to come back, yells at him that he's worthless yet Hanbin has found his worth in the arms he's in right now.  
  
Bobby grabs his face in his hands and Hanbin feels his shoulders shake as their lips touch, tears covering his face as he tries his hardest not to sneeze all over his boyfriend.  
  
His fingertips find the hem of his coat and bury themselves underneath it, finally digging through the dirt as Bobby digs through his heart and burrows there.  
  
Their breaths mingle as their lips part, Bobby's tongue darting out to lick his lips one last time. Hanbin feels an involuntary giggle escape his throat as he tightens his grip on Bobby and the feeling of hope that's finally blooming in his chest.  
  
"Let's go home."  
  
Hanbin nods and takes his hand, staring at the specks of sun on Bobby's face and not even bothering to hide his eyes in shame in front of Jinhwan's dad and Chanwoo.  
  
_"Hanbin!!_ Come back here, _right now!_ "  
  
She's running towards them, stumbling over in her heels and Hanbin grabs his ~~boyfriend~~ _the love of his life_ even tighter and thinks he never ever will.  
  
The rain stops falling. And so do they.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it guys!! Were at the finish line. I consider this the last chapter but theres still an epilogue coming because .. Junhwan and Hanbyul. I just cant leave that open ugh.  
> Anyway I was hoping this chapter would be better since Ive had this planned since day one but at the same time I still like it and I hope you do too!!  
> Theres probably some mistakes that i'll try and fix later!! I wrote this on a ship while heavily sleep deprived and Im glad Im getting this out in the first place lmao


	28. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One of many dances.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alternatively titled as 'fools rush in'

  
Hanbin awakes to the soft snoring on his side. He blinks his eyes open, weary not knowing if he's still dreaming or not.  
  
He isn't, made sure by the fact that Bobby's legs are wrapped all over him, trapping him to his spot on the bed. It feels a bit chilly as if it's snowing again but Hanbin senses the spring in the air more than ever now.  
  
He slowly pushes Bobby's sleep heavy arms away and untangles their legs, stretching in the sunlight that's quietly starting to sweep through the room. It smells like a mix of musk and jasmine around him and Hanbin smiles, the specks of cinnamon mantled on Bobby's cheeks, the apple streaked in his hair.  
  
He gets up without sparing a second glance at him, even as his heart demands it. Instead he opens the door that's slightly ajar to step into their kitchen, checking to see if anyone's there.  
  
No sign of Bobby's parents and Hanbin feels himself relax a little, knowing it wouldn't be an issue even if they were there. Slightly inappropriate, but not an issue.  
  
There's a note on the kitchen counter, Hanbin biting into the last apple on the table as he reads it. He smiles and takes one last look at the bedroom door before putting on his sneakers and stepping out.  
  
*

  
"Mornin'."  
  
Bobby's finally awake by noon and Hanbin punches him lightly in the arm as he bends him over the counter for a kiss.  
  
"Brush your teeth."  
  
Bobby snickers, grabbing his jaw in his hands and forcing their lips to touch. Hanbin doesn't fight it, instead letting himself go for a bit. Bobby tastes like the night before, like sweaty skin and deep moans, like the orange peels in the lube they used.  
  
"I already did."  
  
_Liar._  
  
Hanbin doesn't mind it though, grabbing their cups of coffee and a plate of bagels. Bobby quirks his brow as he bites into one, a streak of melted cheese stuck in the corner of his mouth. Hanbin squirms in his seat until he leans forward and wipes it off. Bobby just gives him a look at that.  
  
"Where'd you get these?"  
  
Hanbin stares at his fingernails as if there's something interesting there, bites his lip not to smile.  
  
"I made 'em."  
  
Bobby almost chokes on his coffee and Hanbin holds in his laughter with a sip of his own. It burns his tongue but he doesn't mention it, the overpowering taste of honey kind of nice.  
  
"You _didn't._ "  
  
He tries to ignore the suffocating endearment he has for him and opens his mouth to speak instead.  
  
"You're right. I got up around 10 and went out to buy apples for Hanbyul and got these on the way."  
  
Bobby gives him another one of his looks, before slapping him gently on the arm and pulling him closer. Hanbin obliges and feels the sting of sweat on his lower back, as the presence of Bobby's body overheats him in a second.  
  
"How'd you like last night?"  
  
They're sitting closer now, knees brushing against each other as are their knuckles. Hanbin has nowhere to hide his goofy smile.  
  
"It was fine."  
  
Bobby pouts but smiles a moment later. Hanbin feels as if he's bathing in the sun when he looks at him but doesn't mention it.  
  
"Just fine? Alright, next time I'm taking you on a trip to Jeju island if that's what it takes to make you happy."  
  
Hanbin snorts and pushes him without any force behind it, letting his fingers fall into Bobby's hair and get lost in it. Just as he's lost in him.  
  
"It was great. Even though I wouldn't mind a trip to Jeju. But we'll have to wait until the..until everything is done. Maybe for graduation?"  
  
Bobby hums in contempt and nods, letting his head sway from side to side, which ever way Hanbin nudges it.  
  
They stare at each other for a minute. It's quiet, save for the chirping of a single annoying bird outside their window but Hanbin doesn't mind. As long as Bobby's looking at him like that, he doesn't mind a thing.  
  
"That reminds me, Donghyuk texted that they're gonna have the graduation ceremony on Wednesday. Do you want to go?"  
  
Bobby nudges his hand on his cheek then and Hanbin finds his thumb hovering over his lips. Bobby makes a show of biting it but Hanbin sees through him and leans away with a yelp, smile still plastered on his face.  
  
"I don't know. I'd love to but it's.. are you ready to go back?"  
  
Bobby looks worried now, even as Hanbin's thumb swipes over his lips and takes with it a speck of fennel, left over from the bagels they haven't even finished yet.  
  
"Yeah. She's not there anymore and neither are we. Besides we haven't seen all the guys in ages."  
  
Bobby agrees with a nod, eyes slightly worried still. Hanbin doesn't mention it, letting his thumb slide into his mouth with a bop. Bobby's eyes flicker with glee and he pulls him forward and onto his lap. Hanbin chokes on a laugh, saved from falling between their chairs by just an inch and a second.  
  
Bobby tastes like fennel and the honey from both of their coffees. Hanbin opens his eyes just to see the specks of sun stuck on his face and closes them again, lips curling into a smile as Bobby deepens the kiss, into something hot and languid. Everlasting.  
  
*

  
They're on their way to their old high school and Hanbin feels his legs jitter. The train was a bit late and he doesn't want to miss seeing his friends before the ceremony.  
  
But most of all his legs jitter because there are a few familiar faces sitting not that far away from them and it brings back the chill of her words and the scrape of her nails.  
  
Bobby's fingers are wrapped safely around his, earbuds in as he listens to something embarrassing, most probably. Yet Hanbin doesn't feel like listening to music and relaxing. Feels as if he's out of breath and not really knowing how to get it back.  
  
One of the familiar faces steps closer in fifteen minutes and Hanbin wants to wail but keeps himself still instead. Bobby tenses in a second, taking out his earbuds and eyebrows raising in worry.  
  
"Hi, umm.. can I sit here?"  
  
Realisation dawns over his features as they come face to face with Nayeon.  
  
"I.. guess so."  
  
Bobby lets go of his fingers just to put his arm protectively around him. Hanbin wants to roll his eyes but before he can do that, his boyfriend speaks.  
  
"If you don't mind sitting with two faggots. I mean, that's what you probably want to say, right? So if you're here to insult us, _yes_ we're still together and _no,_ we don't care about what people say. Not even you."  
  
Nayeon stares down at her fingers, brows twisted in something similar to confusion and apology. Hanbin holds his breath to see which it is.  
  
"I'm--I'm sorry if that's what you think of me. I thought you guys knew that I didn't mean.. any of what happened. I really am sorry. I just..I guess it's stupid of me but I came here to ask how you've been. And if you're ready to forgive me." She looks up then, brushing the hair out of her eyes. "Or something."  
  
Her smile doesn't even look like one and Hanbin feels his heart sting a little. He trades a glance with Bobby, heaving out a sigh.  
  
"It's okay, Nayeon. It's just a touchy subject, that's all."  
  
She seems to smile genuinely then, Hanbin's words encouraging her to speak again.  
  
"So.. how have you been? I haven't seen you in town and I heard some.. _stuff._ But I've made a point of not listening to rumors anymore. Or spreading them."  
  
Bobby laughs at that but it's genuine and not at all mocking. Hanbin gives him a peck on the cheek for it and Bobby seems to turn a bit red. Both him and Nayeon hold in a snicker.  
  
"Well.. I moved out of my mom's house and contacted child services. Bobby's parents are trying to get custody of my sister now but we get to take care of her until the case ends. The hearing is next month so we're hoping for the best."  
  
Her eyes widen a bit at each word he says and Hanbin wonders why.  
  
"I didn't know it was that serious. I'm sorry you had to go through that."  
  
Hanbin raises his brow and Nayeon coughs, it sounds just as awkward as she looks.  
  
"I heard.. uhh.. rumors about what your mom--well I guess they're kind of true. And I'm sorry."  
  
Bobby's grip around his shoulder tightens and Hanbin heaves out yet another sigh. He hasn't really thought about it much. Doesn't want to. It's been four months since he ran away from her and four months since he's seen her. He hopes he never has to again.  
  
"It's okay. But yeah now we're going to another school but we missed a few weeks so Bobby here has to repeat a few physics courses and I have to take literature again. It's fine though, the school is just as crappy as our old one so.."  
  
They all laugh and Nayeon's eyes sparkle back at him. Hanbin remembers how she looked at him on their first date. The date Bobby set up just so he could stare at him over the table with lust filled eyes and flare his nostrils in jealousy. He wants to laugh but doesn't.  
  
"So where are _you_ going? How have you been?"  
  
Bobby seems relaxed now, okay with her being there and Hanbin hopes that this is a fresh start for all of them. He really doesn't think she's a bad person. Doesn't think anyone is if they're willing to learn from their mistakes and grow as a person. He wishes he could say the same about his mother.  
  
"I'm good! I'm just going to Jeongyeon's graduation. She's finally bringing her boyfriend too so I can meet him. Do you know him, maybe? Mark?"  
  
Hanbin feels his throat close up at the name and wonders if it really is him.  
  
"Mark.. who?"  
  
She straightens her bangs for the longest second of his life.  
  
"Mark Lee? He's a year younger than her which.. _fuck_ is supposed to be a secret. She's gonna kill me! Don't tell her I said anything."  
  
Bobby's laugh takes the tension right out of his body and Hanbin feels himself melt into his side for the rest of the ride. He wonders what it'd feel like if it were his Mark. And Hanbin thinks he'd be ready to face him after all.  
  
*

  
" _Oh my god_. Gross."  
  
Bobby's shoving him towards the school gates as a lot of people stare at them in wonder and probably disgust. Hanbin doesn't care, holding onto his boyfriend's side as the sun beams down upon them in approval.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
Hanbin turns around to adjust the two hangers between his fingers. Their suits, which hopefully aren't wrinkled yet.  
  
"Donghyuk just sent me the grossest snapchat. Look at this!"  
  
Hanbin does and cackles at Bobby's over exaggerated response. It's Jinhwan and Junhoe, making out in the back of the drama clubs changing rooms.  
  
"We're just as gross as them. But maybe not that public about it."  
  
Bobby nudges him in the side as they step inside the building. Hanbin feels the staleness again but it doesn't bother him this time. His life is a clean sheet and he doesn't need a breath of fresh air anymore.  
  
"Yeah but I don't want to see them making out. Besides, we're supposed to be the token couple in the group. They're stealing our spotlight."  
  
Hanbin finds the hallway he's supposed to meet Donghyuk at and pushes Bobby towards the bathrooms.  
  
"Give them a break, _honey_. It's young love."  
  
Bobby steals a last glance at him and mutters "What? We're not _old_. We're Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling _not_ Old Person 1 and Old Person 2."  
  
Hanbin cackles as he gives out his last response. "They're supposed to be the same people!"  
  
Bobby disappears with a huff and Hanbin's left standing in the hallway, worrying about the tuxedos. It takes him a minute to the notice the hallway and remember it was the same one he met Donghyuk in. The day he decided to keep living. And oh how grateful he is for it.  
  
"You're here or am I dreaming?"  
  
Donghyuk appears with his new hairdo, platinum blonde and curled at the ends. Hanbin feels his breath hitch for a second and decides he has to mention it.  
  
"You look _amazing._ When'd you get this done?"  
  
Donghyuk has the audacity to blush, as if he doesn't know how good he looks and tells him all about the haircut that cost him a years worth of allowance.  
  
"I'm glad you came though. I thought maybe.. you know after all that happened and the people here."  
  
Donghyuk scratches his nape as the words seem to leave his throat with slight restrain, his voice a bit shallow. Hanbin wonders if he's holding in tears and to his surprise finds that he himself is.  
  
"I'm glad to be here. Wouldn't miss it for the world. Plus, you said you had a surprise for me?"  
  
Donghyuk smiles widely at that and grabs his elbow dragging him forward.  
  
"Hey! I still have to change into my tux!"  
  
"That's where I'm taking you. You can't miss my surprise so we gotta hurry."  
  
*

  
Turns out Donghyuk's surprise is his belated birthday present. He's seated next to Bobby in the theater, next to everyone else and their glances of disdain.  
  
It's getting dark in the room and Hanbin wonders what all of this is about. A few figures arrive late and he can tell who they are just by the sound of their steps.  
  
"Sorry! Junhoe here decided it was a great idea to make out with my neck and I had to borrow concealer from Jeongyeon."  
  
Jinhwan rolls his eyes and swats Junhoes' arm. The other just laughs at him, eyes sparkling with mischief. Hanbin feels weirdly giddy, as if his chest is about to explode or cave in on itself. Hanbin doesn't mind it at all.  
  
"Can you guys believe what I have to put up with?"  
  
Yunhyeong sighs as Junhoe elbows him in the stomach with a playful scowl. Yunhyeong tries to hold in his wince under Jisoo's heavy gaze.  
  
The lights darken completely then and the theater projectors turn on.Donghyuk steps on the stage, the same old glasses on the tip of his nose. Hanbin smiles to himself and entwines his fingers with Bobby, his eyes still warm and sunny in the glow of the the stage. Hanbin swallows the urge to kiss him, letting his nose bump his instead.  
  
Bobby takes his hand and with it, his whole life too.  
  
"In honor of our last day here, the drama club prepared a play. Directed by our very own Kim Jonghyun and starring Kim Seokjin, from the neighbouring school."  
  
The applause startles him as Hanbin gets stuck in his own smile and the warmth of Donghyuk's features.  
  
"Written by our own fabulous Kim Jinhwan and former student Kim Hanbin. A big thank you to everyone here and I hope you enjoy!"  
  
Donghyuk leaves the stage as the eyes leave him and Jinhwan, slowly but surely he forgets the feeling he used to have while there and it replaces with the weird warmth he's yet to put a finger on. Hanbin wants to call it fondness but doesn't think he's that cheesy yet.  
  
He smiles at Jinhwan as they high five over their play being the chosen one and as everyone settles in their seats he settles into his life, by Bobby's safe side.  
  
*

  
"You looked great up there! Congratulations!"  
  
Jeongyeon is there to hug Yunhyeong as they await for the others to get their diplomas. Hanbin feels as if he needs to say something to her but knows he doesn't as soon as their eyes lock. She smiles at him and he smiles at her and everything's just as it was before, but a tad bit better.  
  
Bobby makes small talk with her until Mark arrives and they get introduced. He seems like a better Mark than the one he knew. Seems like a Mark that's willing to love and be loved. Hanbin embraces the fondness in his chest completely then.  
  
As soon as Jinhwan and Junhoe get down from the podium they all elope the annoying ceremony and hang out at the library again. Junhoe complains about their choice but stops as soon as Jinhwan gives him a look.  
  
"Whipped."  
  
Bobby whispers in his ear as they sit down and open the bags of take out Jisoo brought, making her Junhoe's official guardian angel, at least that's what he says.  
  
"Why isn't Chanwoo here?"  
  
Yunhyeong's munching on his meat, giving a peace of it to Jisoo and Hanbin makes a shocked sound, getting hit with a copy of "Pride and Prejudice". Jisoo giggles but still reprimands him and Hanbin forgets about the dull ache left by the book.  
  
"My parents took him on a trip to visit our grandparents. We got left behind."  
  
Junhoe is ready to make a crude remark about Bobby's statement but he continues with a vicious glare.  
  
" _Because_ of Hanbyul. We're taking care of her and being responsible adults."  
  
Junhoe still snickers and Jinhwan lets him be, fingers grabbing his forearm as he makes the comment himself.  
  
"Responsible adults means lots and lots of sex right?"  
  
Mark and Yunhyeong groan at that, the latter covering his ears with his palms and begging for someone to make it stop. Jisoo's face is as red as the takeaway package.  
  
"Look who's talking."  
  
Hanbin is surprised to see Bobby's face and neck covered in red blotches. He coos in his boyfriends ear, shimmying closer so his hand's on his thigh and mouth against his ear as he does it. Bobby's blotches expand in numbers and Hanbin feels his sweaty fingers remove his hand. He doesn't mention how he looks like their constellation all on his own.  
  
"So are you up for the party after prom?"  
  
Donghyuk rolls his eyes at the mention of party and Junhoe's ready to make a comment about him being a huge nerd before he reveals a bottle of wine from his backpack, making them all holler in joy.  
  
"Wait, there's a prom?"  
  
Bobby's turning his gaze towards Junhoe as he pets Donghyuk appreciatively on the back, ruffling his hair in the process.  
  
"Well yeah, not really a prom like they have in the West but.. a lame DJ, some dancing and definitely countless amounts of sneaked in soju."  
  
Bobby turns to him with puppy dog eyes and Hanbin nods, not willing to miss it for the world. Nor the chance of seeing Bobby drink himself under the table and getting to make fun of it for the rest of the month.  
  
"I guess we're in!"  
  
Another bout of hollering echoes through the quietness of the library and Hanbin finishes his food without a problem.  
  
*

  
"We're gonna head out already. See you at Jinhwan's in an hour?"  
  
Yunhyeong and Jisoo come over to the punch table as someone from Girls Generation wails over the gymnasium.  
  
"Take Donghyuk with you or he'll get too drunk and fall asleep here."  
  
Hanbin looks at their friend on the other side of the room, giggling about something stupid with the guy that directed the show.  
  
Bobby pours them another glass of juice with some soju, labeled as 'water', sprinkled in there and leaves for a quick bathroom break. Hanbin looks at the sparsely populated gymnasium as someone taps on his shoulder.  
  
Jinhwan doesn't look drunk at all even though he knows he's probably got a bottle of soju in him already. He glances to his back but Junhoe's off to the bathrooms with Bobby and it's just the two of them. Hanbin gets a tinge of nostalgia as he thinks of the cocoa he used to make and realises he kind of misses it.  
  
"So.. is Hanbyul alone right now? Are you _that_ irresponsible?"  
  
Jinhwan downs his glass and Hanbin gives him a glare. It's soft though, more like a fond look than what he intended.  
  
"Bobby's parents made it back before we left. She's probably watching her cartoons right now. So no, very responsible."  
  
Jinhwan looks at the crowd and then at him. He smiles and Hanbin sees the silver linings spread out before the both of them.  
  
"You should visit more often. It gets boring with just Junhoe by my side."  
  
Hanbin snorts and downs his own glass. Jinhwan hides his smile in his sleeve.  
  
"Yeah, I have hard time believeing that."  
  
Jinhwan doesn't answer but the shimmer on his cheeks and the glimmer in his eyes is all he needs to know.  
  
"Alright, we're gonna head out. See you later?"  
  
Hanbin nods, staring at his shoes as he's caught in thinking about Chanwoo and if he's going to arrive in time for the party.  
  
"Hanbin?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
Jinhwan stares at him for a second, shaking his head and starting to leave again.  
  
"Nothing. I'm just glad you're here."  
  
_I'm glad you're fine._  
  
Hanbin smiles back at him.  
  
"I'm glad you are too."

*

  
"Alright since we're at a dance we should.. you know.. dance?"  
  
Bobby's been standing next to him, bouncing his leg, for about five minutes before he says it. Hanbin knew it was coming but he can't say no now. He's never been good at this, at moving his body and swaying before prying eyes. But for Bobby he'd do anything. So he says yes.  
  
"Okay. But I suck, so just.. don't laugh."  
  
Bobby chuckles already and Hanbin wants to punch him but doesn't.  
  
They move to the middle of the dance floor and Hanbin puts his arms awkwardly around Bobby. The other snuggles closer, hands resting on his waist.  
  
Hanbin snorts as they look at each other, close but not as close as he'd want them to be.  
  
"Stop, you're doing fine. Just.. move along with me."  
  
And so he does, Bobby's fingers gripping his suit and making it wrinkle. Hanbin doesn't mention it though, afraid that his hands will swoop downwards instead.  
  
He gets used to the pairs of eyes on them in a few minutes. Get used to the beating of Bobby's heart and the rhythm it seems to like. Gets used to the feeling of Bobby in his arms and in his life for good.  
  
He thinks of how Hanbyul's tucked safely into her bed at home and smiles, knowing she's fine and they're fine and somehow he's found his silver linings.  
  
He licks up the bead of sweat rolling down Bobby's neck and it tastes nothing like rain drops. Tastes more like that night they had a pillow fight and ended up kissing until the sunrise. Or like the day Bobby took him by the sea and made love to him just as he did in those weed hazy dreams, his fingernails scratching Bobby's tanned back and lips painting him blue with his teeth chattering kisses, wrapping him in the reindeer sweater as he shivered through his climax.  
  
Bobby kisses the spot beneath his ear as the song changes into something he's heard once before. _And I love her_. And Hanbin thinks he loves _him_. And that he's found his happy ending after all.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is itttt!!!!!!!!!!! im so.. wow im kinda overwhelmed since ive been writing this for SO long but im so glad i finally finished it! as you can probably tell i listened to heavy amounts of 'cant help falling in love' and 'and i love her' as i wrote this lmao so just in case you want a soundtrack for this chapter.. and i dont really even like notebook that much idk why i keep mentioning it? i guess its the most well known romantic movie ANYWAY  
> thank you to everyone whos been reading this and cheering me on and just.. in general thanks to everyone whos dropped by at least once! i especially appreciate all of you who've commented and been here from the start and if i could id gift this whole chapter to akilles (can i??? if i can i will!!). a special shoutout to sonja (u know who u are) cause if it werent for this fic id have never met u and im real grateful for it <3  
> i feel like ive improved so much while writing this? no bragging lmao but seriously.. this fic is the longest thing ive ever written and ive lived through so many hard times and good times with it and i feel like its just.. made me a better person and a better writer. i can definitely see improvement but i'll try and keep improving, i know i have a long way to go :)  
> if you have any questions or just.. want to hit me up then im wangjaebum on tumblr! and yeah.. i guess this is it.. see you in the next one! (cause trust me there'll be one)

**Author's Note:**

> Constructive criticism and comments are always welcome! :)
> 
> Amazing russian translation by the lovely cryingrobot can be found over here https://ficbook.net/readfic/6151765


End file.
